_ Chapter V - Containing an eulogium upon innocence, and other grave matters.
Booth past that evening, and all the succeeding day, with his Amelia,
without the interruption of almost a single thought concerning Miss
Matthews, after having determined to go on the Sunday, the only day he
could venture without the verge in the present state of his affairs,
and pay her what she had advanced for him in the prison. But she had
not so long patience; for the third day, while he was sitting with
Amelia, a letter was brought to him. As he knew the hand, he
immediately put it into his pocket unopened, not without such an
alteration in his countenance, that had Amelia, who was then playing
with one of the children, cast her eyes towards him, she must have
remarked it. This accident, however, luckily gave him time to recover
himself; for Amelia was so deeply engaged with the little one, that
she did not even remark the delivery of the letter. The maid soon
after returned into the room, saying, the chairman desired to know if
there was any answer to the letter.--"What letter?" cries Booth.--"The
letter I gave you just now," answered the girl.--"Sure," cries Booth,
"the child is mad, you gave me no letter."--"Yes, indeed, I did, sir,"
said the poor girl. "Why then as sure as fate," cries Booth, "I threw
it into the fire in my reverie; why, child, why did you not tell me it
was a letter? bid the chairman come up, stay, I will go down myself;
for he will otherwise dirt the stairs with his feet."
Amelia was gently chiding the girl for her carelessness when Booth
returned, saying it was very true that she had delivered him a letter
from Colonel James, and that perhaps it might be of consequence.
"However," says he, "I will step to the coffee-house, and send him an
account of this strange accident, which I know he will pardon in my
present situation."
Booth was overjoyed at this escape, which poor Amelia's total want of
all jealousy and suspicion made it very easy for him to accomplish;
but his pleasure was considerably abated when, upon opening the
letter, he found it to contain, mixed with several very strong
expressions of love, some pretty warm ones of the upbraiding kind; but
what most alarmed him was a hint that it was in her (Miss Matthews's)
power to make Amelia as miserable as herself. Besides the general
knowledge of
_----Furens quid faemina possit,_
he had more particular reasons to apprehend the rage of a lady who had
given so strong an instance how far she could carry her revenge. She
had already sent a chairman to his lodgings with a positive command
not to return without an answer to her letter. This might of itself
have possibly occasioned a discovery; and he thought he had great
reason to fear that, if she did not carry matters so far as purposely
and avowedly to reveal the secret to Amelia, her indiscretion would at
least effect the discovery of that which he would at any price have
concealed. Under these terrors he might, I believe, be considered as
the most wretched of human beings.
O innocence, how glorious and happy a portion art thou to the breast
that possesses thee! thou fearest neither the eyes nor the tongues of
men. Truth, the most powerful of all things, is thy strongest friend;
and the brighter the light is in which thou art displayed, the more it
discovers thy transcendent beauties. Guilt, on the contrary, like a
base thief, suspects every eye that beholds him to be privy to his
transgressions, and every tongue that mentions his name to be
proclaiming them. Fraud and falsehood are his weak and treacherous
allies; and he lurks trembling in the dark, dreading every ray of
light, lest it should discover him, and give him up to shame and
punishment.
While Booth was walking in the Park with all these horrors in his mind
he again met his friend Colonel James, who soon took notice of that
deep concern which the other was incapable of hiding. After some
little conversation, Booth said, "My dear colonel, I am sure I must be
the most insensible of men if I did not look on you as the best and
the truest friend; I will, therefore, without scruple, repose a
confidence in you of the highest kind. I have often made you privy to
my necessities, I will now acquaint you with my shame, provided you
have leisure enough to give me a hearing: for I must open to you a
long history, since I will not reveal my fault without informing you,
at the same time, of those circumstances which, I hope, will in some
measure excuse it."
The colonel very readily agreed to give his friend a patient hearing.
So they walked directly to a coffee-house at the corner of Spring-
Garden, where, being in a room by themselves, Booth opened his whole
heart, and acquainted the colonel with his amour with Miss Matthews,
from the very beginning to his receiving that letter which had caused
all his present uneasiness, and which he now delivered into his
friend's hand.
