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The Innocents Abroad
CHAPTER XXX
Mark Twain
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       _ Chapter 30 - Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--Beautiful View at Dawn--Less
       Beautiful in the Back Streets--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--Dwellings a
       Hundred Feet High--A Motley Procession--Bill of Fare for a Peddler's
       Breakfast--Princely Salaries--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--An Average of
       Prices--The wonderful "Blue Grotto"--Visit to Celebrated Localities in
       the Bay of Naples--The Poisoned "Grotto of the Dog"--A Petrified Sea of
       Lava--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Summit Reached--Description
       of the Crater--Descent of Vesuvius
       "See Naples and die." Well, I do not know that one would necessarily die
       after merely seeing it, but to attempt to live there might turn out a
       little differently. To see Naples as we saw it in the early dawn from
       far up on the side of Vesuvius, is to see a picture of wonderful beauty.
       At that distance its dingy buildings looked white--and so, rank on rank
       of balconies, windows and roofs, they piled themselves up from the blue
       ocean till the colossal castle of St. Elmo topped the grand white pyramid
       and gave the picture symmetry, emphasis and completeness. And when its
       lilies turned to roses--when it blushed under the sun's first kiss--it
       was beautiful beyond all description. One might well say, then, "See
       Naples and die." The frame of the picture was charming, itself. In
       front, the smooth sea--a vast mosaic of many colors; the lofty islands
       swimming in a dreamy haze in the distance; at our end of the city the
       stately double peak of Vesuvius, and its strong black ribs and seams of
       lava stretching down to the limitless level campagna--a green carpet that
       enchants the eye and leads it on and on, past clusters of trees, and
       isolated houses, and snowy villages, until it shreds out in a fringe of
       mist and general vagueness far away. It is from the Hermitage, there on
       the side of Vesuvius, that one should "see Naples and die."
       But do not go within the walls and look at it in detail. That takes away
       some of the romance of the thing. The people are filthy in their habits,
       and this makes filthy streets and breeds disagreeable sights and smells.
       There never was a community so prejudiced against the cholera as these
       Neapolitans are. But they have good reason to be. The cholera generally
       vanquishes a Neapolitan when it seizes him, because, you understand,
       before the doctor can dig through the dirt and get at the disease the man
       dies. The upper classes take a sea-bath every day, and are pretty
       decent.
       The streets are generally about wide enough for one wagon, and how they
       do swarm with people! It is Broadway repeated in every street, in every
       court, in every alley! Such masses, such throngs, such multitudes of
       hurrying, bustling, struggling humanity! We never saw the like of it,
       hardly even in New York, I think. There are seldom any sidewalks, and
       when there are, they are not often wide enough to pass a man on without
       caroming on him. So everybody walks in the street--and where the street
       is wide enough, carriages are forever dashing along. Why a thousand
       people are not run over and crippled every day is a mystery that no man
       can solve. But if there is an eighth wonder in the world, it must be the
       dwelling-houses of Naples. I honestly believe a good majority of them
       are a hundred feet high! And the solid brick walls are seven feet
       through. You go up nine flights of stairs before you get to the "first"
       floor. No, not nine, but there or thereabouts. There is a little bird-
       cage of an iron railing in front of every window clear away up, up, up,
       among the eternal clouds, where the roof is, and there is always somebody
       looking out of every window--people of ordinary size looking out from the
       first floor, people a shade smaller from the second, people that look a
       little smaller yet from the third--and from thence upward they grow
       smaller and smaller by a regularly graduated diminution, till the folks
       in the topmost windows seem more like birds in an uncommonly tall martin-
       box than any thing else. The perspective of one of these narrow cracks
       of streets, with its rows of tall houses stretching away till they come
       together in the distance like railway tracks; its clothes-lines crossing
       over at all altitudes and waving their bannered raggedness over the
       swarms of people below; and the white-dressed women perched in balcony
       railings all the way from the pavement up to the heavens--a perspective
       like that is really worth going into Neapolitan details to see.
       ASCENT OF VESUVIUS--CONTINUED.
