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Count of Monte Cristo, The
Chapter 115 - Luigi Vampa's Bill of Fare
Alexandre Dumas
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       _ We awake from every sleep except the one dreaded by
       Danglars. He awoke. To a Parisian accustomed to silken
       curtains, walls hung with velvet drapery, and the soft
       perfume of burning wood, the white smoke of which diffuses
       itself in graceful curves around the room, the appearance of
       the whitewashed cell which greeted his eyes on awakening
       seemed like the continuation of some disagreeable dream. But
       in such a situation a single moment suffices to change the
       strongest doubt into certainty. "Yes, yes," he murmured, "I
       am in the hands of the brigands of whom Albert de Morcerf
       spoke." His first idea was to breathe, that he might know
       whether he was wounded. He borrowed this from "Don Quixote,"
       the only book he had ever read, but which he still slightly
       remembered.
       "No," he cried, "they have not wounded, but perhaps they
       have robbed me!" and he thrust his hands into his pockets.
       They were untouched; the hundred louis he had reserved for
       his journey from Rome to Venice were in his trousers pocket,
       and in that of his great-coat he found the little note-case
       containing his letter of credit for 5,050,000 francs.
       "Singular bandits!" he exclaimed; "they have left me my
       purse and pocket-book. As I was saying last night, they
       intend me to be ransomed. Hallo, here is my watch! Let me
       see what time it is." Danglars' watch, one of Breguet's
       repeaters, which he had carefully wound up on the previous
       night, struck half past five. Without this, Danglars would
       have been quite ignorant of the time, for daylight did not
       reach his cell. Should he demand an explanation from the
       bandits, or should he wait patiently for them to propose it?
       The last alternative seemed the most prudent, so he waited
       until twelve o'clock. During all this time a sentinel, who
       had been relieved at eight o'clock, had been watching his
       door. Danglars suddenly felt a strong inclination to see the
       person who kept watch over him. He had noticed that a few
       rays, not of daylight, but from a lamp, penetrated through
       the ill-joined planks of the door; he approached just as the
       brigand was refreshing himself with a mouthful of brandy,
       which, owing to the leathern bottle containing it, sent
       forth an odor which was extremely unpleasant to Danglars.
       "Faugh!" he exclaimed, retreating to the farther corner of
       his cell.
       At twelve this man was replaced by another functionary, and
       Danglars, wishing to catch sight of his new guardian,
       approached the door again. He was an athletic, gigantic
       bandit, with large eyes, thick lips, and a flat nose; his
       red hair fell in dishevelled masses like snakes around his
       shoulders. "Ah, ha," cried Danglars, "this fellow is more
       like an ogre than anything else; however, I am rather too
       old and tough to be very good eating!" We see that Danglars
       was collected enough to jest; at the same time, as though to
       disprove the ogreish propensities, the man took some black
       bread, cheese, and onions from his wallet, which he began
       devouring voraciously. "May I be hanged," said Danglars,
       glancing at the bandit's dinner through the crevices of the
       door, -- "may I be hanged if I can understand how people can
       eat such filth!" and he withdrew to seat himself upon his
       goat-skin, which reminded him of the smell of the brandy.
       But the mysteries of nature are incomprehensible, and there
       are certain invitations contained in even the coarsest food
       which appeal very irresistibly to a fasting stomach.
       Danglars felt his own not to be very well supplied just
       then, and gradually the man appeared less ugly, the bread
       less black, and the cheese more fresh, while those dreadful
       vulgar onions recalled to his mind certain sauces and
       side-dishes, which his cook prepared in a very superior
       manner whenever he said, "Monsieur Deniseau, let me have a
       nice little fricassee to-day." He got up and knocked on the
       door; the bandit raised his head. Danglars knew that he was
       heard, so he redoubled his blows. "Che cosa?" asked the
       bandit. "Come, come," said Danglars, tapping his fingers
       against the door, "I think it is quite time to think of
       giving me something to eat!" But whether he did not
       understand him, or whether he had received no orders
       respecting the nourishment of Danglars, the giant, without
       answering, went on with his dinner. Danglars' feelings were
       hurt, and not wishing to put himself under obligations to
       the brute, the banker threw himself down again on his
       goat-skin and did not breathe another word.
