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Quo Vadis
CHAPTER XXXIII
Henryk Sienkiewicz
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       _ VINICIUS went directly to the house in which Miriam lived.
       Before the gate he met Nazarius, who was confused at sight of
       him; but greeting the lad cordially, he asked to be conducted to his
       mother's lodgings.
       Besides Miriam, Vinicius found Peter, Glaucus, Crispus, and Paul
       of Tarsus, who had returned recently from Fregellae. At sight of
       the young tribune, astonishment was reflected on all faces; but he
       said, -- "I greet you in the name of Christ, whom ye honor." "May
       His name be glorified forever!" answered they.
       "I have seen your virtue and experienced your kindness, hence I
       come as a friend."
       "And we greet thee as a friend," answered Peter. "Sit down, lord,
       and partake of our refreshment, as a guest."
       "I will sit down and share your repast; but first listen to me, thou
       Peter, and thou Paul of Tarsus, so that ye may know my sincerity. I
       know where Lygia is. I have returned from before the house of
       Linus, which is near this dwelling. I have a right to her given me
       by Caesar. I have at my houses in the city nearly five hundred
       slaves. I might surround her hiding-place and seize her; still I have
       not done so, and will not."
       "For this reason the blessing of the Lord will be upon thee, and thy
       heart will be purified," said Peter.
       "I thank thee. But listen to me further: I have not done so, though I
       am living in suffering and sadness. Before I knew you, I should
       have taken her undoubtedly, and held her by force; but your virtue
       and your religion. though I do not profess it, have changed
       something in my soul, so that I do not venture on violence. I know
       not myself why this is so, but it is so; hence I come to you, for ye
       take the place of Lygia's father and mother, and I say to you: Give
       her to me as wife, and I swear that not only will I not forbid her to
       confess Christ, but I will begin myself to learn His religion."
       He spoke with head erect and decisively; but still hc was moved,
       and his legs trembled beneath his mantle. When silence followed
       his words, he continued, as if wishing to anticipate an unfavorable
       answer, -- "I know what obstacles exist, but I love her as my own
       eyes; and though I am not a Christian yet, I am neither your enemy
       nor Christ's. I wish to be sincere, so that you may trust me. At this
       moment it is a question of life with me, still I tell you the truth.
       Another might say, Baptize me; I say, Enlighten me. I believe that
       Christ rose from the dead, for people say so who love the truth,
       and who saw Him after death. I believe, for I have seen myself,
       that your religion produces virtue, justice, and mercy, -- not
       crime, which is laid to your charge. I have not known your religion
       much so far. A little from you, a little from your works, a little
       from Lygia, a little from conversations with you. Still I repeat that
       it has made some change in me. Formerly I held my servants with
       an iron hand; I cannot do so now. I knew no pity; I know it now. I
       was fond of pleasure; the other night I fled from the pond of
       Agrippa, for the breath was taken from m~ through disgust.
       Formerly I believed in superior force; now I have abandoned it.
       Know ye that I do not recognize myself. I am disgusted by feasts,
       wine, singing, cithar~, garlands, the court of Caesar, naked bodies,
       and every crime. When I think that Lygia is like snow in the
       mountains, I love her the more; and when I think that she is what
       she is through your religion, I love and desire that religion. But
       since I understand it not, since I know not whether I shall be able
       to live according to it, nor whether my nature can endure it, I am in
       uncertainty and suffering, as if I were in prison."
       Here his brows met in wrinkle of pain, and a flush appeared on his
       cheeks; after that he spoke on with growing haste and greater
       emotion, -- "As ye see, I am tortured from love and uncertainty.
       Men tell me that in your religion there is no place for life, or
       human joy, or happiness, or law, or order, or authority, or Roman
       dominion. Is this true? Men tell me that ye are madmen; but tell
       me yourselves what ye bring. Is it a sin to love, a sin to feel joy, a
       sin to want happiness? Are ye enemies of life? Must a Christian be
       wretched? Must I renounce Lygia? What is truth in your view?
       Your deeds and words are like transparent water, but what is under
       that water? Ye see that I am sincere. Scatter the darkness. Men say
       this to me also: Greece created beauty and wisdom, Rome created
       power; but they -- what do they bring? Tell, then, what ye bring. If
       there is brightness beyond your doors, open them."
       "We bring love," said Peter.
       And Paul of Tarsus added, -- "If I speak with the tongues of men
       and of angels, but have not love, I am become sounding brass."
       But the heart of the old Apostle was stirred by that soul in
       suffering, which, like a bird in a cage, was struggling toward air
       and the sun; hence, stretching his hand to Vinicius, he said, --
       "Whoso knocketh, to him will be opened. The favor and grace of
       God is upon thee; for this reason I bless thee, thy soul and thy love,
       in the name of the Redeemer of mankind."
