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Sylvia’s Lovers
CHAPTER XXVII - GLOOMY DAYS
Elizabeth Cleghorn Gaskell
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       _ Philip had money in the Fosters' bank, not so much as it might have
       been if he had not had to pay for the furniture in his house. Much
       of this furniture was old, and had belonged to the brothers Foster,
       and they had let Philip have it at a very reasonable rate; but still
       the purchase of it had diminished the amount of his savings. But on
       the sum which he possessed he drew largely--he drew all--nay, he
       overdrew his account somewhat, to his former masters' dismay,
       although the kindness of their hearts overruled the harder arguments
       of their heads.
       All was wanted to defend Daniel Robson at the approaching York
       assizes. His wife had handed over to Philip all the money or money's
       worth she could lay her hands upon. Daniel himself was not one to be
       much beforehand with the world; but to Bell's thrifty imagination
       the round golden guineas, tied up in the old stocking-foot against
       rent-day, seemed a mint of money on which Philip might draw
       infinitely. As yet she did not comprehend the extent of her
       husband's danger. Sylvia went about like one in a dream, keeping
       back the hot tears that might interfere with the course of life she
       had prescribed for herself in that terrible hour when she first
       learnt all. Every penny of money either she or her mother could save
       went to Philip. Kester's hoard, too, was placed in Hepburn's hands
       at Sylvia's earnest entreaty; for Kester had no great opinion of
       Philip's judgment, and would rather have taken his money straight
       himself to Mr. Dawson, and begged him to use it for his master's
       behoof.
       Indeed, if anything, the noiseless breach between Kester and Philip
       had widened of late. It was seed-time, and Philip, in his great
       anxiety for every possible interest that might affect Sylvia, and
       also as some distraction from his extreme anxiety about her father,
       had taken to study agriculture of an evening in some old books which
       he had borrowed--_The Farmer's Complete Guide_, and such like; and
       from time to time he came down upon the practical dogged Kester with
       directions gathered from the theories in his books. Of course the
       two fell out, but without many words. Kester persevered in his old
       ways, making light of Philip and his books in manner and action,
       till at length Philip withdrew from the contest. 'Many a man may
       lead a horse to water, but there's few can make him drink,' and
       Philip certainly was not one of those few. Kester, indeed, looked
       upon him with jealous eyes on many accounts. He had favoured Charley
       Kinraid as a lover of Sylvia's; and though he had no idea of the
       truth--though he believed in the drowning of the specksioneer as
       much as any one--yet the year which had elapsed since Kinraid's
       supposed death was but a very short while to the middle-aged man,
       who forgot how slowly time passes with the young; and he could often
       have scolded Sylvia, if the poor girl had been a whit less heavy at
       heart than she was, for letting Philip come so much about her--come,
       though it was on her father's business. For the darkness of their
       common dread drew them together, occasionally to the comparative
       exclusion of Bell and Kester, which the latter perceived and
       resented. Kester even allowed himself to go so far as to wonder what
       Philip could want with all the money, which to him seemed
       unaccountable; and once or twice the ugly thought crossed his mind,
       that shops conducted by young men were often not so profitable as
       when guided by older heads, and that some of the coin poured into
       Philip's keeping might have another destination than the defence of
       his master. Poor Philip! and he was spending all his own, and more
       than all his own money, and no one ever knew it, as he had bound
       down his friendly bankers to secrecy.
       Once only Kester ventured to speak to Sylvia on the subject of
       Philip. She had followed her cousin to the field just in front of
       their house, just outside the porch, to ask him some question she
       dared not put in her mother's presence--(Bell, indeed, in her
       anxiety, usually absorbed all the questions when Philip came)--and
       stood, after Philip had bid her good-by, hardly thinking about him
       at all, but looking unconsciously after him as he ascended the brow;
       and at the top he had turned to take a last glance at the place his
       love inhabited, and, seeing her, he had waved his hat in gratified
       farewell. She, meanwhile, was roused from far other thoughts than of
       him, and of his now acknowledged love, by the motion against the
       sky, and was turning back into the house when she heard Kester's low
       hoarse call, and saw him standing at the shippen door.
       'Come hither, wench,' said he, indignantly; 'is this a time for
       courtin'?'
       'Courting?' said she, drawing up her head, and looking back at him
       with proud defiance.
