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Awakening, The
CHAPTER XXXVI
Kate Chopin
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       _ There was a garden out in the suburbs; a small, leafy corner,
       with a few green tables under the orange trees. An old cat slept
       all day on the stone step in the sun, and an old mulatresse
       slept her idle hours away in her chair at the open window, till,
       some one happened to knock on one of the green tables. She had
       milk and cream cheese to sell, and bread and butter. There was no
       one who could make such excellent coffee or fry a chicken so
       golden brown as she.
       The place was too modest to attract the attention of people of
       fashion, and so quiet as to have escaped the notice of those in
       search of pleasure and dissipation. Edna had discovered it
       accidentally one day when the high-board gate stood ajar. She
       caught sight of a little green table, blotched with the checkered
       sunlight that filtered through the quivering leaves overhead.
       Within she had found the slumbering mulatresse, the drowsy cat,
       and a glass of milk which reminded her of the milk she had tasted
       in Iberville.
       She often stopped there during her perambulations; sometimes
       taking a book with her, and sitting an hour or two under the trees
       when she found the place deserted. Once or twice she took a quiet
       dinner there alone, having instructed Celestine beforehand to
       prepare no dinner at home. It was the last place in the city where
       she would have expected to meet any one she knew.
       Still she was not astonished when, as she was partaking of a
       modest dinner late in the afternoon, looking into an open book,
       stroking the cat, which had made friends with her--she was not
       greatly astonished to see Robert come in at the tall garden gate.
       "I am destined to see you only by accident," she said, shoving
       the cat off the chair beside her. He was surprised, ill at ease,
       almost embarrassed at meeting her thus so unexpectedly.
       "Do you come here often?" he asked.
       "I almost live here," she said.
       "I used to drop in very often for a cup of Catiche's good
       coffee. This is the first time since I came back."
       "She'll bring you a plate, and you will share my dinner.
       There's always enough for two--even three." Edna had intended to be
       indifferent and as reserved as he when she met him; she had reached
       the determination by a laborious train of reasoning, incident to
       one of her despondent moods. But her resolve melted when she saw
       him before designing Providence had led him into her path.
       "Why have you kept away from me, Robert?" she asked, closing
       the book that lay open upon the table.
       "Why are you so personal, Mrs. Pontellier? Why do you force me
       to idiotic subterfuges?" he exclaimed with sudden warmth. "I
       suppose there's no use telling you I've been very busy, or that
       I've been sick, or that I've been to see you and not found you at
       home. Please let me off with any one of these excuses."
       "You are the embodiment of selfishness," she said. "You save
       yourself something--I don't know what--but there is some selfish
       motive, and in sparing yourself you never consider for a moment
       what I think, or how I feel your neglect and indifference. I
       suppose this is what you would call unwomanly; but I have got into
       a habit of expressing myself. It doesn't matter to me, and you may
       think me unwomanly if you like."
       "No; I only think you cruel, as I said the other day. Maybe
       not intentionally cruel; but you seem to be forcing me into
       disclosures which can result in nothing; as if you would have me
       bare a wound for the pleasure of looking at it, without the
       intention or power of healing it."
       "I'm spoiling your dinner, Robert; never mind what I say. You
       haven't eaten a morsel."
       "I only came in for a cup of coffee." His sensitive face was
       all disfigured with excitement.
       "Isn't this a delightful place?" she remarked. "I am so glad
       it has never actually been discovered. It is so quiet, so sweet,
       here. Do you notice there is scarcely a sound to be heard? It's so
       out of the way; and a good walk from the car. However, I don't
       mind walking. I always feel so sorry for women who don't like to
       walk; they miss so much--so many rare little glimpses of life; and
       we women learn so little of life on the whole.
       "Catiche's coffee is always hot. I don't know how she
       manages it, here in the open air. Celestine's coffee gets cold
       bringing it from the kitchen to the dining-room. Three lumps!
       How can you drink it so sweet? Take some of the cress with your chop;
       it's so biting and crisp. Then there's the advantage of being able to
       smoke with your coffee out here. Now, in the city--aren't you going to smoke?"
       "After a while," he said, laying a cigar on the table.
       "Who gave it to you?" she laughed.
       "I bought it. I suppose I'm getting reckless; I bought a
       whole box." She was determined not to be personal again and make
       him uncomfortable.
       The cat made friends with him, and climbed into his lap when
       he smoked his cigar. He stroked her silky fur, and talked a little
       about her. He looked at Edna's book, which he had read; and he
       told her the end, to save her the trouble of wading through it, he
       said.
