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Longest Journey, The
PART 2 - SAWSTON   PART 2 - SAWSTON - CHAPTER 16
E M Forster
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       _ In three years Mr. Pembroke had done much to solidify the
       day-boys at Sawston School. If they were not solid, they were at
       all events curdling, and his activities might reasonably turn
       elsewhere. He had served the school for many years, and it was
       really time he should be entrusted with a boarding-house. The
       headmaster, an impulsive man who darted about like a minnow and
       gave his mother a great deal of trouble, agreed with him, and
       also agreed with Mrs. Jackson when she said that Mr. Jackson had
       served the school for many years and that it was really time he
       should be entrusted with a boarding-house. Consequently, when
       Dunwood House fell vacant the headmaster found himself in rather
       a difficult position.
       Dunwood House was the largest and most lucrative of the
       boarding-houses. It stood almost opposite the school buildings.
       Originally it had been a villa residence--a red-brick villa,
       covered with creepers and crowned with terracotta dragons. Mr.
       Annison, founder of its glory, had lived here, and had had one or
       two boys to live with him. Times changed. The fame of the bishops
       blazed brighter, the school increased, the one or two boys became
       a dozen, and an addition was made to Dunwood House that more than
       doubled its size. A huge new building, replete with every
       convenience, was stuck on to its right flank. Dormitories,
       cubicles, studies, a preparation-room, a dining-room, parquet
       floors, hot-air pipes--no expense was spared, and the twelve boys
       roamed over it like princes. Baize doors communicated on every
       floor with Mr. Annison's part, and he, an anxious gentleman,
       would stroll backwards and forwards, a little depressed at the
       hygienic splendours, and conscious of some vanished intimacy.
       Somehow he had known his boys better when they had all muddled
       together as one family, and algebras lay strewn upon the drawing
       room chairs. As the house filled, his interest in it decreased.
       When he retired--which he did the same summer that Rickie left
       Cambridge--it had already passed the summit of excellence and was
       beginning to decline. Its numbers were still satisfactory, and
       for a little time it would subsist on its past reputation. But
       that mysterious asset the tone had lowered, and it was therefore
       of great importance that Mr. Annison's successor should be a
       first-class man. Mr. Coates, who came next in seniority, was
       passed over, and rightly. The choice lay between Mr. Pembroke and
       Mr. Jackson, the one an organizer, the other a humanist. Mr.
       Jackson was master of the Sixth, and--with the exception of the
       headmaster, who was too busy to impart knowledge--the only
       first-class intellect in the school. But he could not or rather
       would not, keep order. He told his form that if it chose to
       listen to him it would learn; if it didn't, it wouldn't. One half
       listened. The other half made paper frogs, and bored holes in the
       raised map of Italy with their penknives. When the penknives
       gritted he punished them with undue severity, and then forgot to
       make them show the punishments up. Yet out of this chaos two
       facts emerged. Half the boys got scholarships at the University,
       and some of them--including several of the paper-frog sort--
       remained friends with him throughout their lives. Moreover, he
       was rich, and had a competent wife. His claim to Dunwood House
       was stronger than one would have supposed.
       The qualifications of Mr. Pembroke have already been indicated.
       They prevailed--but under conditions. If things went wrong, he
       must promise to resign.
       "In the first place," said the headmaster, "you are doing so
       splendidly with the day-boys. Your attitude towards the parents
       is magnificent. I--don't know how to replace you there. Whereas,
       of course, the parents of a boarder--"
       "Of course," said Mr. Pembroke.
       The parent of a boarder, who only had to remove his son if he was
       discontented with the school, was naturally in a more independent
       position than the parent who had brought all his goods and
       chattels to Sawston, and was renting a house there.
       "Now the parents of boarders--this is my second point--
       practically demand that the house-master should have a wife."
       "A most unreasonable demand," said Mr. Pembroke.
       "To my mind also a bright motherly matron is quite sufficient.
       But that is what they demand. And that is why--do you see?--we
       HAVE to regard your appointment as experimental. Possibly Miss
       Pembroke will be able to help you. Or I don't know whether if
       ever--" He left the sentence unfinished. Two days later Mr.
       Pembroke proposed to Mrs. Orr.
       He had always intended to marry when he could afford it; and once
       he had been in love, violently in love, but had laid the passion
       aside, and told it to wait till a more convenient season. This
       was, of course, the proper thing to do, and prudence should have
       been rewarded. But when, after the lapse of fifteen years, he
       went, as it were, to his spiritual larder and took down Love from
       the top shelf to offer him to Mrs. Orr, he was rather dismayed.
       Something had happened. Perhaps the god had flown; perhaps he had
       been eaten by the rats. At all events, he was not there.
       Mr. Pembroke was conscientious and romantic, and knew that
       marriage without love is intolerable. On the other hand, he could
       not admit that love had vanished from him. To admit this, would
       argue that he had deteriorated.
       Whereas he knew for a fact that he had improved, year by year.
       Each year be grew more moral, more efficient, more learned, more
       genial. So how could he fail to be more loving? He did not speak
       to himself as follows, because he never spoke to himself; but the
       following notions moved in the recesses of his mind: "It is not
       the fire of youth. But I am not sure that I approve of the fire
       of youth. Look at my sister! Once she has suffered, twice she has
       been most imprudent, and put me to great inconvenience besides,
       for if she was stopping with me she would have done the
       housekeeping. I rather suspect that it is a nobler, riper emotion
       that I am laying at the feet of Mrs. Orr." It never took him long
       to get muddled, or to reverse cause and effect. In a short time
       he believed that he had been pining for years, and only waiting
       for this good fortune to ask the lady to share it with him.
