_ A bird on the plate is worth two on the bonnet.
=FACE= A fertile, open expanse, lying midway between collar button and scalp, and full of cheek, chin and chatter. The crop of the male face is hair, harvested daily by a lather, or allowed to run to mutton-chops, spinach or full lace curtains. The female face product is powder, whence the expression, "Shoot off your face." Each is supplied with lamps, snufflers and bread boxes.
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=FAILURE= The quickest method known for making money.
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=FEINT= A pugilist's bluff.
=FAINT= A woman's bluff.
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=FAITH= A mental accomplishment whereby an ear-ache becomes a Symphony Concert, a broken finger a diamond ring and a "touch" an invitation to dine.
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=FAKE= A false report.
=FAKIR= A false reporter.
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=FAME= Having a brand of cigars named after you.
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=FAMILY= Originally a wife and several children, a matter of pride to the possessor. Now obsolete among the careful, or confined to the wife, a bull pup and a canary bird.
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=FARE.= The cost of a ride. See old adage, "Only the brave can work their fare."
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=FAULT= About the only thing that is often found where it does not exist.
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=FICTION.= The Constitutional fiat that "all men are created equal."
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=FIDDLER= A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso who refuses to play a real tune.
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=FIRMNESS= That admirable quality in ourselves that is detestable stubbornness in others.
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=FIG= Nothing. Note, "I don't care a fig," etc.
=FIG LEAF= A small outer garment, next to nothing, worn by Adam 4000 B.C. and occasionally revived by Bostonian Art Committees.
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=FISHING= An heroic treatment tried by some laymen to avoid falling asleep in church on Sunday.
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=FLAT= A series of padded cells, commonly found in cities, in which are confined harmless monomaniacs who imagine Home to be a Sardine Box.
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=FLATTERY= Cologne water, to be smelled of but not swallowed.
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=FLUE= An escape for hot air.
=FLUENCY= The art of releasing the same.
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=FLUSH= From Grk.
phlox, heat. A rush of color to the cheek, or hand, caused by bodily--or poker--heat.
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=FLY= A familiar summer boarder who mingles with the cream of society, gets stuck on the butter and leaves his specs behind.
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=FLY-SCREEN= An arrangement for keeping flies in the house.
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=FOOT= The understanding of a girl from the west.
=FOOT-PATH= Chicago, Ill.
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=FOOTBALL= A clever subterfuge for carrying on prize-fights under the guise of a reputable game.
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=FOREIGNER= One who is eligible to the police force. From Grk.
fero, to carry off, and
enara, spoils. One who carries off the spoils.
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=FORBEARANCE= The spirit of toleration shown when a man who knows, patiently listens to a fool who does not.
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=FRANC= Twenty cents, in French.
=FRANKFURTERS= Four for twenty, in German. Derived from
frank, open, and
fortitude, meaning brave. Sold in the open and eaten by the brave.
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=FROST= An old flame after the engagement is broken off.
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=FUN= Joy.
=FUNCTION= Devoid of joy.
As ye sew, so shall ye rip. _