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Essay(s) by G. K. Chesterton
In Topsy-Turvy Land
G.K.Chesterton
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       Last week, in an idle metaphor, I took the tumbling of trees and the secret energy of the wind as typical of the visible world moving under the violence of the invisible. I took this metaphor merely because I happened to be writing the article in a wood. Nevertheless, now that I return to Fleet Street (which seems to me, I confess, much better and more poetical than all the wild woods in the world), I am strangely haunted by this accidental comparison. The people's figures seem a forest and their soul a wind. All the human personalities which speak or signal to me seem to have this fantastic character of the fringe of the forest against the sky. That man that talks to me, what is he but an articulate tree? That driver of a van who waves his hands wildly at me to tell me to get out of the way, what is he but a bunch of branches stirred and swayed by a spiritual wind, a sylvan object that I can continue to contemplate with calm? That policeman who lifts his hand to warn three omnibuses of the peril that they run in encountering my person, what is he but a shrub shaken for a moment with that blast of human law which is a thing stronger than anarchy? Gradually this impression of the woods wears off. But this black-and-white contrast between the visible and invisible, this deep sense that the one essential belief is belief in the invisible as against the visible, is suddenly and sensationally brought back to my mind. Exactly at the moment when Fleet Street has grown most familiar (that is, most bewildering and bright), my eye catches a poster of vivid violet, on which I see written in large black letters these remarkable words: "Should Shop Assistants Marry?"
       . . . . .
       When I saw those words everything might just as well have turned upside down. The men in Fleet Street might have been walking about on their hands. The cross of St. Paul's might have been hanging in the air upside down. For I realise that I have really come into a topsy-turvy country; I have come into the country where men do definitely believe that the waving of the trees makes the wind. That is to say, they believe that the material circumstances, however black and twisted, are more important than the spiritual realities, however powerful and pure. "Should Shop Assistants Marry?" I am puzzled to think what some periods and schools of human history would have made of such a question. The ascetics of the East or of some periods of the early Church would have thought that the question meant, "Are not shop assistants too saintly, too much of another world, even to feel the emotions of the sexes?" But I suppose that is not what the purple poster means. In some pagan cities it might have meant, "Shall slaves so vile as shop assistants even be allowed to propagate their abject race?" But I suppose that is not what the purple poster meant. We must face, I fear, the full insanity of what it does mean. It does really mean that a section of the human race is asking whether the primary relations of the two human sexes are particularly good for modern shops. The human race is asking whether Adam and Eve are entirely suitable for Marshall and Snelgrove. If this is not topsy-turvy I cannot imagine what would be. We ask whether the universal institution will improve our (please God) temporary institution. Yet I have known many such questions. For instance, I have known a man ask seriously, "Does Democracy help the Empire?" Which is like saying, "Is art favourable to frescoes?"
       I say that there are many such questions asked. But if the world ever runs short of them, I can suggest a large number of questions of precisely the same kind, based on precisely the same principle.
       "Do Feet Improve Boots?"--"Is Bread Better when Eaten?"--"Should Hats have Heads in them?"--"Do People Spoil a Town?"--"Do Walls Ruin Wall-papers?"--"Should Neckties enclose Necks?"--"Do Hands Hurt Walking-sticks?"--"Does Burning Destroy Firewood?"--"Is Cleanliness Good for Soap?"--"Can Cricket Really Improve Cricket-bats?"--"Shall We Take Brides with our Wedding Rings?" and a hundred others.
       Not one of these questions differs at all in intellectual purport or in intellectual value from the question which I have quoted from the purple poster, or from any of the typical questions asked by half of the earnest economists of our times. All the questions they ask are of this character; they are all tinged with this same initial absurdity. They do not ask if the means is suited to the end; they all ask (with profound and penetrating scepticism) if the end is suited to the means. They do not ask whether the tail suits the dog. They all ask whether a dog is (by the highest artistic canons) the most ornamental appendage that can be put at the end of a tail. In short, instead of asking whether our modern arrangements, our streets, trades, bargains, laws, and concrete institutions are suited to the primal and permanent idea of a healthy human life, they never admit that healthy human life into the discussion at all, except suddenly and accidentally at odd moments; and then they only ask whether that healthy human life is suited to our streets and trades. Perfection may be attainable or unattainable as an end. It may or may not be possible to talk of imperfection as a means to perfection. But surely it passes toleration to talk of perfection as a means to imperfection. The New Jerusalem may be a reality. It may be a dream. But surely it is too outrageous to say that the New Jerusalem is a reality on the road to Birmingham.