The colonel read the letter very attentively twice over (he was silent
indeed long enough to have read it oftener); and then, turning to
Booth, said, "Well, sir, and is it so grievous a calamity to be the
object of a young lady's affection; especially of one whom you allow
to be so extremely handsome?" "Nay, but, my dear friend," cries Booth,
"do not jest with me; you who know my Amelia." "Well, my dear friend,"
answered James, "and you know Amelia and this lady too. But what would
you have me do for you?" "I would have you give me your advice," says
Booth, "by what method I shall get rid of this dreadful woman without
a discovery."--"And do you really," cries the other, "desire to get
rid of her?" "Can you doubt it," said Booth, "after what I have
communicated to you, and after what you yourself have seen in my
family? for I hope, notwithstanding this fatal slip, I do not appear
to you in the light of a profligate." "Well," answered James, "and,
whatever light I may appear to you in, if you are really tired of the
lady, and if she be really what you have represented her, I'll
endeavour to take her off your hands; but I insist upon it that you do
not deceive me in any particular." Booth protested in the most solemn
manner that every word which he had spoken was strictly true; and
being asked whether he would give his honour never more to visit the
lady, he assured James that he never would. He then, at his friend's
request, delivered him Miss Matthews's letter, in which was a second
direction to her lodgings, and declared to him that, if he could bring
him safely out of this terrible affair, he should think himself to
have a still higher obligation to his friendship than any which he had
already received from it.
Booth pressed the colonel to go home with him to dinner; but he
excused himself, being, as he said, already engaged. However, he
undertook in the afternoon to do all in his power that Booth should
receive no more alarms from the quarter of Miss Matthews, whom the
colonel undertook to pay all the demands she had on his friend. They
then separated. The colonel went to dinner at the King's Arms, and
Booth returned in high spirits to meet his Amelia.
The next day, early in the morning, the colonel came to the coffee-
house and sent for his friend, who lodged but at a little distance.
The colonel told him he had a little exaggerated the lady's beauty;
however, he said, he excused that, "for you might think, perhaps,"
cries he, "that your inconstancy to the finest woman in the world
might want some excuse. Be that as it will," said he, "you may make
yourself easy, as it will be, I am convinced, your own fault, if you
have ever any further molestation from Miss Matthews."
Booth poured forth very warmly a great profusion of gratitude on this
occasion; and nothing more anywise material passed at this interview,
which was very short, the colonel being in a great hurry, as he had,
he said, some business of very great importance to transact that
morning.
The colonel had now seen Booth twice without remembering to give him
the thirty pounds. This the latter imputed intirely to forgetfulness;
for he had always found the promises of the former to be equal in
value with the notes or bonds of other people. He was more surprized
at what happened the next day, when, meeting his friend in the Park,
he received only a cold salute from him; and though he past him five
or six times, and the colonel was walking with a single officer of no
great rank, and with whom he seemed in no earnest conversation, yet
could not Booth, who was alone, obtain any further notice from him.
This gave the poor man some alarm; though he could scarce persuade
himself that there was any design in all this coldness or
forgetfulness. Once he imagined that he had lessened himself in the
colonel's opinion by having discovered his inconstancy to Amelia; but
the known character of the other presently cured him of his suspicion,
for he was a perfect libertine with regard to women; that being indeed
the principal blemish in his character, which otherwise might have
deserved much commendation for good-nature, generosity, and
friendship. But he carried this one to a most unpardonable height; and
made no scruple of openly declaring that, if he ever liked a woman
well enough to be uneasy on her account, he would cure himself, if he
could, by enjoying her, whatever might be the consequence.
Booth could not therefore be persuaded that the colonel would so
highly resent in another a fault of which he was himself most
notoriously guilty. After much consideration he could derive this
behaviour from nothing better than a capriciousness in his friend's
temper, from a kind of inconstancy of mind, which makes men grow weary
of their friends with no more reason than they often are of their
mistresses. To say the truth, there are jilts in friendship as well as
in love; and, by the behaviour of some men in both, one would almost
imagine that they industriously sought to gain the affections of
others with a view only of making the parties miserable.
