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Pickwick Papers, The
Chapter 38. How Mr. Winkle, when he stepped out of the Frying-pan, walked gently and comfortably into the Fire
Charles Dickens
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       _ The ill-starred gentleman who had been the unfortunate cause of
       the unusual noise and disturbance which alarmed the inhabitants of
       the Royal Crescent in manner and form already described, after
       passing a night of great confusion and anxiety, left the roof
       beneath which his friends still slumbered, bound he knew not whither.
       The excellent and considerate feelings which prompted Mr. Winkle to
       take this step can never be too highly appreciated or too warmly
       extolled. 'If,' reasoned Mr. Winkle with himself--'if this Dowler
       attempts (as I have no doubt he will) to carry into execution his
       threat of personal violence against myself, it will be incumbent on me
       to call him out. He has a wife; that wife is attached to, and
       dependent on him. Heavens! If I should kill him in the blindness of my
       wrath, what would be my feelings ever afterwards!' This painful
       consideration operated so powerfully on the feelings of the humane
       young man, as to cause his knees to knock together, and his
       countenance to exhibit alarming manifestations of inward
       emotion. Impelled by such reflections, he grasped his carpet-
       bag, and creeping stealthily downstairs, shut the detestable street
       door with as little noise as possible, and walked off. Bending his
       steps towards the Royal Hotel, he found a coach on the point of
       starting for Bristol, and, thinking Bristol as good a place for his
       purpose as any other he could go to, he mounted the box, and
       reached his place of destination in such time as the pair of horses,
       who went the whole stage and back again, twice a day or more,
       could be reasonably supposed to arrive there.
       He took up his quarters at the Bush, and designing to postpone
       any communication by letter with Mr. Pickwick until it was
       probable that Mr. Dowler's wrath might have in some degree
       evaporated, walked forth to view the city, which struck him as
       being a shade more dirty than any place he had ever seen. Having
       inspected the docks and shipping, and viewed the cathedral, he
       inquired his way to Clifton, and being directed thither, took the
       route which was pointed out to him. But as the pavements of
       Bristol are not the widest or cleanest upon earth, so its streets are
       not altogether the straightest or least intricate; and Mr. Winkle,
       being greatly puzzled by their manifold windings and twistings,
       looked about him for a decent shop in which he could apply
       afresh for counsel and instruction.
       His eye fell upon a newly-painted tenement which had been
       recently converted into something between a shop and a private
       house, and which a red lamp, projecting over the fanlight of the
       street door, would have sufficiently announced as the residence
       of a medical practitioner, even if the word 'Surgery' had not been
       inscribed in golden characters on a wainscot ground, above the
       window of what, in times bygone, had been the front parlour.
       Thinking this an eligible place wherein to make his inquiries,
       Mr. Winkle stepped into the little shop where the gilt-labelled
       drawers and bottles were; and finding nobody there, knocked
       with a half-crown on the counter, to attract the attention of anybody
       who might happen to be in the back parlour, which he
       judged to be the innermost and peculiar sanctum of the establishment,
       from the repetition of the word surgery on the door--
       painted in white letters this time, by way of taking off the monotony.
       At the first knock, a sound, as of persons fencing with fire-
       irons, which had until now been very audible, suddenly ceased;
       at the second, a studious-looking young gentleman in green
       spectacles, with a very large book in his hand, glided quietly into
       the shop, and stepping behind the counter, requested to know the
       visitor's pleasure.
       'I am sorry to trouble you, Sir,' said Mr. Winkle, 'but will you
       have the goodness to direct me to--'
       'Ha! ha! ha!' roared the studious young gentleman, throwing
       the large book up into the air, and catching it with great dexterity
       at the very moment when it threatened to smash to atoms all the
       bottles on the counter. 'Here's a start!'
       There was, without doubt; for Mr. Winkle was so very much
       astonished at the extraordinary behaviour of the medical gentleman,
       that he involuntarily retreated towards the door, and looked
       very much disturbed at his strange reception.
       'What, don't you know me?' said the medical gentleman.
       Mr. Winkle murmured, in reply, that he had not that pleasure.
       'Why, then,' said the medical gentleman, 'there are hopes for
       me yet; I may attend half the old women in Bristol, if I've decent
       luck. Get out, you mouldy old villain, get out!' With this adjuration,
       which was addressed to the large book, the medical gentleman
       kicked the volume with remarkable agility to the farther end
       of the shop, and, pulling off his green spectacles, grinned
       the identical grin of Robert Sawyer, Esquire, formerly of Guy's
       Hospital in the Borough, with a private residence in Lant Street.
       'You don't mean to say you weren't down upon me?' said
       Mr. Bob Sawyer, shaking Mr. Winkle's hand with friendly warmth.
       'Upon my word I was not,' replied Mr. Winkle, returning
       his pressure.