       'Ay, courtin'! what other mak' o' thing is't when thou's gazin'
       after yon meddlesome chap, as if thou'd send thy eyes after him, and
       he making marlocks back at thee? It's what we ca'ed courtin' i' my
       young days anyhow. And it's noane a time for a wench to go courtin'
       when her feyther's i' prison,' said he, with a consciousness as he
       uttered these last words that he was cruel and unjust and going too
       far, yet carried on to say them by his hot jealousy against Philip.
       Sylvia continued looking at him without speaking: she was too much
       offended for expression.
       'Thou may glower an' thou may look, lass,' said he, 'but a'd thought
       better on thee. It's like last week thy last sweetheart were
       drowned; but thou's not one to waste time i' rememberin' them as is
       gone--if, indeed, thou iver cared a button for yon Kinraid--if it
       wasn't a make-believe.'
       Her lips were contracted and drawn up, showing her small glittering
       teeth, which were scarcely apart as she breathed out--
       'Thou thinks so, does thou, that I've forgetten _him_? Thou'd better
       have a care o' thy tongue.'
       Then, as if fearful that her self-command might give way, she turned
       into the house; and going through the kitchen like a blind person,
       she went up to her now unused chamber, and threw herself, face
       downwards, flat on her bed, almost smothering herself.
       Ever since Daniel's committal, the decay that had imperceptibly
       begun in his wife's bodily and mental strength during her illness of
       the previous winter, had been making quicker progress. She lost her
       reticence of speech, and often talked to herself. She had not so
       much forethought as of old; slight differences, it is true, but
       which, with some others of the same description, gave foundation for
       the homely expression which some now applied to Bell, 'She'll never
       be t' same woman again.
       This afternoon she had cried herself to sleep in her chair after
       Philip's departure. She had not heard Sylvia's sweeping passage
       through the kitchen; but half an hour afterwards she was startled up
       by Kester's abrupt entry.
       'Where's Sylvie?' asked he.
       'I don't know,' said Bell, looking scared, and as if she was ready
       to cry. 'It's no news about him?' said she, standing up, and
       supporting herself on the stick she was now accustomed to use.
       'Bless yo', no, dunnot be afeared, missus; it's only as a spoke
       hasty to t' wench, an' a want t' tell her as a'm sorry,' said
       Kester, advancing into the kitchen, and looking round for Sylvia.
       'Sylvie, Sylvie!' shouted he; 'she mun be i' t' house.'
       Sylvia came slowly down the stairs, and stood before him. Her face
       was pale, her mouth set and determined; the light of her eyes veiled
       in gloom. Kester shrank from her look, and even more from her
       silence.
       'A'm come to ax pardon,' said he, after a little pause.
       She was still silent.
       'A'm noane above axing pardon, though a'm fifty and more, and thee's
       but a silly wench, as a've nursed i' my arms. A'll say before thy
       mother as a ought niver to ha' used them words, and as how a'm sorry
       for 't.'
       'I don't understand it all,' said Bell, in a hurried and perplexed
       tone. 'What has Kester been saying, my lass?' she added, turning to
       Sylvia.
       Sylvia went a step or two nearer to her mother, and took hold of her
       hand as if to quieten her; then facing once more round, she said
       deliberately to Kester,--
       'If thou wasn't Kester, I'd niver forgive thee. Niver,' she added,
       with bitterness, as the words he had used recurred to her mind.
       'It's in me to hate thee now, for saying what thou did; but thou're
       dear old Kester after all, and I can't help mysel', I mun needs
       forgive thee,' and she went towards him. He took her little head
       between his horny hands and kissed it. She looked up with tears in
       her eyes, saying softly,--
       'Niver say things like them again. Niver speak on----'
       'A'll bite my tongue off first,' he interrupted.
       He kept his word.
       In all Philip's comings and goings to and from Haytersbank Farm at
       this time, he never spoke again of his love. In look, words, manner,
       he was like a thoughtful, tender brother; nothing more. He could be
       nothing more in the presence of the great dread which loomed larger
       upon him after every conversation with the lawyer.
