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Unbearable Bassington, The
CHAPTER XIII
Saki
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       _ Comus found his way to his seat in the stalls of the Straw Exchange
       Theatre and turned to watch the stream of distinguished and
       distinguishable people who made their appearance as a matter of
       course at a First Night in the height of the Season. Pit and
       gallery were already packed with a throng, tense, expectant and
       alert, that waited for the rise of the curtain with the eager
       patience of a terrier watching a dilatory human prepare for outdoor
       exercises. Stalls and boxes filled slowly and hesitatingly with a
       crowd whose component units seemed for the most part to recognise
       the probability that they were quite as interesting as any play
       they were likely to see. Those who bore no particular face-value
       themselves derived a certain amount of social dignity from the near
       neighbourhood of obvious notabilities; if one could not obtain
       recognition oneself there was some vague pleasure in being able to
       recognise notoriety at intimately close quarters.
       "Who is that woman with the auburn hair and a rather effective
       belligerent gleam in her eyes?" asked a man sitting just behind
       Comus; "she looks as if she might have created the world in six
       days and destroyed it on the seventh."
       "I forget her name," said his neighbour; "she writes. She's the
       author of that book, 'The Woman who wished it was Wednesday,' you
       know. It used to be the convention that women writers should be
       plain and dowdy; now we have gone to the other extreme and build
       them on extravagantly decorative lines."
       A buzz of recognition came from the front rows of the pit, together
       with a craning of necks on the part of those in less favoured
       seats. It heralded the arrival of Sherard Blaw, the dramatist who
       had discovered himself, and who had given so ungrudgingly of his
       discovery to the world. Lady Caroline, who was already directing
       little conversational onslaughts from her box, gazed gently for a
       moment at the new arrival, and then turned to the silver-haired
       Archdeacon sitting beside her.
       "They say the poor man is haunted by the fear that he will die
       during a general election, and that his obituary notices will be
       seriously curtailed by the space taken up by the election results.
       The curse of our party system, from his point of view, is that it
       takes up so much room in the press."
       The Archdeacon smiled indulgently. As a man he was so exquisitely
       worldly that he fully merited the name of the Heavenly Worldling
       bestowed on him by an admiring duchess, and withal his texture was
       shot with a pattern of such genuine saintliness that one felt that
       whoever else might hold the keys of Paradise he, at least,
       possessed a private latchkey to that abode.
       "Is it not significant of the altered grouping of things," he
       observed, "that the Church, as represented by me, sympathises with
       the message of Sherard Blaw, while neither the man nor his message
       find acceptance with unbelievers like you, Lady Caroline."
       Lady Caroline blinked her eyes. "My dear Archdeacon," she said,
       "no one can be an unbeliever nowadays. The Christian Apologists
       have left one nothing to disbelieve."
       The Archdeacon rose with a delighted chuckle. "I must go and tell
       that to De la Poulett," he said, indicating a clerical figure
       sitting in the third row of the stalls; "he spends his life
       explaining from his pulpit that the glory of Christianity consists
       in the fact that though it is not true it has been found necessary
       to invent it."
       The door of the box opened and Courtenay Youghal entered, bringing
       with him subtle suggestion of chaminade and an atmosphere of
       political tension. The Government had fallen out of the good
       graces of a section of its supporters, and those who were not in
       the know were busy predicting a serious crisis over a forthcoming
       division in the Committee stage of an important Bill. This was
       Saturday night, and unless some successful cajolery were effected
       between now and Monday afternoon, Ministers would be, seemingly, in
       danger of defeat.
       "Ah, here is Youghal," said the Archdeacon; "he will be able to
       tell us what is going to happen in the next forty-eight hours. I
       hear the Prime Minister says it is a matter of conscience, and they
       will stand or fall by it."
       His hopes and sympathies were notoriously on the Ministerial side.
       Youghal greeted Lady Caroline and subsided gracefully into a chair
       well in the front of the box. A buzz of recognition rippled slowly
       across the house.
       "For the Government to fall on a matter of conscience," he said,
       "would be like a man cutting himself with a safety razor."
       Lady Caroline purred a gentle approval.
       "I'm afraid it's true, Archdeacon," she said.
       No one can effectively defend a Government when it's been in office
       several years. The Archdeacon took refuge in light skirmishing.
       "I believe Lady Caroline sees the makings of a great Socialist
       statesman in you, Youghal," he observed.