       . . . . .
       This is the most enormous and at the same time the most secret of the modern tyrannies of materialism. In theory the thing ought to be simple enough. A really human human being would always put the spiritual things first. A walking and speaking statue of God finds himself at one particular moment employed as a shop assistant. He has in himself a power of terrible love, a promise of paternity, a thirst for some loyalty that shall unify life, and in the ordinary course of things he asks himself, "How far do the existing conditions of those assisting in shops fit in with my evident and epic destiny in the matter of love and marriage?" But here, as I have said, comes in the quiet and crushing power of modern materialism. It prevents him rising in rebellion, as he would otherwise do. By perpetually talking about environment and visible things, by perpetually talking about economics and physical necessity, painting and keeping repainted a perpetual picture of iron machinery and merciless engines, of rails of steel, and of towers of stone, modern materialism at last produces this tremendous impression in which the truth is stated upside down. At last the result is achieved. The man does not say as he ought to have said, "Should married men endure being modern shop assistants?" The man says, "Should shop assistants marry?" Triumph has completed the immense illusion of materialism. The slave does not say, "Are these chains worthy of me?" The slave says scientifically and contentedly, "Am I even worthy of these chains?"
       [The end]
       G K Chesterton's essay: In Topsy-Turvy Land
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The "Eatanswill Gazette"
An Accident
The Advantages Of Having One Leg
The Amnesty For Aggression
The Anarchist
Anonymity And Further Counsels
The Appetite Of Earth
The Art Of Missing The Point
The Ballade Of A Strange Town
The Boy
A Cab Ride Across Country
The Case For The Ephemeral
Cheese
The Chorus
Christmas
Cockneys And Their Jokes
Conceit And Caricature
A Criminal Head
A Dead Poet
A Defence Of Nonsense
Demagogues And Mystagogues
The Diabolist
The Dickensian
The Dragon's Grandmother
A Drama Of Dolls
The Dregs Of Puritanism
Dukes
Edward VII. And Scotland
The Empire Of The Ignorant
The End Of The World
The Error Of Impartiality
An Essay On Two Cities
Ethandune
The Extraordinary Cabman
Fairy Tales
The Fallacy Of Success
The Fatigue Of Fleet Street
The Field of Blood
Five Hundred And Fifty-Five
The Flat Freak
French And English
The French Revolution And The Irish
The Furrows
The Futurists
The Garden Of The Sea
The Giant
A Glimpse Of My Country
The Glory Of Grey
The Gold Of Glastonbury
A Great Man
The High Plains
How I Found The Superman
How I Met The President
Humanitarianism And Strength
Humanity: An Interlude
In The Place De La Bastille
In Topsy-Turvy Land
Introductory: On Gargoyles
Liberalism: A Sample
Limericks And Counsels Of Perfection
The Little Birds Who Won't Sing
The Long Bow
The Maid Of Orleans
The Man And His Newspaper
The Methuselahite
The Modern Martyr
The Modern Scrooge
The Mystery Of A Pageant
The New House
The New Name
The New Raid
The Nightmare
On Lying In Bed
On Political Secrecy
On Running After One's Hat
On The Cryptic And The Elliptic
The Orthodox Barber
Oxford From Without
Patriotism And Sport
The Perfect Game
The Philosophy Of Sight-Seeing
Phonetic Spelling
A Piece Of Chalk
The Poetry Of The Revolution
The Prehistoric Railway Station
A Real Danger
The Red Angel
The Red Town
Revive The Court Jester
The Riddle Of The Ivy
A Romance Of The Marshes
Science And Religion
The Secret Of A Train
The Sentimentalist
The Servile State Again
The Shop Of Ghosts
Simmons And The Social Tie
Some Policemen And A Moral
Spiritualism
The Steward Of The Chiltern Hundreds
The Strangeness Of Luxury
The Surrender Of A Cockney
The Symbolism Of Krupp
The Telegraph Poles
Thoughts Around Koepenick
The Three Kinds Of Men
Tom Jones And Morality
The Tower
The Tower Of Bebel
The Toy Theatre
A Tragedy Of Twopence
The Travellers In State
Tremendous Trifles
The Triumph Of The Donkey
The Twelve Men
The Two Noises
The Tyranny Of Bad Journalism
The Vote And The House
What I Found In My Pocket
The Wheel
The White Horses
The Wind And The Trees
Wine When It Is Red
The Wings Of Stone
Woman
A Workman's History Of England
The Worship Of The Wealthy
The Wrath Of The Roses
The Zola Controversy