       For Mr. Donkin had been right in his prognostication. Government took
       up the attack on the Rendezvous with a high and heavy hand. It was
       necessary to assert authority which had been of late too often
       braved. An example must be made, to strike dismay into those who
       opposed and defied the press-gang; and all the minor authorities who
       held their powers from Government were in a similar manner severe
       and relentless in the execution of their duty. So the attorney, who
       went over to see the prisoner in York Castle, told Philip. He added
       that Daniel still retained his pride in his achievement, and could
       not be brought to understand the dangerous position in which he was
       placed; that when pressed and questioned as to circumstances that
       might possibly be used in his defence, he always wandered off to
       accounts of previous outrages committed by the press-gang, or to
       passionate abuse of the trick by which men had been lured from their
       homes on the night in question to assist in putting out an imaginary
       fire, and then seized and carried off. Some of this very natural
       indignation might possibly have some effect on the jury; and this
       seemed the only ground of hope, and was indeed a slight one, as the
       judge was likely to warn the jury against allowing their natural
       sympathy in such a case to divert their minds from the real
       question.
       Such was the substance of what Philip heard, and heard repeatedly,
       during his many visits to Mr. Dawson. And now the time of trial drew
       near; for the York assizes opened on March the twelfth; not much
       above three weeks since the offence was committed which took Daniel
       from his home and placed him in peril of death.
       Philip was glad that, the extremity of his danger never having been
       hinted to Bell, and travelling some forty miles being a most unusual
       exertion at that time to persons of her class, the idea of going to
       see her husband at York had never suggested itself to Bell's mind.
       Her increasing feebleness made this seem a step only to be taken in
       case of the fatal extreme necessity; such was the conclusion that
       both Sylvia and he had come to; and it was the knowledge of this
       that made Sylvia strangle her own daily longing to see her father.
       Not but that her hopes were stronger than her fears. Philip never
       told her the causes for despondency; she was young, and she, like
       her father, could not understand how fearful sometimes is the
       necessity for prompt and severe punishment of rebellion against
       authority.
       Philip was to be in York during the time of the assizes; and it was
       understood, almost without words, that if the terrible worst
       occurred, the wife and daughter were to come to York as soon as
       might be. For this end Philip silently made all the necessary
       arrangements before leaving Monkshaven. The sympathy of all men was
       with him; it was too large an occasion for Coulson to be anything
       but magnanimous. He urged Philip to take all the time requisite; to
       leave all business cares to him. And as Philip went about pale and
       sad, there was another cheek that grew paler still, another eye that
       filled with quiet tears as his heaviness of heart became more and
       more apparent. The day for opening the assizes came on. Philip was
       in York Minster, watching the solemn antique procession in which the
       highest authority in the county accompanies the judges to the House
       of the Lord, to be there admonished as to the nature of their
       duties. As Philip listened to the sermon with a strained and beating
       heart, his hopes rose higher than his fears for the first time, and
       that evening he wrote his first letter to Sylvia.
       'DEAR SYLVIA,
       'It will be longer first than I thought for. Mr. Dawson says Tuesday
       in next week. But keep up your heart. I have been hearing the sermon
       to-day which is preached to the judges; and the clergyman said so
       much in it about mercy and forgiveness, I think they cannot fail to
       be lenient this assize. I have seen uncle, who looks but thin, but
       is in good heart: only he will keep saying he would do it over again
       if he had the chance, which neither Mr. Dawson nor I think is wise in
       him, in especial as the gaoler is by and hears every word as is
       said. He was very fain of hearing all about home; and wants you to
       rear Daisy's calf, as he thinks she will prove a good one. He bade
       me give his best love to you and my aunt, and his kind duty to
       Kester.
       'Sylvia, will you try and forget how I used to scold you about your
       writing and spelling, and just write me two or three lines. I think
       I would rather have them badly spelt than not, because then I shall
       be sure they are yours. And never mind about capitals; I was a fool
       to say such a deal about them, for a man does just as well without
       them. A letter from you would do a vast to keep me patient all these
       days till Tuesday. Direct--
       'Mr. Philip Hepburn,
       'Care of Mr. Fraser, Draper,
       'Micklegate, York.
       'My affectionate duty to my aunt.
       'Your respectful cousin and servant,
       'PHILIP HEPBURN.
       'P.S. The sermon was grand. The text was Zechariah vii. 9, "Execute
       true judgment and show mercy." God grant it may have put mercy into
       the judge's heart as is to try my uncle.'