       "Great Socialist statesmen aren't made, they're stillborn," replied
       Youghal.
       "What is the play about to-night?" asked a pale young woman who had
       taken no part in the talk.
       "I don't know," said Lady Caroline, "but I hope it's dull. If
       there is any brilliant conversation in it I shall burst into
       tears."
       In the front row of the upper circle a woman with a restless
       starling-voice was discussing the work of a temporarily fashionable
       composer, chiefly in relation to her own emotions, which she seemed
       to think might prove generally interesting to those around her.
       "Whenever I hear his music I feel that I want to go up into a
       mountain and pray. Can you understand that feeling?"
       The girl to whom she was unburdening herself shook her head.
       "You see, I've heard his music chiefly in Switzerland, and we were
       up among the mountains all the time, so it wouldn't have made any
       difference."
       "In that case," said the woman, who seemed to have emergency
       emotions to suit all geographical conditions, "I should have wanted
       to be in a great silent plain by the side of a rushing river."
       "What I think is so splendid about his music--" commenced another
       starling-voice on the further side of the girl. Like sheep that
       feed greedily before the coming of a storm the starling-voices
       seemed impelled to extra effort by the knowledge of four imminent
       intervals of acting during which they would be hushed into
       constrained silence.
       In the back row of the dress circle a late-comer, after a cursory
       glance at the programme, had settled down into a comfortable
       narrative, which was evidently the resumed thread of an unfinished
       taxi-drive monologue.
       "We all said 'it can't be Captain Parminter, because he's always
       been sweet on Joan,' and then Emily said--"
       The curtain went up, and Emily's contribution to the discussion had
       to be held over till the entr'acte.
       The play promised to be a success. The author, avoiding the
       pitfall of brilliancy, had aimed at being interesting and as far as
       possible, bearing in mind that his play was a comedy, he had
       striven to be amusing. Above all he had remembered that in the
       laws of stage proportions it is permissible and generally desirable
       that the part should be greater than the whole; hence he had been
       careful to give the leading lady such a clear and commanding lead
       over the other characters of the play that it was impossible for
       any of them ever to get on level terms with her. The action of the
       piece was now and then delayed thereby, but the duration of its run
       would be materially prolonged.
       The curtain came down on the first act amid an encouraging
       instalment of applause, and the audience turned its back on the
       stage and began to take a renewed interest in itself. The
       authoress of "The Woman who wished it was Wednesday" had swept like
       a convalescent whirlwind, subdued but potentially tempestuous, into
       Lady Caroline's box.
       "I've just trodden with all my weight on the foot of an eminent
       publisher as I was leaving my seat," she cried, with a peal of
       delighted laughter. "He was such a dear about it; I said I hoped I
       hadn't hurt him, and he said, 'I suppose you think, who drives hard
       bargains should himself be hard.' Wasn't it pet-lamb of him?"
       "I've never trodden on a pet lamb," said Lady Caroline, "so I've no
       idea what its behaviour would be under the circumstances."
       "Tell me," said the authoress, coming to the front of the box, the
       better to survey the house, and perhaps also with a charitable
       desire to make things easy for those who might pardonably wish to
       survey her, "tell me, please, where is the girl sitting whom
       Courtenay Youghal is engaged to?"
       Elaine was pointed out to her, sitting in the fourth row of the
       stalls, on the opposite side of the house to where Comus had his
       seat. Once during the interval she had turned to give him a
       friendly nod of recognition as he stood in one of the side
       gangways, but he was absorbed at the moment in looking at himself
       in the glass panel. The grave brown eyes and the mocking green-
       grey ones had looked their last into each other's depths.
