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Fanny Herself
CHAPTER 16
Edna Ferber
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       _ The ship that brought Theodore Brandeis to America was the
       last of its kind to leave German ports for years. The day
       after he sailed from Bremen came the war. Fanny Brandeis
       was only one of the millions of Americans who refused to
       accept the idea of war. She took it as a personal affront.
       It was uncivilized, it was old fashioned, it was
       inconvenient. Especially inconvenient. She had just come
       from Europe, where she had negotiated a million-dollar deal.
       War would mean that she could not get the goods ordered.
       Consequently there could be no war.
       Theodore landed the first week in August. Fanny stole two
       days from the ravenous bins to meet him in New York. I
       think she must have been a very love-hungry woman in the
       years since her mother's death. She had never admitted it.
       But only emotions denied to the point of starvation could
       have been so shaken now at the thought of the feast before
       them. She had trained herself to think of him as Theodore
       the selfish, Theodore the callous, Theodore the voracious.
       "An unsuccessful genius," she told herself. "He'll be
       impossible. They're bad enough when they're successful."
       But now her eyes, her thoughts, her longings, her long-pent
       emotions were straining toward the boat whose great prow was
       looming toward her, a terrifying bulk. The crowd awaiting
       the ship was enormous. A dramatic enough scene at any time,
       the great Hoboken pier this morning was filled with an
       unrehearsed mob, anxious, thrilled, hysterical. The morning
       papers had carried wireless news that the ship had been
       chased by a French gunboat and had escaped only through
       the timely warning of the Dresden, a German gunboat. That
       had added the last fillip to an already tense situation.
       Tears were streaming down half the faces upturned toward the
       crowded decks. And from every side:
       "Do you see her?"
       "That's Jessie. There she is! Jessie!"
       "Heh! Jim, old boy! Come on down!"
       Fanny's eyes were searching the packed rails. "Ted!" she
       called, and choked back a sob. "Teddy!" Still she did not
       see him. She was searching, womanlike, for a tall, blondish
       boy, with a sulky mouth, and humorous eyes, and an unruly
       lock of hair that would insist on escaping from the rest and
       straggling down over his forehead. I think she was even
       looking for a boy with a violin in his arms. A boy in
       knickers. Women lose all sense of time and proportion at
       such times. Still she did not see him. The passengers were
       filing down the gangplank now; rushing down as quickly as
       the careful hands of the crew would allow them, and hurling
       themselves into the arms of friends and family crowded
       below. Fanny strained her eyes toward that narrow
       passageway, anxious, hopeful, fearful, heartsick. For the
       moment Olga and the baby did not exist for her. And then
       she saw him.
       She saw him through an unimaginable disguise. She saw him,
       and knew him in spite of the fact that the fair-haired,
       sulky, handsome boy had vanished, and in his place walked a
       man. His hair was close-cropped, German-fashion; his face
       careworn and older than she had ever thought possible; his
       bearing, his features, his whole personality stamped with an
       unmistakable distinction. And his clothes were appallingly,
       inconceivably German. So she saw him, and he was her
       brother, and she was his sister, and she stretched out her
       arms to him.
       "Teddy!" She hugged him close, her face buried in his
       shoulder. "Teddy, you--you Spitzbube you!" She laughed
       at that, a little hysterically. "Not that I know what a
       Spitzbube is, but it's the Germanest word I can think of."
       That shaven head. Those trousers. That linen. The awful
       boots. The tie! "Oh, Teddy, and you're the Germanest thing
       I ever saw." She kissed him again, rapturously.
       He kissed her, too, wordlessly at first. They moved aside a
       little, out of the crowd. Then he spoke for the first time.
       "God! I'm glad to see you, Fanny." There was tragedy, not
       profanation in his voice. His hand gripped hers. He
       turned, and now, for the first time, Fanny saw that at his
       elbow stood a buxom, peasant woman, evidently a nurse, and
       in her arms a child. A child with Molly Brandeis' mouth,
       and Ferdinand Brandeis' forehead, and Fanny Brandeis' eyes,
       and Theodore Brandeis' roseleaf skin, and over, and above
       all these, weaving in and out through the whole, an
       expression or cast--a vague, undefinable thing which we call
       a resemblance--that could only have come from the woman of
       the picture, Theodore Brandeis' wife, Olga.
