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Peck’s Sunshine
Duck Or No Dinner
George W.Peck
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       _ There is nothing that gives pious people more annoyance than to hear shooting on Sunday on some adjacent marsh while they are worshipping, and there is nothing much more annoying to wicked Sunday, hunters than to have ducks fly habitually in the vicinity of a church.
       Winneconne, up on the Wolf river, is about evenly divided between-church going people and those who take more pleasure in standing behind a shot gun. When ducks fly about Winneconne in the Spring they follow the river up and down, and the bridge in town is a favorite place for hunters to stand and pepper the ducks with shot.
       One Sunday about three weeks ago the ducks were flying terrible, and when the bell rung for church the bridge was pretty well covered with hunters, and many worshippers entered the church hard by with the smell of powder in their spring bonnets. The hunters were so interested in the ducks of the air that they did not notice the ducks on the way to church.
       Finally the church people all got seated and the minister gave them an excellent sermon, which was only occasionally interrupted by the good man dodging down behind the pulpit to escape a stray charge of No. 4 shot which came through the open window. No complaint was made, and no sarcastic remarks were made about the wicked men who were out of meat, and were shooting up a little for dinner, though there were silent prayers offered for the Sabbath breakers.
       At last the services were over, and the chair was singing, "A charge to keep I have," as the minister was picking some duck shot out of his trousers, when there was a commotion. A wounded duck had fallen on the door step of the church and being only "winged" had fluttered into the church, and crawled under the seats, when a couple of retriever dogs belonging to a German rushed into the sacred edifice and went howling under the seats after the duck, while the owner's voice could be heard outside yelling, "Rouse mit em!"
       Well, some of them, those who had clock work stockings, held their feet up in the air to get them away from the dogs, while others jumped up on the pews and yelled bloody murder. Some went for the windows, and a brakeman tells us that the senior deacon fainted away.
       The dogs retrieved the duck, and as the congregation came out of the church the German went down toward the bridge wringing the neck of the duck and kicking the dogs for not having more sense than to go right into a church during service.
       The hunters of Winneconne should be talked to by the presiding elder. They do very wrong to shoot on Sunday. _
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Preface
Female Doctors Will Never Do
Crossman's Goat
A Mean Trick
A Female Knight Of Pythias
The Telescope Fish-Pole Cane
An Arm That Is Not Reliable
Bounced From Church For Dancing
Police Searching Women
About Hell
Unscrewing The Top Of A Fruit Jar
Buttermilk Bibbers
An Aesthetic Female Club Busted
Fooling With The Bible.
Colored Concert Troupes
Couldn't Get Away From Him
Dogs And Human Beings
Arthur Will Keep A Cow
Shall There Be Hugging In The Parks?
The Bob-Tailed Badger
Cannibals And Cork Legs
The Ministerial Pugilists
Music On The Waters
Woman-Dozing A Democrat
A Lively Train Load
How Sharper Than A Hound's Tooth
A Sewing Machine Given To The Boss Girl
Don't Appreciate Kindness
Religion And Fish
A Doctor Of Laws
The Difference In Horses
Addicted To Limburg Cheese
Terrible Time On The Cars
Changed Satchels
The Naughty But Nice Church Choir
Sense In Little Bugs
Summer Resorting
The Gospel Car
Incidents At The Newhall House Fire
The Way Women Boss A Pillow
The Deadly Paper Bag
The Virginia Duel
The Difference
Spurious Tripe
A Case Of Paralysis
Male And Female Mashing
The Uses Of The Paper Bag
The New Coal Stove
A Cold, Cheerless Ride
Some Talk About Monopolies
A Bald-Headed Man Most Crazy
Accidents And Incidents At Theatres
All About A Sandwich
Goodwill And Compassion
The Female Burglar
The Girl That Was Hugged To Death
Our Christian Neighbors Have Gone
The Sudden Fire-Works At Racine
Young Fools Who Marry
Large Mouths Are Fashionable
Looking For A Mooley Cow
The Harmful Hammock
Boys And Circuses
A Trying Situation
The Kind Of A Doctor To Have
They Don't Know What They Abe Talking About
A Kansas Cyclone
How Jeff Davis Was Captured
Those Bold, Bad Drummers.
Angels Or Eagles
An Accident All Abound
Prize Fighting And Mormonism
Misdeal In A Sleeping Car
Paralysis In A Theatre
The Queerest Name
Church Keno
The Advent Preacher And The Balloon
The Cause Of Rheumatism
How A Grocery Man Was Maimed
Camp Meeting In The Dark Of The Moon
Another View Of The Cask
The Pious Deacon And The Worldly Cow
The Question Of Cats
The Knight And The Bridal Chamber
The House Girl Race
The Trouble Mr. Storey Has
Tragedy On The Stage
The Mistake About It
The Man From Dubuque
The Giddy Girls Quarrel
Don't Leave Your Gum Around.
The Way To Name Children
About Railroad Conductors
A Hot Box At A Picnic
Broke Up A Prayer Meeting
Shooting On Sunday, With The Mouth
A Washington Surprise Party
The Difference In Clothes
A Temperance Lecture That Hurt
Bravery Of Mrs. Garfield
Illustrating The Assassination
The Infidel And His Silver Mine
The Great Monopolies
Another Dead Failure
Our Blue-Coated Dog Poisoners
And He Rose Up And Spake
Got In The Wrong Pew
Palace Cattle Cars
Duck Or No Dinner
The Guinea Pig
Failure Of A Solid Institution