       For Comus this first-night performance, with its brilliant
       gathering of spectators, its groups and coteries of lively talkers,
       even its counterfoil of dull chatterers, its pervading atmosphere
       of stage and social movement, and its intruding undercurrent of
       political flutter, all this composed a tragedy in which he was the
       chief character. It was the life he knew and loved and basked in,
       and it was the life he was leaving. It would go on reproducing
       itself again and again, with its stage interest and social interest
       and intruding outside interests, with the same lively chattering
       crowd, the people who had done things being pointed out by people
       who recognised them to people who didn't--it would all go on with
       unflagging animation and sparkle and enjoyment, and for him it
       would have stopped utterly. He would be in some unheard-of sun-
       blistered wilderness, where natives and pariah dogs and raucous-
       throated crows fringed round mockingly on one's loneliness, where
       one rode for sweltering miles for the chance of meeting a collector
       or police officer, with whom most likely on closer acquaintance one
       had hardly two ideas in common, where female society was
       represented at long intervals by some climate-withered woman
       missionary or official's wife, where food and sickness and
       veterinary lore became at last the three outstanding subjects on
       which the mind settled or rather sank. That was the life he
       foresaw and dreaded, and that was the life he was going to. For a
       boy who went out to it from the dulness of some country rectory,
       from a neighbourhood where a flower show and a cricket match formed
       the social landmarks of the year, the feeling of exile might not be
       very crushing, might indeed be lost in the sense of change and
       adventure. But Comus had lived too thoroughly in the centre of
       things to regard life in a backwater as anything else than
       stagnation, and stagnation while one is young he justly regarded as
       an offence against nature and reason, in keeping with the perverted
       mockery that sends decrepit invalids touring painfully about the
       world and shuts panthers up in narrow cages. He was being put
       aside, as a wine is put aside, but to deteriorate instead of
       gaining in the process, to lose the best time of his youth and
       health and good looks in a world where youth and health and good
       looks count for much and where time never returns lost possessions.
       And thus, as the curtain swept down on the close of each act, Comus
       felt a sense of depression and deprivation sweep down on himself;
       bitterly he watched his last evening of social gaiety slipping away
       to its end. In less than an hour it would be over; in a few
       months' time it would be an unreal memory.
       In the third interval, as he gazed round at the chattering house,
       someone touched him on the arm. It was Lady Veula Croot.
       "I suppose in a week's time you'll be on the high seas," she said.
       "I'm coming to your farewell dinner, you know; your mother has just
       asked me. I'm not going to talk the usual rot to you about how
       much you will like it and so on. I sometimes think that one of the
       advantages of Hell will be that no one will have the impertinence
       to point out to you that you're really better off than you would be
       anywhere else. What do you think of the play? Of course one can
       foresee the end; she will come to her husband with the announcement
       that their longed-for child is going to be born, and that will
       smooth over everything. So conveniently effective, to wind up a
       comedy with the commencement of someone else's tragedy. And every
       one will go away saying 'I'm glad it had a happy ending.'"
       Lady Veula moved back to her seat, with her pleasant smile on her
       lips and the look of infinite weariness in her eyes.
       The interval, the last interval, was drawing to a close and the
       house began to turn with fidgetty attention towards the stage for
       the unfolding of the final phase of the play. Francesca sat in
       Serena Golackly's box listening to Colonel Springfield's story of
       what happened to a pigeon-cote in his compound at Poona. Everyone
       who knew the Colonel had to listen to that story a good many times,
       but Lady Caroline had mitigated the boredom of the infliction, and
       in fact invested it with a certain sporting interest, by offering a
       prize to the person who heard it oftenest in the course of the
       Season, the competitors being under an honourable understanding not
       to lead up to the subject. Ada Spelvexit and a boy in the Foreign
       Office were at present at the top of the list with five recitals
       each to their score, but the former was suspected of doubtful
       adherence to the rules and spirit of the competition.
       "And there, dear lady," concluded the Colonel, "were the eleven
       dead pigeons. What had become of the bandicoot no one ever knew."
       Francesca thanked him for his story, and complacently inscribed the
       figure 4 on the margin of her theatre programme. Almost at the
       same moment she heard George St. Michael's voice pattering out a
       breathless piece of intelligence for the edification of Serena
       Golackly and anyone else who might care to listen. Francesca
       galvanised into sudden attention.
       "Emmeline Chetrof to a fellow in the Indian Forest Department.
       He's got nothing but his pay and they can't be married for four or
       five years; an absurdly long engagement, don't you think so? All
       very well to wait seven years for a wife in patriarchal times, when
       you probably had others to go on with, and you lived long enough to
       celebrate your own tercentenary, but under modern conditions it
       seems a foolish arrangement."
       St. Michael spoke almost with a sense of grievance. A marriage
       project that tied up all the small pleasant nuptial gossip-items
       about bridesmaids and honeymoon and recalcitrant aunts and so
       forth, for an indefinite number of years seemed scarcely decent in
       his eyes, and there was little satisfaction or importance to be
       derived from early and special knowledge of an event which loomed
       as far distant as a Presidential Election or a change of Viceroy.