       "Why--it's the baby!" cried Fanny, and swung her out of the
       nurse's protesting arms. Such a German-looking baby. Such
       an adorably German-looking baby. "Du kleine, du!" Fanny
       kissed the roseleaf cheek. "Du suszes--" She turned
       suddenly to Theodore. "Olga--where's Olga?"
       "She did not come."
       Fanny tightened her hold of the little squirming bundle in
       her arms. "Didn't come?"
       Theodore shook his head, dumbly. In his eyes was an agony
       of pain. And suddenly all those inexplicable things in his
       face were made clear to Fanny. She placed the little Mizzi
       in the nurse's arms again. "Then we'll go, dear. They
       won't be a minute over your trunks, I'm sure. Just follow
       me."
       Her arm was linked through Theodore's. Her hand was on his.
       Her head was up. Her chin was thrust out, and she never
       knew how startlingly she resembled the Molly Brandeis who
       used to march so bravely down Norris street on her way to
       Brandeis' Bazaar. She was facing a situation, and she
       recognized it. There was about her an assurance, a
       composure, a blithe capability that imparted itself to the
       three bewildered and helpless ones in her charge. Theodore
       felt it, and the strained look in his face began to lift
       just a little. The heavy-witted peasant woman felt it, and
       trudged along, cheerfully. The baby in her arms seemed to
       sense it, and began to converse volubly and unintelligibly
       with the blue uniformed customs inspector.
       They were out of the great shed in an incredibly short time.
       Fanny seemed equal to every situation. She had taken the
       tube to Hoboken, but now she found a commodious open car,
       and drove a shrewd bargain with the chauffeur. She bundled
       the three into it. Of the three, perhaps Theodore seemed
       the most bewildered and helpless. He clung to his violin
       and Fanny.
       "I feel like an immigrant," he said. "Fan, you're a wonder.
       You don't know how much you look and act like mother. I've
       been watching you. It's startling."
       Fanny laughed and took his hand, and held his hand up to her
       breast, and crushed it there. "And you look like an
       illustration out of the Fliegende Blaetter. It isn't only
       your clothes. Your face is German. As for Mizzi here--"
       she gathered the child in her arms again--"you've never
       explained that name to me. Why, by the way, Mizzi? Of all
       the names in the world."
       Theodore smiled a wry little smile. "Mizzi is named after
       Olga's chum. You see, in Vienna every other--well, chorus
       girl I suppose you'd call them--is named Mizzi. Like
       all the Gladyses and Flossies here in America. Well, Olga's
       special friend Mizzi--"
       "I see," said Fanny quietly. "Well, anything's better than
       Fanny. Always did make me think of an old white horse."
       And at that the small German person in her arms screwed her
       mouth into a fascinating bunch, and then unscrewed it and,
       having made these preparations said, "Tante Fanny. Shecago.
       Tante Fanny."
       "Why, Mizzi Brandeis, you darling! Teddy, did you hear
       that! She said `Tante Fanny' and `Chicago' just as
       plainly!"
       "Did I hear it? Have I heard anything else for weeks?"
       The plump person on the opposite seat, who had been shaking
       her head violently all this time here threatened to burst if
       not encouraged to speak. Fanny nodded to her. Whereupon
       the flood broke.
       "Wunderbar, nicht war! Ich kuss' die handt, gnadiges
       Fraulein." She actually did it, to Fanny's consternation.
       "Ich hab' ihr das gelernt, Gnadige. Selbst. Ist es nicht
       ganz entzuckend! Tante Fanny. Auch Shecago."
       Fanny nodded a number of times, first up and down,
       signifying assent, then sideways, signifying unbounded
       wonder and admiration. She made a gigantic effort to summon
       her forgotten German.
       "Was ist Ihre Name?" she managed to ask.
       "Otti."
       "Oh, my!" exclaimed Fanny, weakly. "Mizzi and Otti. It
       sounds like the first act of the `Merry Widow.'" She turned
       to Theodore. "I wish you'd sit back, and relax, and if you
       must clutch that violin case, do it more comfortably. I
       don't want you to tell me a thing, now. New York is ghastly
       in August. We'll get a train out of here to-morrow. My
       apartment in Chicago is cool, and high, and quiet, and the
       lake is in the front yard, practically. To-night, perhaps,
       we'll talk about--things. And, oh, Teddy, how glad I
       am to see you--to have you--to--" she put out a hand and
       patted his thin cheek--"to touch you."
