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Way of All Flesh, The
CHAPTER XI
Samuel Butler
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       _ The next morning saw Theobald in his rooms coaching a pupil, and the
       Miss Allabys in the eldest Miss Allaby's bedroom playing at cards
       with Theobald for the stakes.
       The winner was Christina, the second unmarried daughter, then just
       twenty-seven years old and therefore four years older than Theobald.
       The younger sisters complained that it was throwing a husband away
       to let Christina try and catch him, for she was so much older that
       she had no chance; but Christina showed fight in a way not usual
       with her, for she was by nature yielding and good tempered. Her
       mother thought it better to back her up, so the two dangerous ones
       were packed off then and there on visits to friends some way off,
       and those alone allowed to remain at home whose loyalty could be
       depended upon. The brothers did not even suspect what was going on
       and believed their father's getting assistance was because he really
       wanted it.
       The sisters who remained at home kept their words and gave Christina
       all the help they could, for over and above their sense of fair play
       they reflected that the sooner Theobald was landed, the sooner
       another deacon might be sent for who might be won by themselves. So
       quickly was all managed that the two unreliable sisters were
       actually out of the house before Theobald's next visit--which was on
       the Sunday following his first.
       This time Theobald felt quite at home in the house of his new
       friends--for so Mrs Allaby insisted that he should call them. She
       took, she said, such a motherly interest in young men, especially in
       clergymen. Theobald believed every word she said, as he had
       believed his father and all his elders from his youth up. Christina
       sat next him at dinner and played her cards no less judiciously than
       she had played them in her sister's bed-room. She smiled (and her
       smile was one of her strong points) whenever he spoke to her; she
       went through all her little artlessnesses and set forth all her
       little wares in what she believed to be their most taking aspect.
       Who can blame her? Theobald was not the ideal she had dreamed of
       when reading Byron upstairs with her sisters, but he was an actual
       within the bounds of possibility, and after all not a bad actual as
       actuals went. What else could she do? Run away? She dared not.
       Marry beneath her and be considered a disgrace to her family? She
       dared not. Remain at home and become an old maid and be laughed at?
       Not if she could help it. She did the only thing that could
       reasonably be expected. She was drowning; Theobald might be only a
       straw, but she could catch at him and catch at him she accordingly
       did.
       If the course of true love never runs smooth, the course of true
       match-making sometimes does so. The only ground for complaint in
       the present case was that it was rather slow. Theobald fell into
       the part assigned to him more easily than Mrs Cowey and Mrs Allaby
       had dared to hope. He was softened by Christina's winning manners:
       he admired the high moral tone of everything she said; her sweetness
       towards her sisters and her father and mother, her readiness to
       undertake any small burden which no one else seemed willing to
       undertake, her sprightly manners, all were fascinating to one who,
       though unused to woman's society, was still a human being. He was
       flattered by her unobtrusive but obviously sincere admiration for
       himself; she seemed to see him in a more favourable light, and to
       understand him better than anyone outside of this charming family
       had ever done. Instead of snubbing him as his father, brother and
       sisters did, she drew him out, listened attentively to all he chose
       to say, and evidently wanted him to say still more. He told a
       college friend that he knew he was in love now; he really was, for
       he liked Miss Allaby's society much better than that of his sisters.
       Over and above the recommendations already enumerated, she had
       another in the possession of what was supposed to be a very
       beautiful contralto voice. Her voice was certainly contralto, for
       she could not reach higher than D in the treble; its only defect was
       that it did not go correspondingly low in the bass: in those days,
       however, a contralto voice was understood to include even a soprano
       if the soprano could not reach soprano notes, and it was not
       necessary that it should have the quality which we now assign to
       contralto. What her voice wanted in range and power was made up in
       the feeling with which she sang. She had transposed "Angels ever
       bright and fair" into a lower key, so as to make it suit her voice,
       thus proving, as her mamma said, that she had a thorough knowledge
       of the laws of harmony; not only did she do this, but at every pause
       added an embellishment of arpeggios from one end to the other of the
       keyboard, on a principle which her governess had taught her; she
       thus added life and interest to an air which everyone--so she said--
       must feel to be rather heavy in the form in which Handel left it.
       As for her governess, she indeed had been a rarely accomplished
       musician: she was a pupil of the famous Dr Clarke of Cambridge, and
       used to play the overture to Atalanta, arranged by Mazzinghi.
       Nevertheless, it was some time before Theobald could bring his
       courage to the sticking point of actually proposing. He made it
       quite clear that he believed himself to be much smitten, but month
       after month went by, during which there was still so much hope in
       Theobald that Mr Allaby dared not discover that he was able to do
       his duty for himself, and was getting impatient at the number of
       half-guineas he was disbursing--and yet there was no proposal.
