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The American Claimant
CHAPTER XIII
Mark Twain
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       _ CHAPTER XIII
       The days drifted by, and they grew ever more dreary. For Barrow's
       efforts to find work for Tracy were unavailing. Always the first
       question asked was, "What Union do you belong to?"
       Tracy was obliged to reply that he didn't belong to any trade-union.
       "Very well, then, it's impossible to employ you. My men wouldn't stay
       with me if I should employ a 'scab,' or 'rat,'" or whatever the phrase
       was.
       Finally, Tracy had a happy thought. He said, "Why the thing for me to
       do, of course, is to join a trade-union."
       "Yes," Barrow said, "that is the thing for you to do--if you can."
       "If I can? Is it difficult?"
       "Well, Yes," Barrow said, "it's sometimes difficult--in fact, very
       difficult. But you can try, and of course it will be best to try."
       Therefore Tracy tried; but he did not succeed. He was refused admission
       with a good deal of promptness, and was advised to go back home, where he
       belonged, not come here taking honest men's bread out of their mouths.
       Tracy began to realize that the situation was desperate, and the thought
       made him cold to the marrow. He said to himself, "So there is an
       aristocracy of position here, and an aristocracy of prosperity, and
       apparently there is also an aristocracy of the ins as opposed to the
       outs, and I am with the outs. So the ranks grow daily, here. Plainly
       there are all kinds of castes here and only one that I belong to, the
       outcasts." But he couldn't even smile at his small joke, although he was
       obliged to confess that he had a rather good opinion of it. He was
       feeling so defeated and miserable by this time that he could no longer
       look with philosophical complacency on the horseplay of the young fellows
       in the upper rooms at night. At first it had been pleasant to see them
       unbend and have a good time after having so well earned it by the labors
       of the day, but now it all rasped upon his feelings and his dignity.
       He lost patience with the spectacle. When they were feeling good, they
       shouted, they scuffled, they sang songs, they romped about the place like
       cattle, and they generally wound up with a pillow fight, in which they
       banged each other over the head, and threw the pillows in all directions,
       and every now and then he got a buffet himself; and they were always
       inviting him to join in. They called him "Johnny Bull," and invited him
       with excessive familiarity to take a hand. At first he had endured all
       this with good nature, but latterly he had shown by his manner that it
       was distinctly distasteful to him, and very soon he saw a change in the
       manner of these young people toward him. They were souring on him as
       they would have expressed it in their language. He had never been what
       might be called popular. That was hardly the phrase for it; he had
       merely been liked, but now dislike for him was growing. His case was not
       helped by the fact that he was out of luck, couldn't get work, didn't
       belong to a union, and couldn't gain admission to one: He got a good many
       slights of that small ill-defined sort that you can't quite put your
       finger on, and it was manifest that there was only one thing which
       protected him from open insult, and that was his muscle. These young
       people had seen him exercising, mornings, after his cold sponge bath,
       and they had perceived by his performance and the build of his body,
       that he was athletic, and also versed in boxing. He felt pretty naked
       now, recognizing that he was shorn of all respect except respect for his
       fists. One night when he entered his room he found about a dozen of the
       young fellows there carrying on a very lively conversation punctuated
       with horse-laughter. The talking ceased instantly, and the frank affront
       of a dead silence followed. He said,
       "Good evening gentlemen," and sat down.
       There was no response. He flushed to the temples but forced himself to
       maintain silence. He sat there in this uncomfortable stillness some
       time, then got up and went out.
       The moment he had disappeared he heard a prodigious shout of laughter
       break forth. He saw that their plain purpose had been to insult him.
       He ascended to the flat roof, hoping to be able to cool down his spirit
       there and get back his tranquility. He found the young tinner up there,
       alone and brooding, and entered into conversation with him. They were
       pretty fairly matched, now, in unpopularity and general ill-luck and
       misery, and they had no trouble in meeting upon this common ground with
       advantage and something of comfort to both. But Tracy's movements had
       been watched, and in a few minutes the tormentors came straggling one
       after another to the roof, where they began to stroll up and down in an
       apparently purposeless way. But presently they fell to dropping remarks
       that were evidently aimed at Tracy, and some of them at the tinner.
