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Seventeen
CHAPTER XXIX. "DON'T FORGET!"
Booth Tarkington
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       _ Up-stairs, Mrs. Baxter moved to the door
       of her son's room, pretending to be unconscious
       of the gaze he maintained upon her. Mustering
       courage to hum a little tune and affecting
       inconsequence, she had nearly crossed the
       threshold when he said, sternly:
       ``And this is all you intend to say to that
       child?''
       ``Why, yes, Willie.''
       ``And yet I told you what she said!'' he cried.
       ``I told you I HEARD her stand there and tell that
       dirty-faced little girl how that idiot boy that's
       always walkin' past here four or five times a
       day, whistling and looking back, was in `love
       of' her! Ye gods! What kind of a person will
       she grow up into if you don't punish her for
       havin' ideas like that at her age?''
       Mrs. Baxter regarded him mildly, not replying,
       and he went on, with loud indignation:
       ``I never heard of such a thing! That Worm
       walkin' past here four or five times a day just to
       look at JANE! And her standing there, calmly
       tellin' that sooty-faced little girl, `He's in love of
       me'! Why, it's enough to sicken a man! Honestly,
       if I had my way, I'd see that both she and
       that little Freddie Banks got a first-class whipping!''
       ``Don't you think, Willie,'' said Mrs. Baxter--
       ``don't you think that, considering the rather
       noncommittal method of Freddie's courtship, you are
       suggesting extreme measures?''
       ``Well, SHE certainly ought to be punished!'' he
       insisted, and then, with a reversal to agony, he
       shuddered. ``That's the least of it!'' he cried.
       ``It's the insulting things you always allow her to
       say of one of the noblest girls in the United
       States--THAT'S what counts! On the very last
       day--yes, almost the last hour--that Miss Pratt's
       in this town, you let your only daughter stand
       there and speak disrespectfully of her--and then
       all you do is tell her to `go and play somewhere
       else'! I don't understand your way of bringing
       up a child,'' he declared, passionately. ``I do
       NOT!''
       ``There, there, Willie,'' Mrs. Baxter said.
       ``You're all wrought up--''
       ``I am NOT wrought up!'' shouted William.
       ``Why should I be charged with--''
       ``Now, now!'' she said. ``You'll feel better to-morrow.''
       ``What do you mean by that?'' he demanded,
       breathing deeply.
       For reply she only shook her head in an odd
       little way, and in her parting look at him there
       was something at once compassionate, amused,
       and reassuring.
       ``You'll be all right, Willie,'' she said, softly,
       and closed the door.
       Alone, William lifted clenched hands in a series
       of tumultuous gestures at the ceiling; then he
       moaned and sank into a chair at his writing-
       table. Presently a comparative calm was
       restored to him, and with reverent fingers he took
       from a drawer a one-pound box of candy, covered
       with white tissue-paper, girdled with blue ribbon.
       He set the box gently beside him upon the table;
       then from beneath a large, green blotter drew
       forth some scribbled sheets. These he placed
       before him, and, taking infinite pains with his
       handwriting, slowly copied:
       DEAR LOLA--I presume when you are reading these lines
       it will be this afternoon and you will be on the train moving
       rapidly away from this old place here farther and farther
       from it all. As I sit here at my old desk and look back
       upon it all while I am writing this farewell letter I hope when
       you are reading it you also will look back upon it all and
       think of one you called (Alias) Little Boy Baxter. As I
       sit here this morning that you are going away at last I
       look back and I cannot rember any summer in my whole
       life which has been like this summer, because a great change
       has come over me this summer. If you would like to know
       what this means it was something like I said when John
       Watson got there yesterday afternoon and interupted
       what I said. May you enjoy this candy and think of the
       giver. I will put something in with this letter. It is
       something maybe you would like to have and in exchange
       I would give all I possess for one of you if you would send
       it to me when you get home. Please do this for now my
       heart is braking.
