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Foolish Dictionary, The
T
Gideon Wurdz
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       _ Brevity is the soul of wit--and the sole charm of of a bicycle skirt.
       =TAILOR= One who takes your measure on first sight, gives you a fit, sews you up and follows suit until paid.
       * * * * *
       =TALK= A continuous performance playing daily and nightly engagements, with Woman as the star and Man confined in the Family Circle.
       * * * * *
       =TELEGRAM= A form of correspondence sent by a man in a hurry and carried by a boy in sleep.
       * * * * *
       =TELEPHONE= From Eng. tell, to talk, and Grk. phonos, murder. A machine in which talk is murdered.
       * * * * *
       =TENNIS= A game in which the participants enjoy a racket on the side and raise the deuce over a net, while the volleys drive them from set to set and love scores as often as it's mentioned.
       * * * * *
       =TEMPER= A quality, the loss of which is likely to make a knife blade dull and a woman's tongue sharp.
       * * * * *
       =THERMOMETER= A short, glass tube that regulates the weather--and usually does a poor job.
       * * * * *
       =THIRST= A sensation immediately following a short session at the free lunch stand.
       * * * * *
       =TIDE= An old friend who comes and goes daily but is all in whenever he gets over the bay.
       * * * * *
       =TITIAN= The color a poor red-headed girl's hair becomes as soon as her father strikes oil.
       * * * * *
       =TIPS= Wages we pay other people's hired help.
       * * * * *
       =TOBACCO= A nauseating plant that is consumed by but two creatures; a large, green worm and--man. The worm doesn't know any better.
       * * * * *
       =TONGUE= An unruly member that is frequently put out, yet an artist who's a hard worker at the palate and a great wag among women.
       * * * * *
       =TOUCH= A habit common to the impecunious, causing in its victim a feeling of faintness, followed by a chill or a sense of loss.
       * * * * *
       =TRANSFER= A small bit of paper of remarkable strength, being able to carry a heavy man several miles.
       * * * * *
       =TROLLEY-CAR= A conveyance filled with advertisements, and occasionally passengers, and operated by Poles.
       * * * * *
       =TROUBLE= Something that many are looking for but no one wants.
       * * * * *
       =TRUST= A small body of capital entirely surrounded by water.
       * * * * *
       =TWINS= Insult added to Injury.
       * * * * *
       =TWISTERS=
       [Illustration]
       An undesirable thing to have on hand.
       It's a wise son who can get two birds with One Bone. _