_ He does not like this branch of his profession--indeed he hates it--
but will not admit it to himself. The habit of not admitting things
to himself has become a confirmed one with him. Nevertheless there
haunts him an ill defined sense that life would be pleasanter if
there were no sick sinners, or if they would at any rate face an
eternity of torture with more indifference. He does not feel that
he is in his element. The farmers look as if they were in their
element. They are full-bodied, healthy and contented; but between
him and them there is a great gulf fixed. A hard and drawn look
begins to settle about the corners of his mouth, so that even if he
were not in a black coat and white tie a child might know him for a
parson.
He knows that he is doing his duty. Every day convinces him of this
more firmly; but then there is not much duty for him to do. He is
sadly in want of occupation. He has no taste for any of those field
sports which were not considered unbecoming for a clergyman forty
years ago. He does not ride, nor shoot, nor fish, nor course, nor
play cricket. Study, to do him justice, he had never really liked,
and what inducement was there for him to study at Battersby? He
reads neither old books nor new ones. He does not interest himself
in art or science or politics, but he sets his back up with some
promptness if any of them show any development unfamiliar to
himself. True, he writes his own sermons, but even his wife
considers that his forte lies rather in the example of his life
(which is one long act of self-devotion) than in his utterances from
the pulpit. After breakfast he retires to his study; he cuts little
bits out of the Bible and gums them with exquisite neatness by the
side of other little bits; this he calls making a Harmony of the Old
and New Testaments. Alongside the extracts he copies in the very
perfection of hand-writing extracts from Mede (the only man,
according to Theobald, who really understood the Book of
Revelation), Patrick, and other old divines. He works steadily at
this for half an hour every morning during many years, and the
result is doubtless valuable. After some years have gone by he
hears his children their lessons, and the daily oft-repeated screams
that issue from the study during the lesson hours tell their own
horrible story over the house. He has also taken to collecting a
hortus siccus, and through the interest of his father was once
mentioned in the Saturday Magazine as having been the first to find
a plant, whose name I have forgotten, in the neighbourhood of
Battersby. This number of the Saturday Magazine has been bound in
red morocco, and is kept upon the drawing-room table. He potters
about his garden; if he hears a hen cackling he runs and tells
Christina, and straightway goes hunting for the egg.
When the two Miss Allabys came, as they sometimes did, to stay with
Christina, they said the life led by their sister and brother-in-law
was an idyll. Happy indeed was Christina in her choice, for that
she had had a choice was a fiction which soon took root among them--
and happy Theobald in his Christina. Somehow or other Christina was
always a little shy of cards when her sisters were staying with her,
though at other times she enjoyed a game of cribbage or a rubber of
whist heartily enough, but her sisters knew they would never be
asked to Battersby again if they were to refer to that little
matter, and on the whole it was worth their while to be asked to
Battersby. If Theobald's temper was rather irritable he did not
vent it upon them.
By nature reserved, if he could have found someone to cook his
dinner for him, he would rather have lived in a desert island than
not. In his heart of hearts he held with Pope that "the greatest
nuisance to mankind is man" or words to that effect--only that
women, with the exception perhaps of Christina, were worse. Yet for
all this when visitors called he put a better face on it than anyone
who was behind the scenes would have expected.
He was quick too at introducing the names of any literary
celebrities whom he had met at his father's house, and soon
established an all-round reputation which satisfied even Christina
herself.
Who so integer vitae scelerisque purus, it was asked, as Mr Pontifex
of Battersby? Who so fit to be consulted if any difficulty about
parish management should arise? Who such a happy mixture of the
sincere uninquiring Christian and of the man of the world? For so
people actually called him. They said he was such an admirable man
of business. Certainly if he had said he would pay a sum of money
at a certain time, the money would be forthcoming on the appointed
day, and this is saying a good deal for any man. His constitutional
timidity rendered him incapable of an attempt to overreach when
there was the remotest chance of opposition or publicity, and his
correct bearing and somewhat stern expression were a great
protection to him against being overreached. He never talked of
money, and invariably changed the subject whenever money was
introduced. His expression of unutterable horror at all kinds of
meanness was a sufficient guarantee that he was not mean himself.
Besides he had no business transactions save of the most ordinary
butcher's book and baker's book description. His tastes--if he had
any--were, as we have seen, simple; he had 900 pounds a year and a
house; the neighbourhood was cheap, and for some time he had no
children to be a drag upon him. Who was not to be envied, and if
envied why then respected, if Theobald was not enviable?
Yet I imagine that Christina was on the whole happier than her
husband. She had not to go and visit sick parishioners, and the
management of her house and the keeping of her accounts afforded as
much occupation as she desired. Her principal duty was, as she well
said, to her husband--to love him, honour him, and keep him in a
good temper. To do her justice she fulfilled this duty to the
uttermost of her power. It would have been better perhaps if she
had not so frequently assured her husband that he was the best and
wisest of mankind, for no one in his little world ever dreamed of
telling him anything else, and it was not long before he ceased to
have any doubt upon the matter. As for his temper, which had become
very violent at times, she took care to humour it on the slightest
sign of an approaching outbreak. She had early found that this was
much the easiest plan. The thunder was seldom for herself. Long
before her marriage even she had studied his little ways, and knew
how to add fuel to the fire as long as the fire seemed to want it,
and then to damp it judiciously down, making as little smoke as
possible.
