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Quo Vadis
CHAPTER XXIII
Henryk Sienkiewicz
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       _ A PIERCING pain roused Vinicius. At the first moment he could
       not understand where he was, nor what was happening. He felt a
       roaring in his head, and his eyes were covered as if with mist.
       Gradually, however, his consciousness returned, and at last he
       beheld through that mist three persons bending over him. Two he
       recognized: one was Ursus, the other the old man whom he had
       thrust aside when carrying off Lygia. The third, an utter stranger,
       was holding his left arm, and feeling it from the elbow upward as
       far as the shoulder-blade. This caused so terrible a pain that
       Vinicius, thinking it a kind of revenge which they were taking,
       said through his set teeth, "Kill me!" But they paid no apparent
       heed to his words, just as though they heard them not, or
       considered them the usual groans of suffering. Ursus, with his
       anxious and also threatening face of a barbarian, held a bundle of
       white cloth torn in long strips. The old man spoke to the person
       who was pressing the arm of Vinicius, -- "Glaucus, art thou certain
       that the wound in the head is not mortal?"
       "Yes, worthy Crispus," answered Glaucus. "While serving in the
       fleet as a slave, and afterward while living at Naples, I cured many
       wounds, and with the pay which came to me from that occupation
       I freed myself and my relatives at last. The wound in the head is
       slight. When this one he pointed to Ursus with his head] took the
       girl from the young man, he pushed him against the wall; the
       young man while falling put out his arm, evidently to save himself;
       he broke and disjointed it, but by so doing saved his head and his
       life."
       "Thou hast had more than one of the brotherhood in thy care,"
       added Crispus, "and hast the repute of a skilful physician;
       therefore I sent Ursus to bring thee."
       "Ursus, who on the road confessed that yesterday he was ready to
       kill me!"
       "He confessed his intention earlier to me than to thee; but I, who
       know thee and thy love for Christ, explained to him that the traitor
       is not thou, but the unknown, who tried to persuade him to
       murder."
       "That was an evil spirit, but I took him for an angel," said Ursus,
       with a sigh.
       "Some other time thou wilt tell me, but now we must think of this
       wounded man." Thus speaking, he began to set the arm. Though
       Crispus sprinkled water on his face, Vinicius fainted repeatedly
       from suffering; that was, however, a fortunate circumstance, since
       he did not feel the pain of putting his arm into joint, nor of setting
       it. Glaucus fixed the limb between two strips of wood, which he
       bound quickly and firmly, so as to keep the arm motionless. When
       the operation was over, Vinicius recovered consciousness again
       and saw
       Lygia above him. She stood there at the bed holding a brass basin
       with water, in which from time to time Glaucus dipped a sponge
       and moistened the head of his patient.
       Vinicius gazed and could not believe his eyes. What he saw
       seemed a dream, or the pleasant vision brought by fever, and only
       after a long time could he whisper, -- "Lygia!"
       The basin trembled in her hand at that sound, but she turned on
       him eyes full of sadness.
       "Peace be with thee!" answered she, in a low voice.
       She stood there with extended arms, her face full of pity and
       sorrow. But he gazed, as if to fill his sight with her, so that after
       his lids were closed the picture might remain under them. He
       looked at her face, paler and smaller than it had been, at the tresses
       of dark hair, at the poor dress of a laboring woman; he looked so
       intently tha: her snowy forehead began to grow rose-colored under
       the influence of his look. And first he thought that he would love
       her always; and second, that that paleness of hers and that poverty
       were his work, -- that it was he who had driven her from a house
       where she was loved, and surrounded with plenty and comfort, and
       thrust her into that squalid room, and clothed her in that poor robe
       of dark wool.
       He would have arrayed her in the costliest brocade, in all the
       jewels of the earth; hence astonishment, alarm, and pity seized
       him, and sorrow so great that he would have fallen at her feet had
       he been able to move.
       "Lygia," said he, "thou didst not permit my death."
       "May God return health to thee," she answered, with sweetness.
       For Vinicius, who had a feeling both of those wrongs which he had
       inflicted on her formerly, and those which he had wished to inflict
       on her recently, there was a real balsam in Lygia's words. He forgot
       at the moment that through her mouth Christian teaching might
       speak; he felt only that a beloved woman was speaking, and that in
       her answer there was a special tenderness, a goodness simply
       prcterhuman, which shook him to the depth of his soul. As just
       before he had grown weak from pain, so now he grew weak from
       emotion. A certain faintness came on him, at once immense and
       agreeable. He felt as if falling into some abyss, but he felt that to
       fall was pleasant, and that he was happy. He thought at that
       moment of weakness that a divinity was standing above him.
