_ Distilled waters run deep.
=ABSINTHE= From two Latin words,
ad, and
sinistrum, meaning "to the bad." If in doubt, try one. (Old adage, "Absinthe makes the jag last longer)."
* * * * *
=ABSTINENCE= From the Persian
ab, water, and
stein, or tankard. Hence, water-tankard, or "water wagon."
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=ACCESSION= A beheading process by which you may either win or lose a political job. Old spelling,
Axe-session.
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=ACCIDENT= A condition of affairs in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body better.
* * * * *
=ADAMANT= From "Adam's Aunt," reputed to be a hard character. Hence, anything tough, or hard.
* * * * *
=ADORE= From
add, annex, and
ore, meaning wealth. Example, foreign nobles who marry American heiresses
adore them.
* * * * *
=ADVICE= A commodity peddled by your lawyer and given away by your mother-in-law, but impossible to dispose of yourself. Famous as the one thing which it is "More blessed to give than receive." =GOOD ADVICE= Something old men give young men when they can no longer give them a bad example.
* * * * *
=ADVERSITY= A bottomless lake, surrounded by near-sighted friends.
* * * * *
=AFFINITY= Complimentary term for your husband or your wife. Sometimes a synonym for "Your finish."
* * * * *
=AFTERTHOUGHT= A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his mouth about the time he has put his foot in it.
* * * * *
=AGE= Something to brag about in your wine-cellar and forget in a birth-day book The boast of an old vintage, the bug a boo of an old maid.
* * * * *
=ALCOHOL= A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets.
* * * * *
=ALDERMAN= A political office known as the Crook's Road to Wealth. From Eng.
all, and Greek
derma, meaning skin--"all skin."
* * * * *
=ALIMONY= An expensive soothing syrup, prescribed by the judge for a divorcee's bleeding heart. (Old spelling,
allay money).
* * * * *
=ALLOPATHY= From Eng.
all, everybody, and Grk.
pathos, pain. Pain for everybody. =HOMOEOPATHY= From Grk.
homoios, same, and
pathos. Pain, just the same.
* * * * *
=ALPHABET= A toy for the children found in books, blocks, pictures and vermicelli soup. Contains 26 letters and only three syllables.
* * * * *
=ANCESTORS= The originators of the Family Tree, a remarkable sex paradox in which the Ann sisters are always the four fathers.
* * * * *
=ANGEL= A heavenly ineligible, with wings and a harp; or, an earthly eligible, with money and a heart.
* * * * *
=ANTI-ROOMS= Euphemistic term for Canfield's, New York City.
* * * * *
=ANTI-IMPERIALIST= A patriot whose conscience works overtime.
* * * * *
=ANTIMONY= A metallic substance discovered by Valentine in 1450, and now extensively used in the arts--particularly poker.
* * * * *
=APPENDICITIS= A modern pain, costing about $200 more than the old-fashioned stomach-ache.
* * * * *
=ARGUMENT= Breaking and entering the ear, assault and battery on the brain and disturbing the peace.
* * * * *
=ARSON= Derived from the Hebrew. (See =INSURANCE=).
* * * * *
=ARTIST= Commonly, the individual long haired and short-suited, having a positive pose and an uncertain income. Often shy on meal-tickets but strong on technique and the price of tripe sandwiches. An artist may be a barber, a boot-black, a Sargent or a Paderewski.
* * * * *
=ATHLETE= A dignified bunch of muscles, unable to split wood or sift the ashes.
* * * * *
=AUGUR= One who bored the ancients with prophecies.
* * * * *
=AUTOMOBILE= From Eng.
ought to, and Lat.
moveo, to move. A vehicle which ought to move, but frequently can't.
* * * * *
=AUTOMOBILIST= A land lubber on wheels made up to resemble a deep sea diver.
Fine feathers make fine feather-beds. _