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Seventeen
CHAPTER XIV. TIME DOES FLY
Booth Tarkington
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       _ He remembered now what he had been too
       hurried to remember earlier. He had worn
       these clothes on the previous Saturday, and,
       returning from a glorified walk with Miss Pratt,
       he had demonstrated a fact to which his near-
       demolition of the wafers, this afternoon, was
       additional testimony. This fact, roughly stated,
       is that a person of seventeen, in love, is liable
       to sit down anywhere. William had dreamily
       seated himself upon a tabouret in the library,
       without noticing that Jane had left her open
       paint-box there. Jane had just been painting
       sunsets; naturally all the little blocks of color
       were wet, and the effect upon William's pale-
       gray trousers was marvelous--far beyond the
       capacity of his coat to conceal. Collar-
       buttons and children's paint-boxes--those are the
       trolls that lie in wait!
       The gray clothes and the flannel trousers had
       been destined for the professional cleaner, and
       William, rousing himself from a brief stupor,
       made a piteous effort to substitute himself for
       that expert so far as the gray trousers were
       concerned. He divested himself of them and brought
       water, towels, bath-soap, and a rubber bath-
       sponge to the bright light of his window; and;
       there, with touching courage and persistence,
       he tried to scrub the paint out of the cloth. He
       obtained cloud studies and marines which would
       have interested a Post-Impressionist, but upon
       trousers they seemed out of place.
       There came one seeking and calling him again;
       raps sounded upon the door, which he had not
       forgotten to lock.
       ``Willie,'' said a serious voice, ``mamma wants
       to know what in mercy's name is the matter!
       She wants to know if you know for mercy's name
       what time it is! She wants to know what in
       mercy's name you think they're all goin' to think!
       She says--''
       ``G'WAY!''
       ``Well, she said I had to find out what in
       mercy's name you're doin', Willie.''
       ``You tell her,'' he shouted, hoarsely--``tell her
       I'm playin' dominoes! What's she THINK I'm
       doin'?''
       ``I guess''--Jane paused, evidently to complete
       the swallowing of something--``I guess she
       thinks you're goin' crazy. I don't like Miss
       Pratt, but she lets me play with that little dog.
       It's name's Flopit!''
       ``You go 'way from that door and stop bothering
       me,'' said William. ``I got enough on my
       mind!''
       ``Mamma looks at Miss Pratt,'' Jane remarked.
       ``Miss Pratt puts cakes in that Mr. Bullitt's
       mouth and Johnnie Watson's mouth, too. She's
       awful.''
       William made it plain that these bulletins from
       the party found no favor with him. He bellowed,
       ``If you don't get away from that DOOR--''
       Jane was interested in the conversation, but
       felt that it would be better to return to the
       refreshment-table. There she made use of her
       own conception of a whisper to place before
       her mother a report which was considered
       interesting and even curious by every one present;
       though, such was the courtesy of the little
       assembly, there was a general pretense of not
       hearing.
       ``I told him,'' thus whispered Jane, ``an' he
       said, `You g'way from that door or I'll do
       somep'm'--he didn't say what, mamma. He
       said, `What you think I'm doin'? I'm playin'
       dominoes.' He didn't mean he WAS playin'
       dominoes, mamma. He just said he was. I
       think maybe he was just lookin' in the lookin'-
       glass some more.''
       Mrs. Baxter was becoming embarrassed. She
       resolved to go to William's room herself at the
       first opportunity; but for some time her
       conscientiousness as a hostess continued to occupy
       her at the table, and then, when she would have
       gone, Miss Pratt detained her by a roguish appeal
       to make Mr. Bullitt and Mr. Watson behave.
       Both refused all nourishment except such as was
       placed in their mouths by the delicate hand of
       one of the Noblest, and the latter said that really
       she wanted to eat a little tweetie now and
       then herself, and not to spend her whole time
       feeding the Men. For Miss Pratt had the
       same playfulness with older people that she had
       with those of her own age; and she elaborated
       her pretended quarrel with the two young gentlemen,
       taking others of the dazzled company into
       her confidence about it, and insisting upon
       ``Mamma Batster's'' acting formally as judge
       to settle the difficulty. However, having thus
       arranged matters, Miss Pratt did not resign the
       center of interest, but herself proposed a
       compromise: she would continue to feed Mr. Bullitt
       and Mr. Watson ``every other tweetie''--that is,
       each must agree to eat a cake ``all by him own
       self,'' after every cake fed to him. So the
       comedietta went on, to the running accompaniment
       of laughter, with Mr. Bullitt and Mr.
       Watson swept by such gusts of adoration they
       were like to perish where they sat. But Mrs.
       Baxter's smiling approval was beginning to be
       painful to the muscles of her face, for it was
       hypocritical. And if William had known her
       thoughts about one of the Noblest, he could only
       have attributed them to that demon of groundless
       prejudice which besets all females, but most
       particularly and outrageously the mothers and
       sisters of Men.
       A colored serving-maid entered with a laden
       tray, and, having disposed of its freight of bon-
       bons among the guests, spoke to Mrs. Baxter in
       a low voice.
