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Awakening, The
CHAPTER XXXIII
Kate Chopin
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       _ It happened sometimes when Edna went to see Mademoiselle Reisz
       that the little musician was absent, giving a lesson or making some
       small necessary household purchase. The key was always left in a
       secret hiding-place in the entry, which Edna knew. If Mademoiselle
       happened to be away, Edna would usually enter and wait for her
       return.
       When she knocked at Mademoiselle Reisz's door one afternoon
       there was no response; so unlocking the door, as usual, she entered
       and found the apartment deserted, as she had expected. Her day had
       been quite filled up, and it was for a rest, for a refuge, and to
       talk about Robert, that she sought out her friend.
       She had worked at her canvas--a young Italian character
       study--all the morning, completing the work without the model; but
       there had been many interruptions, some incident to her modest
       housekeeping, and others of a social nature.
       Madame Ratignolle had dragged herself over, avoiding the too
       public thoroughfares, she said. She complained that Edna had
       neglected her much of late. Besides, she was consumed with
       curiosity to see the little house and the manner in which it was
       conducted. She wanted to hear all about the dinner party; Monsieur
       Ratignolle had left so early. What had happened after he left?
       The champagne and grapes which Edna sent over were TOO delicious.
       She had so little appetite; they had refreshed and toned her stomach.
       Where on earth was she going to put Mr. Pontellier in that little house,
       and the boys? And then she made Edna promise to go to her when her hour
       of trial overtook her.
       "At any time--any time of the day or night, dear," Edna
       assured her.
       Before leaving Madame Ratignolle said:
       "In some way you seem to me like a child, Edna. You seem to
       act without a certain amount of reflection which is necessary in
       this life. That is the reason I want to say you mustn't mind if I
       advise you to be a little careful while you are living here alone.
       Why don't you have some one come and stay with you? Wouldn't
       Mademoiselle Reisz come?"
       "No; she wouldn't wish to come, and I shouldn't want her
       always with me."
       "Well, the reason--you know how evil-minded the world is--some
       one was talking of Alcee Arobin visiting you. Of course, it
       wouldn't matter if Mr. Arobin had not such a dreadful reputation.
       Monsieur Ratignolle was telling me that his attentions alone are
       considered enough to ruin a woman s name."
       "Does he boast of his successes?" asked Edna, indifferently,
       squinting at her picture.
       "No, I think not. I believe he is a decent fellow as far as
       that goes. But his character is so well known among the men. I
       shan't be able to come back and see you; it was very, very
       imprudent to-day."
       "Mind the step!" cried Edna.
       "Don't neglect me," entreated Madame Ratignolle; "and don't
       mind what I said about Arobin, or having some one to stay with you.
       "Of course not," Edna laughed. "You may say anything you like
       to me." They kissed each other good-by. Madame Ratignolle had not
       far to go, and Edna stood on the porch a while watching her walk
       down the street.
       Then in the afternoon Mrs. Merriman and Mrs. Highcamp had made
       their "party call." Edna felt that they might have dispensed
       with the formality. They had also come to invite her to play
       vingt-et-un one evening at Mrs. Merriman's. She was asked to go early,
       to dinner, and Mr. Merriman or Mr. Arobin would take her home.
       Edna accepted in a half-hearted way. She sometimes felt very tired
       of Mrs. Highcamp and Mrs. Merriman.
       Late in the afternoon she sought refuge with Mademoiselle
       Reisz, and stayed there alone, waiting for her, feeling a kind of
       repose invade her with the very atmosphere of the shabby,
       unpretentious little room.
       Edna sat at the window, which looked out over the house-tops
       and across the river. The window frame was filled with pots of
       flowers, and she sat and picked the dry leaves from a rose
       geranium. The day was warm, and the breeze which blew from the
       river was very pleasant. She removed her hat and laid it on the
       piano. She went on picking the leaves and digging around the
       plants with her hat pin. Once she thought she heard Mademoiselle
       Reisz approaching. But it was a young black girl, who came in,
       bringing a small bundle of laundry, which she deposited in the
       adjoining room, and went away.
       Edna seated herself at the piano, and softly picked out with
       one hand the bars of a piece of music which lay open before her.
       A half-hour went by. There was the occasional sound of people
       going and coming in the lower hall. She was growing interested in
       her occupation of picking out the aria, when there was a second rap
       at the door. She vaguely wondered what these people did when they
       found Mademoiselle's door locked.
       "Come in," she called, turning her face toward the door. And
       this time it was Robert Lebrun who presented himself. She
       attempted to rise; she could not have done so without betraying the
       agitation which mastered her at sight of him, so she fell back upon
       the stool, only exclaiming, "Why, Robert!"
       He came and clasped her hand, seemingly without knowing what
       he was saying or doing.
       "Mrs. Pontellier! How do you happen--oh! how well you look!
       Is Mademoiselle Reisz not here? I never expected to see you."
       "When did you come back?" asked Edna in an unsteady voice,
       wiping her face with her handkerchief. She seemed ill at ease on
       the piano stool, and he begged her to take the chair by the window.
       She did so, mechanically, while he seated himself on the stool.
       "I returned day before yesterday," he answered, while he
       leaned his arm on the keys, bringing forth a crash of discordant
       sound.
       "Day before yesterday!" she repeated, aloud; and went on
       thinking to herself, "day before yesterday," in a sort of an
       uncomprehending way. She had pictured him seeking her at the very
       first hour, and he had lived under the same sky since day before
       yesterday; while only by accident had he stumbled upon her.
       Mademoiselle must have lied when she said, "Poor fool, he loves
       you."
       "Day before yesterday," she repeated, breaking off a spray of
       Mademoiselle's geranium; "then if you had not met me here to-day
       you wouldn't--when--that is, didn't you mean to come and see me?"
