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Seventeen
CHAPTER XVII. JANE'S THEORY
Booth Tarkington
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       _ The pale end of sunset was framed in the
       dining-room windows, and Mr. and Mrs. Baxter
       and the rehabilitated Jane were at the table, when
       William made his belated return from the afternoon's
       excursion. Seating himself, he waived his
       mother's references to the rain, his clothes, and
       probable colds, and after one laden glance at
       Jane denoting a grievance so elaborate that he
       despaired of setting it forth in a formal complaint
       to the Powers--he fell into a state of trance. He
       took nourishment automatically, and roused himself
       but once during the meal, a pathetic encounter
       with his father resulting from this awakening.
       ``Everybody in town seemed to be on the
       streets, this evening, as I walked home,'' Mr.
       Baxter remarked, addressing his wife. ``I suppose
       there's something in the clean air after a
       rain that brings 'em out. I noticed one thing,
       though; maybe it's the way they dress nowadays,
       but you certainly don't see as many pretty girls
       on the streets as there used to be.''
       William looked up absently. ``I used to think
       that, too,'' he said, with dreamy condescension,
       ``when I was younger.''
       Mr. Baxter stared.
       ``Well, I'll be darned!'' he said.
       ``Papa, papa!'' his wife called, reprovingly.
       ``When you were younger!'' Mr. Baxter repeated,
       with considerable irritation. ``How old
       d' you think you are?''
       ``I'm going on eighteen,'' said William, firmly.
       ``I know plenty of cases--cases where--'' He
       paused, relapsing into lethargy.
       ``What's the matter with him?'' Mr. Baxter
       inquired, heatedly, of his wife.
       William again came to life. ``I was saying that
       a person's age is different according to circumstances,''
       he explained, with dignity, if not lucidity.
       ``You take Genesis's father. Well, he was
       married when he was sixteen. Then there was a
       case over in Iowa that lots of people know about
       and nobody thinks anything of. A young man
       over there in Iowa that's seventeen years old
       began shaving when he was thirteen and shaved
       every day for four years, and now--''
       He was interrupted by his father, who was no
       longer able to contain himself. ``And now I suppose
       he's got WHISKERS!'' he burst forth. ``There's
       an ambition for you! My soul!''
       It was Jane who took up the tale. She had
       been listening with growing excitement, her eyes
       fixed piercingly upon William. ``He's got a
       beard!'' she cried, alluding not to her brother,
       but to the fabled Iowan. ``I heard Willie tell ole
       Mr. Genesis about it.''
       ``It seems to lie heavily on your mind,'' Mr.
       Baxter said to William. ``I suppose you feel that
       in the face of such an example, your life between
       the ages of thirteen and seventeen has been virtually
       thrown away?''
       William had again relapsed, but he roused
       himself feebly. ``Sir?'' he said.
       ``What IS the matter with him?'' Mr. Baxter
       demanded. ``Half the time lately he seems to be
       hibernating, and only responds by a slight twitching
       when poked with a stick. The other half of
       the time he either behaves like I-don't-know-
       what or talks about children growing whiskers in
       Iowa! Hasn't that girl left town yet?''
       William was not so deep in trance that this
       failed to stir him. He left the table.
       Mrs. Baxter looked distressed, though, as the
       meal was about concluded, and William had partaken
       of his share in spite of his dreaminess, she
       had no anxieties connected with his sustenance.
       As for Mr. Baxter, he felt a little remorse,
       undoubtedly, but he was also puzzled. So plain a
       man was he that he had no perception of the
       callous brutality of the words ``THAT GIRL'' when
       applied to some girls. He referred to his mystification
       a little later, as he sat with his evening
       paper in the library.
       ``I don't know what I said to that tetchy boy
       to hurt him,'' he began in an apologetic tone.
       ``I don't see that there was anything too rough
       for him to stand in a little sarcasm. He needn't
       be so sensitive on the subject of whiskers, it
       seems to me.''
       Mrs. Baxter smiled faintly and shook her head.
       It was Jane who responded. She was seated
       upon the floor, disporting herself mildly with her
       paint-box. ``Papa, I know what's the matter
       with Willie,'' she said.
       ``Do you?'' Mr. Baxter returned. ``Well, if
       you make it pretty short, you've got just about
       long enough to tell us before your bedtime.''
       ``I think he's married,'' said Jane.
