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Longest Journey, The
PART 3 - WILTSHIRE   PART 3 - WILTSHIRE - CHAPTER 30
E M Forster
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       _ Stephen, the son of these people, had one instinct that troubled
       him. At night--especially out of doors--it seemed rather strange
       that he was alive. The dry grass pricked his cheek, the fields
       were invisible and mute, and here was he, throwing stones at the
       darkness or smoking a pipe. The stones vanished, the pipe would
       burn out. But he would be here in the morning when the sun rose,
       and he would bathe, and run in the mist. He was proud of his good
       circulation, and in the morning it seemed quite natural. But at
       night, why should there be this difference between him and the
       acres of land that cooled all round him until the sun returned?
       What lucky chance had heated him up, and sent him, warm and
       lovable, into a passive world? He had other instincts, but these
       gave him no trouble. He simply gratified each as it occurred,
       provided he could do so without grave injury to his fellows. But
       the instinct to wonder at the night was not to be thus appeased.
       At first he had lived under the care of Mr. Failing the only
       person to whom his mother spoke freely, the only person who had
       treated her neither as a criminal nor as a pioneer. In their rare
       but intimate conversations she had asked him to educate her son.
       "I will teach him Latin," he answered. "The rest such a boy must
       remember." Latin, at all events, was a failure: who could attend
       to Virgil when the sound of the thresher arose, and you knew that
       the stack was decreasing and that rats rushed more plentifully
       each moment to their doom? But he was fond of Mr. Failing, and
       cried when he died. Mrs. Elliot, a pleasant woman, died soon
       after.
       There was something fatal in the order of these deaths. Mr.
       Failing had made no provision for the boy in his will: his wife
       had promised to see to this. Then came Mr. Elliot's death, and,
       before the new home was created, the sudden death of Mrs. Elliot.
       She also left Stephen no money: she had none to leave. Chance
       threw him into the power of Mrs. Failing. "Let things go on as
       they are," she thought. "I will take care of this pretty little
       boy, and the ugly little boy can live with the Silts. After my
       death--well, the papers will be found after my death, and they
       can meet then. I like the idea of their mutual ignorance. It is
       amusing."
       He was then twelve. With a few brief intervals of school, he
       lived in Wiltshire until he was driven out. Life had two distinct
       sides--the drawing-room and the other. In the drawing-room people
       talked a good deal, laughing as they talked. Being clever, they
       did not care for animals: one man had never seen a hedgehog. In
       the other life people talked and laughed separately, or even did
       neither. On the whole, in spite of the wet and gamekeepers, this
       life was preferable. He knew where he was. He glanced at the boy,
       or later at the man, and behaved accordingly. There was no law--
       the policeman was negligible. Nothing bound him but his own word,
       and he gave that sparingly.
       It is impossible to be romantic when you have your heart's
       desire, and such a boy disappointed Mrs. Failing greatly. His
       parents had met for one brief embrace, had found one little
       interval between the power of the rulers of this world and the
       power of death. He was the child of poetry and of rebellion, and
       poetry should run in his veins. But he lived too near the things
       he loved to seem poetical. Parted from them, he might yet satisfy
       her, and stretch out his hands with a pagan's yearning. As it
       was, he only rode her horses, and trespassed, and bathed, and
       worked, for no obvious reason, upon her fields. Affection she did
       not believe in, and made no attempt to mould him; and he, for his
       part, was very content to harden untouched into a man. His
       parents had given him excellent gifts--health, sturdy limbs, and
       a face not ugly,--gifts that his habits confirmed. They had also
       given him a cloudless spirit--the spirit of the seventeen days in
       which he was created. But they had not given him the spirit of
       their sit years of waiting, and love for one person was never to
       be the greatest thing he knew.
       "Philosophy" had postponed the quarrel between them. Incurious
       about his personal origin, he had a certain interest in our
       eternal problems. The interest never became a passion: it sprang
       out of his physical growth, and was soon merged in it again. Or,
       as he put it himself, "I must get fixed up before starting." He
       was soon fixed up as a materialist. Then he tore up the sixpenny
       reprints, and never amused Mrs. Failing so much again.
       About the time he fixed himself up, he took to drink. He knew of
       no reason against it. The instinct was in him, and it hurt
       nobody. Here, as elsewhere, his motions were decided, and he
       passed at once from roaring jollity to silence. For those who
       live on the fuddled borderland, who crawl home by the railings
       and maunder repentance in the morning, he had a biting contempt.
       A man must take his tumble and his headache. He was, in fact, as
       little disgusting as is conceivable; and hitherto he had not
       strained his constitution or his will. Nor did he get drunk as
       often as Agnes suggested. Thc real quarrel gathered elsewhere.