       'I wonder you didn't see the name,' said Bob Sawyer, calling
       his friend's attention to the outer door, on which, in the same
       white paint, were traced the words 'Sawyer, late Nockemorf.'
       'It never caught my eye,' returned Mr. Winkle.
       'Lord, if I had known who you were, I should have rushed out,
       and caught you in my arms,' said Bob Sawyer; 'but upon my
       life, I thought you were the King's-taxes.'
       'No!' said Mr. Winkle.
       'I did, indeed,' responded Bob Sawyer, 'and I was just going to
       say that I wasn't at home, but if you'd leave a message I'd be sure
       to give it to myself; for he don't know me; no more does the
       Lighting and Paving. I think the Church-rates guesses who I am,
       and I know the Water-works does, because I drew a tooth of his
       when I first came down here. But come in, come in!' Chattering
       in this way, Mr. Bob Sawyer pushed Mr. Winkle into the back
       room, where, amusing himself by boring little circular caverns in
       the chimney-piece with a red-hot poker, sat no less a person than
       Mr. Benjamin Allen.
       'Well!' said Mr. Winkle. 'This is indeed a pleasure I did not
       expect. What a very nice place you have here!'
       'Pretty well, pretty well,' replied Bob Sawyer. 'I PASSED, soon
       after that precious party, and my friends came down with the
       needful for this business; so I put on a black suit of clothes, and
       a pair of spectacles, and came here to look as solemn as I could.'
       'And a very snug little business you have, no doubt?' said
       Mr. Winkle knowingly.
       'Very,' replied Bob Sawyer. 'So snug, that at the end of a few
       years you might put all the profits in a wine-glass, and cover 'em
       over with a gooseberry leaf.'
       'You cannot surely mean that?' said Mr. Winkle. 'The stock itself--'
       'Dummies, my dear boy,' said Bob Sawyer; 'half the drawers
       have nothing in 'em, and the other half don't open.'
       'Nonsense!' said Mr. Winkle.
       'Fact--honour!' returned Bob Sawyer, stepping out into the
       shop, and demonstrating the veracity of the assertion by divers
       hard pulls at the little gilt knobs on the counterfeit drawers.
       'Hardly anything real in the shop but the leeches, and THEY are
       second-hand.'
       'I shouldn't have thought it!' exclaimed Mr. Winkle, much surprised.
       'I hope not,' replied Bob Sawyer, 'else where's the use of
       appearances, eh? But what will you take? Do as we do? That's
       right. Ben, my fine fellow, put your hand into the cupboard, and
       bring out the patent digester.'
       Mr. Benjamin Allen smiled his readiness, and produced from
       the closet at his elbow a black bottle half full of brandy.
       'You don't take water, of course?' said Bob Sawyer.
       'Thank you,' replied Mr. Winkle. 'It's rather early. I should
       like to qualify it, if you have no objection.'
       'None in the least, if you can reconcile it to your conscience,'
       replied Bob Sawyer, tossing off, as he spoke, a glass of the liquor
       with great relish. 'Ben, the pipkin!'
       Mr. Benjamin Allen drew forth, from the same hiding-place, a
       small brass pipkin, which Bob Sawyer observed he prided himself
       upon, particularly because it looked so business-like. The water
       in the professional pipkin having been made to boil, in course of
       time, by various little shovelfuls of coal, which Mr. Bob Sawyer
       took out of a practicable window-seat, labelled 'Soda Water,'
       Mr. Winkle adulterated his brandy; and the conversation was
       becoming general, when it was interrupted by the entrance into
       the shop of a boy, in a sober gray livery and a gold-laced hat,
       with a small covered basket under his arm, whom Mr. Bob
       Sawyer immediately hailed with, 'Tom, you vagabond, come here.'
       The boy presented himself accordingly.
       'You've been stopping to "over" all the posts in Bristol, you
       idle young scamp!' said Mr. Bob Sawyer.
       'No, sir, I haven't,' replied the boy.
       'You had better not!' said Mr. Bob Sawyer, with a threatening
       aspect. 'Who do you suppose will ever employ a professional
       man, when they see his boy playing at marbles in the gutter, or
       flying the garter in the horse-road? Have you no feeling for your
       profession, you groveller? Did you leave all the medicine?'
       'Yes, Sir.'
       'The powders for the child, at the large house with the new
       family, and the pills to be taken four times a day at the ill-
       tempered old gentleman's with the gouty leg?'
       'Yes, sir.'
       'Then shut the door, and mind the shop.'
       'Come,' said Mr. Winkle, as the boy retired, 'things are not
       quite so bad as you would have me believe, either. There is SOME
       medicine to be sent out.'
       Mr. Bob Sawyer peeped into the shop to see that no stranger
       was within hearing, and leaning forward to Mr. Winkle, said, in a
       low tone--
       'He leaves it all at the wrong houses.'
