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The Innocents Abroad
CHAPTER LX
Mark Twain
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       _ Chapter 60 - Departure from Cadiz--A Deserved Rebuke--The Beautiful Madeiras
       --Tabooed--In the Delightful Bermudas--An English Welcome--Good-by to
       "Our Friends the Bermudians"--Packing Trunks for Home--Our First
       Accident--The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close--At Home--Amen
       Ten or eleven o'clock found us coming down to breakfast one morning in
       Cadiz. They told us the ship had been lying at anchor in the harbor two
       or three hours. It was time for us to bestir ourselves. The ship could
       wait only a little while because of the quarantine. We were soon on
       board, and within the hour the white city and the pleasant shores of
       Spain sank down behind the waves and passed out of sight. We had seen no
       land fade from view so regretfully.
       It had long ago been decided in a noisy public meeting in the main cabin
       that we could not go to Lisbon, because we must surely be quarantined
       there. We did every thing by mass-meeting, in the good old national way,
       from swapping off one empire for another on the programme of the voyage
       down to complaining of the cookery and the scarcity of napkins. I am
       reminded, now, of one of these complaints of the cookery made by a
       passenger. The coffee had been steadily growing more and more execrable
       for the space of three weeks, till at last it had ceased to be coffee
       altogether and had assumed the nature of mere discolored water--so this
       person said. He said it was so weak that it was transparent an inch in
       depth around the edge of the cup. As he approached the table one morning
       he saw the transparent edge--by means of his extraordinary vision long
       before he got to his seat. He went back and complained in a high-handed
       way to Capt. Duncan. He said the coffee was disgraceful. The Captain
       showed his. It seemed tolerably good. The incipient mutineer was more
       outraged than ever, then, at what he denounced as the partiality shown
       the captain's table over the other tables in the ship. He flourished
       back and got his cup and set it down triumphantly, and said:
       "Just try that mixture once, Captain Duncan."
       He smelt it--tasted it--smiled benignantly--then said:
       "It is inferior--for coffee--but it is pretty fair tea."
       The humbled mutineer smelt it, tasted it, and returned to his seat. He
       had made an egregious ass of himself before the whole ship. He did it no
       more. After that he took things as they came. That was me.
       The old-fashioned ship-life had returned, now that we were no longer in
       sight of land. For days and days it continued just the same, one day
       being exactly like another, and, to me, every one of them pleasant. At
       last we anchored in the open roadstead of Funchal, in the beautiful
       islands we call the Madeiras.
       The mountains looked surpassingly lovely, clad as they were in living,
       green; ribbed with lava ridges; flecked with white cottages; riven by
       deep chasms purple with shade; the great slopes dashed with sunshine and
       mottled with shadows flung from the drifting squadrons of the sky, and
       the superb picture fitly crowned by towering peaks whose fronts were
       swept by the trailing fringes of the clouds.
       But we could not land. We staid all day and looked, we abused the man
       who invented quarantine, we held half a dozen mass-meetings and crammed
       them full of interrupted speeches, motions that fell still-born,
       amendments that came to nought and resolutions that died from sheer
       exhaustion in trying to get before the house. At night we set sail.
       We averaged four mass-meetings a week for the voyage--we seemed always in
       labor in this way, and yet so often fallaciously that whenever at long
       intervals we were safely delivered of a resolution, it was cause for
       public rejoicing, and we hoisted the flag and fired a salute.
       Days passed--and nights; and then the beautiful Bermudas rose out of the
       sea, we entered the tortuous channel, steamed hither and thither among
       the bright summer islands, and rested at last under the flag of England
       and were welcome. We were not a nightmare here, where were civilization
       and intelligence in place of Spanish and Italian superstition, dirt and
       dread of cholera. A few days among the breezy groves, the flower
       gardens, the coral caves, and the lovely vistas of blue water that went
       curving in and out, disappearing and anon again appearing through jungle
       walls of brilliant foliage, restored the energies dulled by long drowsing
       on the ocean, and fitted us for our final cruise--our little run of a
       thousand miles to New York--America--HOME.
       We bade good-bye to "our friends the Bermudians," as our programme hath
       it--the majority of those we were most intimate with were negroes--and
       courted the great deep again. I said the majority. We knew more negroes
       than white people, because we had a deal of washing to be done, but we
       made some most excellent friends among the whites, whom it will be a
       pleasant duty to hold long in grateful remembrance.
       We sailed, and from that hour all idling ceased. Such another system of
       overhauling, general littering of cabins and packing of trunks we had not
       seen since we let go the anchor in the harbor of Beirout. Every body was
       busy. Lists of all purchases had to be made out, and values attached, to
       facilitate matters at the custom-house. Purchases bought by bulk in
       partnership had to be equitably divided, outstanding debts canceled,
       accounts compared, and trunks, boxes and packages labeled. All day long
       the bustle and confusion continued.
       And now came our first accident. A passenger was running through a
       gangway, between decks, one stormy night, when he caught his foot in the
       iron staple of a door that had been heedlessly left off a hatchway, and
       the bones of his leg broke at the ancle. It was our first serious
       misfortune. We had traveled much more than twenty thousand miles, by
       land and sea, in many trying climates, without a single hurt, without a
       serious case of sickness and without a death among five and sixty
       passengers. Our good fortune had been wonderful. A sailor had jumped
       overboard at Constantinople one night, and was seen no more, but it was
       suspected that his object was to desert, and there was a slim chance, at
       least, that he reached the shore. But the passenger list was complete.
       There was no name missing from the register.
       At last, one pleasant morning, we steamed up the harbor of New York, all
       on deck, all dressed in Christian garb--by special order, for there was a
       latent disposition in some quarters to come out as Turks--and amid a
       waving of handkerchiefs from welcoming friends, the glad pilgrims noted
       the shiver of the decks that told that ship and pier had joined hands
       again and the long, strange cruise was over. Amen. _