       Presentable people have run wild in their youth. But the hour
       comes when they turn from their boorish company to higher things.
       This hour never came for Stephen. Somewhat a bully by nature, he
       kept where his powers would tell, and continued to quarrel and
       play with the men he had known as boys. He prolonged their youth
       unduly. "They won't settle down," said Mr. Wilbraham to his wife.
       "They're wanting things. It's the germ of a Trades Union. I shall
       get rid of a few of the worst." Then Stephen rushed up to Mrs.
       Failing and worried her. "It wasn't fair. So-and-so was a good
       sort. He did his work. Keen about it? No. Why should he be? Why
       should he be keen about somebody else's land? But keen enough.
       And very keen on football." She laughed, and said a word about
       So-and-so to Mr. Wilbraham. Mr. Wilbraham blazed up. "How could
       the farm go on without discipline? How could there be discipline
       if Mr. Stephen interfered? Mr. Stephen liked power. He spoke to
       the men like one of themselves, and pretended it was all
       equality, but he took care to come out top. Natural, of course,
       that, being a gentleman, he should. But not natural for a
       gentleman to loiter all day with poor people and learn their
       work, and put wrong notions into their heads, and carry their
       newfangled grievances to Mrs. Failing. Which partly accounted for
       the deficit on the past year." She rebuked Stephen. Then he lost
       his temper, was rude to her, and insulted Mr. Wilbraham.
       The worst days of Mr. Failing's rule seemed to be returning. And
       Stephen had a practical experience, and also a taste for battle,
       that her husband had never possessed. He drew up a list of
       grievances, some absurd, others fundamental. No newspapers in the
       reading-room, you could put a plate under the Thompsons' door, no
       level cricket-pitch, no allotments and no time to work in them,
       Mrs. Wilbraham's knife-boy underpaid. "Aren't you a little
       unwise?" she asked coldly. "I am more bored than you think over
       the farm." She was wanting to correct the proofs of the book and
       rewrite the prefatory memoir. In her irritation she wrote to
       Agnes. Agnes replied sympathetically, and Mrs. Failing, clever as
       she was, fell into the power of the younger woman. They discussed
       him at first as a wretch of a boy; then he got drunk and somehow
       it seemed more criminal. All that she needed now was a personal
       grievance, which Agnes casually supplied. Though vindictive, she
       was determined to treat him well, and thought with satisfaction
       of our distant colonies. But he burst into an odd passion: he
       would sooner starve than leave England. "Why?" she asked. "Are
       you in love?" He picked up a lump of the chalk-they were by the
       arbour--and made no answer. The vicar murmured, "It is not like
       going abroad--Greater Britain--blood is thicker than water--" A
       lump of chalk broke her drawing-room window on the Saturday.
       Thus Stephen left Wiltshire, half-blackguard, half-martyr. Do not
       brand him as a socialist. He had no quarrel with society, nor any
       particular belief in people because they are poor. He only held
       the creed of "here am I and there are you," and therefore class
       distinctions were trivial things to him, and life no decorous
       scheme, but a personal combat or a personal truce. For the same
       reason ancestry also was trivial, and a man not the dearer
       because the same woman was mother to them both. Yet it seemed
       worth while to go to Sawston with the news. Perhaps nothing would
       come of it; perhaps friendly intercourse, and a home while he
       looked around.
       When they wronged him he walked quietly away. He never thought of
       allotting the blame, nor or appealing to Ansell, who still sat
       brooding in the side-garden. He only knew that educated people
       could be horrible, and that a clean liver must never enter
       Dunwood House again. The air seemed stuffy. He spat in the
       gutter. Was it yesterday he had lain in the rifle-butts over
       Salisbury? Slightly aggrieved, he wondered why he was not back
       there now. "I ought to have written first," he reflected. "Here
       is my money gone. I cannot move. The Elliots have, as it were,
       practically robbed me." That was the only grudge he retained
       against them. Their suspicions and insults were to him as the
       curses of a tramp whom he passed by the wayside. They were dirty
       people, not his sort. He summed up the complicated tragedy as a
       "take in."
