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Barnaby Rudge
CHAPTER 4
Charles Dickens
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       _ In the venerable suburb--it was a suburb once--of Clerkenwell,
       towards that part of its confines which is nearest to the Charter
       House, and in one of those cool, shady Streets, of which a few,
       widely scattered and dispersed, yet remain in such old parts of the
       metropolis,--each tenement quietly vegetating like an ancient
       citizen who long ago retired from business, and dozing on in its
       infirmity until in course of time it tumbles down, and is replaced
       by some extravagant young heir, flaunting in stucco and ornamental
       work, and all the vanities of modern days,--in this quarter, and in
       a street of this description, the business of the present chapter
       lies.
       At the time of which it treats, though only six-and-sixty years
       ago, a very large part of what is London now had no existence.
       Even in the brains of the wildest speculators, there had sprung up
       no long rows of streets connecting Highgate with Whitechapel, no
       assemblages of palaces in the swampy levels, nor little cities in
       the open fields. Although this part of town was then, as now,
       parcelled out in streets, and plentifully peopled, it wore a
       different aspect. There were gardens to many of the houses, and
       trees by the pavement side; with an air of freshness breathing up
       and down, which in these days would be sought in vain. Fields were
       nigh at hand, through which the New River took its winding course,
       and where there was merry haymaking in the summer time. Nature was
       not so far removed, or hard to get at, as in these days; and
       although there were busy trades in Clerkenwell, and working
       jewellers by scores, it was a purer place, with farm-houses nearer
       to it than many modern Londoners would readily believe, and lovers'
       walks at no great distance, which turned into squalid courts, long
       before the lovers of this age were born, or, as the phrase goes,
       thought of.
       In one of these streets, the cleanest of them all, and on the shady
       side of the way--for good housewives know that sunlight damages
       their cherished furniture, and so choose the shade rather than its
       intrusive glare--there stood the house with which we have to deal.
       It was a modest building, not very straight, not large, not tall;
       not bold-faced, with great staring windows, but a shy, blinking
       house, with a conical roof going up into a peak over its garret
       window of four small panes of glass, like a cocked hat on the head
       of an elderly gentleman with one eye. It was not built of brick or
       lofty stone, but of wood and plaster; it was not planned with a
       dull and wearisome regard to regularity, for no one window matched
       the other, or seemed to have the slightest reference to anything
       besides itself.
       The shop--for it had a shop--was, with reference to the first
       floor, where shops usually are; and there all resemblance between
       it and any other shop stopped short and ceased. People who went in
       and out didn't go up a flight of steps to it, or walk easily in
       upon a level with the street, but dived down three steep stairs,
       as into a cellar. Its floor was paved with stone and brick, as
       that of any other cellar might be; and in lieu of window framed and
       glazed it had a great black wooden flap or shutter, nearly breast
       high from the ground, which turned back in the day-time, admitting
       as much cold air as light, and very often more. Behind this shop
       was a wainscoted parlour, looking first into a paved yard, and
       beyond that again into a little terrace garden, raised some feet
       above it. Any stranger would have supposed that this wainscoted
       parlour, saving for the door of communication by which he had
       entered, was cut off and detached from all the world; and indeed
       most strangers on their first entrance were observed to grow
       extremely thoughtful, as weighing and pondering in their minds
       whether the upper rooms were only approachable by ladders from
       without; never suspecting that two of the most unassuming and
       unlikely doors in existence, which the most ingenious mechanician
       on earth must of necessity have supposed to be the doors of
       closets, opened out of this room--each without the smallest
       preparation, or so much as a quarter of an inch of passage--upon
       two dark winding flights of stairs, the one upward, the other
       downward, which were the sole means of communication between that
       chamber and the other portions of the house.
       With all these oddities, there was not a neater, more scrupulously
       tidy, or more punctiliously ordered house, in Clerkenwell, in
       London, in all England. There were not cleaner windows, or whiter
       floors, or brighter Stoves, or more highly shining articles of
       furniture in old mahogany; there was not more rubbing, scrubbing,
       burnishing and polishing, in the whole street put together. Nor
       was this excellence attained without some cost and trouble and
       great expenditure of voice, as the neighbours were frequently
       reminded when the good lady of the house overlooked and assisted in
       its being put to rights on cleaning days--which were usually from
       Monday morning till Saturday night, both days inclusive.
