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Essay(s) by Christopher Morley
On Going To Bed
Christopher Morley
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       One of the characters in "The Moon and Sixpence" remarked that he had faithfully lived up to the old precept about doing every day two things you heartily dislike; for, said he, every day he had got up and he had gone to bed.
       It is a sad thing that as soon as the hands of the clock have turned ten the shadow of going to bed begins to creep over the evening. We have never heard bedtime spoken of with any enthusiasm. One after another we have seen a gathering disperse, each person saying (with an air of solemn resignation): "Well, I guess I'll go to bed." But there was no hilarity about it. It is really rather touching how they cling to the departing skirts of the day that is vanishing under the spinning shadow of night.
       This is odd, we repeat, for sleep is highly popular among human beings. The reluctance to go to one's couch is not at all a reluctance to slumber, for almost all of us will doze happily in an armchair or on a sofa, or even festooned on the floor with a couple of cushions. But the actual and formal yielding to sheets and blankets is to be postponed to the last possible moment.
       The devil of drowsiness is at his most potent, we find, about 10:30 P. M. At this period the human carcass seems to consider that it has finished its cycle, which began with so much courage nearly sixteen hours before. It begins to slack and the mind halts on a dead centre every now and then, refusing to complete the revolution. Now there are those who hold that this is certainly the seemly and appointed time to go to bed and they do so as a matter of routine. These are, commonly, the happier creatures, for they take the tide of sleep at the flood and are borne calmly and with gracious gentleness out to great waters of nothingness. They push off from the wharf on a tranquil current and nothing more is to be seen or heard of these voyagers until they reappear at the breakfast table, digging lustily into their grapefruit.
       These people are happy, aye, in a brutish and sedentary fashion, but they miss the admirable adventures of those more embittered wrestlers who will not give in without a struggle. These latter suffer severe pangs between 10:30 and about 11:15 while they grapple with their fading faculties and seek to reestablish the will on its tottering throne. This requires courage stout, valour unbending. Once you yield, be it ever so little, to the tempter, you are lost. And here our poor barren clay plays us false, undermining the intellect with many a trick and wile. "I will sit down for a season in that comfortable chair," the creature says to himself, "and read this sprightly novel. That will ease my mind and put me in humour for a continuance of lively thinking." And the end of that man is a steady nasal buzz from the bottom of the chair where he has collapsed, an unsightly object and a disgrace to humanity. This also means a big bill from the electric light company at the end of the month. In many such ways will his corpus bewray him, leading him by plausible self-deceptions into a pitfall of sleep, whence he is aroused about 3 A. M. when the planet turns over on the other side. Only by stiff perseverance and rigid avoidance of easy chairs may the critical hour between 10:30 and 11:30 be safely passed. Tobacco, a self-brewed pot of tea, and a browsing along bookshelves (remain standing and do not sit down with your book) are helps in this time of struggle. Even so, there are some happily drowsy souls who can never cross these shallows alone without grounding on the Lotus Reefs. Our friend J---- D---- K----, magnificent creature, was (when we lived with him) so potently hypnoidal that, even erect and determined as his bookcase and urgently bent upon Brann's _Iconoclast_ or some other literary irritant, sleep would seep through his pores and he would fall with a crash, lying there in unconscious bliss until someone came in and prodded him up, reeling and ashamed.
       But, as we started to say, those who survive this drastic weeding out which Night imposes upon her wooers--so as to cull and choose only the truly meritorious lovers--experience supreme delights which are unknown to their snoring fellows. When the struggle with somnolence has been fought out and won, when the world is all-covering darkness and close-pressing silence, when the tobacco suddenly takes on fresh vigour and fragrance and the books lie strewn about the table, then it seems as though all the rubbish and floating matter of the day's thoughts have poured away and only the bright, clear, and swift current of the mind itself remains, flowing happily and without impediment. This perfection of existence is not to be reached very often; but when properly approached it may be won. It is a different mind that one uncovers then, a spirit which is lucid and hopeful, to which (for a few serene hours) time exists not. The friable resolutions of the day are brought out again and recemented and chiselled anew. Surprising schemes are started and carried through to happy conclusion, lifetimes of amazement are lived in a few passing ticks. There is one who at such moments resolves, with complete sincerity, to start at one end of the top shelf and read again all the books in his library, intending this time really to extract their true marrow. He takes a clean sheet of paper and sets down memoranda of all the people he intends to write to, and all the plumbers and what not that he will call up the next day. And the next time this happy seizure attacks him he will go through the same gestures again without surprise and without the slightest mortification. And then, having lived a generation of good works since midnight struck, he summons all his resolution and goes to bed.