       Naples, with its immediate suburbs, contains six hundred and twenty-five
       thousand inhabitants, but I am satisfied it covers no more ground than an
       American city of one hundred and fifty thousand. It reaches up into the
       air infinitely higher than three American cities, though, and there is
       where the secret of it lies. I will observe here, in passing, that the
       contrasts between opulence and poverty, and magnificence and misery, are
       more frequent and more striking in Naples than in Paris even. One must
       go to the Bois de Boulogne to see fashionable dressing, splendid
       equipages and stunning liveries, and to the Faubourg St. Antoine to see
       vice, misery, hunger, rags, dirt--but in the thoroughfares of Naples
       these things are all mixed together. Naked boys of nine years and the
       fancy-dressed children of luxury; shreds and tatters, and brilliant
       uniforms; jackass-carts and state-carriages; beggars, Princes and
       Bishops, jostle each other in every street. At six o'clock every
       evening, all Naples turns out to drive on the 'Riviere di Chiaja',
       (whatever that may mean;) and for two hours one may stand there and see
       the motliest and the worst mixed procession go by that ever eyes beheld.
       Princes (there are more Princes than policemen in Naples--the city is
       infested with them)--Princes who live up seven flights of stairs and
       don't own any principalities, will keep a carriage and go hungry; and
       clerks, mechanics, milliners and strumpets will go without their dinners
       and squander the money on a hack-ride in the Chiaja; the rag-tag and
       rubbish of the city stack themselves up, to the number of twenty or
       thirty, on a rickety little go-cart hauled by a donkey not much bigger
       than a cat, and they drive in the Chiaja; Dukes and bankers, in sumptuous
       carriages and with gorgeous drivers and footmen, turn out, also, and so
       the furious procession goes. For two hours rank and wealth, and
       obscurity and poverty clatter along side by side in the wild procession,
       and then go home serene, happy, covered with glory!
       I was looking at a magnificent marble staircase in the King's palace, the
       other day, which, it was said, cost five million francs, and I suppose it
       did cost half a million, may be. I felt as if it must be a fine thing to
       live in a country where there was such comfort and such luxury as this.
       And then I stepped out musing, and almost walked over a vagabond who was
       eating his dinner on the curbstone--a piece of bread and a bunch of
       grapes. When I found that this mustang was clerking in a fruit
       establishment (he had the establishment along with him in a basket,) at
       two cents a day, and that he had no palace at home where he lived, I lost
       some of my enthusiasm concerning the happiness of living in Italy.
       This naturally suggests to me a thought about wages here. Lieutenants in
       the army get about a dollar a day, and common soldiers a couple of cents.
       I only know one clerk--he gets four dollars a month. Printers get six
       dollars and a half a month, but I have heard of a foreman who gets
       thirteen.
       To be growing suddenly and violently rich, as this man is, naturally
       makes him a bloated aristocrat. The airs he puts on are insufferable.
       And, speaking of wages, reminds me of prices of merchandise. In Paris
       you pay twelve dollars a dozen for Jouvin's best kid gloves; gloves of
       about as good quality sell here at three or four dollars a dozen. You
       pay five and six dollars apiece for fine linen shirts in Paris; here and
       in Leghorn you pay two and a half. In Marseilles you pay forty dollars
       for a first-class dress coat made by a good tailor, but in Leghorn you
       can get a full dress suit for the same money. Here you get handsome
       business suits at from ten to twenty dollars, and in Leghorn you can get
       an overcoat for fifteen dollars that would cost you seventy in New York.
       Fine kid boots are worth eight dollars in Marseilles and four dollars
       here. Lyons velvets rank higher in America than those of Genoa. Yet the
       bulk of Lyons velvets you buy in the States are made in Genoa and
       imported into Lyons, where they receive the Lyons stamp and are then
       exported to America. You can buy enough velvet in Genoa for twenty-five
       dollars to make a five hundred dollar cloak in New York--so the ladies
       tell me. Of course these things bring me back, by a natural and easy
       transition, to the
       ASCENT OF VESUVIUS--CONTINUED.
       And thus the wonderful Blue Grotto is suggested to me. It is situated on
       the Island of Capri, twenty-two miles from Naples. We chartered a little
       steamer and went out there. Of course, the police boarded us and put us
       through a health examination, and inquired into our politics, before they
       would let us land. The airs these little insect Governments put on are
       in the last degree ridiculous. They even put a policeman on board of our
       boat to keep an eye on us as long as we were in the Capri dominions.