       Mr. Winkle looked perplexed, and Bob Sawyer and his friend laughed.
       'Don't you see?' said Bob. 'He goes up to a house, rings the
       area bell, pokes a packet of medicine without a direction into the
       servant's hand, and walks off. Servant takes it into the dining-
       parlour; master opens it, and reads the label: "Draught to be
       taken at bedtime--pills as before--lotion as usual--the powder.
       From Sawyer's, late Nockemorf's. Physicians' prescriptions
       carefully prepared," and all the rest of it. Shows it to his wife--
       she reads the label; it goes down to the servants--THEY read the
       label. Next day, boy calls: "Very sorry--his mistake--immense
       business--great many parcels to deliver--Mr. Sawyer's
       compliments--late Nockemorf." The name gets known, and that's
       the thing, my boy, in the medical way. Bless your heart, old
       fellow, it's better than all the advertising in the world. We have
       got one four-ounce bottle that's been to half the houses in Bristol,
       and hasn't done yet.'
       'Dear me, I see,' observed Mr. Winkle; 'what an excellent plan!'
       'Oh, Ben and I have hit upon a dozen such,' replied Bob
       Sawyer, with great glee. 'The lamplighter has eighteenpence a
       week to pull the night-bell for ten minutes every time he comes
       round; and my boy always rushes into the church just before the
       psalms, when the people have got nothing to do but look about
       'em, and calls me out, with horror and dismay depicted on his
       countenance. "Bless my soul," everybody says, "somebody taken
       suddenly ill! Sawyer, late Nockemorf, sent for. What a business
       that young man has!"'
       At the termination of this disclosure of some of the mysteries
       of medicine, Mr. Bob Sawyer and his friend, Ben Allen, threw
       themselves back in their respective chairs, and laughed boisterously.
       When they had enjoyed the joke to their heart's content, the
       discourse changed to topics in which Mr. Winkle was more
       immediately interested.
       We think we have hinted elsewhere, that Mr. Benjamin Allen
       had a way of becoming sentimental after brandy. The case is not
       a peculiar one, as we ourself can testify, having, on a few
       occasions, had to deal with patients who have been afflicted in a
       similar manner. At this precise period of his existence, Mr. Benjamin
       Allen had perhaps a greater predisposition to maudlinism
       than he had ever known before; the cause of which malady was
       briefly this. He had been staying nearly three weeks with Mr. Bob
       Sawyer; Mr. Bob Sawyer was not remarkable for temperance,
       nor was Mr. Benjamin Allen for the ownership of a very strong
       head; the consequence was that, during the whole space of time
       just mentioned, Mr. Benjamin Allen had been wavering between
       intoxication partial, and intoxication complete.
       'My dear friend,' said Mr. Ben Allen, taking advantage of
       Mr. Bob Sawyer's temporary absence behind the counter,
       whither he had retired to dispense some of the second-hand
       leeches, previously referred to; 'my dear friend, I am very miserable.'
       Mr. Winkle professed his heartfelt regret to hear it, and
       begged to know whether he could do anything to alleviate the
       sorrows of the suffering student.
       'Nothing, my dear boy, nothing,' said Ben. 'You recollect
       Arabella, Winkle? My sister Arabella--a little girl, Winkle, with
       black eyes--when we were down at Wardle's? I don't know
       whether you happened to notice her--a nice little girl, Winkle.
       Perhaps my features may recall her countenance to your recollection?'
       Mr. Winkle required nothing to recall the charming Arabella
       to his mind; and it was rather fortunate he did not, for the
       features of her brother Benjamin would unquestionably have
       proved but an indifferent refresher to his memory. He answered,
       with as much calmness as he could assume, that he perfectly
       remembered the young lady referred to, and sincerely trusted she
       was in good health.
       'Our friend Bob is a delightful fellow, Winkle,' was the only
       reply of Mr. Ben Allen.
       'Very,' said Mr. Winkle, not much relishing this close
       connection of the two names.
       'I designed 'em for each other; they were made for each other,
       sent into the world for each other, born for each other, Winkle,'
       said Mr. Ben Allen, setting down his glass with emphasis.
       'There's a special destiny in the matter, my dear sir; there's only
       five years' difference between 'em, and both their birthdays are
       in August.'
       Mr. Winkle was too anxious to hear what was to follow to
       express much wonderment at this extraordinary coincidence,
       marvellous as it was; so Mr. Ben Allen, after a tear or two, went
       on to say that, notwithstanding all his esteem and respect and
       veneration for his friend, Arabella had unaccountably and
       undutifully evinced the most determined antipathy to his person.
       'And I think,' said Mr. Ben Allen, in conclusion. 'I think
       there's a prior attachment.'