       ``Could you manage step in the back hall a
       minute, please, ma'am?''
       Mrs. Baxter managed and, having closed the
       door upon the laughing voices, asked, quickly--
       ``What is it, Adelia? Have you seen Mr. William?
       Do you know why he doesn't come down?''
       ``Yes'm,'' said Adelia. ``He gone mighty near
       out his head, Miz Baxter.''
       ``What!''
       ``Yes'm. He come floppin' down the back
       stairs in his baf-robe li'l' while ago. He jes'
       gone up again. He 'ain't got no britches, Miz
       Baxter.''
       ``No WHAT?''
       ``No'm,'' said Adelia. ``He 'ain't got no
       britches at all.''
       A statement of this kind is startling under
       Almost any circumstances, and it is unusually so
       when made in reference to a person for whom a
       party is being given. Therefore it was not
       unreasonable of Mrs. Baxter to lose her breath.
       ``But--it can't BE!'' she gasped. ``He has!
       He has plenty!''
       ``No'm, he 'ain't,'' Adelia assured her. ``An'
       he's carryin' on so I don't scarcely think he
       knows much what he's doin', Miz Baxter. He
       brung down some gray britches to the kitchen
       to see if I couldn' press an' clean 'em right quick:
       they was the ones Miss Jane, when she's paintin'
       all them sunsets, lef' her paint-box open, an' one
       them sunsets got on these here gray britches,
       Miz Baxter; an' hones'ly, Miz Baxter, he's fixed
       'em in a condishum, tryin' to git that paint out,
       I don't believe it 'll be no use sendin' 'em to the
       cleaner. `Clean 'em an' press 'em QUICK?' I says.
       `I couldn' clean 'em by Resurreckshum, let alone
       pressin' 'em!' No'm! Well, he had his blue
       britches, too, but they's so ripped an' tore an'
       kind o' shredded away in one place, the cook she
       jes' hollered when he spread 'em out, an' he
       didn' even ast me could I mend 'em. An' he
       had two pairs o' them white flannen britches, but
       hones'ly, Miz Baxter, I don't scarcely think
       Genesis would wear 'em, the way they is now!
       `Well,' I says, `ain't but one thing lef' to do _I_ can
       see,' I says. `Why don't you go put on that
       nice black suit you had las' winter?' ''
       ``Of course!'' Mrs. Baxter cried. ``I'll go
       and--''
       ``No'm,'' said Adelia. ``You don' need to.
       He's up in the attic now, r'arin' roun' 'mongs'
       them trunks, but seem to me like I remember
       you put that suit away under the heavy blankets
       in that big cedar ches' with the padlock. If you
       jes' tell me where is the key, I take it up to him.''
       ``Under the bureau in the spare room,'' said
       Mrs. Baxter. ``HURRY!''
       Adelia hurried; and, fifteen minutes later,
       William, for the last time that afternoon, surveyed
       himself in his mirror. His face showed the
       strain that had been upon him and under which
       he still labored; the black suit was a map of
       creases, and William was perspiring more freely
       than ever under the heavy garments. But at
       least he was clothed.
       He emptied his pockets, disgorging upon the
       floor a multitude of small white spheres, like
       marbles. Then, as he stepped out into the hall,
       he discovered that their odor still remained about
       him; so he stopped and carefully turned his
       pockets inside out, one after the other, but finding
       that he still smelled vehemently of the ``moth-
       balls,'' though not one remained upon him, he
       went to his mother's room and sprinkled violet
       toilet-water upon his chest and shoulders. He
       disliked such odors, but that left by the moth-
       balls was intolerable, and, laying hands upon a
       canister labeled ``Hyacinth,'' he contrived to pour
       a quantity of scented powder inside his collar,
       thence to be distributed by the force of gravity
       so far as his dampness permitted.
       Lo, William was now ready to go to his party!
       Moist, wilted, smelling indeed strangely, he was
       ready.
       But when he reached the foot of the stairs he
       discovered that there was one thing more to be
       done. Indignation seized him, and also a creeping
       fear chilled his spine, as he beheld a lurking
       shape upon the porch, stealthily moving toward
       the open door. It was the lowly Clematis, dog
       unto Genesis.
       William instantly divined the purpose of
       Clematis. It was debatable whether Clematis
       had remained upon the premises after the
       departure of Genesis, or had lately returned thither
       upon some errand of his own, but one thing was
       certain, and the manner of Clematis--his attitude,
       his every look, his every gesture--made
       it as clear as day. Clematis had discovered, by
       one means or another, the presence of Flopit in
       the house, and had determined to see him personally.
       Clematis wore his most misleading expression;
       a stranger would have thought him shy and
       easily turned from his purpose--but William was
       not deceived. He knew that if Clematis meant
       to see Flopit, a strong will, a ready brain, and
       stern action were needed to thwart him; but
       at all costs that meeting must be prevented.
       Things had been awful enough, without that!