       Yours sincerely,
       WILLIAM S. BAXTER (ALIAS) LITTLE BOY BAXTER.
       William opened the box of candy and placed
       the letter upon the top layer of chocolates. Upon
       the letter he placed a small photograph (wrapped
       in tissue-paper) of himself. Then, with a pair of
       scissors, he trimmed an oblong of white cardboard
       to fit into the box. Upon this piece of
       cardboard he laboriously wrote, copying from a
       tortured, inky sheet before him:
       IN DREAM
       BY WILLIAM S. BAXTER
       The sunset light
       Fades into night
       But never will I forget
       The smile that haunts me yet
       Through the future four long years
       I hope you will remember with tears
       Whate'er my rank or station
       Whilst receiving my education
       Though far away you seem
       I will see thee in dream.
       He placed his poem between the photograph
       and the letter, closed the box, and tied the tissue-
       paper about it again with the blue ribbon.
       Throughout these rites (they were rites both in
       spirit and in manner) he was subject to little
       catchings of the breath, half gulp, half sigh.
       But the dolorous tokens passed, and he sat with
       elbows upon the table, his chin upon his hands,
       reverie in his eyes. Tragedy had given way to
       gentler pathos;--beyond question, something had
       measurably soothed him. Possibly, even in this
       hour preceding the hour of parting, he knew a
       little of that proud amazement which any poet
       is entitled to feel over each new lyric miracle
       just wrought.
       Perhaps he was helped, too, by wondering what
       Miss Pratt would think of him when she read ``In
       Dream,'' on the train that afternoon. For reasons
       purely intuitive, and decidedly without foundation
       in fact, he was satisfied that no rival
       farewell poem would be offered her, and so it may
       be that he thought ``In Dream'' might show her
       at last, in one blaze of light, what her eyes had
       sometimes fleetingly intimated she did perceive
       in part--the difference between William and
       such every-day, rather well-meaning, fairly good-
       hearted people as Joe Bullitt, Wallace Banks,
       Johnnie Watson, and others. Yes, when she
       came to read ``In Dream,'' and to ``look back
       upon it all,'' she would surely know--at last!
       And then, when the future four long years
       (while receiving his education) had passed, he
       would go to her. He would go to her, and she
       would take him by the hand, and lead him to her
       father, and say, ``Father, this is William.''
       But William would turn to her, and, with the
       old, dancing light in his eyes, ``No, Lola,'' he
       would say, ``not William, but Ickle Boy Baxter!
       Always and always, just that for you; oh, my
       dear!''
       And then, as in story and film and farce and
       the pleasanter kinds of drama, her father would
       say, with kindly raillery, ``Well, when you two
       young people get through, you'll find me in the
       library, where I have a pretty good BUSINESS
       proposition to lay before YOU, young man!''
       And when the white-waistcoated, white-side-
       burned old man had, chuckling, left the room,
       William would slowly lift his arms; but Lola
       would move back from him a step--only a step--
       and after laying a finger archly upon her lips to
       check him, ``Wait, sir!'' she would say. ``I have
       a question to ask you, sir!''
       ``What question, Lola?''
       ``THIS question, sir!'' she would reply. ``In all
       that summer, sir, so long ago, why did you never
       tell me what you WERE, until I had gone away and
       it was too late to show you what I felt? Ah,
       Ickle Boy Baxter, I never understood until I
       looked back upon it all, after I had read `In
       Dream,' on the train that day! THEN I KNEW!''
       ``And now, Lola?'' William would say. ``Do
       you understand me, NOW?''
       Shyly she would advance the one short step
       she had put between them, while he, with lifted,
       yearning arms, this time destined to no
       disappointment----
       At so vital a moment did Mrs. Baxter knock at
       his door and consoling reverie cease to minister
       unto William. Out of the rosy sky he dropped,
       falling miles in an instant, landing with a bump.
       He started, placed the sacred box out of sight,
       and spoke gruffly.
       ``What you want?''
       ``I'm not coming in, Willie,'' said his mother.
