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Essay(s) by Christopher Morley
The Owl Train
Christopher Morley
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       Across the cold moonlit landscapes, while good folk are at home curling their toes in the warm bottom of the bed, the Owl trains rumble with a gentle drone, neither fast nor slow.
       There are several Owl trains with which we have been familiar. One, rather aristocratic of its kind, is the caravan of sleeping cars that leaves New York at midnight and deposits hustling business men of the most aggressive type at the South Station, Boston. After a dissolute progress full of incredible jerks and jolts these pilgrims reach this dampest, darkest, and most Arctic of all terminals about the time the morning codfish begins to warm his bosom on the gridirons of the sacred city. Another, a terrible nocturnal prowler, slips darkly away from Albany about 1 A. M., and rambles disconsolately and with shrill wailings along the West Shore line. Below the grim Palisades of the Hudson it wakes painful echoes. Its first six units, as far as one can see in the dark, are blind express cars, containing milk cans and coffins. We once boarded it at Kingston, and after uneasy slumber across two facing seats found ourself impaled upon Weehawken three hours later. There one treads dubiously upon a ferryboat in the fog and brume of dawn, ungluing eyelids in the bleak dividing pressure of the river breeze.
       But the Owl train we propose to celebrate is the vehicle that departs modestly from the crypt of the Pennsylvania Station in New York at half-past midnight and emits blood-shot wanderers at West Philadelphia at 3:16 in the morning. The railroad company, which thinks these problems out with nice care, lulls the passengers into unconsciousness of their woes not only by a gentle and even gait, a progress almost tender in its carefully modulated repression of speed, but also by keeping the cars at such an amazing heat that the victims promptly fade into a swoon. Nowhere will you see a more complete abandonment to the wild postures of fatigue and despair than in the pathetic sprawl of these human forms upon the simmering plush settees. A hot eddy of some varnish-tinctured vapour--certainly not air--rises from under the seats and wraps the traveller in a nightmarish trance. Occasionally he starts wildly from his dream and glares frightfully through the misted pane. It is the custom of the trainmen, who tiptoe softly through the cars, never to disturb their clients by calling out the names of stations. When New Brunswick is reached many think that they have arrived at West Philadelphia, or (worse still) have been carried on to Wilmington. They rush desperately to the bracing chill of the platform to learn where they are. There is a mood of mystery about this Owl of ours. The trainmen take a quaint delight in keeping the actual whereabouts of the caravan a merciful secret.
       Oddly assorted people appear on this train. Occasional haughty revellers, in evening dress and opera capes, appear among the humbler voyagers. For a time they stay on their dignity: sit bravely upright and talk with apparent intelligence. Then the drowsy poison of that stifled atmosphere overcomes them, too, and they fall into the weakness of their brethren. They turn over the opposing seat, elevate their nobler shins, and droop languid heads over the ticklish plush chair-back. Strange aliens lie spread over the seats. Nowhere will you see so many faces of curious foreign carving. It seems as though many desperate exiles, who never travel by day, use the Owl for moving obscurely from city to city. This particular train is bound south to Washington, and at least half its tenants are citizens of colour. Even the endless gayety of our dusky brother is not proof against the venomous exhaustion of that boxed-in suffocation. The ladies of his race are comfortably prepared for the hardships of the route. They wrap themselves in huge fur coats and all have sofa cushions to recline on. Even in an all-night session of Congress you will hardly note so complete an abandonment of disillusion, weariness, and cynical despair as is written upon the blank faces all down the aisle. Even the will-power of a George Creel or a Will H. Hays would droop before this three-hour ordeal. Professor Einstein, who talks so delightfully of discarding Time and Space, might here reconsider his theories if he brooded, baking gradually upward, on the hot green plush.
       This genial Owl is not supposed to stop at North Philadelphia, but it always does. By this time Philadelphia passengers are awake and gathered in the cold vestibules, panting for escape. Some of them, against the rules of the train, manage to escape on the North Philadelphia platform. The rest, standing huddled over the swaying couplings, find the leisurely transit to West Philadelphia as long as the other segments of the ride put together. Stoically, and beyond the power of words, they lean on one another. At last the train slides down a grade. In the dark and picturesque tunnel of the West Philadelphia station, through thick mists of steam where the glow of the fire box paints the fog a golden rose, they grope and find the ancient stairs. Then they stagger off to seek a lonely car or a night-hawk taxi.