       'Have you any idea who the object of it might be?' asked Mr.
       Winkle, with great trepidation.
       Mr. Ben Allen seized the poker, flourished it in a warlike
       manner above his head, inflicted a savage blow on an imaginary
       skull, and wound up by saying, in a very expressive manner, that
       he only wished he could guess; that was all.
       'I'd show him what I thought of him,' said Mr. Ben Allen.
       And round went the poker again, more fiercely than before.
       All this was, of course, very soothing to the feelings of Mr.
       Winkle, who remained silent for a few minutes; but at length
       mustered up resolution to inquire whether Miss Allen was in Kent.
       'No, no,' said Mr. Ben Allen, laying aside the poker, and
       looking very cunning; 'I didn't think Wardle's exactly the place
       for a headstrong girl; so, as I am her natural protector and
       guardian, our parents being dead, I have brought her down into
       this part of the country to spend a few months at an old aunt's, in
       a nice, dull, close place. I think that will cure her, my boy. If it
       doesn't, I'll take her abroad for a little while, and see what
       that'll do.'
       'Oh, the aunt's is in Bristol, is it?' faltered Mr. Winkle.
       'No, no, not in Bristol,' replied Mr. Ben Allen, jerking his
       thumb over his right shoulder; 'over that way--down there.
       But, hush, here's Bob. Not a word, my dear friend, not a word.'
       Short as this conversation was, it roused in Mr. Winkle the
       highest degree of excitement and anxiety. The suspected prior
       attachment rankled in his heart. Could he be the object of it?
       Could it be for him that the fair Arabella had looked scornfully
       on the sprightly Bob Sawyer, or had he a successful rival? He
       determined to see her, cost what it might; but here an insurmountable
       objection presented itself, for whether the explanatory
       'over that way,' and 'down there,' of Mr. Ben Allen, meant three
       miles off, or thirty, or three hundred, he could in no wise guess.
       But he had no opportunity of pondering over his love just then,
       for Bob Sawyer's return was the immediate precursor of the
       arrival of a meat-pie from the baker's, of which that gentleman
       insisted on his staying to partake. The cloth was laid by an
       occasional charwoman, who officiated in the capacity of Mr. Bob
       Sawyer's housekeeper; and a third knife and fork having been
       borrowed from the mother of the boy in the gray livery (for
       Mr. Sawyer's domestic arrangements were as yet conducted on
       a limited scale), they sat down to dinner; the beer being served
       up, as Mr. Sawyer remarked, 'in its native pewter.'
       After dinner, Mr. Bob Sawyer ordered in the largest mortar in
       the shop, and proceeded to brew a reeking jorum of rum-punch
       therein, stirring up and amalgamating the materials with a pestle
       in a very creditable and apothecary-like manner. Mr. Sawyer,
       being a bachelor, had only one tumbler in the house, which was
       assigned to Mr. Winkle as a compliment to the visitor, Mr. Ben
       Allen being accommodated with a funnel with a cork in the
       narrow end, and Bob Sawyer contented himself with one of those
       wide-lipped crystal vessels inscribed with a variety of cabalistic
       characters, in which chemists are wont to measure out their
       liquid drugs in compounding prescriptions. These preliminaries
       adjusted, the punch was tasted, and pronounced excellent; and it
       having been arranged that Bob Sawyer and Ben Allen should be
       considered at liberty to fill twice to Mr. Winkle's once, they
       started fair, with great satisfaction and good-fellowship.
       There was no singing, because Mr. Bob Sawyer said it wouldn't
       look professional; but to make amends for this deprivation there
       was so much talking and laughing that it might have been heard,
       and very likely was, at the end of the street. Which conversation
       materially lightened the hours and improved the mind of Mr.
       Bob Sawyer's boy, who, instead of devoting the evening to his
       ordinary occupation of writing his name on the counter, and
       rubbing it out again, peeped through the glass door, and thus
       listened and looked on at the same time.
       The mirth of Mr. Bob Sawyer was rapidly ripening into the
       furious, Mr. Ben Allen was fast relapsing into the sentimental,
       and the punch had well-nigh disappeared altogether, when the
       boy hastily running in, announced that a young woman had just
       come over, to say that Sawyer late Nockemorf was wanted
       directly, a couple of streets off. This broke up the party. Mr. Bob
       Sawyer, understanding the message, after some twenty repetitions,
       tied a wet cloth round his head to sober himself, and, having
       partially succeeded, put on his green spectacles and issued forth.
       Resisting all entreaties to stay till he came back, and finding it
       quite impossible to engage Mr. Ben Allen in any intelligible
       conversation on the subject nearest his heart, or indeed on
       any other, Mr. Winkle took his departure, and returned to the
       Bush.