       While Rickie was being carried upstairs, and while Ansell (had he
       known it) was dashing about the streets for him, he lay under a
       railway arch trying to settle his plans. He must pay back the
       friends who had given him shillings and clothes. He thought of
       Flea, whose Sundays he was spoiling--poor Flea, who ought to be
       in them now, shining before his girl. "I daresay he'll be ashamed
       and not go to see her, and then she'll take the other man." He
       was also very hungry. That worm Mrs. Elliot would be through her
       lunch by now. Trying his braces round him, and tearing up those
       old wet documents, he stepped forth to make money. A villainous
       young brute he looked: his clothes were dirty, and he had lost
       the spring of the morning. Touching the walls, frowning, talking
       to himself at times, he slouched disconsolately northwards; no
       wonder that some tawdry girls screamed at him, or that matrons
       averted their eyes as they hurried to afternoon church. He
       wandered from one suburb to another, till he was among people
       more villainous than himself, who bought his tobacco from him and
       sold him food. Again the neighbourhood "went up," and families,
       instead of sitting on their doorsteps, would sit behind thick
       muslin curtains. Again it would "go down" into a more avowed
       despair. Far into the night he wandered, until he came to a
       solemn river majestic as a stream in hell. Therein were gathered
       the waters of Central England--those that flow off Hindhead, off
       the Chilterns, off Wiltshire north of the Plain. Therein they
       were made intolerable ere they reached the sea. But the waters he
       had known escaped. Their course lay southward into the Avon by
       forests and beautiful fields, even swift, even pure, until they
       mirrored the tower of Christchurch and greeted the ramparts of
       the Isle of Wight. Of these he thought for a moment as he crossed
       the black river and entered the heart of the modern world.
       Here he found employment. He was not hampered by genteel
       traditions, and, as it was near quarter-day, managed to get taken
       on at a furniture warehouse. He moved people from the suburbs to
       London, from London to the suburbs, from one suburb to another.
       His companions were hurried and querulous. In particular, he
       loathed the foreman, a pious humbug who allowed no swearing, but
       indulged in something far more degraded--the Cockney repartee.
       The London intellect, so pert and shallow, like a stream that
       never reaches the ocean, disgusted him almost as much as the
       London physique, which for all its dexterity is not permanent,
       and seldom continues into the third generation. His father, had
       he known it, had felt the same; for between Mr. Elliot and the
       foreman the gulf was social, not spiritual: both spent their
       lives in trying to be clever. And Tony Failing had once put the
       thing into words: "There's no such thing as a Londoner. He's only
       a country man on the road to sterility."
       At the end of ten days he had saved scarcely anything. Once he
       passed the bank where a hundred pounds lay ready for him, but it
       was still inconvenient for him to take them. Then duty sent him
       to a suburb not very far from Sawston. In the evening a man who
       was driving a trap asked him to hold it, and by mistake tipped
       him a sovereign. Stephen called after him; but the man had a
       woman with him and wanted to show off, and though he had meant to
       tip a shilling, and could not afford that, he shouted back that
       his sovereign was as good as any one's, and that if Stephen did
       not think so he could do various things and go to various places.
       On the action of this man much depends. Stephen changed the
       sovereign into a postal order, and sent it off to the people at
       Cadford. It did not pay them back, but it paid them something,
       and he felt that his soul was free.
       A few shillings remained in his pocket. They would have paid his
       fare towards Wiltshire, a good county; but what should he do
       there? Who would employ him? Today the journey did not seem worth
       while. "Tomorrow, perhaps," he thought, and determined to spend
       the money on pleasure of another kind. Two-pence went for a ride
       on an electric tram. From the top he saw the sun descend--a disc
       with a dark red edge. The same sun was descending over Salisbury
       intolerably bright. Out of the golden haze the spire would be
       piercing, like a purple needle; then mists arose from the Avon
       and the other streams. Lamps flickered, but in the outer purity
       the villages were already slumbering. Salisbury is only a Gothic
       upstart beside these. For generations they have come down to her
       to buy or to worship, and have found in her the reasonable crisis
       of their lives; but generations before she was built they were
       clinging to the soil, and renewing it with sheep and dogs and
       men, who found the crisis of their lives upon Stonehenge. The
       blood of these men ran in Stephen; the vigour they had won for
       him was as yet untarnished; out on those downs they had united with
       rough women to make the thing he spoke of as "himself"; the last
       of them has rescued a woman of a different kind from streets and
       houses such as these. As the sun descended he got off the tram
       with a smile of expectation. A public-house lay opposite, and a
       boy in a dirty uniform was already lighting its enormous lamp.
       His lips parted, and he went in.
       Two hours later, when Rickie and Herbert were going the rounds, a
       brick came crashing at the study window. Herbert peered into the
       garden, and a hooligan slipped by him into the house, wrecked the
       hall, lurched up the stairs, fell against the banisters, balanced
       for a moment on his spine, and slid over. Herbert called for the
       police. Rickie, who was upon the landing, caught the man by the
       knees and saved his life.
       "What is it?" cried Agnes, emerging.
       "It's Stephen come back," was the answer. "Hullo, Stephen!" _