       ``I just wanted to know--I thought maybe you
       were looking out of the window and noticed where
       those children went.''
       ``What children?''
       ``Jane and that little girl from across the
       street--Kirsted, her name must be.''
       ``No. I did not.''
       ``I just wondered,'' Mrs. Baxter said, timidly.
       ``Genesis thinks he heard the little Kirsted girl
       telling Jane she had plenty of money for car-
       fare. He thinks they went somewhere on a
       street-car. I thought maybe you noticed
       wheth--''
       ``I told you I did not.''
       ``All right,'' she said, placatively. ``I didn't
       mean to bother you, dear.''
       Following this there was a silence; but no
       sound of receding footsteps indicated Mrs.
       Baxter's departure from the other side of the
       closed door.
       ``Well, what you WANT?'' William shouted.
       ``Nothing--nothing at all,'' said the compassionate
       voice. ``I just thought I'd have lunch a
       little later than usual; not till half past one.
       That is if--well, I thought probably you meant
       to go to the station to see Miss Pratt off on the
       one-o'clock train.''
       Even so friendly an interest as this must have
       appeared to the quivering William an intrusion in
       his affairs, for he demanded, sharply:
       ``How'd you find out she's going at one
       o'clock?''
       ``Why--why, Jane mentioned it,'' Mrs. Baxter
       replied, with obvious timidity. ``Jane said--''
       She was interrupted by the loud, desperate
       sound of William's fist smiting his writing-table,
       so sensitive was his condition. ``This is just
       unbearable!'' he cried. ``Nobody's business is safe
       from that child!''
       ``Why, Willie, I don't see how it matters if--''
       He uttered a cry. ``No! Nothing matters!
       Nothing matters at all! Do you s'pose I want
       that child, with her insults, discussing when Miss
       Pratt is or is not going away? Don't you know
       there are SOME things that have no business to be
       talked about by every Tom, Dick, and Harry?''
       ``Yes, dear,'' she said. ``I understand, of
       course. Jane only told me she met Mr. Parcher
       on the street, and he mentioned that Miss Pratt
       was going at one o'clock to-day. That's all
       I--''
       ``You say you understand,'' he wailed, shaking
       his head drearily at the closed door, ``and yet,
       even on such a day as this, you keep TALKING!
       Can't you see sometimes there's times when a
       person can't stand to--''
       ``Yes, Willie,'' Mrs. Baxter interposed,
       hurriedly. ``Of course! I'm going now. I have
       to go hunt up those children, anyway. You try
       to be back for lunch at half past one--and don't
       worry, dear; you really WILL be all right!''
       She departed, a sigh from the abyss following
       her as she went down the hall. Her comforting
       words meant nothing pleasant to her son, who
       felt that her optimism was out of place and
       tactless. He had no intention to be ``all right,'' and
       he desired nobody to interfere with his misery.
       He went to his mirror, and, gazing long--long
       and piercingly--at the William there limned, enacted,
       almost unconsciously, a little scene of parting.
       The look of suffering upon the mirrored face
       slowly altered; in its place came one still
       sorrowful, but tempered with sweet indulgence. He
       stretched out his hand, as if he set it upon a head
       at about the height of his shoulder.
       ``Yes, it may mean--it may mean forever!''
       he said in a low, tremulous voice. ``Little girl,
       we MUST be brave!''
       And the while his eyes gazed into the mirror,
       they became expressive of a momentary pleased
       surprise, as if, even in the arts of sorrow, he
       found himself doing better than he knew. But his
       sorrow was none the less genuine because of that.
       Then he noticed the ink upon his forehead, and
       went away to wash. When he returned he did
       an unusual thing--he brushed his coat thoroughly,
       removing it for this special purpose.
       After that, he earnestly combed and brushed his
       hair, and retied his tie. Next, he took from a
       drawer two clean handkerchiefs. He placed one
       in his breast pocket, part of the colored border
       of the handkerchief being left on exhibition,
       and with the other he carefully wiped his shoes.
