GREMIO O Sir, such a life with such a wife were strange!
But if you have a stomach, to't a God's name;
You shall have me assisting you in all.
But will you woo this wild-cat?
PETRUCHIO Will I live?
GRUMIO Will he woo her? Ay, or I'll hang her.
PETRUCHIO Why came I hither but to that intent?
Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
Have I not in my time heard lions roar?
Have I not heard the sea, puff'd up with winds,
Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?
Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?
Have I not in a pitched battle heard
Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?
And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,
That gives not half so great a blow to hear
As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?
Tush! tush! fear boys with bugs.
GRUMIO For he fears none.
GREMIO Hortensio, hark:
This gentleman is happily arriv'd,
My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.
HORTENSIO I promis'd we would be contributors
And bear his charge of wooing, whatsoe'er.
GREMIO And so we will- provided that he win her.
GRUMIO I would I were as sure of a good dinner.
Enter TRANIO, bravely apparelled as LUCENTIO, and BIONDELLO TRANIO Gentlemen, God save you! If I may be bold,
Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way
To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?
BIONDELLO He that has the two fair daughters; is't he you mean?
TRANIO Even he, Biondello.
GREMIO Hark you, sir, you mean not her to-
TRANIO Perhaps him and her, sir; what have you to do?
PETRUCHIO Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.
TRANIO I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let's away.
LUCENTIO [Aside] Well begun, Tranio.
HORTENSIO Sir, a word ere you go.
Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of, yea or no?
TRANIO And if I be, sir, is it any offence?
GREMIO No; if without more words you will get you hence.
TRANIO Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free
For me as for you?
GREMIO But so is not she.
TRANIO For what reason, I beseech you?
GREMIO For this reason, if you'll know,
That she's the choice love of Signior Gremio.
HORTENSIO That she's the chosen of Signior Hortensio.
TRANIO Softly, my masters! If you be gentlemen,
Do me this right- hear me with patience.
Baptista is a noble gentleman,
To whom my father is not all unknown,
And, were his daughter fairer than she is,
She may more suitors have, and me for one.
Fair Leda's daughter had a thousand wooers;
Then well one more may fair Bianca have;
And so she shall: Lucentio shall make one,
Though Paris came in hope to speed alone.
GREMIO What, this gentleman will out-talk us all!
LUCENTIO Sir, give him head; I know he'll prove a jade.
PETRUCHIO Hortensio, to what end are all these words?
HORTENSIO Sir, let me be so bold as ask you,
Did you yet ever see Baptista's daughter?
TRANIO No, sir, but hear I do that he hath two:
The one as famous for a scolding tongue
As is the other for beauteous modesty.
PETRUCHIO Sir, sir, the first's for me; let her go by.
GREMIO Yea, leave that labour to great Hercules,
And let it be more than Alcides' twelve.
PETRUCHIO Sir, understand you this of me, in sooth:
The youngest daughter, whom you hearken for,
Her father keeps from all access of suitors,
And will not promise her to any man
Until the elder sister first be wed.
The younger then is free, and not before.
TRANIO If it be so, sir, that you are the man
Must stead us all, and me amongst the rest;
And if you break the ice, and do this feat,
Achieve the elder, set the younger free
For our access- whose hap shall be to have her
Will not so graceless be to be ingrate.
HORTENSIO Sir, you say well, and well you do conceive;
And since you do profess to be a suitor,
You must, as we do, gratify this gentleman,
To whom we all rest generally beholding.
TRANIO Sir, I shall not be slack; in sign whereof,
Please ye we may contrive this afternoon,
And quaff carouses to our mistress' health;
And do as adversaries do in law-
Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
GRUMIO,
BIONDELLO O excellent motion! Fellows, let's be gone.
HORTENSIO The motion's good indeed, and be it so.
Petruchio, I shall be your ben venuto.
Exeunt Padua. Before HORTENSIO'S house
Enter PETRUCHIO and his man GRUMIO PETRUCHIO Verona, for a while I take my leave,
To see my friends in Padua; but of all
My best beloved and approved friend,
Hortensio; and I trow this is his house.
Here, sirrah Grumio, knock, I say.
GRUMIO Knock, sir! Whom should I knock?
Is there any man has rebus'd your worship?
PETRUCHIO Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.
GRUMIO Knock you here, sir? Why, sir, what am I, sir, that I
should knock you here, sir?
PETRUCHIO Villain, I say, knock me at this gate,
And rap me well, or I'll knock your knave's pate.
GRUMIO My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock you first,
And then I know after who comes by the worst.
PETRUCHIO Will it not be?
Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock I'll ring it;
I'll try how you can sol-fa, and sing it.
[He wrings him by the ears] GRUMIO Help, masters, help! My master is mad.
PETRUCHIO Now knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!
Enter HORTENSIO HORTENSIO How now! what's the matter? My old friend Grumio and
my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?
PETRUCHIO Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray?
'Con tutto il cuore ben trovato' may I say.
HORTENSIO Alla nostra casa ben venuto,
Molto honorato signor mio Petruchio.
Rise, Grumio, rise; we will compound this quarrel.
GRUMIO Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin. If
this be not a lawful cause for me to leave his service- look
you, sir: he bid me knock him and rap him soundly, sir. Well,
was it fit for a servant to use his master so; being,
perhaps, for aught I see, two and thirty, a pip out?
Whom would to God I had well knock'd at first,
Then had not Grumio come by the worst.