       ``What!'' And her parents united their hilarity.
       ``I do think he's married,'' Jane insisted,
       unmoved. ``I think he's married with that Miss
       Pratt.''
       ``Well,'' said her father, ``he does seem upset,
       and it may be that her visit and the idea of
       whiskers, coming so close together, is more than
       mere coincidence, but I hardly think Willie is
       married, Jane!''
       ``Well, then,'' she returned, thoughtfully, ``he's
       almost married. I know that much, anyway.''
       ``What makes you think so?''
       ``Well, because! I KIND of thought he must be
       married, or anyways somep'm, when he talked to
       Mr. Genesis this mornin'. He said he knew how
       some people got married in Pennsylvania an'
       India, an' he said they were only seven or eight
       years old. He said so, an' I heard him; an' he
       said there were eleven people married that were
       only seventeen, an' this boy in Iowa got a full
       beard an' got married, too. An' he said Mr.
       Genesis was only sixteen when HE was married.
       He talked all about gettin' married when you're
       seventeen years old, an' he said how people
       thought it was the best thing could happen. So
       I just KNOW he's almost married!''
       Mr. Baxter chuckled, and Mrs. Baxter smiled,
       but a shade of thoughtfulness, a remote anxiety,
       tell upon the face of the latter.
       ``You haven't any other reason, have you,
       Jane?'' she asked.
       ``Yes'm,'' said Jane, promptly. ``An' it's a
       more reason than any! Miss Pratt calls you
       `mamma' as if you were HER mamma. She does
       it when she talks to Willie.''
       ``Jane!''
       ``Yes m, I HEARD her. An' Willie said, `I don't
       know what you'll think about mother.' He said,
       `I don't know what you'll think about mother,'
       to Miss Pratt.''
       Mrs. Baxter looked a little startled, and her
       husband frowned. Jane mistook their expressions
       for incredulity. ``They DID, mamma,'' she
       protested. ``That's just the way they talked to
       each other. I heard 'em this afternoon, when
       Willie had papa's cane.''
       ``Maybe they were doing it to tease you, if you
       were with them,'' Mr. Baxter suggested.
       ``I wasn't with 'em. I was sailin' my boat,
       an' they came along, an' first they never saw me,
       an' Willie looked--oh, papa, I wish you'd seen
       him!'' Jane rose to her feet in her excitement.
       ``His face was so funny, you never saw anything
       like it! He was walkin' along with it turned sideways,
       an' all the time he kept walkin' frontways,
       he kept his face sideways--like this, papa. Look,
       papa!'' And she gave what she considered a
       faithful imitation of William walking with Miss
       Pratt. ``Look, papa! This is the way Willie
       went. He had it sideways so's he could see Miss.
       Pratt, papa. An' his face was just like this.
       Look, papa!'' She contorted her features in a
       terrifying manner. ``Look, papa!''
       ``Don't, Jane!'' her mother exclaimed.
       ``Well, I haf to show papa how Willie looked,
       don't I?'' said Jane, relaxing. ``That's just the way
       he looked. Well, an' then they stopped an' talked
       to me, an' Miss Pratt said, `It's our little sister.' ''
       ``Did she really?'' Mrs. Baxter asked, gravely,
       ``Yes'm, she did. Soon as she saw who I was,
       she said, `Why, it's our little sister!' Only she
       said it that way she talks--sort of foolish. `It's
       our ittle sissy'--somep'm like that, mamma.
       She said it twice an' told me to go home an' get
       washed up. An' Miss Pratt told Willie--Miss
       Pratt said, `It isn't mamma's fault Jane's so
       dirty,' just like that. She--''
       ``Are you sure she said `our little sister'?''
       said Mrs. Baxter.
       ``Why, you can ask Willie! She said it that
       funny way. `Our 'ittle sissy'; that's what she
       said. An' Miss Pratt said, `Ev'rybody would
       love our little sister if mamma washed her in soap
       an' water!' You can ask Willie; that's exackly
       what Miss Pratt said, an' if you don't believe it
       you can ask HER. If you don't want to believe it,
       why, you can ask--''
       ``Hush, dear,'' said Mrs. Baxter. ``All this
       doesn't mean anything at all, especially such
       nonsense as Willie's thinking of being married.
       It's your bedtime.''
       ``Well, but MAMMA--''
       ``Was that all they said?'' Mr. Baxter inquired.