       Finally, he sawed it back and forth across them,
       and, with a sigh, languidly dropped it upon the
       floor, where it remained.
       Returning to the mirror, he again brushed his
       hair--he went so far, this time, as to brush his
       eyebrows, which seemed not much altered by the
       operation. Suddenly, he was deeply affected by
       something seen in the glass.
       ``By George!'' he exclaimed aloud.
       Seizing a small hand-mirror, he placed it in
       juxtaposition to his right eye, and closely studied
       his left profile as exhibited in the larger mirror.
       Then he examined his right profile, subjecting it
       to a like scrutiny emotional, yet attentive and
       prolonged.
       ``By George!'' he exclaimed, again. ``By
       George!''
       He had made a discovery. There was a downy
       shadow upon his upper lip. What he had just
       found out was that this down could be seen
       projecting beyond the line of his lip, like a tiny
       nimbus. It could be seen in PROFILE.
       ``By GEORGE!'' William exclaimed.
       He was still occupied with the two mirrors when
       his mother again tapped softly upon his door,
       rousing him as from a dream (brief but engaging)
       to the heavy realities of that day.
       ``What you want now?''
       ``I won't come in,'' said Mrs. Baxter. ``I just
       came to see.''
       ``See what?''
       ``I wondered-- I thought perhaps you needed
       something. I knew your watch was out of
       order--''
       ``F'r 'evan's sake what if it is?''
       She offered a murmur of placative laughter as
       her apology, and said: ``Well, I just thought
       I'd tell you--because if you did intend going
       to the station, I thought you probably wouldn't
       want to miss it and get there too late. I've got
       your hat here all nicely brushed for you. It's
       nearly twenty minutes of one, Willie.''
       ``WHAT?''
       ``Yes, it is. It's--''
       She had no further speech with him.
       Breathless, William flung open his door, seized
       the hat, racketed down the stairs, and out
       through the front door, which he left open behind
       him. Eight seconds later he returned at a gallop,
       hurtled up the stairs and into his room, emerging
       instantly with something concealed under his
       coat. Replying incoherently to his mother's
       inquiries, he fell down the stairs as far as the
       landing, used the impetus thus given as a help
       to greater speed for the rest of the descent--and
       passed out of hearing.
       Mrs. Baxter sighed, and went to a window
       in her own room, and looked out.
       William was already more than half-way to
       the next corner, where there was a car-line
       that ran to the station; but the distance was
       not too great for Mrs. Baxter to comprehend the
       nature of the symmetrical white parcel now carried
       in his right hand. Her face became pensive
       as she gazed after the flying slender figure:--there
       came to her mind the recollection of a seventeen-
       year-old boy who had brought a box of candy (a
       small one, like William's) to the station, once,
       long ago, when she had been visiting in another
       town. For just a moment she thought of that
       boy she had known, so many years ago, and a
       smile came vaguely upon her lips. She wondered
       what kind of a woman he had married, and how
       many children he had--and whether he was a
       widower----
       The fleeting recollection passed; she turned
       from the window and shook her head, puzzled.
       ``Now where on earth could Jane and that
       little Kirsted girl have gone?'' she murmured.
       . . . At the station, William, descending from
       the street-car, found that he had six minutes to
       spare. Reassured of so much by the great clock
       in the station tower, he entered the building, and,
       with calm and dignified steps, crossed the large
       waiting-room. Those calm and dignified steps
       were taken by feet which little betrayed the
       tremulousness of the knees above them. Moreover,
       though William's face was red, his expression--
       cold, and concentrated upon high matters
       --scorned the stranger, and warned the lower
       classes that the mission of this bit of gentry
       was not to them.
       With but one sweeping and repellent glance
       over the canaille present, he made sure that the
       person he sought was not in the waiting-room.