       Four hours passed by and the giant was replaced by another
       bandit. Danglars, who really began to experience sundry
       gnawings at the stomach, arose softly, again applied his eye
       to the crack of the door, and recognized the intelligent
       countenance of his guide. It was, indeed, Peppino who was
       preparing to mount guard as comfortably as possible by
       seating himself opposite to the door, and placing between
       his legs an earthen pan, containing chick-pease stewed with
       bacon. Near the pan he also placed a pretty little basket of
       Villetri grapes and a flask of Orvieto. Peppino was
       decidedly an epicure. Danglars watched these preparations
       and his mouth watered. "Come," he said to himself, "let me
       try if he will be more tractable than the other;" and he
       tapped gently at the door. "On y va," (coming) exclaimed
       Peppino, who from frequenting the house of Signor Pastrini
       understood French perfectly in all its idioms.
       Danglars immediately recognized him as the man who had
       called out in such a furious manner, "Put in your head!" But
       this was not the time for recrimination, so he assumed his
       most agreeable manner and said with a gracious smile, --
       "Excuse me, sir, but are they not going to give me any
       dinner?"
       "Does your excellency happen to be hungry?"
       "Happen to be hungry, -- that's pretty good, when I haven't
       eaten for twenty-four hours!" muttered Danglars. Then he
       added aloud, "Yes, sir, I am hungry -- very hungry."
       "What would your excellency like?" and Peppino placed his
       pan on the ground, so that the steam rose directly under the
       nostrils of Danglars. "Give your orders."
       "Have you kitchens here?"
       "Kitchens? -- of course -- complete ones."
       "And cooks?"
       "Excellent!"
       "Well, a fowl, fish, game, -- it signifies little, so that I
       eat."
       "As your excellency pleases. You mentioned a fowl, I think?"
       "Yes, a fowl." Peppino, turning around, shouted, "A fowl for
       his excellency!" His voice yet echoed in the archway when a
       handsome, graceful, and half-naked young man appeared,
       bearing a fowl in a silver dish on his head, without the
       assistance of his hands. "I could almost believe myself at
       the Cafe de Paris," murmured Danglars.
       "Here, your excellency," said Peppino, taking the fowl from
       the young bandit and placing it on the worm-eaten table,
       which with the stool and the goat-skin bed formed the entire
       furniture of the cell. Danglars asked for a knife and fork.
       "Here, excellency," said Peppino, offering him a little
       blunt knife and a boxwood fork. Danglars took the knife in
       one hand and the fork in the other, and was about to cut up
       the fowl. "Pardon me, excellency," said Peppino, placing his
       hand on the banker's shoulder; "people pay here before they
       eat. They might not be satisfied, and" --
       "Ah, ha," thought Danglars, "this is not so much like Paris,
       except that I shall probably be skinned! Never mind, I'll
       fix that all right. I have always heard how cheap poultry is
       in Italy; I should think a fowl is worth about twelve sous
       at Rome. -- There," he said, throwing a louis down. Peppino
       picked up the louis, and Danglars again prepared to carve
       the fowl. "Stay a moment, your excellency," said Peppino,
       rising; "you still owe me something."
       "I said they would skin me," thought Danglars; but resolving
       to resist the extortion, he said, "Come, how much do I owe
       you for this fowl?"
       "Your excellency has given me a louis on account."
       "A louis on account for a fowl?"
       "Certainly; and your excellency now owes me 4,999 louis."
       Danglars opened his enormous eyes on hearing this gigantic
       joke. "Come, come, this is very droll -- very amusing -- I
       allow; but, as I am very hungry, pray allow me to eat. Stay,
       here is another louis for you."
       "Then that will make only 4,998 louis more," said Peppino
       with the same indifference. "I shall get them all in time."