       He was well aware that Clematis could not be
       driven away, except temporarily, for nothing was
       further fixed upon Clematis than his habit of
       retiring under pressure, only to return and return
       again. True, the door could have been shut in
       the intruder's face, but he would have sought
       other entrance with possible success, or, failing
       that, would have awaited in the front yard the
       dispersal of the guests and Flopit's consequent
       emerging. This was a contretemps not to be
       endured.
       The door of the living-room was closed, muffling
       festal noises and permitting safe passage
       through the hall. William cast a hunted look
       over his shoulder; then he approached Clematis.
       ``Good ole doggie,'' he said, huskily. ``Hyuh,
       Clem! Hyuh, Clem!''
       Clematis moved sidelong, retreating with his
       head low and his tail denoting anxious thoughts.
       ``Hyuh, Clem!'' said William, trying, with
       only fair success, to keep his voice from sounding
       venomous. ``Hyuh, Clem!''
       Clematis continued his deprecatory retreat.
       Thereupon William essayed a ruse--he pretended
       to nibble at something, and then extended
       his hand as if it held forth a gift of food. ``Look,
       Clem,'' he said. ``Yum-yum! Meat, Clem!
       Good meat!''
       For once Clematis was half credulous. He did
       not advance, but he elongated himself to investigate
       the extended hand, and the next instant
       found himself seized viciously by the scruff of
       the neck. He submitted to capture in absolute
       silence. Only the slightest change of countenance
       betrayed his mortification at having been
       found so easy a gull; this passed, and a look
       of resolute stoicism took its place.
       He refused to walk, but offered merely nominal
       resistance, as a formal protest which he wished
       to be of record, though perfectly understanding
       that it availed nothing at present. William
       dragged him through the long hall and down a
       short passageway to the cellar door. This he
       opened, thrust Clematis upon the other side of it,
       closed and bolted it.
       Immediately a stentorian howl raised blood-
       curdling echoes and resounded horribly through
       the house. It was obvious that Clematis
       intended to make a scene, whether he was present
       at it or not. He lifted his voice in sonorous
       dolor, stating that he did not like the cellar
       and would continue thus to protest as long as
       he was left in it alone. He added that he was
       anxious to see Flopit and considered it an
       unexampled outrage that he was withheld from the
       opportunity.
       Smitten with horror, William reopened the
       door and charged down the cellar stairs after
       Clematis, who closed his caitiff mouth and gave
       way precipitately. He fled from one end of the
       cellar to the other and back, while William
       pursued; choking, and calling in low, ferocious tones:
       ``Good doggie! Good ole doggie! Hyuh, Clem!
       Meat, Clem, meat--''
       There was dodging through coal-bins; there
       was squirming between barrels; there was high
       jumping and broad jumping, and there was a final
       aspiring but baffled dash for the top of the cellar
       stairs, where the door, forgotten by William,
       stood open. but it was here that Clematis,
       after a long and admirable exhibition of ingenuity,
       no less than agility, submitted to capture.
       That is to say, finding himself hopelessly pinioned,
       he resumed the stoic.
       Grimly the panting and dripping William
       dragged him through the kitchen, where the cook
       cried out unintelligibly, seeming to summon
       Adelia, who was not present. Through the back
       yard went captor and prisoner, the latter now
       maintaining a seated posture--his pathetic
       conception of dignity under duress. Finally, into
       a small shed or tool-house, behind Mrs. Baxter's
       flower-beds, went Clematis in a hurried and
       spasmodic manner. The instant the door slammed
       he lifted his voice--and was bidden to use it now
       as much as he liked.
       Adelia, with a tray of used plates, encountered
       the son of the house as he passed through the
       kitchen on his return, and her eyes were those of
       one who looks upon miracles.
       William halted fiercely.
       ``What's the matter?'' he demanded. ``Is
       my face dirty?''
       ``You mean, are it too dirty to go in yonduh
       to the party?'' Adelia asked, slowly. ``No, suh;
       you look all right to go in there. You lookin'
       jes' fine to go in there now, Mist' Willie!''
       Something in her tone struck him as peculiar,
       even as ominous, but his blood was up--he would
       not turn back now. He strode into the hall and
       opened the door of the ``living-room.''
       Jane was sitting on the floor, busily painting
       sunsets in a large blank-book which she had
       obtained for that exclusive purpose.
       She looked up brightly as William appeared in
       the doorway, and in answer to his wild gaze she
       said:
       ``I got a little bit sick, so mamma told me
       to keep quiet a while. She's lookin' for you all
       over the house. She told papa she don't know
       what in mercy's name people are goin' to think
       about you, Willie.''
       The distraught youth strode to her. ``The
       party--'' he choked. ``WHERE--''
       ``They all stayed pretty long,'' said Jane,
       ``but the last ones said they had to go home to
       their dinners when papa came, a little while ago.
       Johnnie Watson was carryin' Flopit for that
       Miss Pratt.''
       William dropped into the chair beside which
       Jane had established herself upon the floor.
       Then he uttered a terrible cry and rose.
       Again Jane had painted a sunset she had not
       intended. _