       Leaning against the door-post of this, his dwelling, the locksmith
       stood early on the morning after he had met with the wounded man,
       gazing disconsolately at a great wooden emblem of a key, painted in
       vivid yellow to resemble gold, which dangled from the house-front,
       and swung to and fro with a mournful creaking noise, as if
       complaining that it had nothing to unlock. Sometimes, he looked
       over his shoulder into the shop, which was so dark and dingy with
       numerous tokens of his trade, and so blackened by the smoke of a
       little forge, near which his 'prentice was at work, that it would
       have been difficult for one unused to such espials to have
       distinguished anything but various tools of uncouth make and shape,
       great bunches of rusty keys, fragments of iron, half-finished
       locks, and such like things, which garnished the walls and hung in
       clusters from the ceiling.
       After a long and patient contemplation of the golden key, and many
       such backward glances, Gabriel stepped into the road, and stole a
       look at the upper windows. One of them chanced to be thrown open
       at the moment, and a roguish face met his; a face lighted up by the
       loveliest pair of sparkling eyes that ever locksmith looked upon;
       the face of a pretty, laughing, girl; dimpled and fresh, and
       healthful--the very impersonation of good-humour and blooming
       beauty.
       'Hush!' she whispered, bending forward and pointing archly to the
       window underneath. 'Mother is still asleep.'
       'Still, my dear,' returned the locksmith in the same tone. 'You
       talk as if she had been asleep all night, instead of little more
       than half an hour. But I'm very thankful. Sleep's a blessing--no
       doubt about it.' The last few words he muttered to himself.
       'How cruel of you to keep us up so late this morning, and never
       tell us where you were, or send us word!' said the girl.
       'Ah Dolly, Dolly!' returned the locksmith, shaking his head, and
       smiling, 'how cruel of you to run upstairs to bed! Come down to
       breakfast, madcap, and come down lightly, or you'll wake your
       mother. She must be tired, I am sure--I am.'
       Keeping these latter words to himself, and returning his
       daughter's nod, he was passing into the workshop, with the smile
       she had awakened still beaming on his face, when he just caught
       sight of his 'prentice's brown paper cap ducking down to avoid
       observation, and shrinking from the window back to its former
       place, which the wearer no sooner reached than he began to hammer
       lustily.
       'Listening again, Simon!' said Gabriel to himself. 'That's bad.
       What in the name of wonder does he expect the girl to say, that I
       always catch him listening when SHE speaks, and never at any other
       time! A bad habit, Sim, a sneaking, underhanded way. Ah! you may
       hammer, but you won't beat that out of me, if you work at it till
       your time's up!'
       So saying, and shaking his head gravely, he re-entered the
       workshop, and confronted the subject of these remarks.
       'There's enough of that just now,' said the locksmith. 'You
       needn't make any more of that confounded clatter. Breakfast's
       ready.'
       'Sir,' said Sim, looking up with amazing politeness, and a peculiar
       little bow cut short off at the neck, 'I shall attend you
       immediately.'
       'I suppose,' muttered Gabriel, 'that's out of the 'Prentice's
       Garland or the 'Prentice's Delight, or the 'Prentice's Warbler, or
       the Prentice's Guide to the Gallows, or some such improving
       textbook. Now he's going to beautify himself--here's a precious
       locksmith!'
       Quite unconscious that his master was looking on from the dark
       corner by the parlour door, Sim threw off the paper cap, sprang
       from his seat, and in two extraordinary steps, something between
       skating and minuet dancing, bounded to a washing place at the other
       end of the shop, and there removed from his face and hands all
       traces of his previous work--practising the same step all the time
       with the utmost gravity. This done, he drew from some concealed
       place a little scrap of looking-glass, and with its assistance
       arranged his hair, and ascertained the exact state of a little
       carbuncle on his nose. Having now completed his toilet, he placed
       the fragment of mirror on a low bench, and looked over his shoulder
       at so much of his legs as could be reflected in that small compass,
       with the greatest possible complacency and satisfaction.