This was the consequence of the colonel's behaviour to Booth. Former
calamities had afflicted him, but this almost distracted him; and the
more so as he was not able well to account for such conduct, nor to
conceive the reason of it.
Amelia, at his return, presently perceived the disturbance in his
mind, though he endeavoured with his utmost power to hide it; and he
was at length prevailed upon by her entreaties to discover to her the
cause of it, which she no sooner heard than she applied as judicious a
remedy to his disordered spirits as either of those great mental
physicians, Tully or Aristotle, could have thought of. She used many
arguments to persuade him that he was in an error, and had mistaken
forgetfulness and carelessness for a designed neglect.
But, as this physic was only eventually good, and as its efficacy
depended on her being in the right, a point in which she was not apt
to be too positive, she thought fit to add some consolation of a more
certain and positive kind. "Admit," said she, "my dear, that Mr. James
should prove the unaccountable person you have suspected, and should,
without being able to alledge any cause, withdraw his friendship from
you (for surely the accident of burning his letter is too trifling and
ridiculous to mention), why should this grieve you? the obligations he
hath conferred on you, I allow, ought to make his misfortunes almost
your own; but they should not, I think, make you see his faults so
very sensibly, especially when, by one of the greatest faults in the
world committed against yourself, he hath considerably lessened all
obligations; for sure, if the same person who hath contributed to my
happiness at one time doth everything in his power maliciously and
wantonly to make me miserable at another, I am very little obliged to
such a person. And let it be a comfort to my dear Billy, that, however
other friends may prove false and fickle to him, he hath one friend,
whom no inconstancy of her own, nor any change of his fortune, nor
time, nor age, nor sickness, nor any accident, can ever alter; but who
will esteem, will love, and doat on him for ever." So saying, she
flung her snowy arms about his neck, and gave him a caress so tender,
that it seemed almost to balance all the malice of his fate.
And, indeed, the behaviour of Amelia would have made him completely
happy, in defiance of all adverse circumstances, had it not been for
those bitter ingredients which he himself had thrown into his cup, and
which prevented him from truly relishing his Amelia's sweetness, by
cruelly reminding him how unworthy he was of this excellent creature.
Booth did not long remain in the dark as to the conduct of James,
which, at first, appeared to him to be so great a mystery; for this
very afternoon he received a letter from Miss Matthews which
unravelled the whole affair. By this letter, which was full of
bitterness and upbraiding, he discovered that James was his rival with
that lady, and was, indeed, the identical person who had sent the
hundred-pound note to Miss Matthews, when in the prison. He had reason
to believe, likewise, as well by the letter as by other circumstances,
that James had hitherto been an unsuccessful lover; for the lady,
though she had forfeited all title to virtue, had not yet so far
forfeited all pretensions to delicacy as to be, like the dirt in the
street, indifferently common to all. She distributed her favours only
to those she liked, in which number that gentleman had not the
happiness of being included.
When Booth had made this discovery, he was not so little versed in
human nature, as any longer to hesitate at the true motive to the
colonel's conduct; for he well knew how odious a sight a happy rival
is to an unfortunate lover. I believe he was, in reality, glad to
assign the cold treatment he had received from his friend to a cause
which, however injustifiable, is at the same time highly natural; and
to acquit him of a levity, fickleness, and caprice, which he must have
been unwillingly obliged to have seen in a much worse light.
He now resolved to take the first opportunity of accosting the
colonel, and of coming to a perfect explanation upon the whole matter.
He debated likewise with himself whether he should not throw himself
at Amelia's feet, and confess a crime to her which he found so little
hopes of concealing, and which he foresaw would occasion him so many
difficulties and terrors to endeavour to conceal. Happy had it been
for him, had he wisely pursued this step; since, in all probability,
he would have received immediate forgiveness from the best of women;
but he had not sufficient resolution, or, to speak perhaps more truly,
he had too much pride, to confess his guilt, and preferred the danger
of the highest inconveniences to the certainty of being put to the
blush. _