       Meanwhile Glaucus had finished washing the wound in his head,
       and had applied a healing ointment. Ursus took the brass basin
       from Lygia's hands; she brought a cup of water and wine which
       stood ready on the table, and put it to the wounded man's lips.
       Vinicius drank eagerly, and felt great relief. After the operation the
       pain had almost passed; the wound and contusion began to grow
       firm; perfect consciousness returned to him.
       "Give me another drink," said he.
       Lygia took the empty cup to the next room; meanwhile Crispus,
       after a few words with Glaucus, approached the bed saying, --
       "God has not permitted thee, Vinicius, to accomplish an evil deed,
       and has preserved thee in life so that thou shouldst come to thy
       mind. He, before whom man is but dust, delivered thee defenceless
       into our hands; but Christ, in whom we believe, commanded us to
       love even our enemies. Therefore we have dressed thy wounds,
       and, as Lygia has said, we will implore God to restore thy health,
       but we cannot watch over thee longer. Be in peace, then, and think
       whether it beseems thee to continue thy pursuit of Lygia. Thou
       hast deprived her of guardians, and us of a roof, though we return
       thee good for evil."
       "Do ye wish to leave me? inquired Vinicius.
       "We wish to leave this house, in which prosecution by the prefect
       of the city may reach us. Thy companion was killed; thou, who art
       powerful among thy own people, art wounded. This did not happen
       through our fault, but the anger of the law might fall on us."
       "Have no fear of prosecution," replied Vinicius; "I will protect
       you."
       Crispus did not like to tell him that with them it was not only a
       question of the prefect and the police, but of him; they wished to
       secure Lygia from his further pursuit.
       "Lord," said he, "thy right arm is well. Here are tablets and a stilus;
       write to thy servants to bring a litter this evening and bear thee to
       thy own house, where thou wilt have more comfort than in our
       poverty. We dwell here with a poor widow, who will return soon
       with her son, and this youth will take thy letter; as to us, we must
       all find another hiding-place."
       Vinicius grew pale, for he understood that they wished to separate
       him from Lygia, and that if he lost her now he might never see her
       in life again. He knew indeed that things of great import had come
       between him and her, in virtue of which, if he wished to possess
       her, he must seek some new methods which he had not had time
       yet to think over. He understood too that whatever he might tell
       these people, though he should swear that he would return Lygia to
       Pomponia Graecina, they would not believe him, and were
       justified in refusing belief. Moreover, he might have done that
       before. Instead of hunting for Lygia, he might have gone to
       Pomponia and sworn to her that he renounced pursuit, and in that
       case Pomponia herself would have found Lygia and brought her
       home. No; he felt that such promises would not restrain them, and
       no solemn oath would be received, the more since, not being a
       Christian, he could swear only by the immortal gods, in whom he
       did not himself believe greatly, and whom they considered evil
       spirits.
       He desired desperately to influence Lygia and her guardians in
       some way, but for that there was need of time. For him it was
       all-important to see her, to look at her for a few days even. As
       every fragment of a plank or an oar seems salvation to a drowning
       man, so to him it seemed that during those few days he might say
       something to bring him nearer to her, that he might think out
       something, that something favorable might happen. Hence he
       collected his thoughts and said, --
       "Listen to me, Christians. Yesterday I was with you in Ostrianum,
       and I heard your teaching; but though I did not know it, your deeds
       have convinced me that you are honest and good people. Tell that
       widow who occupies this house to stay in it, stay in it yourselves,
       and let me stay. Let this man turned to Glaucus], who is a
       physician, or at least understands the care of wounds, tell whether
       it is possible to carry me from here to-day. I am sick, I have a
       broken arm, which must remain immovable for a few days even;
       therefore I declare to you that I will not leave this house unless you
       bear me hence by force!"
       Here he stopped, for breath failed in his breast, and Crispus said, --
       "We will use no force against thee, lord; we will only take away
       our own heads."
       At this the young man, unused to resistance, frowned and said, --
       "Permit me to recover breath"; and after a time he began again to
       speak, -- "Of Croton, whom Ursus killed, no one will inquire. He
       had to go to-day to Beneventum, whither he was summoned by
       Vatinius, therefore all will think that he has gone there. When I
       entered this house in company with Croton, no one saw us except a
       Greek who was with us in Ostrianum. I will indicate to you his
       lodgings; bring that man to me. On him I will enjoin silence; he is
       paid by me. I will send a letter to my own house stating that I too
       went to Beneventum. If the Greek has informed the prefect
       already, I will declare that I myself killed Croton, and that it was
       he who broke my arm. I will do this, by my father's shade and by
       my mother's! Ye may remain in safety here; not a hair will fall
       from the head of one of you. Bring hither, and bring in haste, the
       Greek whose name is Chilo Chionides!"