       "Oh, as for that," said Danglars, angry at this prolongation
       of the jest, -- "as for that you won't get them at all. Go
       to the devil! You do not know with whom you have to deal!"
       Peppino made a sign, and the youth hastily removed the fowl.
       Danglars threw himself upon his goat-skin, and Peppino,
       reclosing the door, again began eating his pease and bacon.
       Though Danglars could not see Peppino, the noise of his
       teeth allowed no doubt as to his occupation. He was
       certainly eating, and noisily too, like an ill-bred man.
       "Brute!" said Danglars. Peppino pretended not to hear him,
       and without even turning his head continued to eat slowly.
       Danglars' stomach felt so empty, that it seemed as if it
       would be impossible ever to fill it again; still he had
       patience for another half-hour, which appeared to him like a
       century. He again arose and went to the door. "Come, sir, do
       not keep me starving here any longer, but tell me what they
       want."
       "Nay, your excellency, it is you who should tell us what you
       want. Give your orders, and we will execute them."
       "Then open the door directly." Peppino obeyed. "Now look
       here, I want something to eat! To eat -- do you hear?"
       "Are you hungry?"
       "Come, you understand me."
       "What would your excellency like to eat?"
       "A piece of dry bread, since the fowls are beyond all price
       in this accursed place."
       "Bread? Very well. Hallo, there, some bread!" he called. The
       youth brought a small loaf. "How much?" asked Danglars.
       "Four thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight louis," said
       Peppino; "You have paid two louis in advance."
       "What? One hundred thousand francs for a loaf?"
       "One hundred thousand francs," repeated Peppino.
       "But you only asked 100,000 francs for a fowl!"
       "We have a fixed price for all our provisions. It signifies
       nothing whether you eat much or little -- whether you have
       ten dishes or one -- it is always the same price."
       "What, still keeping up this silly jest? My dear fellow, it
       is perfectly ridiculous -- stupid! You had better tell me at
       once that you intend starving me to death."
       "Oh, dear, no, your excellency, unless you intend to commit
       suicide. Pay and eat."
       "And what am I to pay with, brute?" said Danglars, enraged.
       "Do you suppose I carry 100,000 francs in my pocket?"
       "Your excellency has 5,050,000 francs in your pocket; that
       will be fifty fowls at 100,000 francs apiece, and half a
       fowl for the 50,000."
       Danglars shuddered. The bandage fell from his eyes, and he
       understood the joke, which he did not think quite so stupid
       as he had done just before. "Come," he said, "if I pay you
       the 100,000 francs, will you be satisfied, and allow me to
       eat at my ease?"
       "Certainly," said Peppino.
       "But how can I pay them?"
       "Oh, nothing easier; you have an account open with Messrs.
       Thomson & French, Via dei Banchi, Rome; give me a draft for
       4,998 louis on these gentlemen, and our banker shall take
       it." Danglars thought it as well to comply with a good
       grace, so he took the pen, ink, and paper Peppino offered
       him, wrote the draft, and signed it. "Here," he said, "here
       is a draft at sight."
