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Barnaby Rudge
CHAPTER 72
Charles Dickens
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       _ The Black Lion was so far off, and occupied such a length of time
       in the getting at, that notwithstanding the strong presumptive
       evidence she had about her of the late events being real and of
       actual occurrence, Dolly could not divest herself of the belief
       that she must be in a dream which was lasting all night. Nor was
       she quite certain that she saw and heard with her own proper
       senses, even when the coach, in the fulness of time, stopped at the
       Black Lion, and the host of that tavern approached in a gush of
       cheerful light to help them to dismount, and give them hearty
       welcome.
       There too, at the coach door, one on one side, one upon the other,
       were already Edward Chester and Joe Willet, who must have followed
       in another coach: and this was such a strange and unaccountable
       proceeding, that Dolly was the more inclined to favour the idea of
       her being fast asleep. But when Mr Willet appeared--old John
       himself--so heavy-headed and obstinate, and with such a double
       chin as the liveliest imagination could never in its boldest
       flights have conjured up in all its vast proportions--then she
       stood corrected, and unwillingly admitted to herself that she was
       broad awake.
       And Joe had lost an arm--he--that well-made, handsome, gallant
       fellow! As Dolly glanced towards him, and thought of the pain he
       must have suffered, and the far-off places in which he had been
       wandering, and wondered who had been his nurse, and hoped that
       whoever it was, she had been as kind and gentle and considerate as
       she would have been, the tears came rising to her bright eyes, one
       by one, little by little, until she could keep them back no longer,
       and so before them all, wept bitterly.
       'We are all safe now, Dolly,' said her father, kindly. 'We shall
       not be separated any more. Cheer up, my love, cheer up!'
       The locksmith's wife knew better perhaps, than he, what ailed her
       daughter. But Mrs Varden being quite an altered woman--for the
       riots had done that good--added her word to his, and comforted her
       with similar representations.
       'Mayhap,' said Mr Willet, senior, looking round upon the company,
       'she's hungry. That's what it is, depend upon it--I am, myself.'
       The Black Lion, who, like old John, had been waiting supper past
       all reasonable and conscionable hours, hailed this as a
       philosophical discovery of the profoundest and most penetrating
       kind; and the table being already spread, they sat down to supper
       straightway.
       The conversation was not of the liveliest nature, nor were the
       appetites of some among them very keen. But, in both these
       respects, old John more than atoned for any deficiency on the part
       of the rest, and very much distinguished himself.
       It was not in point of actual conversation that Mr Willet shone so
       brilliantly, for he had none of his old cronies to 'tackle,' and
       was rather timorous of venturing on Joe; having certain vague
       misgivings within him, that he was ready on the shortest notice,
       and on receipt of the slightest offence, to fell the Black Lion to
       the floor of his own parlour, and immediately to withdraw to China
       or some other remote and unknown region, there to dwell for
       evermore, or at least until he had got rid of his remaining arm and
       both legs, and perhaps an eye or so, into the bargain. It was with
       a peculiar kind of pantomime that Mr Willet filled up every pause;
       and in this he was considered by the Black Lion, who had been his
       familiar for some years, quite to surpass and go beyond himself,
       and outrun the expectations of his most admiring friends.
       The subject that worked in Mr Willet's mind, and occasioned these
       demonstrations, was no other than his son's bodily disfigurement,
       which he had never yet got himself thoroughly to believe, or
       comprehend. Shortly after their first meeting, he had been
       observed to wander, in a state of great perplexity, to the kitchen,
       and to direct his gaze towards the fire, as if in search of his
       usual adviser in all matters of doubt and difficulty. But there
       being no boiler at the Black Lion, and the rioters having so beaten
       and battered his own that it was quite unfit for further service,
       he wandered out again, in a perfect bog of uncertainty and mental
       confusion, and in that state took the strangest means of resolving
       his doubts: such as feeling the sleeve of his son's greatcoat as
       deeming it possible that his arm might be there; looking at his own
       arms and those of everybody else, as if to assure himself that two
       and not one was the usual allowance; sitting by the hour together
       in a brown study, as if he were endeavouring to recall Joe's image
       in his younger days, and to remember whether he really had in those
       times one arm or a pair; and employing himself in many other
       speculations of the same kind.
       Finding himself at this supper, surrounded by faces with which he
       had been so well acquainted in old times, Mr Willet recurred to the
       subject with uncommon vigour; apparently resolved to understand it
       now or never. Sometimes, after every two or three mouthfuls, he
       laid down his knife and fork, and stared at his son with all his
       might--particularly at his maimed side; then, he looked slowly
       round the table until he caught some person's eye, when he shook
       his head with great solemnity, patted his shoulder, winked, or as
       one may say--for winking was a very slow process with him--went to
       sleep with one eye for a minute or two; and so, with another solemn
       shaking of his head, took up his knife and fork again, and went on
       eating. Sometimes, he put his food into his mouth abstractedly,
       and, with all his faculties concentrated on Joe, gazed at him in a
       fit of stupefaction as he cut his meat with one hand, until he was
       recalled to himself by symptoms of choking on his own part, and was
       by that means restored to consciousness. At other times he
       resorted to such small devices as asking him for the salt, the
       pepper, the vinegar, the mustard--anything that was on his maimed
       side--and watching him as he handed it. By dint of these
       experiments, he did at last so satisfy and convince himself, that,
       after a longer silence than he had yet maintained, he laid down his
       knife and fork on either side his plate, drank a long draught from
       a tankard beside him (still keeping his eyes on Joe), and leaning
       backward in his chair and fetching a long breath, said, as he
       looked all round the board:
       'It's been took off!'