       And at that the man became a boy again. His face worked a
       moment, painfully and then his head came down in her lap
       that held the baby, and so she had them both for a moment,
       one arm about the child, one hand smoothing the boy's close-
       cropped hair. And in that moment she was more splendidly
       maternal than either of the women who had borne these whom
       she now comforted.
       It was Fanny who attended to the hotel rooms, to the baby's
       comfort, to the railroad tickets, to the ordering of the
       meals. Theodore was like a stranger in a strange land. Not
       only that, he seemed dazed.
       "We'll have it out to-night," Fanny said to herself. "He'll
       never get that look off his face until he has told it all.
       I knew she was a beast."
       She made him lie down while she attended to schedules,
       tickets, berths. She was gone for two hours. When she
       returned she found him looking amused, terrified and
       helpless, all at once, while three men reporters and one
       woman special writer bombarded him with questions. The
       woman had brought a staff artist with her, and he was now
       engaged in making a bungling sketch of Theodore's face, with
       its ludicrous expression.
       Fanny sensed the situation and saved it. She hadn't sold
       goods all these years without learning the value of
       advertising. She came forward now, graciously (but not too
       graciously). Theodore looked relieved. Already he had
       learned that one might lean on this sister who was so
       capable, so bountifully alive.
       "Teddy, you're much too tired to talk. Let me talk for
       you."
       "My sister, Miss Brandeis," said Teddy, and waved a rather
       feeble hand in an inclusive gesture at the interrogatory
       five.
       Fanny smiled. "Do sit down," she said, "all of you. Tell
       me, how did you happen to get on my brother's trail?"
       One of the men explained. "We had a list of ship's
       passengers, of course. And we knew that Mr. Brandeis was a
       German violinist. And then the story of the ship being
       chased by a French boat. We just missed him down at the
       pier--"
       "But he isn't a German violinist," interrupted Fanny.
       "Please get that straight. He's American. He is THE
       American violinist--or will be, as soon as his concert tour
       here is well started. It was Schabelitz himself who
       discovered my brother, and predicted his brilliant career.
       Here"--she had been glancing over the artist's shoulder--
       "will you let me make a sketch for you--just for the fun of
       the thing? I do that kind of thing rather decently. Did
       you see my picture called `The Marcher,' in the Star, at
       the time of the suffrage parade in May? Yes, that was mine.
       Just because he has what we call a butcher haircut, don't
       think he's German, because he isn't. You wouldn't call
       Winnebago, Wisconsin, Germany, would you?"
       She was sketching him swiftly, daringly, masterfully. She
       was bringing out the distinction, the suffering, the
       boyishness in his face, and toning down the queer little
       foreign air he had. Toning it, but not omitting it
       altogether. She was too good a showman for that. As she
       sketched she talked, and as she talked she drew Theodore
       into the conversation, deftly, and just when he was needed.
       She gave them what they had come for--a story. And a good
       one. She brought in Mizzi and Otti, for color, and she saw
       to it that they spelled those names as they should be
       spelled. She managed to gloss over the question of Olga.
       Ill. Detained. Last minute. Too brave to sacrifice her
       husband's American tour. She finished her sketch and gave
       it to the woman reporter. It was an amazingly compelling
       little piece of work--and yet, not so amazing, perhaps,
       when you consider the thing that Fanny Brandeis had put into
       it. Then she sent them away, tactfully. They left, knowing
       all that Fanny Brandeis had wanted them to know; guessing
       little that she had not wanted them to guess. More than
       that no human being can accomplish, without the advice of
       his lawyer.
       "Whew!" from Fanny, when the door had closed.
       "Gott im Himmel!" from Theodore. "I had forgotten that
       America was like that."
       "But America IS like that. And Teddy, we're going to
       make it sit up and take notice."
       At that Theodore drooped again. Fanny thought that he
       looked startlingly as she remembered her father had looked
       in those days of her childhood, when Brandeis' Bazaar was
       slithering downhill. The sight of him moved her to a sudden
       resolve. She crossed swiftly to him, and put one heartening
       hand on his shoulder.
       "Come on, brother. Out with it. Let's have it all now."
       He reached up for her hand and held it, desperately. "Oh,
       Fan!" began Theodore, "Fan, I've been through hell."