       They thought we wanted to steal the grotto, I suppose. It was worth
       stealing. The entrance to the cave is four feet high and four feet wide,
       and is in the face of a lofty perpendicular cliff--the sea-wall. You
       enter in small boats--and a tight squeeze it is, too. You can not go in
       at all when the tide is up. Once within, you find yourself in an arched
       cavern about one hundred and sixty feet long, one hundred and twenty
       wide, and about seventy high. How deep it is no man knows. It goes down
       to the bottom of the ocean. The waters of this placid subterranean lake
       are the brightest, loveliest blue that can be imagined. They are as
       transparent as plate glass, and their coloring would shame the richest
       sky that ever bent over Italy. No tint could be more ravishing, no
       lustre more superb. Throw a stone into the water, and the myriad of tiny
       bubbles that are created flash out a brilliant glare like blue theatrical
       fires. Dip an oar, and its blade turns to splendid frosted silver,
       tinted with blue. Let a man jump in, and instantly he is cased in an
       armor more gorgeous than ever kingly Crusader wore.
       Then we went to Ischia, but I had already been to that island and tired
       myself to death "resting" a couple of days and studying human villainy,
       with the landlord of the Grande Sentinelle for a model. So we went to
       Procida, and from thence to Pozzuoli, where St. Paul landed after he
       sailed from Samos. I landed at precisely the same spot where St. Paul
       landed, and so did Dan and the others. It was a remarkable coincidence.
       St. Paul preached to these people seven days before he started to Rome.
       Nero's Baths, the ruins of Baiae, the Temple of Serapis; Cumae, where the
       Cumaen Sybil interpreted the oracles, the Lake Agnano, with its ancient
       submerged city still visible far down in its depths--these and a hundred
       other points of interest we examined with critical imbecility, but the
       Grotto of the Dog claimed our chief attention, because we had heard and
       read so much about it. Every body has written about the Grotto del Cane
       and its poisonous vapors, from Pliny down to Smith, and every tourist has
       held a dog over its floor by the legs to test the capabilities of the
       place. The dog dies in a minute and a half--a chicken instantly. As a
       general thing, strangers who crawl in there to sleep do not get up until
       they are called. And then they don't either. The stranger that ventures
       to sleep there takes a permanent contract. I longed to see this grotto.
       I resolved to take a dog and hold him myself; suffocate him a little, and
       time him; suffocate him some more and then finish him. We reached the
       grotto at about three in the afternoon, and proceeded at once to make the
       experiments. But now, an important difficulty presented itself. We had
       no dog.
       ASCENT OF VESUVIUS--CONTINUED.
       At the Hermitage we were about fifteen or eighteen hundred feet above the
       sea, and thus far a portion of the ascent had been pretty abrupt. For
       the next two miles the road was a mixture--sometimes the ascent was
       abrupt and sometimes it was not: but one characteristic it possessed all
       the time, without failure--without modification--it was all
       uncompromisingly and unspeakably infamous. It was a rough, narrow trail,
       and led over an old lava flow--a black ocean which was tumbled into a
       thousand fantastic shapes--a wild chaos of ruin, desolation, and
       barrenness--a wilderness of billowy upheavals, of furious whirlpools, of
       miniature mountains rent asunder--of gnarled and knotted, wrinkled and
       twisted masses of blackness that mimicked branching roots, great vines,
       trunks of trees, all interlaced and mingled together: and all these weird
       shapes, all this turbulent panorama, all this stormy, far-stretching
       waste of blackness, with its thrilling suggestiveness of life, of action,
       of boiling, surging, furious motion, was petrified!--all stricken dead
       and cold in the instant of its maddest rioting!--fettered, paralyzed, and
       left to glower at heaven in impotent rage for evermore!