       Christina's mother assured him that she was the best daughter in the
       whole world, and would be a priceless treasure to the man who
       married her. Theobald echoed Mrs Allaby's sentiments with warmth,
       but still, though he visited the Rectory two or three times a week,
       besides coming over on Sundays--he did not propose. "She is heart-
       whole yet, dear Mr Pontifex," said Mrs Allaby, one day, "at least I
       believe she is. It is not for want of admirers--oh! no--she has had
       her full share of these, but she is too, too difficult to please. I
       think, however, she would fall before a GREAT AND GOOD man." And
       she looked hard at Theobald, who blushed; but the days went by and
       still he did not propose.
       Another time Theobald actually took Mrs Cowey into his confidence,
       and the reader may guess what account of Christina he got from her.
       Mrs Cowey tried the jealousy manoeuvre and hinted at a possible
       rival. Theobald was, or pretended to be, very much alarmed; a
       little rudimentary pang of jealousy shot across his bosom and he
       began to believe with pride that he was not only in love, but
       desperately in love or he would never feel so jealous.
       Nevertheless, day after day still went by and he did not propose.
       The Allabys behaved with great judgement. They humoured him till
       his retreat was practically cut off, though he still flattered
       himself that it was open. One day about six months after Theobald
       had become an almost daily visitor at the Rectory the conversation
       happened to turn upon long engagements. "I don't like long
       engagements, Mr Allaby, do you?" said Theobald imprudently. "No,"
       said Mr Allaby in a pointed tone, "nor long courtships," and he gave
       Theobald a look which he could not pretend to misunderstand. He
       went back to Cambridge as fast as he could go, and in dread of the
       conversation with Mr Allaby which he felt to be impending, composed
       the following letter which he despatched that same afternoon by a
       private messenger to Crampsford. The letter was as follows:-
       "Dearest Miss Christina,--I do not know whether you have guessed the
       feelings that I have long entertained for you--feelings which I have
       concealed as much as I could through fear of drawing you into an
       engagement which, if you enter into it, must be prolonged for a
       considerable time, but, however this may be, it is out of my power
       to conceal them longer; I love you, ardently, devotedly, and send
       these few lines asking you to be my wife, because I dare not trust
       my tongue to give adequate expression to the magnitude of my
       affection for you.
       "I cannot pretend to offer you a heart which has never known either
       love or disappointment. I have loved already, and my heart was
       years in recovering from the grief I felt at seeing her become
       another's. That, however, is over, and having seen yourself I
       rejoice over a disappointment which I thought at one time would have
       been fatal to me. It has left me a less ardent lover than I should
       perhaps otherwise have been, but it has increased tenfold my power
       of appreciating your many charms and my desire that you should
       become my wife. Please let me have a few lines of answer by the
       bearer to let me know whether or not my suit is accepted. If you
       accept me I will at once come and talk the matter over with Mr and
       Mrs Allaby, whom I shall hope one day to be allowed to call father
       and mother.
       "I ought to warn you that in the event of your consenting to be my
       wife it may be years before our union can be consummated, for I
       cannot marry till a college living is offered me. If, therefore,
       you see fit to reject me, I shall be grieved rather than surprised.-
       -Ever most devotedly yours,
       "THEOBALD PONTIFEX."
       And this was all that his public school and University education had
       been able to do for Theobald! Nevertheless for his own part he
       thought his letter rather a good one, and congratulated himself in
       particular upon his cleverness in inventing the story of a previous
       attachment, behind which he intended to shelter himself if Christina
       should complain of any lack of fervour in his behaviour to her.
       I need not give Christina's answer, which of course was to accept.
       Much as Theobald feared old Mr Allaby I do not think he would have
       wrought up his courage to the point of actually proposing but for
       the fact of the engagement being necessarily a long one, during
       which a dozen things might turn up to break it off. However much he
       may have disapproved of long engagements for other people, I doubt
       whether he had any particular objection to them in his own case. A
       pair of lovers are like sunset and sunrise: there are such things
       every day but we very seldom see them. Theobald posed as the most
       ardent lover imaginable, but, to use the vulgarism for the moment in
       fashion, it was all "side." Christina was in love, as indeed she
       had been twenty times already. But then Christina was
       impressionable and could not even hear the name "Missolonghi"
       mentioned without bursting into tears. When Theobald accidentally
       left his sermon case behind him one Sunday, she slept with it in her
       bosom and was forlorn when she had as it were to disgorge it on the
       following Sunday; but I do not think Theobald ever took so much as
       an old toothbrush of Christina's to bed with him. Why, I knew a
       young man once who got hold of his mistress's skates and slept with
       them for a fortnight and cried when he had to give them up. _