       Heavily the days passed over. On Sunday Bell and Sylvia went to
       church, with a strange, half-superstitious feeling, as if they could
       propitiate the Most High to order the events in their favour by
       paying Him the compliment of attending to duties in their time of
       sorrow which they had too often neglected in their prosperous days.
       But He 'who knoweth our frame, and remembereth that we are dust,'
       took pity upon His children, and sent some of His blessed peace into
       their hearts, else they could scarce have endured the agony of
       suspense of those next hours. For as they came slowly and wearily
       home from church, Sylvia could no longer bear her secret, but told
       her mother of the peril in which Daniel stood. Cold as the March
       wind blew, they had not felt it, and had sate down on a hedge bank
       for Bell to rest. And then Sylvia spoke, trembling and sick for
       fear, yet utterly unable to keep silence any longer. Bell heaved up
       her hands, and let them fall down on her knees before she replied.
       'The Lord is above us,' said she, solemnly. 'He has sent a fear o'
       this into my heart afore now. I niver breathed it to thee, my
       lass----'
       'And I niver spoke on it to thee, mother, because----'
       Sylvia choked with crying, and laid her head on her mother's lap,
       feeling that she was no longer the strong one, and the protector,
       but the protected. Bell went on, stroking her head,
       'The Lord is like a tender nurse as weans a child to look on and to
       like what it lothed once. He has sent me dreams as has prepared me
       for this, if so be it comes to pass.
       'Philip is hopeful,' said Sylvia, raising her head and looking
       through her tears at her mother.
       'Ay, he is. And I cannot tell, but I think it's not for nought as
       the Lord has ta'en away all fear o' death out o' my heart. I think
       He means as Daniel and me is to go hand-in-hand through the
       valley--like as we walked up to our wedding in Crosthwaite Church. I
       could never guide th' house without Daniel, and I should be feared
       he'd take a deal more nor is good for him without me.'
       'But me, mother, thou's forgetting me,' moaned out Sylvia. 'Oh,
       mother, mother, think on me!'
       'Nay, my lass, I'm noane forgetting yo'. I'd a sore heart a' last
       winter a-thinking on thee, when that chap Kinraid were hanging about
       thee. I'll noane speak ill on the dead, but I were uneasylike. But
       sin' Philip and thee seem to ha' made it up----'
       Sylvia shivered, and opened her mouth to speak, but did not say a
       word.
       'And sin' the Lord has been comforting me, and talking to me many a
       time when thou's thought I were asleep, things has seemed to redd
       theirselves up, and if Daniel goes, I'm ready to follow. I could
       niver stand living to hear folks say he'd been hung; it seems so
       unnatural and shameful.'
       'But, mother, he won't!--he shan't be hung!' said Sylvia, springing
       to her feet. 'Philip says he won't.'
       Bell shook her head. They walked on, Sylvia both disheartened and
       almost irritated at her mother's despondency. But before they went
       to bed at night Bell said things which seemed as though the
       morning's feelings had been but temporary, and as if she was
       referring every decision to the period of her husband's return.
       'When father comes home,' seemed a sort of burden at the beginning
       or end of every sentence, and this reliance on his certain coming
       back to them was almost as great a trial to Sylvia as the absence of
       all hope had been in the morning. But that instinct told her that
       her mother was becoming incapable of argument, she would have asked
       her why her views were so essentially changed in so few hours. This
       inability of reason in poor Bell made Sylvia feel very desolate.
       Monday passed over--how, neither of them knew, for neither spoke of
       what was filling the thoughts of both. Before it was light on
       Tuesday morning, Bell was astir.
       'It's very early, mother,' said weary, sleepy Sylvia, dreading
       returning consciousness.
       'Ay, lass!' said Bell, in a brisk, cheerful tone; 'but he'll, maybe,
       be home to-night, and I'se bound to have all things ready for him.'
       'Anyhow,' said Sylvia, sitting up in bed, 'he couldn't come home
       to-night.'
       'Tut, lass! thou doesn't know how quick a man comes home to wife and
       child. I'll be a' ready at any rate.'
