_ VINCIUS to LYGIA:
"The slave Phlegon, by whom I send this letter, is a Christian;
hence he will be one of those to receive freedom from thy hands,
my dearest. He is an old servant of our house; so I can write to thee
with full confidence, and without fear that the letter will fall into
other hands than thine. 1 write from Laurentum, where we have
halted because of heat. Otho owned here a lordly villa, which on a
time he presented to Poppaea; and she, though divorced from him,
saw fit to retain the magnificent present. When I think of the
women who surround mc now and of thee, it seems to me that
from the stones hurled by Deucalion there must have risen people
of various kinds, altogether unlike one another, and that thou art of
those born of crystal.
"I admire and love thee from my whole soul, and wIth to speak
only of thee; hence I am forced to constrain myself to write of our
journey, of that which happens to me, and of news of the court.
Well, Caesar was the guest of Poppaea, who prepared for him
secretly a magnificent reception. SIte invited only a few of his
favorites, but Petronius and I were among them. After dinner we
sailed in golden boats over the sea, which was as calm as if it had
been sleeping, and as blue as thy eyes, O divine one. We ourselves
rowed, for evidently it flattered the Augusta that men of consular
dignity, or their sons, were rowing for her. Caesar, sitting at the
rudder in a purple toga, sang a hymn in honor of the sea; this hymn
he had composed the night before, and wfth Diodorus had
arranged music to ft. In other boats he was accompanied by slaves
from India who knew how to play on sea-shells while round about
appeared numerous dolphins, as if really enticed from Amphitrite's
depths by music. Dvst thcu know what I was doing? I was thinking
of thee1 and yearning. I wanted to gather in that sea, that calm, and
that music, and give the whole to thee.
"Dost thou wish that we should live in some place at the seashore
far from Rome, my Augusta? I have land in Sicily, on which there
is an almond forest which has rose-colored blossoms in spring, and
this forest goes down so near the sea that the tips of the branches
almost touch the water. There I will love thee and magnify Paul's
teaching, for I know now that it will not be opposed to love and
happiness. Dost thou wish? -- But before I hear thy answer I will
wrfte further of what happened on the boat.
"Soon the shore was far behind. We saw a sail before us in the
distance, and all at once a dispute rose as to whether it was a
common fishing-boat or a great ship from Ostia. I was the first to
discover what it was, and then the Augusta said that for my eyes
evidently nothing was hidden, and, dropping the veil over her face
on a sudden, she inquired if I could recognize her thus.
Petronius answered immediately that it was not possible to see
even the sun behind a cloud; but she said, as if in jest, that love
alone could blind such a piercing glance as mine, and, naming
various women of the court, she fell to inquiring and guessing
which one I loved. I answered calmly, but at last she mentioned
thy name. Speaking of thee, she uncovered her face again, and
looked at me with evil and inquiring eyes.
"I feel real gratitude to Petronius, who turned the boat at that
moment, through which general attention was taken from me; for
had I heard hostile or sneering words touching thee, I should not
have been able to hide my anger, and should have had to struggle
with the wish to break the head of that wicked, malicious woman
with my oar. Thou rememberest the incident at the pond of
Agrippa ahout which 1 told thee at the house of Linus on the eve
of my departure. Petronius is alarmed on my account, and to-day
again he implored me not to offend the Augusta's vanity. But
Petronius does not understand me, and does not realize that, apart
from thee, I know no pleasure or beauty or love, and that for
Poppaea I feel only disgust and contemtipt. Thou hast changed my
soul greatly, -- so greatly that I should not wish now to return to
my former life. But have no fear that harm may reach me here.
Poppna does not love me, for she cannot love any one, and her
desires arise only from anger at Qusar, who is under her influence
yet, and who is even capable of loving her yet; still, he does not
spare her, and does not hide from her his transgressions and
shamelessness.
"I will tell thee, besides, something which should pacify thee. Peter
told me in parting not to fear Caesar, since a hair would not fall
from my head; and I believe him. Some voice in my soul says that
every word of his must be accomplished; that since he blessed our
love, neither Caesar, nor all the powers of Hades, nor
predestination itself, could take thee from me, O Lygia. When I
think of this I am as happy as if I were in heaven, wlsich alone is
calm and happy. But what I say of heaven and predestination may
offend thee, a Christian. Christ has not washed me yet, but niy
heart is like an empty chalice, which Paul of Tarsus is to fill with
the sweet doctrine professed by thee, -- the sweeter for me that ft is
thine. Thuu, divine one, count even this as a merit to me that I
have emptied it of the liquid with which I had filled it before, and
that I do not withdraw it, but hold it forth as a thirsty man standing
at a pure spring. Let me find favor in thy eyes.
"In Antium my days and nights will pass in listening to Paul, who
acquired such influence among my people on the first day that they
surround him continually, seeing in him not only a wonder-worker,
but a being almost supernatural. Yesterday I saw gladness on his
face, and when I asked what he was doing, he answered, 'I am
sowing!' Petronius knows that he is among my people, and wishes
to see him, as does Seneca also, who heard of him from Gallo.
"But the stars are growing pale, O Lygia, and 'Lucifer' of the
morning is bright with growing force. Soon the dawn will make
the sea ruddy; all is sleeping round about, but I am thinking of thee
and loving thee. Be greeted together with the morning dawn,
sponsa mea!" _