       Sim, as he was called in the locksmith's family, or Mr Simon
       Tappertit, as he called himself, and required all men to style him
       out of doors, on holidays, and Sundays out,--was an old-fashioned,
       thin-faced, sleek-haired, sharp-nosed, small-eyed little fellow,
       very little more than five feet high, and thoroughly convinced in
       his own mind that he was above the middle size; rather tall, in
       fact, than otherwise. Of his figure, which was well enough formed,
       though somewhat of the leanest, he entertained the highest
       admiration; and with his legs, which, in knee-breeches, were
       perfect curiosities of littleness, he was enraptured to a degree
       amounting to enthusiasm. He also had some majestic, shadowy ideas,
       which had never been quite fathomed by his intimate friends,
       concerning the power of his eye. Indeed he had been known to go so
       far as to boast that he could utterly quell and subdue the
       haughtiest beauty by a simple process, which he termed 'eyeing her
       over;' but it must be added, that neither of this faculty, nor of
       the power he claimed to have, through the same gift, of vanquishing
       and heaving down dumb animals, even in a rabid state, had he ever
       furnished evidence which could be deemed quite satisfactory and
       conclusive.
       It may be inferred from these premises, that in the small body of
       Mr Tappertit there was locked up an ambitious and aspiring soul.
       As certain liquors, confined in casks too cramped in their
       dimensions, will ferment, and fret, and chafe in their
       imprisonment, so the spiritual essence or soul of Mr Tappertit
       would sometimes fume within that precious cask, his body, until,
       with great foam and froth and splutter, it would force a vent, and
       carry all before it. It was his custom to remark, in reference to
       any one of these occasions, that his soul had got into his head;
       and in this novel kind of intoxication many scrapes and mishaps
       befell him, which he had frequently concealed with no small
       difficulty from his worthy master.
       Sim Tappertit, among the other fancies upon which his before-
       mentioned soul was for ever feasting and regaling itself (and which
       fancies, like the liver of Prometheus, grew as they were fed
       upon), had a mighty notion of his order; and had been heard by the
       servant-maid openly expressing his regret that the 'prentices no
       longer carried clubs wherewith to mace the citizens: that was his
       strong expression. He was likewise reported to have said that in
       former times a stigma had been cast upon the body by the execution
       of George Barnwell, to which they should not have basely
       submitted, but should have demanded him of the legislature--
       temperately at first; then by an appeal to arms, if necessary--to
       be dealt with as they in their wisdom might think fit. These
       thoughts always led him to consider what a glorious engine the
       'prentices might yet become if they had but a master spirit at
       their head; and then he would darkly, and to the terror of his
       hearers, hint at certain reckless fellows that he knew of, and at a
       certain Lion Heart ready to become their captain, who, once afoot,
       would make the Lord Mayor tremble on his throne.
       In respect of dress and personal decoration, Sim Tappertit was no
       less of an adventurous and enterprising character. He had been
       seen, beyond dispute, to pull off ruffles of the finest quality at
       the corner of the street on Sunday nights, and to put them
       carefully in his pocket before returning home; and it was quite
       notorious that on all great holiday occasions it was his habit to
       exchange his plain steel knee-buckles for a pair of glittering
       paste, under cover of a friendly post, planted most conveniently
       in that same spot. Add to this that he was in years just twenty,
       in his looks much older, and in conceit at least two hundred; that
       he had no objection to be jested with, touching his admiration of
       his master's daughter; and had even, when called upon at a certain
       obscure tavern to pledge the lady whom he honoured with his love,
       toasted, with many winks and leers, a fair creature whose Christian
       name, he said, began with a D--;--and as much is known of Sim
       Tappertit, who has by this time followed the locksmith in to
       breakfast, as is necessary to be known in making his acquaintance.
       It was a substantial meal; for, over and above the ordinary tea
       equipage, the board creaked beneath the weight of a jolly round of
       beef, a ham of the first magnitude, and sundry towers of buttered
       Yorkshire cake, piled slice upon slice in most alluring order.