       The anxiety of his mind, and the numerous meditations which
       Arabella had awakened, prevented his share of the mortar of
       punch producing that effect upon him which it would have had
       under other circumstances. So, after taking a glass of soda-water
       and brandy at the bar, he turned into the coffee-room, dispirited
       rather than elevated by the occurrences of the evening.
       Sitting in front of the fire, with his back towards him, was a
       tallish gentleman in a greatcoat: the only other occupant of the
       room. It was rather a cool evening for the season of the year, and
       the gentleman drew his chair aside to afford the new-comer a
       sight of the fire. What were Mr. Winkle's feelings when, in doing
       so, he disclosed to view the face and figure of the vindictive and
       sanguinary Dowler!
       Mr. Winkle's first impulse was to give a violent pull at the
       nearest bell-handle, but that unfortunately happened to be
       immediately behind Mr. Dowler's head. He had made one step
       towards it, before he checked himself. As he did so, Mr. Dowler
       very hastily drew back.
       'Mr. Winkle, Sir. Be calm. Don't strike me. I won't bear it. A
       blow! Never!' said Mr. Dowler, looking meeker than Mr. Winkle
       had expected in a gentleman of his ferocity.
       'A blow, Sir?' stammered Mr. Winkle.
       'A blow, Sir,' replied Dowler. 'Compose your feelings. Sit
       down. Hear me.'
       'Sir,' said Mr. Winkle, trembling from head to foot, 'before I
       consent to sit down beside, or opposite you, without the presence
       of a waiter, I must be secured by some further understanding.
       You used a threat against me last night, Sir, a dreadful threat,
       Sir.' Here Mr. Winkle turned very pale indeed, and stopped short.
       'I did,' said Dowler, with a countenance almost as white as
       Mr. Winkle's. 'Circumstances were suspicious. They have been
       explained. I respect your bravery. Your feeling is upright.
       Conscious innocence. There's my hand. Grasp it.'
       'Really, Sir,' said Mr. Winkle, hesitating whether to give his
       hand or not, and almost fearing that it was demanded in order
       that he might be taken at an advantage, 'really, Sir, I--'
       'I know what you mean,' interposed Dowler. 'You feel
       aggrieved. Very natural. So should I. I was wrong. I beg your
       pardon. Be friendly. Forgive me.' With this, Dowler fairly
       forced his hand upon Mr. Winkle, and shaking it with the utmost
       vehemence, declared he was a fellow of extreme spirit, and he had
       a higher opinion of him than ever.
       'Now,' said Dowler, 'sit down. Relate it all. How did you find
       me? When did you follow? Be frank. Tell me.'
       'It's quite accidental,' replied Mr. Winkle, greatly perplexed
       by the curious and unexpected nature of the interview. 'Quite.'
       'Glad of it,' said Dowler. 'I woke this morning. I had forgotten
       my threat. I laughed at the accident. I felt friendly. I said so.'
       'To whom?' inquired Mr. Winkle.
       'To Mrs. Dowler. "You made a vow," said she. "I did," said I.
       "It was a rash one," said she. "It was," said I. "I'll apologise.
       Where is he?"'
       'Who?' inquired Mr. Winkle.
       'You,' replied Dowler. 'I went downstairs. You were not to be
       found. Pickwick looked gloomy. Shook his head. Hoped no
       violence would be committed. I saw it all. You felt yourself
       insulted. You had gone, for a friend perhaps. Possibly for pistols.
       "High spirit," said I. "I admire him."'
       Mr. Winkle coughed, and beginning to see how the land lay,
       assumed a look of importance.
       'I left a note for you,' resumed Dowler. 'I said I was sorry. So
       I was. Pressing business called me here. You were not satisfied.
       You followed. You required a verbal explanation. You were
       right. It's all over now. My business is finished. I go back
       to-morrow. Join me.'
       As Dowler progressed in his explanation, Mr. Winkle's
       countenance grew more and more dignified. The mysterious
       nature of the commencement of their conversation was
       explained; Mr. Dowler had as great an objection to duelling as
       himself; in short, this blustering and awful personage was one of
       the most egregious cowards in existence, and interpreting Mr.
       Winkle's absence through the medium of his own fears, had
       taken the same step as himself, and prudently retired until all
       excitement of feeling should have subsided.
       As the real state of the case dawned upon Mr. Winkle's mind,
       he looked very terrible, and said he was perfectly satisfied; but at
       the same time, said so with an air that left Mr. Dowler no alternative
       but to infer that if he had not been, something most horrible
       and destructive must inevitably have occurred. Mr. Dowler
       appeared to be impressed with a becoming sense of Mr. Winkle's
       magnanimity and condescension; and the two belligerents parted
       for the night, with many protestations of eternal friendship.