PETRUCHIO A senseless villain! Good Hortensio,
I bade the rascal knock upon your gate,
And could not get him for my heart to do it.
GRUMIO Knock at the gate? O heavens! Spake you not these words
plain: 'Sirrah knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and
knock me soundly'? And come you now with 'knocking at the
gate'?
PETRUCHIO Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.
HORTENSIO Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio's pledge;
Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and you,
Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.
And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale
Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?
PETRUCHIO Such wind as scatters young men through the world
To seek their fortunes farther than at home,
Where small experience grows. But in a few,
Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:
Antonio, my father, is deceas'd,
And I have thrust myself into this maze,
Haply to wive and thrive as best I may;
Crowns in my purse I have, and goods at home,
And so am come abroad to see the world.
HORTENSIO Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee
And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife?
Thou'dst thank me but a little for my counsel,
And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich,
And very rich; but th'art too much my friend,
And I'll not wish thee to her.
PETRUCHIO Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we
Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know
One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife,
As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,
Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,
As old as Sibyl, and as curst and shrewd
As Socrates' Xanthippe or a worse-
She moves me not, or not removes, at least,
Affection's edge in me, were she as rough
As are the swelling Adriatic seas.
I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
If wealthily, then happily in Padua.
GRUMIO Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind
is. Why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an
aglet-baby, or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her head,
though she has as many diseases as two and fifty horses.
Why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.
HORTENSIO Petruchio, since we are stepp'd thus far in,
I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife
With wealth enough, and young and beauteous;
Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman;
Her only fault, and that is faults enough,
Is- that she is intolerable curst,
And shrewd and froward so beyond all measure
That, were my state far worser than it is,
I would not wed her for a mine of gold.
PETRUCHIO Hortensio, peace! thou know'st not gold's effect.
Tell me her father's name, and 'tis enough;
For I will board her though she chide as loud
As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.
HORTENSIO Her father is Baptista Minola,
An affable and courteous gentleman;
Her name is Katherina Minola,
Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue.
PETRUCHIO I know her father, though I know not her;
And he knew my deceased father well.
I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;
And therefore let me be thus bold with you
To give you over at this first encounter,
Unless you will accompany me thither.
GRUMIO I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts. O'
my word, and she knew him as well as I do, she would think
scolding would do little good upon him. She may perhaps call
him half a score knaves or so. Why, that's nothing; and he
begin once, he'll rail in his rope-tricks. I'll tell you
what, sir: an she stand him but a little, he will throw a
figure in her face, and so disfigure her with it that she
shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat. You know
him not, sir.
HORTENSIO Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,
For in Baptista's keep my treasure is.
He hath the jewel of my life in hold,
His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca;
And her withholds from me, and other more,
Suitors to her and rivals in my love;
Supposing it a thing impossible-
For those defects I have before rehears'd-
That ever Katherina will be woo'd.
Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en,
That none shall have access unto Bianca
Till Katherine the curst have got a husband.
GRUMIO Katherine the curst!
A title for a maid of all titles the worst.
HORTENSIO Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,
And offer me disguis'd in sober robes
To old Baptista as a schoolmaster
Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca;
That so I may by this device at least
Have leave and leisure to make love to her,
And unsuspected court her by herself.
Enter GREMIO with LUCENTIO disguised as CAMBIO GRUMIO Here's no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks, how
the young folks lay their heads together! Master, master,
look about you. Who goes there, ha?
HORTENSIO Peace, Grumio! It is the rival of my love.
Petruchio, stand by awhile.
GRUMIO A proper stripling, and an amorous!
[They stand aside] GREMIO O, very well; I have perus'd the note.
Hark you, sir; I'll have them very fairly bound-
All books of love, see that at any hand;
And see you read no other lectures to her.
You understand me- over and beside
Signior Baptista's liberality,
I'll mend it with a largess. Take your paper too,
And let me have them very well perfum'd;
For she is sweeter than perfume itself
To whom they go to. What will you read to her?
LUCENTIO Whate'er I read to her, I'll plead for you
As for my patron, stand you so assur'd,
As firmly as yourself were still in place;
Yea, and perhaps with more successful words
Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.
GREMIO O this learning, what a thing it is!
GRUMIO O this woodcock, what an ass it is!
PETRUCHIO Peace, sirrah!
HORTENSIO Grumio, mum!
[Coming forward] God save you, Signior Gremio!
GREMIO And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.
Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola.
I promis'd to enquire carefully
About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca;
And by good fortune I have lighted well
On this young man; for learning and behaviour
Fit for her turn, well read in poetry
And other books- good ones, I warrant ye.
HORTENSIO 'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman
Hath promis'd me to help me to another,
A fine musician to instruct our mistress;
So shall I no whit be behind in duty
To fair Bianca, so beloved of me.
GREMIO Beloved of me- and that my deeds shall prove.
GRUMIO And that his bags shall prove.
HORTENSIO Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love.
Listen to me, and if you speak me fair
I'll tell you news indifferent good for either.
Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,
Upon agreement from us to his liking,
Will undertake to woo curst Katherine;
Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.
GREMIO So said, so done, is well.
Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?
PETRUCHIO I know she is an irksome brawling scold;
If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.
GREMIO No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman?
PETRUCHIO Born in Verona, old Antonio's son.
My father dead, my fortune lives for me;
And I do hope good days and long to see.