       [The end]
       Christopher Morley's essay: On Going To Bed
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"Idolatry"
"Owd Bob"
"Peacock Pie"
1100 Words
163 Innocent Old Men
17 Heriot Row
Adventures At Lunch Time
Adventures In High Finance
Advice To Those Visiting A Baby
The American House Of Lords
The Apple That No One Ate
The Art Of Walking
As To Rumors
At The Gasthof Zum Ochsen
The Autogenesis Of A Poet
Books Of The Sea
Brown Eyes And Equinoxes
Bullied By The Birds
By The Fireplace
A Casual Of The Sea
Christmas Cards
A City Note-Book (New York)
A City Notebook (Philadelphia)
Clouds
The Club At Its Worst
The Club In Hoboken
The Club Of Abandoned Husbands
Confessions Of A "Colyumist"
Confessions Of A Smoker
Consider The Commuter
Cotswold Winds
Creed Of The Three Hours For Lunch Club
Dempsey Vs. Carpentier
A Dialogue (Between Dogs)
A Discovery
The Dog's Commandments
Don Marquis
The Downfall Of George Snipe
Fallacious Meditations On Criticism
Fellow Craftsmen
The First Commencement Address
Fixed Ideas
Frank Confessions Of A Publisher's Reader
A Friend Of Fitzgerald
Fulton Street, And Walt Whitman
Gissing (a dog's name)
Going To Philadelphia
A Good Home In The Suburbs
Greeting To American Anglers
The Haunting Beauty Of Strychnine
Hay Febrifuge
The Head Of The Firm
The Hilarity Of Hilaire
Housebroken
If Buying A Meal Were Like Buying A House
If Mr. Wilson Were The Weather Man
In Memoriam, Francis Barton Gummere
Ingo
Initiation
A Japanese Bachelor
Joyce Kilmer
The Key Ring
The Last Pipe
A Letter To A Sea Captain
A Letter To Father Time
Letters To Cynthia
Letting Out The Furnace
The Literary Pawnshop
The Little House
Magic In Salamis
Making Marathon Safe For The Urchin
The Man
A Marriage Service For Commuters
McSorley's
Meditations Of A Bookseller
A Message For Boonville
A Morning In Marathon
Moving
Mr. Conrad's New Preface
Mrs. Izaak Walton Writes A Letter To Her Mother
Musings Of John Mistletoe
My Friend
My Magnificent System
The Old Reliable
Old Thoughts For Christmas
On Doors
On Filling An Ink-Well
On Going To Bed
On Laziness
On Making Friends
On Unanswering Letters
On Visiting Bookshops
On Waiting For The Curtain To Go Up
One-Night Stands
Our Mothers
Our Tricolour Tie
The Owl Train
An Oxford Landlady
The Perfect Reader
The Permanence Of Poetry
A Poet Of Sad Vigils
A Portrait
A Preface To The Profession Of Journalism
Prefaces
A Question Of Plumage
Rhubarb
The Rudeness Of Poets
Rupert Brooke
Safety Pins
Secret Transactions Of The Three Hours For Lunch Club
Silas Orrin Howes
Sitting In The Barber's Chair
The Skipper
The Smell Of Smells
Some Inns
A Suburban Sentimentalist
The Sunny Side Of Grub Street
Surf Fishing
Syntax For Cynics, A Grammar Of The Feminine Language
Tadpoles
Tales Of Two Cities (Philadelphia & New York)
Teaching The Prince To Take Notes
Thoughts In The Subway
Thoughts On Cider
Time To Light The Furnace
The Tragedy Of Washington Square
A Tragic Smell In Marathon
Trials Of A President Traveling Abroad
Trivia
Truth
Two Days We Celebrate
Unhealthy
The Unnatural Naturalist
The Urchin At The Zoo
The Value Of Criticism
A Venture In Mysticism
Visiting Poets
Walt Whitman Miniatures
West Broadway
What Men Live By
William Mcfee
The World's Most Famous Oration