       There was also a goodly jug of well-browned clay, fashioned into
       the form of an old gentleman, not by any means unlike the
       locksmith, atop of whose bald head was a fine white froth answering
       to his wig, indicative, beyond dispute, of sparkling home-brewed
       ale. But, better far than fair home-brewed, or Yorkshire cake, or
       ham, or beef, or anything to eat or drink that earth or air or
       water can supply, there sat, presiding over all, the locksmith's
       rosy daughter, before whose dark eyes even beef grew insignificant,
       and malt became as nothing.
       Fathers should never kiss their daughters when young men are by.
       It's too much. There are bounds to human endurance. So thought
       Sim Tappertit when Gabriel drew those rosy lips to his--those lips
       within Sim's reach from day to day, and yet so far off. He had a
       respect for his master, but he wished the Yorkshire cake might
       choke him.
       'Father,' said the locksmith's daughter, when this salute was over,
       and they took their seats at table, 'what is this I hear about last
       night?'
       'All true, my dear; true as the Gospel, Doll.'
       'Young Mr Chester robbed, and lying wounded in the road, when you
       came up!'
       'Ay--Mr Edward. And beside him, Barnaby, calling for help with all
       his might. It was well it happened as it did; for the road's a
       lonely one, the hour was late, and, the night being cold, and poor
       Barnaby even less sensible than usual from surprise and fright, the
       young gentleman might have met his death in a very short time.'
       'I dread to think of it!' cried his daughter with a shudder. 'How
       did you know him?'
       'Know him!' returned the locksmith. 'I didn't know him--how could
       I? I had never seen him, often as I had heard and spoken of him.
       I took him to Mrs Rudge's; and she no sooner saw him than the truth
       came out.'
       'Miss Emma, father--If this news should reach her, enlarged upon as
       it is sure to be, she will go distracted.'
       'Why, lookye there again, how a man suffers for being good-
       natured,' said the locksmith. 'Miss Emma was with her uncle at the
       masquerade at Carlisle House, where she had gone, as the people at
       the Warren told me, sorely against her will. What does your
       blockhead father when he and Mrs Rudge have laid their heads
       together, but goes there when he ought to be abed, makes interest
       with his friend the doorkeeper, slips him on a mask and domino,
       and mixes with the masquers.'
       'And like himself to do so!' cried the girl, putting her fair arm
       round his neck, and giving him a most enthusiastic kiss.
       'Like himself!' repeated Gabriel, affecting to grumble, but
       evidently delighted with the part he had taken, and with her
       praise. 'Very like himself--so your mother said. However, he
       mingled with the crowd, and prettily worried and badgered he was, I
       warrant you, with people squeaking, "Don't you know me?" and "I've
       found you out," and all that kind of nonsense in his ears. He
       might have wandered on till now, but in a little room there was a
       young lady who had taken off her mask, on account of the place
       being very warm, and was sitting there alone.'
       'And that was she?' said his daughter hastily.
       'And that was she,' replied the locksmith; 'and I no sooner
       whispered to her what the matter was--as softly, Doll, and with
       nearly as much art as you could have used yourself--than she gives
       a kind of scream and faints away.'
       'What did you do--what happened next?' asked his daughter. 'Why,
       the masks came flocking round, with a general noise and hubbub, and
       I thought myself in luck to get clear off, that's all,' rejoined
       the locksmith. 'What happened when I reached home you may guess,
       if you didn't hear it. Ah! Well, it's a poor heart that never
       rejoices.--Put Toby this way, my dear.'
       This Toby was the brown jug of which previous mention has been
       made. Applying his lips to the worthy old gentleman's benevolent
       forehead, the locksmith, who had all this time been ravaging among
       the eatables, kept them there so long, at the same time raising the
       vessel slowly in the air, that at length Toby stood on his head
       upon his nose, when he smacked his lips, and set him on the table
       again with fond reluctance.
       Although Sim Tappertit had taken no share in this conversation, no
       part of it being addressed to him, he had not been wanting in such
       silent manifestations of astonishment, as he deemed most compatible
       with the favourable display of his eyes. Regarding the pause which
       now ensued, as a particularly advantageous opportunity for doing
       great execution with them upon the locksmith's daughter (who he had
       no doubt was looking at him in mute admiration), he began to screw
       and twist his face, and especially those features, into such
       extraordinary, hideous, and unparalleled contortions, that Gabriel,
       who happened to look towards him, was stricken with amazement.