       Therefore, he turned to the doors which gave
       admission to the tracks, but before he went out
       he paused for an instant of displeasure. Hard
       by the doors stood a telephone-booth, and from
       inside this booth a little girl of nine or ten
       was peering eagerly out at William, her eyes just
       above the lower level of the glass window in the
       door.
       Even a prospect thus curtailed revealed her as
       a smudged and dusty little girl; and, evidently,
       her mother must have been preoccupied with
       some important affair that day; but to William
       she suggested nothing familiar. As his glance
       happened to encounter hers, the peering eyes
       grew instantly brighter with excitement;--she
       exposed her whole countenance at the window,
       and impulsively made a face at him.
       William had not the slightest recollection of
       ever having seen her before.
       He gave her one stern look and went on;
       though he felt that something ought to be done.
       The affair was not a personal one--patently,
       this was a child who played about the station
       and amused herself by making faces at everybody
       who passed the telephone-booth--still, the
       authorities ought not to allow it. People did not
       come to the station to be insulted.
       Three seconds later the dusty-faced little girl
       and her moue were sped utterly from William's
       mind. For, as the doors swung together behind
       him, he saw Miss Pratt. There were no gates
       nor iron barriers to obscure the view; there was
       no train-shed to darken the air. She was at
       some distance, perhaps two hundred feet, along
       the tracks, where the sleeping-cars of the long
       train would stop. But there she stood, mistakable
       for no other on this wide earth!
       There she stood--a glowing little figure in the
       hazy September sunlight, her hair an amber mist
       under the adorable little hat; a small bunch of
       violets at her waist; a larger bunch of fragrant
       but less expensive sweet peas in her right hand;
       half a dozen pink roses in her left; her little dog
       Flopit in the crook of one arm; and a one-pound
       box of candy in the crook of the other--ineffable,
       radiant, starry, there she stood!
       Near her also stood her young hostess, and
       Wallace Banks, Johnnie Watson, and Joe Bullitt
       --three young gentlemen in a condition of solemn
       tensity. Miss Parcher saw William as he
       emerged from the station building, and she
       waved her parasol in greeting, attracting the
       attention of the others to him, so that they:
       all turned and stared.
       Seventeen sometimes finds it embarrassing
       (even in a state of deep emotion) to walk two
       hundred feet, or thereabout, toward a group of
       people who steadfastly watch the long approach.
       And when the watching group contains the lady
       of all the world before whom one wishes to
       appear most debonair, and contains not only her,
       but several rivals, who, though FAIRLY good-
       hearted, might hardly be trusted to neglect such
       an opportunity to murmur something jocular
       about one-- No, it cannot be said that William
       appeared to be wholly without self-consciousness.
       In fancy he had prophesied for this moment
       something utterly different. He had seen himself
       parting from her, the two alone as within a
       cloud. He had seen himself gently placing his
       box of candy in her hands, some of his fingers
       just touching some of hers and remaining thus
       lightly in contact to the very last. He had seen
       himself bending toward the sweet blonde head to
       murmur the few last words of simple eloquence,
       while her eyes lifted in mysterious appeal to his
       --and he had put no other figures, not even Miss
       Parcher's, into this picture.
       Parting is the most dramatic moment in young
       love, and if there is one time when the lover
       wishes to present a lofty but graceful appearance
       it is at the last. To leave with the loved
       one, for recollection, a final picture of manly
       dignity in sorrow--that, above all things, is the
       lover's desire. And yet, even at the beginning
       of William's two-hundred-foot advance (later so
       much discussed) he felt the heat surging over his
       ears, and, as he took off his hat, thinking to
       wave it jauntily in reply to Miss Parcher, he
       made but an uncertain gesture of it, so that he
       wished he had not tried it. Moreover, he had
       covered less than a third of the distance, when
       he became aware that all of the group were staring
       at him with unaccountable eagerness, and
       had begun to laugh.