       [The end]
       Christopher Morley's essay: The Owl Train
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"Idolatry"
"Owd Bob"
"Peacock Pie"
1100 Words
163 Innocent Old Men
17 Heriot Row
Adventures At Lunch Time
Adventures In High Finance
Advice To Those Visiting A Baby
The American House Of Lords
The Apple That No One Ate
The Art Of Walking
As To Rumors
At The Gasthof Zum Ochsen
The Autogenesis Of A Poet
Books Of The Sea
Brown Eyes And Equinoxes
Bullied By The Birds
By The Fireplace
A Casual Of The Sea
Christmas Cards
A City Note-Book (New York)
A City Notebook (Philadelphia)
Clouds
The Club At Its Worst
The Club In Hoboken
The Club Of Abandoned Husbands
Confessions Of A "Colyumist"
Confessions Of A Smoker
Consider The Commuter
Cotswold Winds
Creed Of The Three Hours For Lunch Club
Dempsey Vs. Carpentier
A Dialogue (Between Dogs)
A Discovery
The Dog's Commandments
Don Marquis
The Downfall Of George Snipe
Fallacious Meditations On Criticism
Fellow Craftsmen
The First Commencement Address
Fixed Ideas
Frank Confessions Of A Publisher's Reader
A Friend Of Fitzgerald
Fulton Street, And Walt Whitman
Gissing (a dog's name)
Going To Philadelphia
A Good Home In The Suburbs
Greeting To American Anglers
The Haunting Beauty Of Strychnine
Hay Febrifuge
The Head Of The Firm
The Hilarity Of Hilaire
Housebroken
If Buying A Meal Were Like Buying A House
If Mr. Wilson Were The Weather Man
In Memoriam, Francis Barton Gummere
Ingo
Initiation
A Japanese Bachelor
Joyce Kilmer
The Key Ring
The Last Pipe
A Letter To A Sea Captain
A Letter To Father Time
Letters To Cynthia
Letting Out The Furnace
The Literary Pawnshop
The Little House
Magic In Salamis
Making Marathon Safe For The Urchin
The Man
A Marriage Service For Commuters
McSorley's
Meditations Of A Bookseller
A Message For Boonville
A Morning In Marathon
Moving
Mr. Conrad's New Preface
Mrs. Izaak Walton Writes A Letter To Her Mother
Musings Of John Mistletoe
My Friend
My Magnificent System
The Old Reliable
Old Thoughts For Christmas
On Doors
On Filling An Ink-Well
On Going To Bed
On Laziness
On Making Friends
On Unanswering Letters
On Visiting Bookshops
On Waiting For The Curtain To Go Up
One-Night Stands
Our Mothers
Our Tricolour Tie
The Owl Train
An Oxford Landlady
The Perfect Reader
The Permanence Of Poetry
A Poet Of Sad Vigils
A Portrait
A Preface To The Profession Of Journalism
Prefaces
A Question Of Plumage
Rhubarb
The Rudeness Of Poets
Rupert Brooke
Safety Pins
Secret Transactions Of The Three Hours For Lunch Club
Silas Orrin Howes
Sitting In The Barber's Chair
The Skipper
The Smell Of Smells
Some Inns
A Suburban Sentimentalist
The Sunny Side Of Grub Street
Surf Fishing
Syntax For Cynics, A Grammar Of The Feminine Language
Tadpoles
Tales Of Two Cities (Philadelphia & New York)
Teaching The Prince To Take Notes
Thoughts In The Subway
Thoughts On Cider
Time To Light The Furnace
The Tragedy Of Washington Square
A Tragic Smell In Marathon
Trials Of A President Traveling Abroad
Trivia
Truth
Two Days We Celebrate
Unhealthy
The Unnatural Naturalist
The Urchin At The Zoo
The Value Of Criticism
A Venture In Mysticism
Visiting Poets
Walt Whitman Miniatures
West Broadway
What Men Live By
William Mcfee
The World's Most Famous Oration