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Way of All Flesh, The
CHAPTER XXX
Samuel Butler
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       _ Next morning Theobald and Christina arose feeling a little tired
       from their journey, but happy in that best of all happiness, the
       approbation of their consciences. It would be their boy's fault
       henceforth if he were not good, and as prosperous as it was at all
       desirable that he should be. What more could parents do than they
       had done? The answer "Nothing" will rise as readily to the lips of
       the reader as to those of Theobald and Christina themselves.
       A few days later the parents were gratified at receiving the
       following letter from their son -
       "My Dear Mamma,--I am very well. Dr Skinner made me do about the
       horse free and exulting roaming in the wide fields in Latin verse,
       but as I had done it with Papa I knew how to do it, and it was
       nearly all right, and he put me in the fourth form under Mr Templer,
       and I have to begin a new Latin grammar not like the old, but much
       harder. I know you wish me to work, and I will try very hard. With
       best love to Joey and Charlotte, and to Papa, I remain, your
       affectionate son, ERNEST."
       Nothing could be nicer or more proper. It really did seem as though
       he were inclined to turn over a new leaf. The boys had all come
       back, the examinations were over, and the routine of the half year
       began; Ernest found that his fears about being kicked about and
       bullied were exaggerated. Nobody did anything very dreadful to him.
       He had to run errands between certain hours for the elder boys, and
       to take his turn at greasing the footballs, and so forth, but there
       was an excellent spirit in the school as regards bullying.
       Nevertheless, he was far from happy. Dr Skinner was much too like
       his father. True, Ernest was not thrown in with him much yet, but
       he was always there; there was no knowing at what moment he might
       not put in an appearance, and whenever he did show, it was to storm
       about something. He was like the lion in the Bishop of Oxford's
       Sunday story--always liable to rush out from behind some bush and
       devour some one when he was least expected. He called Ernest "an
       audacious reptile" and said he wondered the earth did not open and
       swallow him up because he pronounced Thalia with a short i. "And
       this to me," he thundered, "who never made a false quantity in my
       life." Surely he would have been a much nicer person if he had made
       false quantities in his youth like other people. Ernest could not
       imagine how the boys in Dr Skinner's form continued to live; but yet
       they did, and even throve, and, strange as it may seem, idolised
       him, or professed to do so in after life. To Ernest it seemed like
       living on the crater of Vesuvius.
       He was himself, as has been said, in Mr Templer's form, who was
       snappish, but not downright wicked, and was very easy to crib under.
       Ernest used to wonder how Mr Templer could be so blind, for he
       supposed Mr Templer must have cribbed when he was at school, and
       would ask himself whether he should forget his youth when he got
       old, as Mr Templer had forgotten his. He used to think he never
       could possibly forget any part of it.
       Then there was Mrs Jay, who was sometimes very alarming. A few days
       after the half year had commenced, there being some little extra
       noise in the hall, she rushed in with her spectacles on her forehead
       and her cap strings flying, and called the boy whom Ernest had
       selected as his hero the "rampingest--scampingest--rackety--tackety-
       -tow -row-roaringest boy in the whole school." But she used to say
       things that Ernest liked. If the Doctor went out to dinner, and
       there were no prayers, she would come in and say, "Young gentlemen,
       prayers are excused this evening"; and, take her for all in all, she
       was a kindly old soul enough.
       Most boys soon discover the difference between noise and actual
       danger, but to others it is so unnatural to menace, unless they mean
       mischief, that they are long before they leave off taking turkey-
       cocks and ganders au serieux. Ernest was one of the latter sort,
       and found the atmosphere of Roughborough so gusty that he was glad
       to shrink out of sight and out of mind whenever he could. He
       disliked the games worse even than the squalls of the class-room and
       hall, for he was still feeble, not filling out and attaining his
       full strength till a much later age than most boys. This was
       perhaps due to the closeness with which his father had kept him to
       his books in childhood, but I think in part also to a tendency
       towards lateness in attaining maturity, hereditary in the Pontifex
       family, which was one also of unusual longevity. At thirteen or
       fourteen he was a mere bag of bones, with upper arms about as thick
       as the wrists of other boys of his age; his little chest was pigeon-
       breasted; he appeared to have no strength or stamina whatever, and
       finding he always went to the wall in physical encounters, whether
       undertaken in jest or earnest, even with boys shorter than himself,
       the timidity natural to childhood increased upon him to an extent
       that I am afraid amounted to cowardice. This rendered him even less
       capable than he might otherwise have been, for as confidence
       increases power, so want of confidence increases impotence. After
       he had had the breath knocked out of him and been well shinned half
       a dozen times in scrimmages at football--scrimmages in which he had
       become involved sorely against his will--he ceased to see any
       further fun in football, and shirked that noble game in a way that
       got him into trouble with the elder boys, who would stand no
       shirking on the part of the younger ones.
       He was as useless and ill at ease with cricket as with football, nor
       in spite of all his efforts could he ever throw a ball or a stone.
       It soon became plain, therefore, to everyone that Pontifex was a
       young muff, a mollycoddle, not to be tortured, but still not to be
       rated highly. He was not however, actively unpopular, for it was
       seen that he was quite square inter pares, not at all vindictive,
       easily pleased, perfectly free with whatever little money he had, no
       greater lover of his school work than of the games, and generally
       more inclinable to moderate vice than to immoderate virtue.
       These qualities will prevent any boy from sinking very low in the
       opinion of his school-fellows; but Ernest thought he had fallen
       lower than he probably had, and hated and despised himself for what
       he, as much as anyone else, believed to be his cowardice. He did
       not like the boys whom he thought like himself. His heroes were
       strong and vigorous, and the less they inclined towards him the more
       he worshipped them. All this made him very unhappy, for it never
       occurred to him that the instinct which made him keep out of games
       for which he was ill adapted, was more reasonable than the reason
       which would have driven him into them. Nevertheless he followed his
       instinct for the most part, rather than his reason. Sapiens suam si
       sapientiam norit. _