In money matters she was scrupulousness itself. Theobald made her a
quarterly allowance for her dress, pocket money and little charities
and presents. In these last items she was liberal in proportion to
her income; indeed she dressed with great economy and gave away
whatever was over in presents or charity. Oh, what a comfort it was
to Theobald to reflect that he had a wife on whom he could rely
never to cost him a sixpence of unauthorised expenditure! Letting
alone her absolute submission, the perfect coincidence of her
opinion with his own upon every subject and her constant assurances
to him that he was right in everything which he took it into his
head to say or do, what a tower of strength to him was her exactness
in money matters! As years went by he became as fond of his wife as
it was in his nature to be of any living thing, and applauded
himself for having stuck to his engagement--a piece of virtue of
which he was now reaping the reward. Even when Christina did outrun
her quarterly stipend by some thirty shillings or a couple of
pounds, it was always made perfectly clear to Theobald how the
deficiency had arisen--there had been an unusually costly evening
dress bought which was to last a long time, or somebody's unexpected
wedding had necessitated a more handsome present than the quarter's
balance would quite allow: the excess of expenditure was always
repaid in the following quarter or quarters even though it were only
ten shillings at a time.
I believe, however, that after they had been married some twenty
years, Christina had somewhat fallen from her original perfection as
regards money. She had got gradually in arrear during many
successive quarters, till she had contracted a chronic loan a sort
of domestic national debt, amounting to between seven and eight
pounds. Theobald at length felt that a remonstrance had become
imperative, and took advantage of his silver wedding day to inform
Christina that her indebtedness was cancelled, and at the same time
to beg that she would endeavour henceforth to equalise her
expenditure and her income. She burst into tears of love and
gratitude, assured him that he was the best and most generous of
men, and never during the remainder of her married life was she a
single shilling behind hand.
Christina hated change of all sorts no less cordially than her
husband. She and Theobald had nearly everything in this world that
they could wish for; why, then, should people desire to introduce
all sorts of changes of which no one could foresee the end?
Religion, she was deeply convinced, had long since attained its
final development, nor could it enter into the heart of reasonable
man to conceive any faith more perfect than was inculcated by the
Church of England. She could imagine no position more honourable
than that of a clergyman's wife unless indeed it were a bishop's.
Considering his father's influence it was not at all impossible that
Theobald might be a bishop some day--and then--then would occur to
her that one little flaw in the practice of the Church of England--a
flaw not indeed in its doctrine, but in its policy, which she
believed on the whole to be a mistaken one in this respect. I mean
the fact that a bishop's wife does not take the rank of her husband.
This had been the doing of Elizabeth, who had been a bad woman, of
exceeding doubtful moral character, and at heart a Papist to the
last. Perhaps people ought to have been above mere considerations
of worldly dignity, but the world was as it was, and such things
carried weight with them, whether they ought to do so or no. Her
influence as plain Mrs Pontifex, wife, we will say, of the Bishop of
Winchester, would no doubt be considerable. Such a character as
hers could not fail to carry weight if she were ever in a
sufficiently conspicuous sphere for its influence to be widely felt;
but as Lady Winchester--or the Bishopess--which would sound quite
nicely--who could doubt that her power for good would be enhanced?
And it would be all the nicer because if she had a daughter the
daughter would not be a Bishopess unless indeed she were to marry a
Bishop too, which would not be likely.
These were her thoughts upon her good days; at other times she
would, to do her justice, have doubts whether she was in all
respects as spiritually minded as she ought to be. She must press
on, press on, till every enemy to her salvation was surmounted and
Satan himself lay bruised under her feet. It occurred to her on one
of these occasions that she might steal a march over some of her
contemporaries if she were to leave off eating black puddings, of
which whenever they had killed a pig she had hitherto partaken
freely; and if she were also careful that no fowls were served at
her table which had had their necks wrung, but only such as had had
their throats cut and been allowed to bleed. St Paul and the Church
of Jerusalem had insisted upon it as necessary that even Gentile
converts should abstain from things strangled and from blood, and
they had joined this prohibition with that of a vice about the
abominable nature of which there could be no question; it would be
well therefore to abstain in future and see whether any noteworthy
spiritual result ensued. She did abstain, and was certain that from
the day of her resolve she had felt stronger, purer in heart, and in
all respects more spiritually minded than she had ever felt
hitherto. Theobald did not lay so much stress on this as she did,
but as she settled what he should have at dinner she could take care
that he got no strangled fowls; as for black puddings, happily, he
had seen them made when he was a boy, and had never got over his
aversion for them. She wished the matter were one of more general
observance than it was; this was just a case in which as Lady
Winchester she might have been able to do what as plain Mrs Pontifex
it was hopeless even to attempt.
And thus this worthy couple jogged on from month to month and from
year to year. The reader, if he has passed middle life and has a
clerical connection, will probably remember scores and scores of
rectors and rectors' wives who differed in no material respect from
Theobald and Christina. Speaking from a recollection and experience
extending over nearly eighty years from the time when I was myself a
child in the nursery of a vicarage, I should say I had drawn the
better rather than the worse side of the life of an English country
parson of some fifty years ago. I admit, however, that there are no
such people to be found nowadays. A more united or, on the whole,
happier, couple could not have been found in England. One grief
only overshadowed the early years of their married life: I mean the
fact that no living children were born to them. _