       Again he accompanied her back to her home; and it was after
       dusk when they reached the little "pigeon-house." She did not ask
       him to remain, which he was grateful for, as it permitted him to
       stay without the discomfort of blundering through an excuse which
       he had no intention of considering. He helped her to light the
       lamp; then she went into her room to take off her hat and to bathe
       her face and hands.
       When she came back Robert was not examining the pictures and
       magazines as before; he sat off in the shadow, leaning his head
       back on the chair as if in a reverie. Edna lingered a moment
       beside the table, arranging the books there. Then she went across
       the room to where he sat. She bent over the arm of his chair and
       called his name.
       "Robert," she said, "are you asleep?"
       "No," he answered, looking up at her.
       She leaned over and kissed him--a soft, cool, delicate kiss,
       whose voluptuous sting penetrated his whole being-then she moved
       away from him. He followed, and took her in his arms, just holding
       her close to him. She put her hand up to his face and pressed his
       cheek against her own. The action was full of love and tenderness.
       He sought her lips again. Then he drew her down upon the sofa
       beside him and held her hand in both of his.
       "Now you know," he said, "now you know what I have been
       fighting against since last summer at Grand Isle; what drove me
       away and drove me back again."
       "Why have you been fighting against it?" she asked. Her face
       glowed with soft lights.
       "Why? Because you were not free; you were Leonce Pontellier's
       wife. I couldn't help loving you if you were ten times his wife;
       but so long as I went away from you and kept away I could help
       telling you so." She put her free hand up to his shoulder, and then
       against his cheek, rubbing it softly. He kissed her again. His
       face was warm and flushed.
       "There in Mexico I was thinking of you all the time, and
       longing for you."
       "But not writing to me," she interrupted.
       "Something put into my head that you cared for me; and I lost
       my senses. I forgot everything but a wild dream of your some way
       becoming my wife."
       "Your wife!"
       "Religion, loyalty, everything would give way if only you cared."
       "Then you must have forgotten that I was Leonce Pontellier's wife."
       "Oh! I was demented, dreaming of wild, impossible things,
       recalling men who had set their wives free,
       we have heard of such things."
       "Yes, we have heard of such things."
       "I came back full of vague, mad intentions. And when I got here--"
       "When you got here you never came near me!" She was still
       caressing his cheek.
       "I realized what a cur I was to dream of such a thing, even if
       you had been willing."
       She took his face between her hands and looked into it as if
       she would never withdraw her eyes more. She kissed him on the
       forehead, the eyes, the cheeks, and the lips.
       "You have been a very, very foolish boy, wasting your time
       dreaming of impossible things when you speak of Mr. Pontellier
       setting me free! I am no longer one of Mr. Pontellier's possessions
       to dispose of or not. I give myself where I choose. If he were to say,
       'Here, Robert, take her and be happy; she is yours,' I should laugh
       at you both."
       His face grew a little white. "What do you mean?" he asked.
       There was a knock at the door. Old Celestine came in to say
       that Madame Ratignolle's servant had come around the back way with
       a message that Madame had been taken sick and begged Mrs.
       Pontellier to go to her immediately.
       "Yes, yes," said Edna, rising; "I promised. Tell her yes--to
       wait for me. I'll go back with her."
       "Let me walk over with you," offered Robert.
       "No," she said; "I will go with the servant. She went into
       her room to put on her hat, and when she came in again she sat once
       more upon the sofa beside him. He had not stirred. She put her
       arms about his neck.
       "Good-by, my sweet Robert. Tell me good-by." He kissed her
       with a degree of passion which had not before entered into his
       caress, and strained her to him.
       "I love you," she whispered, "only you; no one but you. It
       was you who awoke me last summer out of a life-long, stupid dream.
       Oh! you have made me so unhappy with your indifference. Oh! I have
       suffered, suffered! Now you are here we shall love each other, my
       Robert. We shall be everything to each other. Nothing else in the
       world is of any consequence. I must go to my friend; but you will
       wait for me? No matter how late; you will wait for me, Robert?"
       "Don't go; don't go! Oh! Edna, stay with me," he pleaded.
       "Why should you go? Stay with me, stay with me."
       "I shall come back as soon as I can; I shall find you here."
       She buried her face in his neck, and said good-by again. Her
       seductive voice, together with his great love for her, had
       enthralled his senses, had deprived him of every impulse but the
       longing to hold her and keep her. _