       Fanny said nothing. She only waited, quietly,
       encouragingly. She had learned when not to talk. Presently
       he took up his story, plunging directly into it, as though
       sensing that she had already divined much.
       "She married me for a living. You'll think that's a joke,
       knowing what I was earning there, in Vienna, and how you and
       mother were denying yourselves everything to keep me. But
       in a city that circulates a coin valued at a twentieth of a
       cent, an American dollar looms up big. Besides, two of the
       other girls had got married. Good for nothing officers.
       She was jealous, I suppose. I didn't know any of that. I
       was flattered to think she'd notice me. She was awfully
       popular. She has a kind of wit. I suppose you'd call it
       that. The other girls were just coarse, and heavy,
       and--well--animal. You can't know the rottenness of life
       there in Vienna. Olga could keep a whole supper table
       laughing all evening. I can see, now, that that isn't
       difficult when your audience is made up of music hall girls,
       and stupid, bullet-headed officers, with their damned high
       collars, and their gold braid, and their silly swords, and
       their corsets, and their glittering shoes and their
       miserable petty poverty beneath all the show. I thought I
       was a lucky boy. I'd have pitied everybody in Winnebago, if
       I'd ever thought of anybody in Winnebago. I never did,
       except once in a while of you and mother when I needed
       money. I kept on with my music. I had sense enough left,
       for that. Besides, it was a habit, by that time. Well, we
       were married."
       He laughed, an ugly, abrupt little laugh that ended in a
       moan, and turned his head and buried his face in Fanny's
       breast. And Fanny's arm was there, about his shoulder.
       "Fanny, you don't--I can't--" He stopped. Another silence.
       Fanny's arm tightened its hold. She bent and kissed the top
       of the stubbly head, bowed so low now. "Fan, do you
       remember that woman in `The Three Musketeers'? The hellish
       woman, that all men loved and loathed? Well, Olga's like
       that. I'm not whining. I'm not exaggerating. I'm just
       trying to make you understand. And yet I don't want you to
       understand. Only you don't know what it means to have you
       to talk to. To have some one who"--he clutched her hand,
       fearfully--"You do love me, don't you, Fanny? You do, don't
       you, Sis?"
       "More than any one in the world," Fanny reassured him,
       quietly. "The way mother would have, if she had lived."
       A sigh escaped him, at that, as though a load had lifted
       from him. He went on, presently. "It would have been all
       right if I could have earned just a little more money."
       Fanny shrank at that, and shut her eyes for a sick
       moment. "But I couldn't. I asked her to be patient. But
       you don't know the life there. There is no real home life.
       They live in the cafes. They go there to keep warm, in the
       winter, and to meet their friends, and gossip, and drink
       that eternal coffee, and every coffee house--there are
       thousands--is a rendezvous. We had two rooms, comfortable
       ones, for Vienna, and I tried to explain to her that if I
       could work hard, and get into concert, and keep at the
       composing, we'd be rich some day, and famous, and happy, and
       she'd have clothes, and jewels. But she was too stupid, or
       too bored. Olga is the kind of woman who only believes what
       she sees. Things got worse all the time. She had a temper.
       So have I--or I used to have. But when hers was aroused it
       was--horrible. Words that--that--unspeakable words. And
       one day she taunted me with being a ---- with my race. The
       first time she called me that I felt that I must kill her.
       That was my mistake. I should have killed her. And I
       didn't."
       "Teddy boy! Don't, brother! You're tired. You're excited
       and worn out."
       "No, I'm not. Just let me talk. I know what I'm saying.
       There's something clean about killing." He brooded a moment
       over that thought. Then he went on, doggedly, not raising
       his voice. His hands were clasped loosely. "You don't know
       about the intolerance and the anti-Semitism in Prussia, I
       suppose. All through Germany, for that matter. In Bavaria
       it's bitter. That's one reason why Olga loathed Munich so.
       The queer part of it is that all that opposition seemed to
       fan something in me; something that had been smoldering for
       a long time." His voice had lost its dull tone now. It had
       in it a new timbre. And as he talked he began to interlard
       his English with bits of German, the language to which his
       tongue had accustomed itself in the past ten years. His
       sentences, too, took on a German construction, from time to
       time. He was plainly excited now. "My playing began
       to improve. There would be a ghastly scene with Olga--
       sickening--degrading. Then I would go to my work, and I
       would play, but magnificently! I tell you, it would be
       playing. I know. To fool myself I know better. One
       morning, after a dreadful quarrel I got the idea for the
       concerto, and the psalms. Jewish music. As Jewish as the
       Kol Nidre. I wanted to express the passion, and fire, and
       history of a people. My people. Why was that? Tell me.