       Finally we stood in a level, narrow valley (a valley that had been
       created by the terrific march of some old time irruption) and on either
       hand towered the two steep peaks of Vesuvius. The one we had to climb--
       the one that contains the active volcano--seemed about eight hundred or
       one thousand feet high, and looked almost too straight-up-and-down for
       any man to climb, and certainly no mule could climb it with a man on his
       back. Four of these native pirates will carry you to the top in a sedan
       chair, if you wish it, but suppose they were to slip and let you fall,--
       is it likely that you would ever stop rolling? Not this side of
       eternity, perhaps. We left the mules, sharpened our finger-nails, and
       began the ascent I have been writing about so long, at twenty minutes to
       six in the morning. The path led straight up a rugged sweep of loose
       chunks of pumice-stone, and for about every two steps forward we took, we
       slid back one. It was so excessively steep that we had to stop, every
       fifty or sixty steps, and rest a moment. To see our comrades, we had to
       look very nearly straight up at those above us, and very nearly straight
       down at those below. We stood on the summit at last--it had taken an
       hour and fifteen minutes to make the trip.
       What we saw there was simply a circular crater--a circular ditch, if you
       please--about two hundred feet deep, and four or five hundred feet wide,
       whose inner wall was about half a mile in circumference. In the centre
       of the great circus ring thus formed, was a torn and ragged upheaval a
       hundred feet high, all snowed over with a sulphur crust of many and many
       a brilliant and beautiful color, and the ditch inclosed this like the
       moat of a castle, or surrounded it as a little river does a little
       island, if the simile is better. The sulphur coating of that island was
       gaudy in the extreme--all mingled together in the richest confusion were
       red, blue, brown, black, yellow, white--I do not know that there was a
       color, or shade of a color, or combination of colors, unrepresented--and
       when the sun burst through the morning mists and fired this tinted
       magnificence, it topped imperial Vesuvius like a jeweled crown!
       The crater itself--the ditch--was not so variegated in coloring, but yet,
       in its softness, richness, and unpretentious elegance, it was more
       charming, more fascinating to the eye. There was nothing "loud" about
       its well-bred and well-creased look. Beautiful? One could stand and
       look down upon it for a week without getting tired of it. It had the
       semblance of a pleasant meadow, whose slender grasses and whose velvety
       mosses were frosted with a shining dust, and tinted with palest green
       that deepened gradually to the darkest hue of the orange leaf, and
       deepened yet again into gravest brown, then faded into orange, then into
       brightest gold, and culminated in the delicate pink of a new-blown rose.
       Where portions of the meadow had sunk, and where other portions had been
       broken up like an ice-floe, the cavernous openings of the one, and the
       ragged upturned edges exposed by the other, were hung with a lace-work of
       soft-tinted crystals of sulphur that changed their deformities into
       quaint shapes and figures that were full of grace and beauty.
       The walls of the ditch were brilliant with yellow banks of sulphur and
       with lava and pumice-stone of many colors. No fire was visible any
       where, but gusts of sulphurous steam issued silently and invisibly from a
       thousand little cracks and fissures in the crater, and were wafted to our
       noses with every breeze. But so long as we kept our nostrils buried in
       our handkerchiefs, there was small danger of suffocation.
       Some of the boys thrust long slips of paper down into holes and set them
       on fire, and so achieved the glory of lighting their cigars by the flames
       of Vesuvius, and others cooked eggs over fissures in the rocks and were
       happy.
       The view from the summit would have been superb but for the fact that the
       sun could only pierce the mists at long intervals. Thus the glimpses we
       had of the grand panorama below were only fitful and unsatisfactory.
       THE DESCENT.
       The descent of the mountain was a labor of only four minutes. Instead of
       stalking down the rugged path we ascended, we chose one which was bedded
       knee-deep in loose ashes, and ploughed our way with prodigious strides
       that would almost have shamed the performance of him of the seven-league
       boots.
       The Vesuvius of today is a very poor affair compared to the mighty
       volcano of Kilauea, in the Sandwich Islands, but I am glad I visited it.
       It was well worth it.
       It is said that during one of the grand eruptions of Vesuvius it
       discharged massy rocks weighing many tons a thousand feet into the air,
       its vast jets of smoke and steam ascended thirty miles toward the
       firmament, and clouds of its ashes were wafted abroad and fell upon the
       decks of ships seven hundred and fifty miles at sea! I will take the
       ashes at a moderate discount, if any one will take the thirty miles of
       smoke, but I do not feel able to take a commanding interest in the whole
       story by myself. _