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Seventeen
CHAPTER V. SORROWS WITHIN A BOILER
Booth Tarkington
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       _ There was something really pageant-like
       about the little excursion now, and the glittering
       clothes-boiler, borne on high, sent flashing
       lights far down the street. The wash-tubs were
       old-fashioned, of wood; they refused to fit one
       within the other; so William, with his right hand,
       and Genesis, with his left, carried one of the tubs
       between them; Genesis carried the heavy wringer
       with his right hand, and he had fastened the other
       tub upon his back by means of a bit of rope
       which passed over his shoulder; thus the tin
       boiler, being a lighter burden, fell to William.
       The cover would not stay in place, but
       continually fell off when he essayed to carry the
       boiler by one of its handles, and he made shift to
       manage the accursed thing in various ways--the
       only one proving physically endurable being,
       unfortunately, the most grotesque. He was forced
       to carry the cover in his left hand and to place his
       head partially within the boiler itself, and to support
       it--tilted obliquely to rest upon his shoulders
       --as a kind of monstrous tin cowl or helmet.
       This had the advantage of somewhat concealing
       his face, though when he leaned his head back, in
       order to obtain clearer vision of what was before
       him, the boiler slid off and fell to the pavement
       with a noise that nearly caused a runaway, and
       brought the hot-cheeked William much derisory
       attention from a passing street-car. However, he
       presently caught the knack of keeping it in position,
       and it fell no more.
       Seen from the rear, William was unrecognizable
       --but interesting. He appeared to be a walking
       clothes-boiler, armed with a shield and connected,
       by means of a wash-tub, with a negro of informal
       ideas concerning dress. In fact, the group was
       whimsical, and three young people who turned in
       behind it, out of a cross-street, indulged immediately
       in fits of inadequately suppressed laughter,
       though neither Miss May Parcher nor Mr.
       Johnnie Watson even remotely suspected that
       the legs beneath the clothes-boiler belonged to
       an acquaintance. And as for the third of this
       little party, Miss Parcher's visitor, those
       peregrinating legs suggested nothing familiar to her.
       ``Oh, see the fun-ee laundrymans!'' she cried,
       addressing a cottony doglet's head that bobbed
       gently up and down over her supporting arm.
       ``Sweetest Flopit must see, too! Flopit, look at
       the fun-ee laundrymans!''
       `` 'Sh!'' murmured Miss Parcher, choking. ``He
       might hear you.''
       He might, indeed, since they were not five
       yards behind him and the dulcet voice was clear
       and free. Within the shadowy interior of the
       clothes-boiler were features stricken with sudden,
       utter horror. ``FLOPIT!''
       The attention of Genesis was attracted by a
       convulsive tugging of the tub which he supported
       in common with William; it seemed passionately
       to urge greater speed. A hissing issued from the
       boiler, and Genesis caught the words, huskily
       whispered:
       ``Walk faster! You got to walk faster.''
       The tub between them tugged forward with a
       pathos of appeal wasted upon the easy-going
       Genesis.
       ``I got plenty time cut 'at grass befo' you' pa
       gits home,'' he said, reassuringly. ``Thishere
       rope what I got my extry tub slung to is 'mos'
       wo' plum thew my hide.''
       Having uttered this protest, he continued to
       ambulate at the same pace, though somewhat
       assisted by the forward pull of the connecting
       tub, an easance of burden which he found pleasant;
       and no supplementary message came from
       the clothes-boiler, for the reason that it was
       incapable of further speech. And so the two groups
       maintained for a time their relative positions,
       about fifteen feet apart.
       The amusement of the second group having
       abated through satiety, the minds of its components
       turned to other topics. ``Now Flopit must
       have his darlin' 'ickle run,'' said Flopit's mistress,
       setting the doglet upon the ground. ``That's
       why sweetest Flopit and I and all of us came for
       a walk, instead of sitting on the nice, cool porch-
       kins. SEE the sweetie toddle! Isn't he adorable,
       May? ISN'T he adorable, Mr. Watson?''
       Mr. Watson put a useless sin upon his soul,
       since all he needed to say was a mere ``Yes.''
       He fluently avowed himself to have become
       insane over the beauty of Flopit.
       Flopit, placed upon the ground, looked like
       something that had dropped from a Christmas
       tree, and he automatically made use of fuzzy
       legs, somewhat longer than a caterpillar's, to
       patter after his mistress. He was neither
       enterprising nor inquisitive; he kept close to the rim
       of her skirt, which was as high as he could see,
       and he wished to be taken up and carried again.
       He was in a half-stupor; it was his desire to
       remain in that condition, and his propulsion was
       almost wholly subconscious, though surprisingly
       rapid, considering his dimensions.