       Vinicius, who had spoken with enthusiasm already, sprang toward
       Peter on hearing this blessing, and an uncommon thing happened.
       That descendant of Quirites, who till recently had not recognized
       humanity in a foreigner, seized the hand of the old Gahilean, and
       pressed it in gratitude to his lips.
       Peter was pleased; for he understood that his sowing had fallen on
       an additional field, that his fishing-net had gathered in a new soul.
       Those present, not less pleased by that evident expression of honor
       for the Apostle of God, exclaimed in one voice, -- "Praise to the
       Lord in the highest!"
       Vinicius rose with a radiant face, and began, -- "I see that
       happiness may dwell among you, for I feel happy, and I think that
       ye can convince me of other things in the same way. But I will add
       that this cannot happen in Rome. Caesar is goin to Antium and I
       must go with him, for I have the order. Ye know that not to obey is
       death. But if I have found favor in your eyes, go with me to teach
       your truth. It will be safer for you than for roe. Even in that great
       throng of people, ye can announce your truth in the very court of
       Caesar. They say that Acte is a Christian; and there are Christians
       among pretorians even, for I myself have seen soldiers kneeling
       before thee, Peter, at the Nomentan gate. In Antium I have a villa
       where we shall assemble to hear your teaching, at the side of Nero.
       Glaucus told me that ye are ready to go to the end of the earth for
       one soul; so do for me what ye have done for those for whose sake
       ye have come from Judea, -- do it, arid desert not my soul."
       Hearing this, they began to take counsel, thinking with delight of
       the victory of their religion, and of the significance for the pagan
       world which the conversion of an Augustian, and a descendant of
       one of the oldest Roman families, would have. They were ready,
       indeed, to wander to the end of the earth for one human soul, and
       since the death of the Master they had, in fact, done nothing else;
       hence a negative answer did not even come to their minds. Peter
       was at that moment the pastor of a whole multitude, hence he
       could not go; but Paul of Tarsus, who had been in Aricium and
       Fregellae not long before, and who was preparing for a long
       journey to the East to visit churches there and freshen them with a
       new spirit of zeal, consented to accompany the young tribune to
       Antium. It was easy to find a ship there going to Grecian waters.
       Vinicius, though sad because Peter, to whom he owed so much,
       could not visit Antium, thanked him with gratitude, and then
       turned to the old Apostle with his last request, -- "Knowing Lygia's
       dwelling," said he, "I might have gone to her and asked, as is
       proper, whether she would take me as husband should my soul
       become Christian, but I prefer to ask thee, O Apostle! Permit me to
       see her, or take me thyself to her. I know not how long I shall be in
       Antium; and remember that near Caesar no one is sure of
       to-morrow. Petronius himself told me that I should not be
       altogether safe there. Let me see her before I go; let me delight my
       eyes with her; and let me ask her if she will forget my evil and
       return good."
       Peter smiled kindly and said, -- "But who could refuse thee a
       proper joy, my son?"
       Vinicius stooped again to Peter's hands, for he could not in any
       way restrain his overflowing heart. The Apostle took him by the
       temples and said,-- "Have no fear of Caesar, for I tell thee that a
       hair will not fall from thy head."
       He sent Miriam for Lygia, telling her not to say who was with
       them, so as to give the maiden more delight.
       It was not far; so after a short time those in the chamber saw
       among the myrtles of the garden Miriam leading Lygia by the
       hand.
       Vinicius wished to run forth to meet her; but at sight of that
       beloved form happiness took his strength, and he stood with
       beating heart, breathless, barely able to keep his feet, a hundred
       times more excited than when for the first time in life he heard the
       Parthian arrows whizzing round his head.
       She ran in, unsuspecting; but at sight of him she halted as if fixed
       to the earth. Her face flushed, and then became very pale; she
       looked with astonished and frightened eyes on those present.
       But round about she saw clear glances, full of kindness. The
       Apostle Peter approached her and asked, -- "Lygia, dost thou love
       him as ever?"
       A moment of silence followed. Her lips began to quiver like those
       of a child who is preparing to cry, who feels that it is guilty, but
       sees that it must confess the guilt.
       "Answer," said the Apostle.
       Then, with humility, obedience, and fear in her voice, she
       whispered, kneeling at the knees of Peter, -- "I do."
       In one moment Vinicius knelt at her side. Peter placed his hands
       on their heads, and said, -- "Love each other in the Lord and to His
       glory, for there is no sin in your love." _