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The Gilded Age
CHAPTER XXXIV
Mark Twain
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       CHAPTER XXXIV
       When Laura had been in Washington three months, she was still the same
       person, in one respect, that she was when she first arrived there--that
       is to say, she still bore the name of Laura Hawkins. Otherwise she was
       perceptibly changed.--
       She had arrived in a state of grievous uncertainty as to what manner of
       woman she was, physically and intellectually, as compared with eastern
       women; she was well satisfied, now, that her beauty was confessed, her
       mind a grade above the average, and her powers of fascination rather
       extraordinary. So she, was at ease upon those points. When she arrived,
       she was possessed of habits of economy and not possessed of money; now
       she dressed elaborately, gave but little thought to the cost of things,
       and was very well fortified financially. She kept her mother and
       Washington freely supplied with money, and did the same by Col. Sellers--
       who always insisted upon giving his note for loans--with interest; he was
       rigid upon that; she must take interest; and one of the Colonel's
       greatest satisfactions was to go over his accounts and note what a
       handsome sum this accruing interest amounted to, and what a comfortable
       though modest support it would yield Laura in case reverses should
       overtake her.
       In truth he could not help feeling that he was an efficient shield for
       her against poverty; and so, if her expensive ways ever troubled him for
       a brief moment, he presently dismissed the thought and said to himself,
       "Let her go on--even if she loses everything she is still safe--this
       interest will always afford her a good easy income."
       Laura was on excellent terms with a great many members of Congress, and
       there was an undercurrent of suspicion in some quarters that she was one
       of that detested class known as "lobbyists;" but what belle could escape
       slander in such a city? Fairminded people declined to condemn her on
       mere suspicion, and so the injurious talk made no very damaging headway.
       She was very gay, now, and very celebrated, and she might well expect to
       be assailed by many kinds of gossip. She was growing used to celebrity,
       and could already sit calm and seemingly unconscious, under the fire of
       fifty lorgnettes in a theatre, or even overhear the low voice "That's
       she!" as she passed along the street without betraying annoyance.
       The whole air was full of a vague vast scheme which was to eventuate in
       filling Laura's pockets with millions of money; some had one idea of the
       scheme, and some another, but nobody had any exact knowledge upon the
       subject. All that any one felt sure about, was that Laura's landed
       estates were princely in value and extent, and that the government was
       anxious to get hold of them for public purposes, and that Laura was
       willing to make the sale but not at all anxious about the matter and not
       at all in a hurry. It was whispered that Senator Dilworthy was a
       stumbling block in the way of an immediate sale, because he was resolved
       that the government should not have the lands except with the
       understanding that they should be devoted to the uplifting of the negro
       race; Laura did not care what they were devoted to, it was said, (a world
       of very different gossip to the contrary notwithstanding,) but there were
       several other heirs and they would be guided entirely by the Senator's
       wishes; and finally, many people averred that while it would be easy to
       sell the lands to the government for the benefit of the negro, by
       resorting to the usual methods of influencing votes, Senator Dilworthy
       was unwilling to have so noble a charity sullied by any taint of
       corruption--he was resolved that not a vote should be bought. Nobody
       could get anything definite from Laura about these matters, and so gossip
       had to feed itself chiefly upon guesses. But the effect of it all was,
       that Laura was considered to be very wealthy and likely to be vastly more
       so in a little while. Consequently she was much courted and as much
       envied: Her wealth attracted many suitors. Perhaps they came to worship
       her riches, but they remained to worship her. Some of the noblest men of
       the time succumbed to her fascinations. She frowned upon no lover when
       he made his first advances, but by and by when she was hopelessly
       enthralled, he learned from her own lips that she had formed a resolution
       never to marry. Then he would go away hating and cursing the whole sex,
       and she would calmly add his scalp to her string, while she mused upon
       the bitter day that Col. Selby trampled her love and her pride in the
       dust. In time it came to be said that her way was paved with broken
       hearts.
       Poor Washington gradually woke up to the fact that he too was an
       intellectual marvel as well as his gifted sister. He could not conceive
       how it had come about (it did not occur to him that the gossip about his
       family's great wealth had any thing to do with it). He could not account
       for it by any process of reasoning, and was simply obliged to accept the
       fact and give up trying to solve the riddle. He found himself dragged
       into society and courted, wondered at and envied very much as if he were
       one of those foreign barbers who flit over here now and then with a self-
       conferred title of nobility and marry some rich fool's absurd daughter.