       ``My goo'ness!'' exclaimed Genesis, glancing
       back over his shoulder. `` 'At li'l' thing ack like
       he think he go'n a GIT somewheres!'' And then, in
       answer to a frantic pull upon the tub, ``Look like
       you mighty strong t'day,'' he said. ``I cain' go
       no fastuh!'' He glanced back again, chuckling.
       `` 'At li'l' bird do well not mix up nothin' 'ith ole
       man Clematis!''
       Clematis, it happened, was just coming into
       view, having been detained round the corner by
       his curiosity concerning a set of Louis XVI.
       furniture which some house-movers were unpacking
       upon the sidewalk. A curl of excelsior, in fact,
       had attached itself to his nether lip, and he was
       pausing to remove it--when his roving eye fell
       upon Flopit. Clematis immediately decided to
       let the excelsior remain where it was, lest he miss
       something really important.
       He approached with glowing eagerness at a
       gallop.
       Then, having almost reached his goal, he
       checked himself with surprising abruptness and
       walked obliquely beside Flopit, but upon a parallel
       course, his manner agitated and his brow
       furrowed with perplexity. Flopit was about the
       size of Clematis's head, and although Clematis
       was certain that Flopit was something alive, he
       could not decide what.
       Flopit paid not the slightest attention to
       Clematis. The self-importance of dogs, like that of
       the minds of men, is in directly inverse ratio to
       their size; and if the self-importance of Flopit
       could have been taken out of him and given to
       an elephant, that elephant would have been
       insufferable.
       Flopit continued to pay no attention to
       Clematis.
       All at once, a roguish and irresponsible mood
       seized upon Clematis; he laid his nose upon the
       ground, deliberating a bit of gaiety, and then,
       with a little rush, set a large, rude paw upon the
       sensitive face of Flopit and capsized him. Flopit
       uttered a bitter complaint in an asthmatic voice.
       ``Oh, nassy dray bid Horror!'' cried his
       mistress, turning quickly at this sound and waving a
       pink parasol at Clematis. ``Shoo! DIRTY dog!
       Go 'way!'' And she was able somehow to connect
       him with the wash-tub and boiler, for she
       added, ``Nassy laundrymans to have bad
       doggies!''
       Mr. Watson rushed upon Clematis with angry
       bellowings and imaginary missiles. ``You
       disgusting brute!'' he roared. ``How DARE you?''
       Apparently much alarmed, Clematis lowered
       his ears, tucked his tail underneath him, and fled
       to the rear, not halting once or looking back until
       he disappeared round the corner whence he had
       come. ``There!'' said Mr. Watson. ``I guess HE
       won't bother us again very soon!''
       It must be admitted that Milady was one of
       those people who do not mind being overheard,
       no matter what they say. ``Lucky for us,'' she
       said, ``we had a nice dray bid MANS to protect
       us, wasn't it, Flopit?'' And she thought it
       necessary to repeat something she had already made
       sufficiently emphatic.
       ``Nassy laundrymans!''
       ``I expect I gave that big mongrel the fright
       of his life,'' said Mr. Watson, with complacency.
       ``He'll probably run a mile!''
       The shoulders of Genesis shook as he was towed
       along by the convulsive tub. He knew from previous
       evidence that Clematis possessed both a
       high quality and a large quantity of persistence,
       and it was his hilarious opinion that the dog had
       not gone far. As a matter of fact, the head of
       Clematis was at this moment cautiously extended
       from behind the fence-post at the corner whither
       he had fled. Viewing with growing assurance the
       scene before him, he permitted himself to emerge
       wholly, and sat down, with his head tilted to
       one side in thought. Almost at the next corner
       the clothes-boiler with legs, and the wash-tubs,
       and Genesis were marching on; and just behind
       them went three figures not so familiar to Clematis,
       and connected in his mind with a vague,
       mild apprehension. But all backs were safely
       toward him, and behind them pattered that small
       live thing which had so profoundly interested him.
       He rose and came on apace, silently.
       When he reached the side of Flopit, some eight
       or nine seconds later, Clematis found himself even
       more fascinated and perplexed than during their
       former interview, though again Flopit seemed
       utterly to disregard him. Clematis was not at
       all sure that Flopit WAS a dog, but he felt that
       it was his business to find out. Heaven knows,
       so far, Clematis had not a particle of animosity
       in his heart, but he considered it his duty to himself--
       in case Flopit turned out not to be a dog--
       to learn just what he was. The thing might be
       edible.
       Therefore, again pacing obliquely beside Flopit
       (while the human beings ahead went on, unconscious
       of the approaching climax behind them)
       Clematis sought to detect, by senses keener than
       sight, some evidence of Flopit's standing in the
       zoological kingdom; and, sniffing at the top of
       Flopit's head--though Clematis was uncertain
       about its indeed being a head--he found himself
       baffled and mentally much disturbed.
       Flopit did not smell like a dog; he smelled of
       violets. _