       About half-past twelve o'clock, when Mr. Winkle had been
       revelling some twenty minutes in the full luxury of his first sleep,
       he was suddenly awakened by a loud knocking at his chamber
       door, which, being repeated with increased vehemence, caused
       him to start up in bed, and inquire who was there, and what the
       matter was.
       'Please, Sir, here's a young man which says he must see you
       directly,' responded the voice of the chambermaid.
       'A young man!' exclaimed Mr. Winkle.
       'No mistake about that 'ere, Sir,' replied another voice through
       the keyhole; 'and if that wery same interestin' young creetur ain't
       let in vithout delay, it's wery possible as his legs vill enter afore
       his countenance.' The young man gave a gentle kick at one of the
       lower panels of the door, after he had given utterance to this hint,
       as if to add force and point to the remark.
       'Is that you, Sam?' inquired Mr. Winkle, springing out of bed.
       'Quite unpossible to identify any gen'l'm'n vith any degree o'
       mental satisfaction, vithout lookin' at him, Sir,' replied the
       voice dogmatically.
       Mr. Winkle, not much doubting who the young man was,
       unlocked the door; which he had no sooner done than Mr.
       Samuel Weller entered with great precipitation, and carefully
       relocking it on the inside, deliberately put the key in his waistcoat
       pocket; and, after surveying Mr. Winkle from head to foot,
       said--
       'You're a wery humorous young gen'l'm'n, you air, Sir!'
       'What do you mean by this conduct, Sam?' inquired Mr.
       Winkle indignantly. 'Get out, sir, this instant. What do you
       mean, Sir?'
       'What do I mean,' retorted Sam; 'come, Sir, this is rayther too
       rich, as the young lady said when she remonstrated with the
       pastry-cook, arter he'd sold her a pork pie as had got nothin' but
       fat inside. What do I mean! Well, that ain't a bad 'un, that ain't.'
       'Unlock that door, and leave this room immediately, Sir,' said
       Mr. Winkle.
       'I shall leave this here room, sir, just precisely at the wery
       same moment as you leaves it,' responded Sam, speaking in a
       forcible manner, and seating himself with perfect gravity. 'If I
       find it necessary to carry you away, pick-a-back, o' course I shall
       leave it the least bit o' time possible afore you; but allow me to
       express a hope as you won't reduce me to extremities; in saying
       wich, I merely quote wot the nobleman said to the fractious
       pennywinkle, ven he vouldn't come out of his shell by means of a
       pin, and he conseqvently began to be afeered that he should be
       obliged to crack him in the parlour door.' At the end of this
       address, which was unusually lengthy for him, Mr. Weller
       planted his hands on his knees, and looked full in Mr. Winkle's
       face, with an expression of countenance which showed that he
       had not the remotest intention of being trifled with.
       'You're a amiably-disposed young man, Sir, I don't think,'
       resumed Mr. Weller, in a tone of moral reproof, 'to go inwolving
       our precious governor in all sorts o' fanteegs, wen he's made up
       his mind to go through everythink for principle. You're far
       worse nor Dodson, Sir; and as for Fogg, I consider him a born
       angel to you!' Mr. Weller having accompanied this last sentiment
       with an emphatic slap on each knee, folded his arms with a look
       of great disgust, and threw himself back in his chair, as if
       awaiting the criminal's defence.
       'My good fellow,' said Mr. Winkle, extending his hand--his
       teeth chattering all the time he spoke, for he had been standing,
       during the whole of Mr. Weller's lecture, in his night-gear--'my
       good fellow, I respect your attachment to my excellent friend,
       and I am very sorry indeed to have added to his causes for
       disquiet. There, Sam, there!'
       'Well,' said Sam, rather sulkily, but giving the proffered hand
       a respectful shake at the same time--'well, so you ought to be,
       and I am very glad to find you air; for, if I can help it, I won't
       have him put upon by nobody, and that's all about it.'
       'Certainly not, Sam,' said Mr. Winkle. 'There! Now go to bed,
       Sam, and we'll talk further about this in the morning.'
       'I'm wery sorry,' said Sam, 'but I can't go to bed.'
       'Not go to bed!' repeated Mr. Winkle.
       'No,' said Sam, shaking his head. 'Can't be done.'
       'You don't mean to say you're going back to-night, Sam?'
       urged Mr. Winkle, greatly surprised.
       'Not unless you particklerly wish it,' replied Sam; 'but I
       mustn't leave this here room. The governor's orders wos peremptory.'
       'Nonsense, Sam,' said Mr. Winkle, 'I must stop here two or
       three days; and more than that, Sam, you must stop here too,
       to assist me in gaining an interview with a young lady--Miss
       Allen, Sam; you remember her--whom I must and will see before
       I leave Bristol.'
       But in reply to each of these positions, Sam shook his head
       with great firmness, and energetically replied, 'It can't be done.'
