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Foolish Dictionary, The
E
Gideon Wurdz
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       _ A word to the wise is useless.
       =EAGLE= The national bird of a Christian country; (the United States.) Presumably chosen on account of its being a bird of pray.
       * * * * *
       =EARL= A title of nobility.
       =EARLY= A title of stupidity. See old saw,
       "Early to bed and early to rise, Makes a man a farmer!"
       * * * * *
       =EARTH= A solid substance, much desired by the seasick.
       * * * * *
       =ECHO= The only thing that can cheat a woman out of the last word.
       * * * * *
       =ECONOMY= Denying ourselves a necessary to-day in order to buy a luxury to-morrow.
       * * * * *
       =EGG= A wholesome, yet fowl, product, of no use until broken. Sometimes a cure for indigestion or bad acting.
       * * * * *
       =ELECTION= A periodical picnic for the American People. Held in booths, where the Voter puts in his ballot, and The Machine elects whatever it chooses. A day when the lowliest may make their mark and even beggars may ride; when the Glad Mit gets promiscuous and everything is full--particularly the lodging-houses.
       * * * * *
       =ENCORE= A greedy theatre-goer's desire to get more than his money's worth. From the Fr. en, among, and cochon, pig,--common among pigs.
       * * * * *
       =ENGAGEMENT= In war, a battle. In love, the salubrious calm that precedes the real hostilities.
       * * * * *
       =ENTHUSIAST= One who preaches four times as much as he believes and believes four times as much as a sane man ought to.
       * * * * *
       =EPITAPH= A statement that usually lies above about the one who lies beneath.
       * * * * *
       =EQUATOR= An imaginary line around the earth. Recently held by J.P. Morgan.
       * * * * *
       =ERR= To make a mistake.
       =ERRATIC= Full of mistakes.
       * * * * *
       =ETHER= One of the world's three great composers--the others being Gas and Chloroform--whose airs are popular among the suffering.
       * * * * *
       =ETIQUETTE= A convenient code of conduct which makes Lying a virtue and Snobbishness a righteous deed.
       * * * * *
       =EVOLUTION= A clever trick performed by one Darwin, who made a monkey of Adam.
       * * * * *
       =EXCURSION= From ex. former, and Grk. kairo, to enjoy. Hence, a tiresome journey--formerly an enjoyment--sold at half price.
       * * * * *
       =EXERCISE= Bodily exertion requiring a $10,000 gymnasium, a ten-acre lot and impossible raiment. Originally confined to the wash-tub and the wood-pile.
       * * * * *
       =EXPANSION= A combination of Grand Larceny and Piracy, involving the destruction of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.--Boston.
       The benevolent assimilation of previously oppressed peoples--Washington, D.C.
       A doubtful commercial experiment.--Wall Street.
       The white man's burden.--Kipling.
       * * * * *
       =EXPLOSION= A good chance to begin at the bottom and work up.
       * * * * *
       =EXPOSITION= An overgrown Department Store, usually opened a year or two behind time.
       It's never too late to spend. _