       Selbst, weiss ich nicht. I felt that if I could put into
       it just a millionth part of their humiliation, and their
       glory; their tragedy and their triumph; their sorrow, and
       their grandeur; their persecution, their weldtschmerz.
       Volkschmerz. That was it. And through it all, weaving in
       and out, one great underlying motif. Indestructibility.
       The great cry which says, `We cannot be destroyed!'"
       He stood up, uncertainly. His eyes were blazing. He began
       to walk up and down the luxurious little room. Fanny's eyes
       matched his. She was staring at him, fascinated, trembling.
       She moistened her lips a little with her tongue. "And
       you've done it? Teddy! You've done--that!"
       Theodore Brandeis stood up, very straight and tall. "Yes,"
       he said, simply. "Yes, I've done that."
       She came over to him then, and put her two hands on his
       shoulders. "Ted--dear--will you ever forgive me? I'll try
       to make up for it now. I didn't know. I've been blind.
       Worse than blind. Criminal." She was weeping now, broken-
       heartedly, and he was patting her with little comforting
       love pats, and whispering words of tenderness.
       "Forgive you? Forgive you what?"
       "The years of suffering. The years you've had to spend with
       her. With that horrible woman--"
       "Don't--" He sucked his breath between his teeth. His face
       had gone haggard again. Fanny, direct as always, made
       up her mind that she would have it all. And now.
       "There's something you haven't told me. Tell me all of it.
       You're my brother and I'm your sister. We're all we have in
       the world." And at that, as though timed by some miraculous
       and supernatural stage manager, there came a cry from the
       next room; a sleepy, comfortable, imperious little cry.
       Mizzi had awakened. Fanny made a step in the direction of
       the door. Then she turned back. "Tell me why Olga didn't
       come. Why isn't she here with her husband and baby?"
       "Because she's with another man."
       "Another--"
       "It had been going on for a long time. I was the last to
       know about it. It's that way, always, isn't it? He's an
       officer. A fool. He'll have to take off his silly corsets
       now, and his velvet collar, and his shiny boots, and go to
       war. Damn him! I hope they'll kill him with a hundred
       bayonets, one by one, and leave him to rot on the field.
       She had been fooling me all the time, and they had been
       laughing at me, the two of them. I didn't find it out until
       just before this American trip. And when I confronted her
       with it she laughed in my face. She said she hated me. She
       said she'd rather starve than leave him to come to America
       with me. She said I was a fiddling fool. She--" he was
       trembling and sick with the shame of it--"God! I can't tell
       you the things she said. She wanted to keep Mizzi. Isn't
       that strange? She loves the baby. She neglects her, and
       spoils her, and once I saw her beat her, in a rage. But she
       says she loves my Mizzi, and I believe she does, in her own
       dreadful way. I promised her, and lied to her, and then I
       ran away with Mizzi and her nurse."
       "Oh, I thank God for that!" Fanny cried. "I thank God for
       that! And now, Teddy boy, we'll forget all about those
       miserable years. We'll forget all about her, and the
       life she led you. You're going to have your chance here.
       You're going to be repaid for every minute of suffering
       you've endured. I'll make it up to you. And when you see
       them applauding you, calling for you, adoring you, all those
       hideous years will fade from your mind, and you'll be
       Theodore Brandeis, the successful, Theodore Brandeis, the
       gifted, Theodore Brandeis, the great! You need never think
       of her again. You'll never see her again. That beast!
       That woman!"
       And at that Theodore's face became distorted and dreadful
       with pain. He raised two impotent, shaking arms high above
       his head. "That's just it! That's just it! You don't know
       what love is. You don't know what hate is. You don't know
       how I hate myself. Loathe myself. She's all that's
       miserable, all that's unspeakable, all that's vile. And if
       she called me to-day I'd come. That's it." He covered his
       shamed face with his two hands, so that the words came from
       him slobberingly, sickeningly. "I hate her! I hate her!
       And I want her. I want her. I want her!" _