_ Chapter IX - Being the last chapter of the fifth book.
We shall now return to Colonel James and Mr. Booth, who walked
together from Colonel Bath's lodging with much more peaceable
intention than that gentleman had conjectured, who dreamt of nothing
but swords and guns and implements of wars.
The Birdcage-walk in the Park was the scene appointed by James for
unburthening his mind.--Thither they came, and there James acquainted
Booth with all that which the reader knows already, and gave him the
letter which we have inserted at the end of the last chapter.
Booth exprest great astonishment at this relation, not without venting
some detestation of the wickedness of Miss Matthews; upon which James
took him up, saying, he ought not to speak with such abhorrence of
faults which love for him had occasioned.
"Can you mention love, my dear colonel," cried Booth, "and such a
woman in the same breath?"
"Yes, faith! can I," says James; "for the devil take me if I know a
more lovely woman in the world." Here he began to describe her whole
person; but, as we cannot insert all the description, so we shall omit
it all; and concluded with saying, "Curse me if I don't think her the
finest creature in the universe. I would give half my estate, Booth,
she loved me as well as she doth you. Though, on second consideration,
I believe I should repent that bargain; for then, very possibly, I
should not care a farthing for her."
"You will pardon me, dear colonel," answered Booth; "but to me there
appears somewhat very singular in your way of thinking. Beauty is
indeed the object of liking, great qualities of admiration, good ones
of esteem; but the devil take me if I think anything but love to be
the object of love."
"Is there not something too selfish," replied James, "in that opinion?
but, without considering it in that light, is it not of all things the
most insipid? all oil! all sugar! zounds! it is enough to cloy the
sharp-set appetite of a parson. Acids surely are the most likely to
quicken."
"I do not love reasoning in allegories," cries Booth; "but with regard
to love, I declare I never found anything cloying in it. I have lived
almost alone with my wife near three years together, was never tired
with her company, nor ever wished for any other; and I am sure I never
tasted any of the acid you mention to quicken my appetite."
"This is all very extraordinary and romantic to me," answered the
colonel. "If I was to be shut up three years with the same woman,
which Heaven forbid! nothing, I think, could keep me alive but a
temper as violent as that of Miss Matthews. As to love, it would make
me sick to death in the twentieth part of that time. If I was so
condemned, let me see, what would I wish the woman to be? I think no
one virtue would be sufficient. With the spirit of a tigress I would
have her be a prude, a scold, a scholar, a critic, a wit, a
politician, and a Jacobite; and then, perhaps, eternal opposition
would keep up our spirits; and, wishing one another daily at the
devil, we should make a shift to drag on a damnable state of life,
without much spleen or vapours."
"And so you do not intend," cries Booth, "to break with this woman?"
"Not more than I have already, if I can help it," answered the
colonel.
"And you will be reconciled to her?" said Booth.
"Yes, faith! will I, if I can," answered the colonel; "I hope you have
no objection."
"None, my dear friend," said Booth, "unless on your account."
"I do believe you," said the colonel: "and yet, let me tell you, you
are a very extraordinary man, not to desire me to quit her on your own
account. Upon my soul, I begin to pity the woman, who hath placed her
affection, perhaps, on the only man in England of your age who would
not return it. But for my part, I promise you, I like her beyond all
other women; and, whilst that is the case, my boy, if her mind was as
full of iniquity as Pandora's box was of diseases, I'd hug her close
in my arms, and only take as much care as possible to keep the lid
down for fear of mischief. But come, dear Booth," said he, "let us
consider your affairs; for I am ashamed of having neglected them so
long; and the only anger I have against this wench is, that she was
the occasion of it."
Booth then acquainted the colonel with the promises he had received
from the noble lord, upon which James shook him by the hand, and
heartily wished him joy, crying, "I do assure you, if you have his
interest, you will need no other; I did not know you was acquainted
with him."
To which Mr. Booth answered, "That he was but a new acquaintance, and
that he was recommended to him by a lady."
"A lady!" cries the colonel; "well, I don't ask her name. You are a
happy man, Booth, amongst the women; and, I assure you, you could have
no stronger recommendation. The peer loves the ladies, I believe, as
well as ever Mark Antony did; and it is not his fault if he hath not
spent as much upon them. If he once fixes his eye upon a woman, he
will stick at nothing to get her."
"Ay, indeed!" cries Booth. "Is that his character?"
"Ay, faith," answered the colonel, "and the character of most men
besides him. Few of them, I mean, will stick at anything beside their
money. Jusque a la Bourse is sometimes the boundary of love as well as
friendship. And, indeed, I never knew any other man part with his
money so very freely on these occasions. You see, dear Booth, the
confidence I have in your honour."
"I hope, indeed, you have," cries Booth, "but I don't see what
instance you now give me of that confidence."
"Have not I shewn you," answered James, "where you may carry your
goods to market? I can assure you, my friend, that is a secret I would
not impart to every man in your situation, and all circumstances
considered."
"I am very sorry, sir," cries Booth very gravely, and turning as pale
as death, "you should entertain a thought of this kind; a thought
which hath almost frozen up my blood. I am unwilling to believe there
are such villains in the world; but there is none of them whom I
should detest half so much as myself, if my own mind had ever
suggested to me a hint of that kind. I have tasted of some distresses
of life, and I know not to what greater I may be driven, but my
honour, I thank Heaven, is in my own power, and I can boldly say to
Fortune she shall not rob me of it."
"Have I not exprest that confidence, my dear Booth?" answered the
colonel. "And what you say now well justifies my opinion; for I do
agree with you that, considering all things, it would be the highest
instance of dishonour."
"Dishonour, indeed!" returned Booth. "What! to prostitute my wife! Can
I think there is such a wretch breathing?"
"I don't know that," said the colonel, "but I am sure it was very far
from my intention to insinuate the least hint of any such matter to
you. Nor can I imagine how you yourself could conceive such a thought.
The goods I meant were no other than the charming person of Miss
Matthews, for whom I am convinced my lord would bid a swinging price
against me."
Booth's countenance greatly cleared up at this declaration, and he
answered with a smile, that he hoped he need not give the colonel any
assurances on that head. However, though he was satisfied with regard
to the colonel's suspicions, yet some chimeras now arose in his brain
which gave him no very agreeable sensations. What these were, the
sagacious reader may probably suspect; but, if he should not, we may
perhaps have occasion to open them in the sequel. Here we will put an
end to this dialogue, and to the fifth book of this history. _