_ Chapter I - In which Captain Booth begins to relate his history.
The tea-table being removed, and Mr. Booth and the lady left alone, he
proceeded as follows:
"Since you desire, madam, to know the particulars of my courtship to
that best and dearest of women whom I afterwards married, I will
endeavour to recollect them as well as I can, at least all those
incidents which are most worth relating to you.
"If the vulgar opinion of the fatality in marriage had ever any
foundation, it surely appeared in my marriage with my Amelia. I knew
her in the first dawn of her beauty; and, I believe, madam, she had as
much as ever fell to the share of a woman; but, though I always
admired her, it was long without any spark of love. Perhaps the
general admiration which at that time pursued her, the respect paid
her by persons of the highest rank, and the numberless addresses which
were made her by men of great fortune, prevented my aspiring at the
possession of those charms which seemed so absolutely out of my reach.
However it was, I assure you the accident which deprived her of the
admiration of others made the first great impression on my heart in
her favour. The injury done to her beauty by the overturning of a
chaise, by which, as you may well remember, her lovely nose was beat
all to pieces, gave me an assurance that the woman who had been so
much adored for the charms of her person deserved a much higher
adoration to be paid to her mind; for that she was in the latter
respect infinitely more superior to the rest of her sex than she had
ever been in the former."
"I admire your taste extremely," cried the lady; "I remember perfectly
well the great heroism with which your Amelia bore that misfortune."
"Good heavens! madam," answered he; "what a magnanimity of mind did
her behaviour demonstrate! If the world have extolled the firmness of
soul in a man who can support the loss of fortune; of a general who
can be composed after the loss of a victory; or of a king who can be
contented with the loss of a crown; with what astonishment ought we to
behold, with what praises to honour, a young lady, who can with
patience and resignation submit to the loss of exquisite beauty, in
other words to the loss of fortune, power, glory, everything which
human nature is apt to court and rejoice in! what must be the mind
which can bear to be deprived of all these in a moment, and by an
unfortunate trifling accident; which could support all this, together
with the most exquisite torments of body, and with dignity, with
resignation, without complaining, almost without a tear, undergo the
most painful and dreadful operations of surgery in such a situation!"
Here he stopt, and a torrent of tears gushed from his eyes; such tears
are apt to flow from a truly noble heart at the hearing of anything
surprisingly great and glorious. As soon as he was able he again
proceeded thus:
"Would you think, Miss Matthews, that the misfortune of my Amelia was
capable of any aggravation? I assure you, she hath often told me it
was aggravated with a circumstance which outweighed all the other
ingredients. This was the cruel insults she received from some of her
most intimate acquaintance, several of whom, after many distortions
and grimaces, have turned their heads aside, unable to support their
secret triumph, and burst into a loud laugh in her hearing."
"Good heavens!" cried Miss Matthews; "what detestable actions will
this contemptible passion of envy prevail on our sex to commit!"
"An occasion of this kind, as she hath since told me, made the first
impression on her gentle heart in my favour. I was one day in company
with several young ladies, or rather young devils, where poor Amelia's
accident was the subject of much mirth and pleasantry. One of these
said she hoped miss would not hold her head so high for the future.
Another answered, 'I do not know, madam, what she may do with her
head, but I am convinced she will never more turn up her nose at her
betters.' Another cried, 'What a very proper match might now be made
between Amelia and a certain captain,' who had unfortunately received
an injury in the same part, though from no shameful cause. Many other
sarcasms were thrown out, very unworthy to be repeated. I was hurt
with perceiving so much malice in human shape, and cried out very
bluntly, Indeed, ladies, you need not express such satisfaction at
poor Miss Emily's accident; for she will still be the handsomest woman
in England. This speech of mine was afterwards variously repeated, by
some to my honour, and by others represented in a contrary light;
indeed, it was often reported to be much ruder than it was. However,
it at length reached Amelia's ears. She said she was very much obliged
to me, since I could have so much compassion for her as to be rude to
a lady on her account.
"About a month after the accident, when Amelia began to see company in
a mask, I had the honour to drink tea with her. We were alone
together, and I begged her to indulge my curiosity by showing me her
face. She answered in a most obliging manner, 'Perhaps, Mr. Booth, you
will as little know me when my mask is off as when it is on;' and at
the same instant unmasked.--The surgeon's skill was the least I
considered. A thousand tender ideas rushed all at once on my mind. I
was unable to contain myself, and, eagerly kissing her hand, I cried--
Upon my soul, madam, you never appeared to me so lovely as at this
instant. Nothing more remarkable passed at this visit; but I sincerely
believe we were neither of us hereafter indifferent to each other.
"Many months, however, passed after this, before I ever thought
seriously of making her my wife. Not that I wanted sufficient love for
Amelia. Indeed it arose from the vast affection I bore her. I
considered my own as a desperate fortune, hers as entirely dependent
on her mother, who was a woman, you know, of violent passions, and
very unlikely to consent to a match so highly contrary to the interest
of her daughter. The more I loved Amelia, the more firmly I resolved
within myself never to propose love to her seriously. Such a dupe was
my understanding to my heart, and so foolishly did I imagine I could
be master of a flame to which I was every day adding fuel.
"O, Miss Matthews! we have heard of men entirely masters of their
passions, and of hearts which can carry this fire in them, and conceal
it at their pleasure. Perhaps there may be such: but, if there are,
those hearts may be compared, I believe, to damps, in which it is more
difficult to keep fire alive than to prevent its blazing: in mine it
was placed in the midst of combustible matter.
"After several visits, in which looks and sighs had been interchanged
on both sides, but without the least mention of passion in private,
one day the discourse between us when alone happened to turn on love;
I say happened, for I protest it was not designed on my side, and I am
as firmly convinced not on hers. I was now no longer master of myself;
I declared myself the most wretched of all martyrs to this tender
passion; that I had long concealed it from its object. At length,
after mentioning many particulars, suppressing, however, those which
must have necessarily brought it home to Amelia, I concluded with
begging her to be the confidante of my amour, and to give me her
advice on that occasion.
"Amelia (O, I shall never forget the dear perturbation!) appeared all
confusion at this instant. She trembled, turned pale, and discovered
how well she understood me, by a thousand more symptoms than I could
take notice of, in a state of mind so very little different from her
own. At last, with faltering accents, she said I had made a very ill
choice of a counsellor in a matter in which she was so ignorant.--
Adding, at last, 'I believe, Mr. Booth, you gentlemen want very little
advice in these affairs, which you all understand better than we do.'
"I will relate no more of our conversation at present; indeed I am
afraid I tire you with too many particulars."
"O, no!" answered she; "I should be glad to hear every step of an
amour which had so tender a beginning. Tell me everything you said or
did, if you can remember it."
He then proceeded, and so will we in the next chapter. _