       William felt certain that his attire was in no
       way disordered, nor in itself a cause for laughter;--
       all of these people had often seen him
       dressed as he was to-day, and had preserved
       their gravity. But, in spite of himself, he took
       off his hat again, and looked to see if anything
       about it might explain this mirth, which, at his
       action, increased. Nay, the laughter began to be
       shared by strangers; and some set down their
       hand-luggage for greater pleasure in what they
       saw.
       William's inward state became chaotic.
       He tried to smile carelessly, to prove his
       composure, but he found that he had lost almost all
       control over his features. He had no knowledge
       of his actual expression except that it hurt him.
       In desperation he fell back upon hauteur; he
       managed to frown, and walked proudly. At that
       they laughed the more, Wallace Banks rudely
       pointing again and again at William; and not
       till the oncoming sufferer reached a spot within
       twenty feet of these delighted people did he
       grasp the significance of Wallace's repeated gesture
       of pointing. Even then he understood only
       when the gesture was supplemented by half-
       articulate shouts:
       ``Behind you! Look BEHIND you!''
       The stung youth turned.
       There, directly behind him, he beheld an
       exclusive little procession consisting of two damsels
       in single file, the first soiled with house-moving,
       the second with apple sauce.
       For greater caution they had removed their
       shoes; and each damsel, as she paraded, dangled
       from each far-extended hand a shoe. And both
       damsels, whether beneath apple sauce or dust
       smudge, were suffused with the rapture of a great
       mockery.
       They were walking with their stummicks out
       o' joint.
       At sight of William's face they squealed. They
       turned and ran. They got themselves out of
       sight.
       Simultaneously, the air filled with solid thunder
       and the pompous train shook the ground. Ah,
       woe's the word! This was the thing that meant
       to bear away the golden girl and honeysuckle of
       the world--meant to, and would, not abating one
       iron second!
       Now a porter had her hand-bag.
       Dear Heaven! to be a porter--yes, a colored
       one! What of that, NOW? Just to be a simple
       porter, and journey with her to the far, strange
       pearl among cities whence she had come!
       The gentle porter bowed her toward the steps
       of his car; but first she gave Flopit into the hands
       of May Parcher, for a moment, and whispered
       a word to Wallace Banks; then to Joe Bullitt;
       then to Johnnie Watson;--then she ran to William.
       She took his hand.
       ``Don't forget!'' she whispered. ``Don't
       forget Lola!''
       He stood stock-still. His face was blank, his
       hand limp. He said nothing.
       She enfolded May Parcher, kissed her
       devotedly; then, with Flopit once more under her
       arm, she ran and jumped upon the steps just
       as the train began to move. She stood there, on
       the lowest step, slowly gliding away from them,
       and in her eyes there was a sparkle of tears, left,
       it may be, from her laughter at poor William's
       pageant with Jane and Rannie Kirsted--or, it
       may be, not.
       She could not wave to her friends, in answer
       to their gestures of farewell, for her arms were
       too full of Flopit and roses and candy and sweet
       peas; but she kept nodding to them in a way
       that showed them how much she thanked them
       for being sorry she was going--and made it clear
       that she was sorry, too, and loved them all.
       ``Good-by!'' she meant.
       Faster she glided; the engine passed from sight
       round a curve beyond a culvert, but for a moment
       longer they could see the little figure upon
       the steps--and, to the very last glimpse they
       had of her, the small, golden head was still
       nodding ``Good-by!'' Then those steps whereon
       she stood passed in their turn beneath the culvert,
       and they saw her no more.
       Lola Pratt was gone!
       Wet-eyed, her young hostess of the long
       summer turned away, and stumbled against William.
       ``Why, Willie Baxter!'' she cried, blinking at
       him.
       The last car of the train had rounded the curve
       and disappeared, but William was still waving
       farewell--not with his handkerchief, but with a
       symmetrical, one-pound parcel, wrapped in white
       tissue-paper, girdled with blue ribbon.
       ``Never mind!'' said May Parcher. ``Let's
       all walk Up-town together, and talk about her on
       the way, and we'll go by the express-office, and
       you can send your candy to her by express,
       Willie.'' _