       "Then Glaucus will remain with thee," said Crispus, "and the
       widow will nurse thee."
       "Consider, old man, what I say," said Vinicius, who frowned still
       more. "I owe thee gratitude, and thou seemest good and honest; but
       thou dost not tell me what thou hast in the bottom of thy soul.
       Thou art afraid lest I summon my slaves and command them to
       take Lygia. Is this true?"
       "It is," said Crispus, with sternness.
       "Then remember this, I shall speak before all to Chilo, and write a
       letter home that I have gone to Beneventum. I shall have no
       messengers hereafter but you. Remember this, and do not irritate
       me longer."
       Here he was indignant, and his face was contorted with anger.
       Afterward he began to speak excitedly, -- "Hast thou thought that I
       would deny that I wish to stay here to see her?
       A fool would have divined that, even had I denied it. But I will not
       try to take her by force any longer. I will tell thee more: if she will
       not stay here,
       I will tear the bandages with this sound hand from my arm, will
       take neither food nor drink; let my death fall on thee and thy
       brethren. Why hast thou nursed me? Why hast thou not
       commanded to kifi me?" He grew pale from weakness and anger.
       Lygia, who had heard all from the other room and who was certain
       that Vinicius would do what he promised, was terrified. She would
       not have him die for anything. Wounded and defenceless, he
       roused in her compassion, not fear. Living from the time of her
       flight among people in continual religious enthusiasm, thinking
       only of sacrifices, offerings, and boundless charity, she had grown
       so excited herself through that new inspiration, that for her it took
       the place of house, family, lost happiness, and made her one of
       those Christian maidens who, later on, changed the former soul of
       the world. Vinicius had been too important in her fate, had been
       thrust too much on her, to let her forget him. She had thought of
       him whole days, and more than once had begged God for the
       moment in which, following the inspiration of religion, she might
       return good for his evil, mercy for his persecution, break him, win
       him to Christ, save him. And now it seemed to her that precisely
       that moment had come, and that her prayers had been heard.
       She approached Crispus therefore with a face as if inspired, and
       addressed him as though some other voice spoke through her, --
       "Let him stay among us, Crispus, and we will stay with him till
       Christ gives him health."
       The old presbyter, accustomed to seek in all things the inspiration
       of God, beholding her exaltation, thought at once that perhaps a
       higher power was speaking through her, and, fearing in his heart,
       he bent his gray head, saymg, -- "Let it be as thou sayest."
       On Vinicius, who the whole time had not taken his eyes from her,
       this ready obedience of Crispus produced a wonderful and
       pervading impression. it seemed to him that among the Christians
       Lygia was a kind of sibyl or priestess whom they surrounded with
       obedience and honor; and he yielded himself also to that honor. To
       the love which he felt was joined now a certain awe, in presence of
       which love itself became something almost insolent. He could not
       familiarize himself, however, with the thought that their relations
       had changed: that now not she was dependent on his will, but he
       on hers; that he was lying there sick and broken; that he had
       ceased to be an attacking, a conquering force; that he was like a
       defenceless child in her care. For his proud and commanding
       nature such relations with any other person would have been
       humiliating; now, however, not only did he not feel humiliated,
       but he was thankful to her as to his sovereign. In him those were
       feelings unheard-of, feelings which he could not have entertained
       the day before, and which would have amazed him even on that
       day had he been able to analyze them clearly. But he did not
       inquire at the moment why it was so, just as if the position had
       been perfectly natural; he merely felt happy because he remained
       there.
       And he wished to thank her with gratefulness, and still with a kind
       of feeling unknown to him in such a degree that he knew not what
       to call it, for it was simply submission. His previous excitement
       had so exhausted him that he could not speak, and he thanked her
       only with his eyes, which were gleaming from delight because he
       remained near her, and would be able to see her -- to-morrow, next
       day, perhaps a long time. That delight was diminished only by the
       dread that he might lose what he had gained. So great was this
       dread that when Lygia gave him water a second time, and the wish
       seized him to take her hand, he feared to do so. He feared! he,
       that Vinicius who at CTsar's feast had kissed her lips in spite of
       her! he, that Vinicius who after her flight had promised himself to
       drag her by the hair to the cubiculum, or give command to flog
       her! _