       After a great deal of argument and representation on the part
       of Mr. Winkle, however, and a full disclosure of what had passed
       in the interview with Dowler, Sam began to waver; and at length
       a compromise was effected, of which the following were the main
       and principal conditions:--
       That Sam should retire, and leave Mr. Winkle in the undisturbed
       possession of his apartment, on the condition that he had
       permission to lock the door on the outside, and carry off the key;
       provided always, that in the event of an alarm of fire, or other
       dangerous contingency, the door should be instantly unlocked.
       That a letter should be written to Mr. Pickwick early next
       morning, and forwarded per Dowler, requesting his consent to
       Sam and Mr. Winkle's remaining at Bristol, for the purpose and
       with the object already assigned, and begging an answer by the
       next coach--, if favourable, the aforesaid parties to remain
       accordingly, and if not, to return to Bath immediately on the
       receipt thereof. And, lastly, that Mr. Winkle should be understood
       as distinctly pledging himself not to resort to the window,
       fireplace, or other surreptitious mode of escape in the meanwhile.
       These stipulations having been concluded, Sam locked the door
       and departed.
       He had nearly got downstairs, when he stopped, and drew the
       key from his pocket.
       'I quite forgot about the knockin' down,' said Sam, half
       turning back. 'The governor distinctly said it was to be done.
       Amazin' stupid o' me, that 'ere! Never mind,' said Sam, brightening
       up, 'it's easily done to-morrow, anyvays.'
       Apparently much consoled by this reflection, Mr. Weller once
       more deposited the key in his pocket, and descending the remainder
       of the stairs without any fresh visitations of conscience,
       was soon, in common with the other inmates of the house, buried
       in profound repose. _
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Chapter 1. The Pickwickians
Chapter 2. The first Day's Journey, and the first Evening's Adventures; with their Consequences
Chapter 3. A new Acquaintance--The Stroller's Tale--A disagreeable Interruption, and an unpleasant Encounter
Chapter 4. A Field Day and Bivouac--More new Friends--An Invitation to the Country
Chapter 5. A short one--Showing, among other Matters, how Mr. Pickwick undertook to drive, and Mr. Winkle to ride, and how they both did it
Chapter 6. An old-fashioned Card-party--The Clergyman's verses--The Story of the Convict's Return
Chapter 7. How Mr. Winkle, instead of shooting at the Pigeon and killing the Crow, shot at the Crow and wounded the Pigeon; how Dingley Dell Cricket Club played All-Muggleton, and how All-Muggleton dined at the Dingley Dell Expense
Chapter 8. Strongly illustrative of the Position, that the Course of True Love is not a Railway
Chapter 9. A Discovery and a Chase
Chapter 10. Clearing up all Doubts (if any existed) of the Disinterestedness of Mr. A. Jingle's Character
Chapter 11. Involving another Journey, and an Antiquarian Discovery; Recording Mr. Pickwick's Determination to be present at an Election; and containing a Manuscript of the old Clergyman's
Chapter 12. Descriptive of a very important Proceeding on the Part of Mr. Pickwick; no less an Epoch in his Life, than in this History
Chapter 13. Some Account of Eatanswill; of the State of Parties therein; and of the Election of a Member to serve in Parliament for that ancient, loyal, and patriotic Borough
Chapter 14. Comprising a brief Description of the Company at the Peacock assembled; and a Tale told by a Bagman
Chapter 15. In which is given a faithful Portraiture of two distinguished Persons; and an accurate Description of a public Breakfast in their House: which public Breakfast leads to the Recognition of an old Acquaintance
Chapter 16. Too full of Adventure to be briefly described
Chapter 17. Showing that an Attack of Rheumatism, in some Cases, acts as a Quickener to inventive Genius
Chapter 18. Briefly illustrative of two Points; first, the Power of Hysterics, and, secondly, the Force of Circumstances
Chapter 19. A pleasant Day with an unpleasant Termination
Chapter 20. Showing how Dodson and Fogg were Men of Business, their Clerks Men of pleasure;how an affecting Interview between Mr. Weller and his long-lost Parent; what Choice Spirits assembled at the Magpie and Stump
Chapter 21. In which the old Man launches forth into his favourite Theme, and relates a Story about a queer Client
Chapter 22. Mr. Pickwick journeys to Ipswich and meets with a romantic Adventure with a middle-aged Lady in yellow Curl-papers
Chapter 23. In which Mr. Samuel Weller begins to devote his Energies to the Return Match between himself and Mr. Trotter