       But to Francesca, who had listened with startled apprehension at
       the mention of Emmeline Chetrof's name, the news came in a flood of
       relief and thankfulness. Short of entering a nunnery and taking
       celibate vows, Emmeline could hardly have behaved more conveniently
       than in tying herself up to a lover whose circumstances made it
       necessary to relegate marriage to the distant future. For four or
       five years Francesca was assured of undisturbed possession of the
       house in Blue Street, and after that period who knew what might
       happen? The engagement might stretch on indefinitely, it might
       even come to nothing under the weight of its accumulated years, as
       sometimes happened with these protracted affairs. Emmeline might
       lose her fancy for her absentee lover, and might never replace him
       with another. A golden possibility of perpetual tenancy of her
       present home began to float once more through Francesca's mind. As
       long as Emmeline had been unbespoken in the marriage market there
       had always been the haunting likelihood of seeing the dreaded
       announcement, "a marriage has been arranged and will shortly take
       place," in connection with her name. And now a marriage had been
       arranged and would not shortly take place, might indeed never take
       place. St. Michael's information was likely to be correct in this
       instance; he would never have invented a piece of matrimonial
       intelligence which gave such little scope for supplementary detail
       of the kind he loved to supply. As Francesca turned to watch the
       fourth act of the play, her mind was singing a paean of
       thankfulness and exultation. It was as though some artificer sent
       by the Gods had reinforced with a substantial cord the horsehair
       thread that held up the sword of Damocles over her head. Her love
       for her home, for her treasured household possessions, and her
       pleasant social life was able to expand once more in present
       security, and feed on future hope. She was still young enough to
       count four or five years as a long time, and to-night she was
       optimistic enough to prophesy smooth things of the future that lay
       beyond that span. Of the fourth act, with its carefully held back
       but obviously imminent reconciliation between the leading
       characters, she took in but little, except that she vaguely
       understood it to have a happy ending. As the lights went up she
       looked round on the dispersing audience with a feeling of
       friendliness uppermost in her mind; even the sight of Elaine de
       Frey and Courtenay Youghal leaving the theatre together did not
       inspire her with a tenth part of the annoyance that their entrance
       had caused her. Serena's invitation to go on to the Savoy for
       supper fitted in exactly with her mood of exhilaration. It would
       be a fit and appropriate wind-up to an auspicious evening. The
       cold chicken and modest brand of Chablis waiting for her at home
       should give way to a banquet of more festive nature.
       In the crush of the vestibule, friends and enemies, personal and
       political, were jostled and locked together in the general effort
       to rejoin temporarily estranged garments and secure the attendance
       of elusive vehicles. Lady Caroline found herself at close quarters
       with the estimable Henry Greech, and experienced some of the joy
       which comes to the homeward wending sportsman when a chance shot
       presents itself on which he may expend his remaining cartridges.
       "So the Government is going to climb down, after all," she said,
       with a provocative assumption of private information on the
       subject.
       "I assure you the Government will do nothing of the kind," replied
       the Member of Parliament with befitting dignity; "the Prime
       Minister told me last night that under no circumstances--"
       "My dear Mr. Greech," said Lady Caroline, "we all know that Prime
       Ministers are wedded to the truth, but like other wedded couples
       they sometimes live apart."
       For her, at any rate, the comedy had had a happy ending.
       Comus made his way slowly and lingeringly from the stalls, so
       slowly that the lights were already being turned down and great
       shroud-like dust-cloths were being swaythed over the ornamental
       gilt-work. The laughing, chattering, yawning throng had filtered
       out of the vestibule, and was melting away in final groups from the
       steps of the theatre. An impatient attendant gave him his coat and
       locked up the cloak room. Comus stepped out under the portico; he
       looked at the posters announcing the play, and in anticipation he
       could see other posters announcing its 200th performance. Two
       hundred performances; by that time the Straw Exchange Theatre would
       be to him something so remote and unreal that it would hardly seem
       to exist or to have ever existed except in his fancy. And to the
       laughing chattering throng that would pass in under that portico to
       the 200th performance, he would be, to those that had known him,
       something equally remote and non-existent. "The good-looking
       Bassington boy? Oh, dead, or rubber-growing or sheep-farming or
       something of that sort." _