       Sometimes at a dinner party or a reception he would find himself the
       centre of interest, and feel unutterably uncomfortable in the discovery.
       Being obliged to say something, he would mine his brain and put in a
       blast and when the smoke and flying debris had cleared away the result
       would be what seemed to him but a poor little intellectual clod of dirt
       or two, and then he would be astonished to see everybody as lost in
       admiration as if he had brought up a ton or two of virgin gold. Every
       remark he made delighted his hearers and compelled their applause; he
       overheard people say he was exceedingly bright--they were chiefly mammas
       and marriageable young ladies. He found that some of his good things
       were being repeated about the town. Whenever he heard of an instance of
       this kind, he would keep that particular remark in mind and analyze it at
       home in private. At first he could not see that the remark was anything
       better than a parrot might originate; but by and by he began to feel that
       perhaps he underrated his powers; and after that he used to analyze his
       good things with a deal of comfort, and find in them a brilliancy which
       would have been unapparent to him in earlier days--and then he would make
       a note, of that good thing and say it again the first time he found
       himself in a new company. Presently he had saved up quite a repertoire
       of brilliancies; and after that he confined himself to repeating these
       and ceased to originate any more, lest he might injure his reputation by
       an unlucky effort.
       He was constantly having young ladies thrust upon his notice at
       receptions, or left upon his hands at parties, and in time he began to
       feel that he was being deliberately persecuted in this way; and after
       that he could not enjoy society because of his constant dread of these
       female ambushes and surprises. He was distressed to find that nearly
       every time he showed a young lady a polite attention he was straightway
       reported to be engaged to her; and as some of these reports got into the
       newspapers occasionally, he had to keep writing to Louise that they were
       lies and she must believe in him and not mind them or allow them to
       grieve her.
       Washington was as much in the dark as anybody with regard to the great
       wealth that was hovering in the air and seemingly on the point of
       tumbling into the family pocket. Laura would give him no satisfaction.
       All she would say, was:
       "Wait. Be patient. You will see."
       "But will it be soon, Laura?"
       "It will not be very long, I think."
       "But what makes you think so?"
       "I have reasons--and good ones. Just wait, and be patient."
       "But is it going to be as much as people say it is?"
       "What do they say it is?"
       "Oh, ever so much. Millions!"
       "Yes, it will be a great sum."
       "But how great, Laura? Will it be millions?"
       "Yes, you may call it that. Yes, it will be millions. There, now--does
       that satisfy you?"
       "Splendid! I can wait. I can wait patiently--ever so patiently. Once I
       was near selling the land for twenty thousand dollars; once for thirty
       thousand dollars; once after that for seven thousand dollars; and once
       for forty thousand dollars--but something always told me not to do it.
       What a fool I would have been to sell it for such a beggarly trifle! It
       is the land that's to bring the money, isn't it Laura? You can tell me
       that much, can't you?"
       "Yes, I don't mind saying that much. It is the land.
       "But mind--don't ever hint that you got it from me. Don't mention me in
       the matter at all, Washington."
       "All right--I won't. Millions! Isn't it splendid! I mean to look
       around for a building lot; a lot with fine ornamental shrubbery and all
       that sort of thing. I will do it to-day. And I might as well see an
       architect, too, and get him to go to work at a plan for a house. I don't
       intend to spare and expense; I mean to have the noblest house that money
       can build." Then after a pause--he did not notice Laura's smiles "Laura,
       would you lay the main hall in encaustic tiles, or just in fancy patterns
       of hard wood?"
       Laura laughed a good old-fashioned laugh that had more of her former
       natural self about it than any sound that had issued from her mouth in
       many weeks. She said:
       "You don't change, Washington. You still begin to squander a fortune
       right and left the instant you hear of it in the distance; you never wait
       till the foremost dollar of it arrives within a hundred miles of you,"--
       and she kissed her brother good bye and left him weltering in his dreams,
       so to speak.
       He got up and walked the floor feverishly during two hours; and when he
       sat down he had married Louise, built a house, reared a family, married
       them off, spent upwards of eight hundred thousand dollars on mere
       luxuries, and died worth twelve millions.
       Content of CHAPTER XXXIV [Mark Twain/C. D. Warner's novel: The Gilded Age]
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