Chapter 24. Wherein Mr. Peter Magnus grows jealous, and the middle-aged Lady apprehensive, which brings the Pickwickians within the Grasp of the Law
Chapter 25. Showing, among a Variety of pleasant Matters, how majestic and impartial Mr. Nupkins was; and how Mr. Weller returned Mr. Job Trotter's Shuttlecock as heavily as it came--With another Matter, which will be found in its Place
Chapter 26. Which contains a brief Account of the Progress of the Action of Bardell against Pickwick
Chapter 27. Samuel Weller makes a Pilgrimage to Dorking, and beholds his Mother-in-law
Chapter 28. A good-humoured Christmas (Pickwick Papers)
Chapter 29. The Story of the Goblins who stole a Sexton
Chapter 30. How the Pickwickians made and cultivated the Acquaintance of a Couple of nice young Men belonging to one of the liberal Professions; how they disported themselves on the Ice; and how their Visit came to a Conclusion
Chapter 31. Which is all about the Law, and sundry Great Authorities learned therein
Chapter 32. Describes, far more fully than the Court Newsman ever did, a Bachelor's Party, given by Mr. Bob Sawyer at his Lodgings in the Borough
Chapter 33. Mr. Weller the elder delivers some Critical Sentiments respecting Literary Composition; and, assisted by his Son Samuel, pays a small Instalment of Retaliation to the Account of the Reverend Gentleman with the Red Nose
Chapter 34. Is wholly devoted to a full and faithful Report of the memorable Trial of Bardell against Pickwick
Chapter 35. In which Mr. Pickwick thinks he had better go to Bath; and goes accordingly
Chapter 36. The chief Features of which will be found to be an authentic Version of the Legend of Prince Bladud, and a most extraordinary Calamity that befell Mr. Winkle
Chapter 37. Honourably accounts for Mr. Weller's Absence, by describing a Soiree to which he was invited and went; also relates how he was intrusted by Mr. Pickwick with a Private Mission of Delicacy and Importance
Chapter 38. How Mr. Winkle, when he stepped out of the Frying-pan, walked gently and comfortably into the Fire
Chapter 39. Mr. Samuel Weller, being intrusted with a Mission of Love, proceeds to execute it; with what Success will hereinafter appear
Chapter 40. Introduces Mr. Pickwick to a new and not uninteresting Scene in the great Drama of Life
Chapter 41. Whatt befell Mr. Pickwick when he got into the Fleet; what Prisoners he saw there; and how he passed the Night
Chapter 42. Illustrative, like the preceding one, of the old Proverb, that Adversity brings a Man acquainted with strange Bedfellows--Likewise containing Mr. Pickwick's extraordinary and startling Announcement to Mr. Samuel Weller
Chapter 43. Showing how Mr. Samuel Weller got into Difficulties
Chapter 44. Treats of divers little Matters which occurred in the Fleet, and of Mr. Winkle's mysterious Behaviour; and shows how the poor Chancery Prisoner obtained his Release at last
Chapter 45. Descriptive of an affecting Interview between Mr. Samuel Weller and a Family Party. Mr. Pickwick makes a Tour of the diminutive World he inhabits, and resolves to mix with it, in Future, as little as possible
Chapter 46. Records a touching Act of delicate Feeling not unmixed with Pleasantry, achieved and performed by Messrs. Dodson and Fogg
Chapter 47. Is chiefly devoted to Matters of Business, and the temporal Advantage of Dodson and Fogg-- Mr. Winkle reappears under extraordinary Circumstances--Mr. Pickwick's Benevolence proves stronger than his Obstinacy
Chapter 48. Relates how Mr. Pickwick, with the Assistance of Samuel Weller, essayed to soften the Heart of Mr. Benjamin Allen, and to mollify the Wrath of Mr. Robert Sawyer
Chapter 49. Containing the Story of the Bagman's Uncle
Chapter 50. How Mr. Pickwick sped upon his Mission, and how he was reinforced in the Outset by a most unexpected Auxiliary
Chapter 51. In which Mr. Pickwick encounters an old Acquaintance--To which fortunate Circumstance the Reader is mainly indebted for Matter of thrilling Interest herein set down, concerning two great Public Men of Might and Power
Chapter 52. Involving a serious Change in the Weller Family, and the untimely Downfall of Mr. Stiggins
Chapter 53. Comprising the final Exit of Mr. Jingle and Job Trotter, with a great Morning of business in Gray's Inn Square--Concluding with a Double Knock at Mr. Perker's Door
Chapter 54. Containing some Particulars relative to the Double Knock, and other Matters: among which certain interesting Disclosures relative to Mr. Snodgrass and a Young Lady are by no Means irrelevant to this History
Chapter 55. Mr. Solomon Pell, assisted by a Select Committee of Coachmen, arranges the affairs of the elder Mr. Weller
Chapter 56. An important Conference takes place between Mr. Pickwick and Samuel Weller, at which his Parent assists--An old Gentleman in a snuff-coloured Suit arrives unexpectedly
Chapter 57. In which the Pickwick Club is finally dissolved, and everything concluded to the Satisfaction of Everybody