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Way of All Flesh, The
CHAPTER XXXVI
Samuel Butler
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       _ Letters had been written to Miss Pontifex's brothers and sisters,
       and one and all came post-haste to Roughborough. Before they
       arrived the poor lady was already delirious, and for the sake of her
       own peace at the last I am half glad she never recovered
       consciousness.
       I had known these people all their lives, as none can know each
       other but those who have played together as children; I knew how
       they had all of them--perhaps Theobald least, but all of them more
       or less--made her life a burden to her until the death of her father
       had made her her own mistress, and I was displeased at their coming
       one after the other to Roughborough, and inquiring whether their
       sister had recovered consciousness sufficiently to be able to see
       them. It was known that she had sent for me on being taken ill, and
       that I remained at Roughborough, and I own I was angered by the
       mingled air of suspicion, defiance and inquisitiveness, with which
       they regarded me. They would all, except Theobald, I believe have
       cut me downright if they had not believed me to know something they
       wanted to know themselves, and might have some chance of learning
       from me--for it was plain I had been in some way concerned with the
       making of their sister's will. None of them suspected what the
       ostensible nature of this would be, but I think they feared Miss
       Pontifex was about to leave money for public uses. John said to me
       in his blandest manner that he fancied he remembered to have heard
       his sister say that she thought of leaving money to found a college
       for the relief of dramatic authors in distress; to this I made no
       rejoinder, and I have no doubt his suspicions were deepened.
       When the end came, I got Miss Pontifex's solicitor to write and tell
       her brothers and sisters how she had left her money: they were not
       unnaturally furious, and went each to his or her separate home
       without attending the funeral, and without paying any attention to
       myself. This was perhaps the kindest thing they could have done by
       me, for their behaviour made me so angry that I became almost
       reconciled to Alethea's will out of pleasure at the anger it had
       aroused. But for this I should have felt the will keenly, as having
       been placed by it in the position which of all others I had been
       most anxious to avoid, and as having saddled me with a very heavy
       responsibility. Still it was impossible for me to escape, and I
       could only let things take their course.
       Miss Pontifex had expressed a wish to be buried at Paleham; in the
       course of the next few days I therefore took the body thither. I
       had not been to Paleham since the death of my father some six years
       earlier. I had often wished to go there, but had shrunk from doing
       so though my sister had been two or three times. I could not bear
       to see the house which had been my home for so many years of my life
       in the hands of strangers; to ring ceremoniously at a bell which I
       had never yet pulled except as a boy in jest; to feel that I had
       nothing to do with a garden in which I had in childhood gathered so
       many a nosegay, and which had seemed my own for many years after I
       had reached man's estate; to see the rooms bereft of every familiar
       feature, and made so unfamiliar in spite of their familiarity. Had
       there been any sufficient reason, I should have taken these things
       as a matter of course, and should no doubt have found them much
       worse in anticipation than in reality, but as there had been no
       special reason why I should go to Paleham I had hitherto avoided
       doing so. Now, however, my going was a necessity, and I confess I
       never felt more subdued than I did on arriving there with the dead
       playmate of my childhood.
       I found the village more changed than I had expected. The railway
       had come there, and a brand new yellow brick station was on the site
       of old Mr and Mrs Pontifex's cottage. Nothing but the carpenter's
       shop was now standing. I saw many faces I knew, but even in six
       years they seemed to have grown wonderfully older. Some of the very
       old were dead, and the old were getting very old in their stead. I
       felt like the changeling in the fairy story who came back after a
       seven years' sleep. Everyone seemed glad to see me, though I had
       never given them particular cause to be so, and everyone who
       remembered old Mr and Mrs Pontifex spoke warmly of them and were
       pleased at their granddaughter's wishing to be laid near them.
       Entering the churchyard and standing in the twilight of a gusty
       cloudy evening on the spot close beside old Mrs Pontifex's grave
       which I had chosen for Alethea's, I thought of the many times that
       she, who would lie there henceforth, and I, who must surely lie one
       day in some such another place though when and where I knew not, had
       romped over this very spot as childish lovers together. Next
       morning I followed her to the grave, and in due course set up a
       plain upright slab to her memory as like as might be to those over
       the graves of her grandmother and grandfather. I gave the dates and
       places of her birth and death, but added nothing except that this
       stone was set up by one who had known and loved her. Knowing how
       fond she had been of music I had been half inclined at one time to
       inscribe a few bars of music, if I could find any which seemed
       suitable to her character, but I knew how much she would have
       disliked anything singular in connection with her tombstone and did
       not do it.
       Before, however, I had come to this conclusion, I had thought that
       Ernest might be able to help me to the right thing, and had written
       to him upon the subject. The following is the answer I received -
       "Dear Godpapa,--I send you the best bit I can think of; it is the
       subject of the last of Handel's six grand fugues and goes thus:-
       [Music score]
       It would do better for a man, especially for an old man who was very
       sorry for things, than for a woman, but I cannot think of anything
       better; if you do not like it for Aunt Alethea I shall keep it for
       myself.--Your affectionate Godson, ERNEST PONTIFEX."
       Was this the little lad who could get sweeties for two-pence but not
       for two-pence-halfpenny? Dear, dear me, I thought to myself, how
       these babes and sucklings do give us the go-by surely. Choosing his
       own epitaph at fifteen as for a man who "had been very sorry for
       things," and such a strain as that--why it might have done for
       Leonardo da Vinci himself. Then I set the boy down as a conceited
       young jackanapes, which no doubt he was,--but so are a great many
       other young people of Ernest's age. _