       'Why, what the devil's the matter with the lad?' cried the
       locksmith. 'Is he choking?'
       'Who?' demanded Sim, with some disdain.
       'Who? Why, you,' returned his master. 'What do you mean by making
       those horrible faces over your breakfast?'
       'Faces are matters of taste, sir,' said Mr Tappertit, rather
       discomfited; not the less so because he saw the locksmith's
       daughter smiling.
       'Sim,' rejoined Gabriel, laughing heartily. 'Don't be a fool, for
       I'd rather see you in your senses. These young fellows,' he added,
       turning to his daughter, 'are always committing some folly or
       another. There was a quarrel between Joe Willet and old John last
       night though I can't say Joe was much in fault either. He'll be
       missing one of these mornings, and will have gone away upon some
       wild-goose errand, seeking his fortune.--Why, what's the matter,
       Doll? YOU are making faces now. The girls are as bad as the boys
       every bit!'
       'It's the tea,' said Dolly, turning alternately very red and very
       white, which is no doubt the effect of a slight scald--'so very hot.'
       Mr Tappertit looked immensely big at a quartern loaf on the table,
       and breathed hard.
       'Is that all?' returned the locksmith. 'Put some more milk in it.--
       Yes, I am sorry for Joe, because he is a likely young fellow, and
       gains upon one every time one sees him. But he'll start off,
       you'll find. Indeed he told me as much himself!'
       'Indeed!' cried Dolly in a faint voice. 'In-deed!'
       'Is the tea tickling your throat still, my dear?' said the
       locksmith.
       But, before his daughter could make him any answer, she was taken
       with a troublesome cough, and it was such a very unpleasant cough,
       that, when she left off, the tears were starting in her bright
       eyes. The good-natured locksmith was still patting her on the back
       and applying such gentle restoratives, when a message arrived from
       Mrs Varden, making known to all whom it might concern, that she
       felt too much indisposed to rise after her great agitation and
       anxiety of the previous night; and therefore desired to be
       immediately accommodated with the little black teapot of strong
       mixed tea, a couple of rounds of buttered toast, a middling-sized
       dish of beef and ham cut thin, and the Protestant Manual in two
       volumes post octavo. Like some other ladies who in remote ages
       flourished upon this globe, Mrs Varden was most devout when most
       ill-tempered. Whenever she and her husband were at unusual
       variance, then the Protestant Manual was in high feather.
       Knowing from experience what these requests portended, the
       triumvirate broke up; Dolly, to see the orders executed with all
       despatch; Gabriel, to some out-of-door work in his little chaise;
       and Sim, to his daily duty in the workshop, to which retreat he
       carried the big look, although the loaf remained behind.
       Indeed the big look increased immensely, and when he had tied his
       apron on, became quite gigantic. It was not until he had several
       times walked up and down with folded arms, and the longest strides
       be could take, and had kicked a great many small articles out of
       his way, that his lip began to curl. At length, a gloomy derision
       came upon his features, and he smiled; uttering meanwhile with
       supreme contempt the monosyllable 'Joe!'
       'I eyed her over, while he talked about the fellow,' he said, 'and
       that was of course the reason of her being confused. Joe!'
       He walked up and down again much quicker than before, and if
       possible with longer strides; sometimes stopping to take a glance
       at his legs, and sometimes to jerk out, and cast from him, another
       'Joe!' In the course of a quarter of an hour or so he again
       assumed the paper cap and tried to work. No. It could not be
       done.
       'I'll do nothing to-day,' said Mr Tappertit, dashing it down again,
       'but grind. I'll grind up all the tools. Grinding will suit my
       present humour well. Joe!'
       Whirr-r-r-r. The grindstone was soon in motion; the sparks were
       flying off in showers. This was the occupation for his heated
       spirit.
       Whirr-r-r-r-r-r-r.
       'Something will come of this!' said Mr Tappertit, pausing as if in
       triumph, and wiping his heated face upon his sleeve. 'Something
       will come of this. I hope it mayn't be human gore!'
       Whirr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r. _