       "Of course, I should have gone to see you. There have been so
       many things--" he turned the leaves of Mademoiselle's music
       nervously. "I started in at once yesterday with the old firm.
       After all there is as much chance for me here as there was
       there--that is, I might find it profitable some day. The Mexicans were
       not very congenial."
       So he had come back because the Mexicans were not congenial;
       because business was as profitable here as there; because of any
       reason, and not because he cared to be near her. She remembered
       the day she sat on the floor, turning the pages of his letter,
       seeking the reason which was left untold.
       She had not noticed how he looked--only feeling his presence;
       but she turned deliberately and observed him. After all, he had
       been absent but a few months, and was not changed. His hair--the
       color of hers--waved back from his temples in the same way as
       before. His skin was not more burned than it had been at Grand Isle.
       She found in his eyes, when he looked at her for one silent moment,
       the same tender caress, with an added warmth and entreaty which had
       not been there before the same glance which had penetrated to the
       sleeping places of her soul and awakened them.
       A hundred times Edna had pictured Robert's return, and
       imagined their first meeting. It was usually at her home, whither
       he had sought her out at once. She always fancied him expressing
       or betraying in some way his love for her. And here, the reality
       was that they sat ten feet apart, she at the window, crushing
       geranium leaves in her hand and smelling them, he twirling around
       on the piano stool, saying:
       "I was very much surprised to hear of Mr. Pontellier's
       absence; it's a wonder Mademoiselle Reisz did not tell me; and your
       moving--mother told me yesterday. I should think you would have
       gone to New York with him, or to Iberville with the children,
       rather than be bothered here with housekeeping. And you are going
       abroad, too, I hear. We shan't have you at Grand Isle next summer;
       it won't seem--do you see much of Mademoiselle Reisz? She often
       spoke of you in the few letters she wrote."
       "Do you remember that you promised to write to me when you
       went away?" A flush overspread his whole face.
       "I couldn't believe that my letters would be of any interest
       to you."
       "That is an excuse; it isn't the truth." Edna reached for her
       hat on the piano. She adjusted it, sticking the hat pin through
       the heavy coil of hair with some deliberation.
       "Are you not going to wait for Mademoiselle Reisz?" asked
       Robert.
       "No; I have found when she is absent this long, she is liable
       not to come back till late." She drew on her gloves, and Robert
       picked up his hat.
       "Won't you wait for her?" asked Edna.
       "Not if you think she will not be back till late," adding, as
       if suddenly aware of some discourtesy in his speech, "and I should
       miss the pleasure of walking home with you." Edna locked the door
       and put the key back in its hiding-place.
       They went together, picking their way across muddy streets and
       sidewalks encumbered with the cheap display of small tradesmen.
       Part of the distance they rode in the car, and after disembarking,
       passed the Pontellier mansion, which looked broken and half torn
       asunder. Robert had never known the house, and looked at it with
       interest.
       "I never knew you in your home," he remarked.
       "I am glad you did not."
       "Why?" She did not answer. They went on around the corner,
       and it seemed as if her dreams were coming true after all, when he
       followed her into the little house.
       "You must stay and dine with me, Robert. You see I am all
       alone, and it is so long since I have seen you. There is so much
       I want to ask you."
       She took off her hat and gloves. He stood irresolute, making
       some excuse about his mother who expected him; he even muttered
       something about an engagement. She struck a match and lit the lamp
       on the table; it was growing dusk. When he saw her face in the
       lamp-light, looking pained, with all the soft lines gone out of it,
       he threw his hat aside and seated himself.
       "Oh! you know I want to stay if you will let me!" he
       exclaimed. All the softness came back. She laughed, and went and
       put her hand on his shoulder.
       "This is the first moment you have seemed like the old Robert.
       I'll go tell Celestine." She hurried away to tell Celestine to set
       an extra place. She even sent her off in search of some added
       delicacy which she had not thought of for herself. And she
       recommended great care in dripping the coffee and having the omelet
       done to a proper turn.
       When she reentered, Robert was turning over magazines,
       sketches, and things that lay upon the table in great disorder. He
       picked up a photograph, and exclaimed:
       "Alcee Arobin! What on earth is his picture doing here?"
       "I tried to make a sketch of his head one day," answered Edna,
       "and he thought the photograph might help me. It was at the other house.
       I thought it had been left there. I must have packed it up with
       my drawing materials."
       "I should think you would give it back to him if you have finished with it."
       "Oh! I have a great many such photographs. I never think of returning them.
       They don't amount to anything." Robert kept on looking at the picture.
       "It seems to me--do you think his head worth drawing?
       Is he a friend of Mr. Pontellier's? You never said you knew him."
       "He isn't a friend of Mr. Pontellier's; he's a friend of mine.
       I always knew him--that is, it is only of late that I know him
       pretty well. But I'd rather talk about you, and know what you have
       been seeing and doing and feeling out there in Mexico." Robert
       threw aside the picture.
       "I've been seeing the waves and the white beach of Grand Isle;
       the quiet, grassy street of the Cheniere; the old fort at
       Grande Terre. I've been working like a machine, and feeling like
       a lost soul. There was nothing interesting."
       She leaned her head upon her hand to shade her eyes
       from the light.
       "And what have you been seeing and doing and feeling
       all these days?" he asked.
       "I've been seeing the waves and the white beach of Grand Isle;
       the quiet, grassy street of the Cheniere Caminada; the old
       sunny fort at Grande Terre. I've been working with a little more
       comprehension than a machine, and still feeling like a lost soul.
       There was nothing interesting."
       "Mrs. Pontellier, you are cruel," he said, with feeling,
       closing his eyes and resting his head back in his chair. They
       remained in silence till old Celestine announced dinner. _