       'By George!' said the Black Lion, striking the table with his hand,
       'he's got it!'
       'Yes, sir,' said Mr Willet, with the look of a man who felt that he
       had earned a compliment, and deserved it. 'That's where it is.
       It's been took off.'
       'Tell him where it was done,' said the Black Lion to Joe.
       'At the defence of the Savannah, father.'
       'At the defence of the Salwanners,' repeated Mr Willet, softly;
       again looking round the table.
       'In America, where the war is,' said Joe.
       'In America, where the war is,' repeated Mr Willet. 'It was took
       off in the defence of the Salwanners in America where the war is.'
       Continuing to repeat these words to himself in a low tone of voice
       (the same information had been conveyed to him in the same terms,
       at least fifty times before), Mr Willet arose from table, walked
       round to Joe, felt his empty sleeve all the way up, from the cuff,
       to where the stump of his arm remained; shook his hand; lighted his
       pipe at the fire, took a long whiff, walked to the door, turned
       round once when he had reached it, wiped his left eye with the back
       of his forefinger, and said, in a faltering voice: 'My son's arm--
       was took off--at the defence of the--Salwanners--in America--where
       the war is'--with which words he withdrew, and returned no more
       that night.
       Indeed, on various pretences, they all withdrew one after another,
       save Dolly, who was left sitting there alone. It was a great
       relief to be alone, and she was crying to her heart's content, when
       she heard Joe's voice at the end of the passage, bidding somebody
       good night.
       Good night! Then he was going elsewhere--to some distance,
       perhaps. To what kind of home COULD he be going, now that it was
       so late!
       She heard him walk along the passage, and pass the door. But there
       was a hesitation in his footsteps. He turned back--Dolly's heart
       beat high--he looked in.
       'Good night!'--he didn't say Dolly, but there was comfort in his
       not saying Miss Varden.
       'Good night!' sobbed Dolly.
       'I am sorry you take on so much, for what is past and gone,' said
       Joe kindly. 'Don't. I can't bear to see you do it. Think of it
       no longer. You are safe and happy now.'
       Dolly cried the more.
       'You must have suffered very much within these few days--and yet
       you're not changed, unless it's for the better. They said you
       were, but I don't see it. You were--you were always very
       beautiful,' said Joe, 'but you are more beautiful than ever, now.
       You are indeed. There can be no harm in my saying so, for you must
       know it. You are told so very often, I am sure.'
       As a general principle, Dolly DID know it, and WAS told so, very
       often. But the coachmaker had turned out, years ago, to be a
       special donkey; and whether she had been afraid of making similar
       discoveries in others, or had grown by dint of long custom to be
       careless of compliments generally, certain it is that although she
       cried so much, she was better pleased to be told so now, than ever
       she had been in all her life.
       'I shall bless your name,' sobbed the locksmith's little daughter,
       'as long as I live. I shall never hear it spoken without feeling
       as if my heart would burst. I shall remember it in my prayers,
       every night and morning till I die!'
       'Will you?' said Joe, eagerly. 'Will you indeed? It makes me--
       well, it makes me very glad and proud to hear you say so.'
       Dolly still sobbed, and held her handkerchief to her eyes. Joe
       still stood, looking at her.
       'Your voice,' said Joe, 'brings up old times so pleasantly, that,
       for the moment, I feel as if that night--there can be no harm in
       talking of that night now--had come back, and nothing had happened
       in the mean time. I feel as if I hadn't suffered any hardships,
       but had knocked down poor Tom Cobb only yesterday, and had come to
       see you with my bundle on my shoulder before running away.--You
       remember?'
       Remember! But she said nothing. She raised her eyes for an
       instant. It was but a glance; a little, tearful, timid glance. It
       kept Joe silent though, for a long time.
       'Well!' he said stoutly, 'it was to be otherwise, and was. I have
       been abroad, fighting all the summer and frozen up all the winter,
       ever since. I have come back as poor in purse as I went, and
       crippled for life besides. But, Dolly, I would rather have lost
       this other arm--ay, I would rather have lost my head--than have
       come back to find you dead, or anything but what I always pictured
       you to myself, and what I always hoped and wished to find you.
       Thank God for all!'
       Oh how much, and how keenly, the little coquette of five years ago,
       felt now! She had found her heart at last. Never having known its
       worth till now, she had never known the worth of his. How
       priceless it appeared!
       'I did hope once,' said Joe, in his homely way, 'that I might come
       back a rich man, and marry you. But I was a boy then, and have
       long known better than that. I am a poor, maimed, discharged
       soldier, and must be content to rub through life as I can. I can't
       say, even now, that I shall be glad to see you married, Dolly; but
       I AM glad--yes, I am, and glad to think I can say so--to know that
       you are admired and courted, and can pick and choose for a happy
       life. It's a comfort to me to know that you'll talk to your
       husband about me; and I hope the time will come when I may be able
       to like him, and to shake hands with him, and to come and see you
       as a poor friend who knew you when you were a girl. God bless
       you!'
       His hand DID tremble; but for all that, he took it away again, and
       left her. _