       Jane turned to him eagerly. ``They said all
       lots of things like that, papa. They--''
       ``Nonsense!'' Mrs. Baxter in interrupted. ``Come,
       it's bedtime. I'll go up with you. You mustn't
       think such nonsense.''
       ``But, mamma--''
       ``Come along, Jane!''
       Jane was obedient in the flesh, but her spirit
       was free; her opinions were her own. Disappointed
       in the sensation she had expected to
       produce, she followed her mother out of the
       room wearing the expression of a person who
       says, ``You'll SEE--some day when everything's
       ruined!''
       Mr. Baxter, left alone, laughed quietly, lifted
       his neglected newspaper to obtain the light at
       the right angle, and then allowed it to languish
       upon his lap again. Frowning, he began to tap
       the floor with his shoe.
       He was trying to remember what things were
       in his head when he was seventeen, and it was
       difficult. It seemed to him that he had been a
       steady, sensible young fellow--really quite a man
       --at that age. Looking backward at the blur of
       youthful years, the period from sixteen to twenty-
       five appeared to him as ``pretty much all of a
       piece.'' He could not recall just when he stopped
       being a boy; it must have been at about fifteen,
       he thought.
       All at once he sat up stiffly in his chair, and the
       paper slid from his knee. He remembered an
       autumn, long ago, when he had decided to abandon
       the educational plans of his parents and
       become an actor. He had located this project
       exactly, for it dated from the night of his
       seventeenth birthday, when he saw John McCullough
       play ``Virginius.''
       Even now Mr. Baxter grew a little red as he
       remembered the remarkable letter he had written,
       a few weeks later, to the manager of a passing
       theatrical company. He had confidently
       expected an answer, and had made his plans to
       leave town quietly with the company and afterward
       reassure his parents by telegraph. In fact,
       he might have been on the stage at this moment,
       if that manager had taken him. Mr. Baxter
       began to look nervous.
       Still, there is a difference between going on the
       stage and getting married. ``I don't know,
       though!'' Mr. Baxter thought. ``And Willie's
       certainly not so well balanced in a GENERAL way as
       I was.'' He wished his wife would come down
       and reassure him, though of course it was all
       nonsense.
       But when Mrs. Baxter came down-stairs she
       did not reassure him. ``Of course Jane's too
       absurd!'' she said. ``I don't mean that she `made
       it up'; she never does that, and no doubt this
       little Miss Pratt did say about what Jane thought
       she said. But it all amounts to nothing.''
       ``Of course!''
       ``Willie's just going through what several of
       the other boys about his age are going through--
       like Johnnie Watson and Joe Bullitt and Wallace
       Banks. They all seem to be frantic over her.''
       ``I caught a glimpse of her the day you had
       her to tea. She's rather pretty.''
       ``Adorably! And perhaps Willie has been just
       a LITTLE bit more frantic than the others.''
       ``He certainly seems in a queer state!''
       At this his wife's tone became serious. ``Do
       you think he WOULD do as crazy a thing as that?''
       Mr. Baxter laughed. ``Well, I don't know
       what he'd do it ON! I don't suppose he has more
       than a dollar in his possession.''
       ``Yes, he has,'' she returned, quickly. ``Day
       before yesterday there was a second-hand furniture
       man here, and I was too busy to see him,
       but I wanted the storeroom in the cellar cleared
       out, and I told Willie he could have whatever
       the man would pay him for the junk in there, if
       he'd watch to see that they didn't TAKE anything.
       They found some old pieces that I'd forgotten,
       underneath things, and altogether the man paid
       Willie nine dollars and eighty-five cents.''
       ``But, mercy-me!'' exclaimed Mr. Baxter, ``the
       girl may be an idiot, but she wouldn't run away
       and marry a boy just barely seventeen on nine
       dollars and eighty-five cents!''
       ``Oh no!'' said Mrs. Baxter. ``At least, I
       don't THINK so. Of course girls do as crazy things
       as boys sometimes--in their way. I was think-
       ing--'' She paused. ``Of COURSE there couldn't be
       anything in it, but it did seem a little strange.''
       ``What did?''
       ``Why, just before I came down-stairs, Adelia
       came for the laundry; and I asked her if she'd
       seen Willie; and she said he'd put on his dark suit
       after dinner, and he went out through the kitchen,
       carrying his suit-case.''