       Mrs. Orr was quiet, clever, kindly, capable, and amusing and they
       were old acquaintances. Altogether it was not surprising that he
       should ask her to be his wife, nor very surprising that she
       should refuse. But she refused with a violence that alarmed them
       both. He left her house declaring that he had been insulted, and
       she, as soon as he left, passed from disgust into tears.
       He was much annoyed. There was a certain Miss Herriton who,
       though far inferior to Mrs. Orr, would have done instead of her.
       But now it was impossible. He could not go offering himself about
       Sawston. Having engaged a matron who had the reputation for being
       bright and motherly, he moved into Dunwood House and opened the
       Michaelmas term. Everything went wrong. The cook left; the boys
       had a disease called roseola; Agnes, who was still drunk with her
       engagement, was of no assistance, but kept flying up to London to
       push Rickie's fortunes; and, to crown everything, the matron was
       too bright and not motherly enough: she neglected the little boys
       and was overattentive to the big ones. She left abruptly, and the
       voice of Mrs. Jackson arose, prophesying disaster.
       Should he avert it by taking orders? Parents do not demand that a
       house-master should be a clergyman, yet it reassures them when he
       is. And he would have to take orders some time, if he hoped for a
       school of his own. His religious convictions were ready to hand,
       but he spent several uncomfortable days hunting up his religious
       enthusiasms. It was not unlike his attempt to marry Mrs. Orr. But
       his piety was more genuine, and this time he never came to the
       point. His sense of decency forbade him hurrying into a Church
       that he reverenced. Moreover, he thought of another solution:
       Agnes must marry Rickie in the Christmas holidays, and they must
       come, both of them, to Sawston, she as housekeeper, he as
       assistant-master. The girl was a good worker when once she was
       settled down; and as for Rickie, he could easily be fitted in
       somewhere in the school. He was not a good classic, but good
       enough to take the Lower Fifth. He was no athlete, but boys might
       profitably note that he was a perfect gentleman all the same. He
       had no experience, but he would gain it. He had no decision, but
       he could simulate it. "Above all," thought Mr. Pembroke, "it will
       be something regular for him to do." Of course this was not
       "above all." Dunwood House held that position. But Mr. Pembroke
       soon came to think that it was, and believed that he was planning
       for Rickie, just as he had believed he was pining for Mrs. Orr.
       Agnes, when she got back from the lunch in Soho, was told of the
       plan. She refused to give any opinion until she had seen her
       lover. A telegram was sent to him, and next morning he arrived.
       He was very susceptible to the weather, and perhaps it was
       unfortunate that the morning was foggy. His train had been
       stopped outside Sawston Station, and there he had sat for half an
       hour, listening to the unreal noises that came from the line, and
       watching the shadowy figures that worked there. The gas was
       alight in the great drawing-room, and in its depressing rays he
       and Agnes greeted each other, and discussed the most momentous
       question of their lives. They wanted to be married: there was no
       doubt of that. They wanted it, both of them, dreadfully. But
       should they marry on these terms?
       "I'd never thought of such a thing, you see. When the scholastic
       agencies sent me circulars after the Tripos, I tore them up at
       once."
       "There are the holidays," said Agnes. "You would have three
       months in the year to yourself, and you could do your writing
       then."
       "But who'll read what I've written?" and he told her about the
       editor of the "Holborn."
       She became extremely grave. At the bottom of her heart she had
       always mistrusted the little stories, and now people who knew
       agreed with her. How could Rickie, or any one, make a living by
       pretending that Greek gods were alive, or that young ladies could
       vanish into trees? A sparkling society tale, full of verve and
       pathos, would have been another thing, and the editor might have
       been convinced by it.
       "But what does he mean?" Rickie was saying. "What does he mean by
       life?"
       "I know what he means, but I can't exactly explain. You ought to
       see life, Rickie. I think he's right there. And Mr. Tilliard was
       right when he said one oughtn't to be academic."
       He stood in the twilight that fell from the window, she in the
       twilight of the gas. "I wonder what Ansell would say," he
       murmured.
       "Oh, poor Mr. Ansell!"
       He was somewhat surprised. Why was Ansell poor? It was the first
       time the epithet had been applied to him.
       "But to change the conversation," said Agnes.
       "If we did marry, we might get to Italy at Easter and escape this
       horrible fog."
       "Yes. Perhaps there--" Perhaps life would be there. He thought of
       Renan, who declares that on the Acropolis at Athens beauty and
       wisdom do exist, really exist, as external powers. He did not
       aspire to beauty or wisdom, but he prayed to be delivered from
       the shadow of unreality that had begun to darken the world. For
       it was as if some power had pronounced against him--as if, by
       some heedless action, he had offended an Olympian god. Like many
       another, he wondered whether the god might be appeased by work--
       hard uncongenial work. Perhaps he had not worked hard enough, or
       had enjoyed his work too much, and for that reason the shadow was
       falling.
       "--And above all, a schoolmaster has wonderful opportunities for
       doing good; one mustn't forget that."
       To do good! For what other reason are we here? Let us give up our
       refined sensations, and our comforts, and our art, if thereby we
       can make other people happier and better. The woman he loved had
       urged him to do good! With a vehemence that surprised her, he
       exclaimed, "I'll do it."
       "Think it over," she cautioned, though she was greatly pleased.
       "No; I think over things too much."
       The room grew brighter. A boy's laughter floated in, and it
       seemed to him that people were as important and vivid as they had
       been six months before. Then he was at Cambridge, idling in the
       parsley meadows, and weaving perishable garlands out of flowers.
       Now he was at Sawston, preparing to work a beneficent machine.
       No man works for nothing, and Rickie trusted that to him also
       benefits might accrue; that his wound might heal as he laboured,
       and his eyes recapture the Holy Grail. _