       "And here is your fowl." Danglars sighed while he carved the
       fowl; it appeared very thin for the price it had cost. As
       for Peppino, he examined the paper attentively, put it into
       his pocket, and continued eating his pease. _
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本书目录

Chapter 1 Marseilles - The Arrival
Chapter 2 - Father and Son
Chapter 3 - The Catalans
Chapter 4 - Conspiracy
Chapter 5 - The Marriage-Feast
Chapter 6 - The Deputy Procureur du Roi
Chapter 7 - The Examination
Chapter 8 - The Chateau D'If
Chapter 9 - The Evening of the Betrothal
Chapter 10 - The King's Closet at the Tuileries
Chapter 11 - The Corsican Ogre
Chapter 12 - Father and Son
Chapter 13 - The Hundred Days
Chapter 14 - The Two Prisoners
Chapter 15 - Number 34 and Number 27
Chapter 16 - A Learned Italian
Chapter 17 - The Abbe's Chamber
Chapter 18 - The Treasure
Chapter 19 - The Third Attack
Chapter 20 - The Cemetery of the Chateau D'If
Chapter 21 - The Island of Tiboulen
Chapter 22 - The Smugglers
Chapter 23 - The Island of Monte Cristo
Chapter 24 - The Secret Cave
Chapter 25 - The Unknown
Chapter 26 - The Pont du Gard Inn
Chapter 27 - The Story
Chapter 28 - The Prison Register
Chapter 29 - The House of Morrel & Son
Chapter 30 - The Fifth of September
Chapter 31 - Italy: Sinbad the Sailor
Chapter 32 - The Waking
Chapter 33 - Roman Bandits
Chapter 34 - The Colosseum
Chapter 35 - La Mazzolata
Chapter 36 - The Carnival at Rome
Chapter 37 - The Catacombs of Saint Sebastian
Chapter 38 - The Compact
Chapter 39 - The Guests
Chapter 40 - The Breakfast
Chapter 41 - The Presentation
Chapter 42 - Monsieur Bertuccio
Chapter 43 - The House at Auteuil
Chapter 44 - The Vendetta
Chapter 45 - The Rain of Blood
Chapter 46 - Unlimited Credit
Chapter 47 - The Dappled Grays
Chapter 48 - Ideology
Chapter 49 - Haidee
Chapter 50 - The Morrel Family
Chapter 51 - Pyramus and Thisbe
Chapter 52 - Toxicology
Chapter 53 - Robert le Diable
Chapter 54 - A Flurry in Stocks
Chapter 55 - Major Cavalcanti
Chapter 56 - Andrea Cavalcanti
Chapter 57 - In the Lucerne Patch
Chapter 58 - M Noirtier de Villefort
Chapter 59 - The Will
Chapter 60 - The Telegraph
Chapter 61 - How a Gardener may get rid of the Dormice that eat His Peaches
Chapter 62 - Ghosts
Chapter 63 - The Dinner
Chapter 64 - The Beggar
Chapter 65 - A Conjugal Scene
Chapter 66 - Matrimonial Projects
Chapter 67 - At the Office of the King's Attorney
Chapter 68 - A Summer Ball
Chapter 69 - The Inquiry
Chapter 70 - The Ball
Chapter 71 - Bread and Salt
Chapter 72 - Madame de Saint-Meran
Chapter 73 - The Promise
Chapter 74 - The Villefort Family Vault
Chapter 75 - A Signed Statement
Chapter 76 - Progress of Cavalcanti the Younger
Chapter 77 - Haidee
Chapter 78 - We hear From Yanina
Chapter 79 - The Lemonade
Chapter 80 - The Accusation
Chapter 81 - The Room of the Retired Baker
Chapter 82 - The Burglary
Chapter 83 - The Hand of God
Chapter 84 - Beauchamp
Chapter 85 - The Journey
Chapter 86 - The Trial
Chapter 87 - The Challenge
Chapter 88 - The Insult
Chapter 89 - A Nocturnal Interview
Chapter 90 - The Meeting
Chapter 91 - Mother and Son
Chapter 92 - The Suicide
Chapter 93 - Valentine
Chapter 94 - Maximilian's Avowal
Chapter 95 - Father and Daughter
Chapter 96 - The Contract
Chapter 97 - The Departure for Belgium
Chapter 98 - The Bell and Bottle Tavern
Chapter 99 - The Law
Chapter 100 - The Apparition
Chapter 101 - Locusta
Chapter 102 - Valentine
Chapter 103 - Maximilian
Chapter 104 - Danglars Signature
Chapter 105 - The Cemetery of Pere-la-Chaise
Chapter 106 - Dividing the Proceeds
Chapter 107 - The Lions' Den
Chapter 108 - The Judge
Chapter 109 - The Assizes
Chapter 110 - The Indictment
Chapter 111 - Expiation
Chapter 112 - The Departure
Chapter 113 - The Past
Chapter 114 - Peppino
Chapter 115 - Luigi Vampa's Bill of Fare
Chapter 116 - The Pardon
Chapter 117 - The Fifth of October