       ``He did?''
       ``Of course,'' Mrs. Baxter went on, slowly, ``I
       COULDN'T believe he'd do such a thing, but he
       really is in a PREPOSTEROUS way over this little
       Miss Pratt, and he DID have that money--''
       ``By George!'' Mr. Baxter got upon his feet.
       ``The way he talked at dinner, I could come
       pretty near believing he hasn't any more brains
       LEFT than to get married on nine dollars and
       eighty-five cents! I wouldn't put it past him!
       By George, I wouldn't!''
       ``Oh, I don't think he would,'' she remonstrated,
       feebly. ``Besides, the law wouldn't permit it.''
       Mr. Baxter paced the floor. ``Oh, I suppose
       they COULD manage it. They could go to some
       little town and give false ages and--'' He broke
       off. ``Adelia was sure he had his suit-case?''
       She nodded. ``Do you think we'd better go
       down to the Parchers'? We'd just say we came
       to call, of course, and if--''
       ``Get your hat on,'' he said. ``I don't think
       there's anything in it at all, but we'd just as well
       drop down there. It can't HURT anything.''
       ``Of course, I don't think--'' she began.
       ``Neither do I,'' he interrupted, irascibly. ``But
       with a boy of his age crazy enough to think he's
       in love, how do WE know what 'll happen? We're
       only his parents! Get your hat on.''
       But when the uneasy couple found themselves
       upon the pavement before the house of the
       Parchers, they paused under the shade-trees in
       the darkness, and presently decided that it was
       not necessary to go in. Suddenly their uneasiness
       had fallen from them. From the porch came
       the laughter of several young voices, and then one
       silvery voice, which pretended to be that of a
       tiny child.
       ``Oh, s'ame! S'ame on 'oo, big Bruvva Josie-
       Joe! Mus' be polite to Johnny Jump-up, or tant
       play wiv May and Lola!''
       ``That's Miss Pratt,'' whispered Mrs. Baxter.
       ``She's talking to Johnnie Watson and Joe Bullitt
       and May Parcher. Let's go home; it's all right.
       Of course I knew it would be.''
       ``Why, certainly,'' said Mr. Baxter, as they
       turned. ``Even if Willie were as crazy as that,
       the little girl would have more sense. I wouldn't
       have thought anything of it, if you hadn't told me
       about the suit-case. That looked sort of queer.''
       She agreed that it did, but immediately added
       that she had thought nothing of it. What had
       seemed more significant to her was William's
       interest in the early marriage of Genesis's father,
       and in the Iowa beard story, she said. Then she
       said that it WAS curious about the suit-case.
       And when they came to their own house again,
       there was William sitting alone and silent upon
       the steps of the porch.
       ``I thought you'd gone out, Willie,'' said his
       mother, as they paused beside him.
       ``Ma'am?''
       ``Adelia said you went out, carrying your suit-case.''
       ``Oh yes,'' he said, languidly. ``If you leave
       clothes at Schwartz's in the evening they have
       'em pressed in the morning. You said I looked
       damp at dinner, so I took 'em over and left 'em
       there.''
       ``I see.'' Mrs. Baxter followed her husband
       to the door, but she stopped on the threshold
       and called back:
       ``Don't sit there too long, Willie.''
       ``Ma'am?''
       ``The dew is falling and it rained so hard to-
       day--I'm afraid it might be damp.''
       ``Ma'am?''
       ``Come on,'' Mr. Baxter said to his wife.
       ``He's down on the Parchers' porch, not out in
       front here. Of course he can't hear you. It's
       three blocks and a half.''
       But William's father was mistaken. Little he
       knew! William was not upon the porch of the
       Parchers, with May Parcher and Joe Bullitt and
       Johnnie Watson to interfere. He was far from
       there, in a land where time was not. Upon a
       planet floating in pink mist, and uninhabited--
       unless old Mr. Genesis and some Hindoo princes
       and the diligent Iowan may have established
       themselves in its remoter regions--William was
       alone with Miss Pratt, in the conservatory. And,
       after a time, they went together, and looked into
       the door of a room where an indefinite number of
       little boys--all over three years of age--were
       playing in the firelight upon a white-bear rug.
       For, in the roseate gossamer that boys' dreams
       are made of, William had indeed entered the
       married state.
       His condition was growing worse, every day. _