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Peck’s Sunshine
Our Blue-Coated Dog Poisoners
George W.Peck
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       _ "Papa, the cruel policeman has murdered little Gip! He sneaked up and frowed a nice piece of meat to Gip, and Gip he eated it, and fanked the policeman with his tail, and runned after him and teased for more, but the policeman fought Gip had enough, and then Gip stopped and looked sorry he had eaten it, and pretty soon he laid down and died, and the policeman laughed and went off feeling good. If Dan Sheehan was the policeman any more he wouldn't poison my dog, would he, pa?"
       The above was the greeting the bald-headed _Sun_ man received on Thursday, and a pair of four-year-old brown eyes were full enough of tears to break the heart of a policeman of many years' standing, and the little, crushed master of the dead King Charles spaniel went to sleep sobbing and believing that policemen were the greatest blot upon the civilization of the nineteenth century.
       Here was a little fellow that had from the day he first stood on his feet after the scarlet fever had left him alive, been allowing his heart to become entwined with love for that poor little dog. For nearly a year the dog had been ready to play with the child when everybody else was tired out, and never once had the dog been cross or backed out of a romp, and the laughter and the barking has many a time been the only sound of happiness in the neighborhood.
       If the boy slept too long after dinner, the dog went and rooted around him as much as to say, "Look a here, Mr. Roy, you can't play this on your partner any longer. You get up here and we will have a high old time, and don't you forget it." And pretty soon the sound of baby feet and dog's toe nails would be heard on the stairs, and the circus would commence.
       If the dog slept too long of an afternoon, the boy would hunt him out, take hold of his tail with one hand, and an ear with the other, and lug him into the parlor, saying, "Gip, too much sleep is what is ruining the dogs in this country. Now, brace up and play horse with me." And then there was fun.
       Well, it is all over; but while we write there is a little fellow sleeping on a tear-stained pillow, dreaming, perhaps, of a heaven where the woods are full of King Charles' spaniel dogs, and a doorkeeper stands with a club to keep out policemen. And still we cannot blame policemen--it is the law that is to blame--the wise men who go to the legislature, and make months with one day too much, pass laws that a dog shall be muzzled and wear a brass check, or he is liable to go mad. Statistics show that not one dog in a million ever goes mad, and that they are more liable to go mad in winter than in summer; but several hundred years ago somebody said that summer was "dog days," and the law-makers of this enlightened nineteenth century still insist on a wire muzzle at a season of the year when a dog wants air and water, and wants his tongue out.
       So we compel our guardians of the peace to go around assassinating dogs. Men, who as citizens, would cut their hands off before they would injure a neighbor's property, or speak harsh to his dog, when they hire out to the city must stifle all feelings of humanity, and descend to the level of Paris scavengers. We compel them to do this. If they would get on their ears and say to the city of Milwaukee, "We will guard your city, and protect you from insult, and die for you if it becomes necessary; but we will see you in hades before we will go around assassinating dogs," we as a people, would think more of them, and perhaps build them a decent station house to rest in.
       The dog law is as foolish as the anti-treating law, and if it were not enforced, no harm would be done. Our legislators have to pass about so many laws anyway, and we should use our judgment about enforcing them.
       But the dog is dead, and the little man meditates a terrible revenge. He is going to have a goat that can whip a policeman, he says; then there will be fun around the parsonage. _
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Preface
Female Doctors Will Never Do
Crossman's Goat
A Mean Trick
A Female Knight Of Pythias
The Telescope Fish-Pole Cane
An Arm That Is Not Reliable
Bounced From Church For Dancing
Police Searching Women
About Hell
Unscrewing The Top Of A Fruit Jar
Buttermilk Bibbers
An Aesthetic Female Club Busted
Fooling With The Bible.
Colored Concert Troupes
Couldn't Get Away From Him
Dogs And Human Beings
Arthur Will Keep A Cow
Shall There Be Hugging In The Parks?
The Bob-Tailed Badger
Cannibals And Cork Legs
The Ministerial Pugilists
Music On The Waters
Woman-Dozing A Democrat
A Lively Train Load
How Sharper Than A Hound's Tooth
A Sewing Machine Given To The Boss Girl
Don't Appreciate Kindness
Religion And Fish
A Doctor Of Laws
The Difference In Horses
Addicted To Limburg Cheese
Terrible Time On The Cars
Changed Satchels
The Naughty But Nice Church Choir
Sense In Little Bugs
Summer Resorting
The Gospel Car
Incidents At The Newhall House Fire
The Way Women Boss A Pillow
The Deadly Paper Bag
The Virginia Duel
The Difference
Spurious Tripe
A Case Of Paralysis
Male And Female Mashing
The Uses Of The Paper Bag
The New Coal Stove
A Cold, Cheerless Ride
Some Talk About Monopolies
A Bald-Headed Man Most Crazy
Accidents And Incidents At Theatres
All About A Sandwich
Goodwill And Compassion
The Female Burglar
The Girl That Was Hugged To Death
Our Christian Neighbors Have Gone
The Sudden Fire-Works At Racine
Young Fools Who Marry
Large Mouths Are Fashionable
Looking For A Mooley Cow
The Harmful Hammock
Boys And Circuses
A Trying Situation
The Kind Of A Doctor To Have
They Don't Know What They Abe Talking About
A Kansas Cyclone
How Jeff Davis Was Captured
Those Bold, Bad Drummers.
Angels Or Eagles
An Accident All Abound
Prize Fighting And Mormonism
Misdeal In A Sleeping Car
Paralysis In A Theatre
The Queerest Name
Church Keno
The Advent Preacher And The Balloon
The Cause Of Rheumatism
How A Grocery Man Was Maimed
Camp Meeting In The Dark Of The Moon
Another View Of The Cask
The Pious Deacon And The Worldly Cow
The Question Of Cats
The Knight And The Bridal Chamber
The House Girl Race
The Trouble Mr. Storey Has
Tragedy On The Stage
The Mistake About It
The Man From Dubuque
The Giddy Girls Quarrel
Don't Leave Your Gum Around.
The Way To Name Children
About Railroad Conductors
A Hot Box At A Picnic
Broke Up A Prayer Meeting
Shooting On Sunday, With The Mouth
A Washington Surprise Party
The Difference In Clothes
A Temperance Lecture That Hurt
Bravery Of Mrs. Garfield
Illustrating The Assassination
The Infidel And His Silver Mine
The Great Monopolies
Another Dead Failure
Our Blue-Coated Dog Poisoners
And He Rose Up And Spake
Got In The Wrong Pew
Palace Cattle Cars
Duck Or No Dinner
The Guinea Pig
Failure Of A Solid Institution