       She hurried about in a way which Sylvia wondered to see; till at
       length she fancied that perhaps her mother did so to drive away
       thought. Every place was cleaned; there was scarce time allowed for
       breakfast; till at last, long before mid-day, all the work was done,
       and the two sat down to their spinning-wheels. Sylvia's spirits sank
       lower and lower at each speech of her mother's, from whose mind all
       fear seemed to have disappeared, leaving only a strange restless
       kind of excitement.
       'It's time for t' potatoes,' said Bell, after her wool had snapped
       many a time from her uneven tread.
       'Mother,' said Sylvia, 'it's but just gone ten!'
       'Put 'em on,' said Bell, without attending to the full meaning of
       her daughter's words. 'It'll, maybe, hasten t' day on if we get
       dinner done betimes.'
       'But Kester is in t' Far Acre field, and he'll not be home till
       noon.'
       This seemed to settle matters for a while; but then Bell pushed her
       wheel away, and began searching for her hood and cloak. Sylvia found
       them for her, and then asked sadly--
       'What does ta want 'em for, mother?'
       'I'll go up t' brow and through t' field, and just have a look down
       t' lane.'
       'I'll go wi' thee,' said Sylvia, feeling all the time the
       uselessness of any looking for intelligence from York so early in
       the day. Very patiently did she wait by her mother's side during the
       long half-hour which Bell spent in gazing down the road for those
       who never came.
       When they got home Sylvia put the potatoes on to boil; but when
       dinner was ready and the three were seated at the dresser, Bell
       pushed her plate away from her, saying it was so long after dinner
       time that she was past eating. Kester would have said something
       about its being only half-past twelve, but Sylvia gave him a look
       beseeching silence, and he went on with his dinner without a word,
       only brushing away the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand
       from time to time.
       'A'll noane go far fra' home t' rest o' t' day,' said he, in a
       whisper to Sylvia, as he went out.
       'Will this day niver come to an end?' cried Bell, plaintively.
       'Oh, mother! it'll come to an end some time, never fear. I've heerd
       say--
       "Be the day weary or be the day long,
       At length it ringeth to even-song."'
       'To even-song--to even-song,' repeated Bell. 'D'ye think now that
       even-song means death, Sylvie?'
       'I cannot tell--I cannot bear it. Mother,' said Sylvia, in despair,
       'I'll make some clap-bread: that's a heavy job, and will while away
       t' afternoon.'
       'Ay, do!' replied the mother. 'He'll like it fresh--he'll like it
       fresh.'
       Murmuring and talking to herself, she fell into a doze, from which
       Sylvia was careful not to disturb her.
       The days were now getting long, although as cold as ever; and at
       Haytersbank Farm the light lingered, as there was no near horizon to
       bring on early darkness. Sylvia had all ready for her mother's tea
       against she wakened; but she slept on and on, the peaceful sleep of
       a child, and Sylvia did not care to waken her. Just after the sun
       had set, she saw Kester outside the window making signs to her to
       come out. She stole out on tip-toe by the back-kitchen, the door of
       which was standing open. She almost ran against Philip, who did not
       perceive her, as he was awaiting her coming the other way round the
       corner of the house, and who turned upon her a face whose import she
       read in an instant. 'Philip!' was all she said, and then she fainted
       at his feet, coming down with a heavy bang on the round paving
       stones of the yard.
       'Kester! Kester!' he cried, for she looked like one dead, and with
       all his strength the wearied man could not lift her and carry her
       into the house.
       With Kester's help she was borne into the back-kitchen, and Kester
       rushed to the pump for some cold water to throw over her.
       While Philip, kneeling at her head, was partly supporting her in his
       arms, and heedless of any sight or sound, the shadow of some one
       fell upon him. He looked up and saw his aunt; the old dignified,
       sensible expression on her face, exactly like her former self,
       composed, strong, and calm.
       'My lass,' said she, sitting down by Philip, and gently taking her
       out of his arms into her own. 'Lass, bear up! we mun bear up, and be
       agait on our way to him, he'll be needing us now. Bear up, my lass!
       the Lord will give us strength. We mun go to him; ay, time's
       precious; thou mun cry thy cry at after!'
       Sylvia opened her dim eyes, and heard her mother's voice; the ideas
       came slowly into her mind, and slowly she rose up, standing still,
       like one who has been stunned, to regain her strength; and then,
       taking hold of her mother's arm, she said, in a soft, strange
       voice--
       'Let's go. I'm ready.' _