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Longest Journey, The
PART 2 - SAWSTON   PART 2 - SAWSTON - CHAPTER 22
E M Forster
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       _ That same term there took place at Dunwood House another event.
       With their private tragedy it seemed to have no connection; but
       in time Rickie perceived it as a bitter comment. Its developments
       were unforeseen and lasting. It was perhaps the most terrible
       thing he had to bear.
       Varden had now been a boarder for ten months. His health had
       broken in the previous term,--partly, it is to be feared, as the
       result of the indifferent food--and during the summer holidays he
       was attacked by a series of agonizing earaches. His mother, a
       feeble person, wished to keep him at home, but Herbert dissuaded
       her. Soon after the death of the child there arose at Dunwood
       House one of those waves of hostility of which no boy knows the
       origin nor any master can calculate the course. Varden had never
       been popular--there was no reason why he should be--but he had
       never been seriously bullied hitherto. One evening nearly the
       whole house set on him. The prefects absented themselves, the
       bigger boys stood round and the lesser boys, to whom power was
       delegated, flung him down, and rubbed his face under the desks,
       and wrenched at his ears. The noise penetrated the baize doors,
       and Herbert swept through and punished the whole house, including
       Varden, whom it would not do to leave out. The poor man was
       horrified. He approved of a little healthy roughness, but this
       was pure brutalization. What had come over his boys? Were they
       not gentlemen's sons? He would not admit that if you herd to-
       gether human beings before they can understand each other the
       great god Pan is angry, and will in the end evade your
       regulations and drive them mad. That night the victim was
       screaming with pain, and the doctor next day spoke of an
       operation. The suspense lasted a whole week. Comment was made in
       the local papers, and the reputation not only of the house but of
       the school was imperilled. "If only I had known," repeated
       Herbert--"if only I had known I would have arranged it all
       differently. He should have had a cubicle." The boy did not die,
       but he left Sawston, never to return.
       The day before his departure Rickie sat with him some time, and
       tried to talk in a way that was not pedantic. In his own sorrow,
       which he could share with no one, least of all with his wife, he
       was still alive to the sorrows of others. He still fought against
       apathy, though he was losing the battle.
       "Don't lose heart," he told him. "The world isn't all going to be
       like this. There are temptations and trials, of course, but
       nothing at all of the kind you have had here."
       "But school is the world in miniature, is it not, sir?" asked the
       boy, hoping to please one master by echoing what had been told
       him by another. He was always on the lookout for sympathy--: it
       was one of the things that had contributed to his downfall.
       "I never noticed that myself. I was unhappy at school, and in the
       world people can be very happy."
       Varden sighed and rolled about his eyes. "Are the fellows sorry
       for what they did to me?" he asked in an affected voice. "I am
       sure I forgive them from the bottom of my heart. We ought to
       forgive our enemies, oughtn't we, sir?"
       "But they aren't your enemies. If you meet in five years' time
       you may find each other splendid fellows."
       The boy would not admit this. He had been reading some
       revivalistic literature. "We ought to forgive our enemies," he
       repeated; "and however wicked they are, we ought not to wish them
       evil. When I was ill, and death seemed nearest, I had many kind
       letters on this subject."
       Rickie knew about these "many kind letters." Varden had induced
       the silly nurse to write to people--people of all sorts, people
       that he scarcely knew or did not know at all--detailing his
       misfortune, and asking for spiritual aid and sympathy.
       "I am sorry for them," he pursued. "I would not like to be like
       them."
       Rickie sighed. He saw that a year at Dunwood House had produced a
       sanctimonious prig. "Don't think about them, Varden. Think about
       anything beautiful--say, music. You like music. Be happy. It's
       your duty. You can't be good until you've had a little happiness.
       Then perhaps you will think less about forgiving people and more
       about loving them."
       "I love them already, sir." And Rickie, in desperation, asked if
       he might look at the many kind letters.
       Permission was gladly given. A neat bundle was produced, and for
       about twenty minutes the master perused it, while the invalid
       kept watch on his face. Rooks cawed out in the playing-fields,
       and close under tile window there was the sound of delightful,
       good-tempered laughter. A boy is no devil, whatever boys may be.
       The letters were chilly productions, somewhat clerical in tone,
       by whomsoever written. Varden, because he was ill at the time,
       had been taken seriously. The writers declared that his illness
       was fulfilling some mysterious purpose: suffering engendered
       spiritual growth: he was showing signs of this already. They
       consented to pray for him, some majestically, others shyly. But
       they all consented with one exception, who worded his refusal as
       follows:--
       Dear A.C. Varden,--
       I ought to say that I never remember seeing you. I am sorry that
       you are ill, and hope you are wrong about it. Why did you not
       write before, for I could have helped you then? When they pulled
       your ear, you ought to have gone like this (here was a rough
       sketch). I could not undertake praying, but would think of you
       instead, if that would do. I am twenty-two in April, built rather
       heavy, ordinary broad face, with eyes, etc. I write all this
       because you have mixed me with some one else, for I am not
       married, and do not want to be. I cannot think of you always, but
       will promise a quarter of an hour daily (say 7.00-7.15 A.M.), and
       might come to see you when you are better--that is, if you are a
       kid, and you read like one. I have been otter-hunting--
       Yours sincerely,
       Stephen Wonham _