       The ringleader of this little mob was a short-haired bully and amateur
       prize-fighter named Allen, who was accustomed to lording it over the
       upper floor, and had more than once shown a disposition to make trouble
       with Tracy. Now there was an occasional cat-call, and hootings, and
       whistlings, and finally the diversion of an exchange of connected remarks
       was introduced:
       "How many does it take to make a pair?"
       "Well, two generally makes a pair, but sometimes there ain't stuff enough
       in them to make a whole pair." General laugh.
       "What were you saying about the English a while ago?"
       "Oh, nothing, the English are all right, only--I--" What was it you said
       about them?"
       "Oh, I only said they swallow well."
       "Swallow better than other people?"
       "Oh, yes, the English swallow a good deal better than other people."
       "What is it they swallow best?"
       "Oh, insults." Another general laugh.
       "Pretty hard to make 'em fight, ain't it?"
       "No, taint hard to make 'em fight."
       "Ain't it, really?"
       "No, taint hard. It's impossible." Another laugh.
       "This one's kind of spiritless, that's certain."
       "Couldn't be the other way--in his case."
       "Why?"
       "Don't you know the secret of his birth?"
       "No! has he got a secret of his birth?"
       "You bet he has."
       "What is it?"
       "His father was a wax-figger."
       Allen came strolling by where the pair were sitting; stopped, and said to
       the tinner;
       "How are you off for friends, these days?"
       "Well enough off."
       "Got a good many?"
       "Well, as many as I need."
       "A friend is valuable, sometimes-as a protector, you know. What do you
       reckon would happen if I was to snatch your cap off and slap you in the
       face with it?"
       "Please don't trouble me, Mr. Allen, I ain't doing anything to you."
       You answer me! What do you reckon would happen?"
       "Well, I don't know."
       Tracy spoke up with a good deal of deliberation and said:
       "Don't trouble the young fellow, I can tell you what would happen."
       "Oh, you can, can you? Boys, Johnny Bull can tell us what would happen
       if I was to snatch this chump's cap off and slap him in the face with it.
       Now you'll see.
       He snatched the cap and struck the youth in the face, and before he could
       inquire what was going to happen, it had already happened, and he was
       warming the tin with the broad of his back. Instantly there was a rush,
       and shouts of:
       "A ring, a ring, make a ring! Fair play all round! Johnny's grit; give
       him a chance."
       The ring was quickly chalked on the tin, and Tracy found himself as eager
       to begin as he could have been if his antagonist had been a prince
       instead of a mechanic. At bottom he was a little surprised at this,
       because although his theories had been all in that direction for some
       time, he was not prepared to find himself actually eager to measure
       strength with quite so common a man as this ruffian. In a moment all the
       windows in the neighborhood were filled with people, and the roofs also.
       The men squared off, and the fight began. But Allen stood no chance
       whatever, against the young Englishman. Neither in muscle nor in science
       was he his equal. He measured his length on the tin time and again;
       in fact, as fast as he could get up he went down again, and the applause
       was kept up in liberal fashion from all the neighborhood around.
       Finally, Allen had to be helped up. Then Tracy declined to punish him
       further and the fight was at an end. Allen was carried off by some of
       his friends in a very much humbled condition, his face black and blue and
       bleeding, and Tracy was at once surrounded by the young fellows, who
       congratulated him, and told him that he had done the whole house a
       service, and that from this out Mr. Allen would be a little more
       particular about how he handled slights and insults and maltreatment
       around amongst the boarders.
       Tracy was a hero now, and exceedingly popular. Perhaps nobody had ever
       been quite so popular on that upper floor before. But if being
       discountenanced by these young fellows had been hard to bear, their
       lavish commendations and approval and hero-worship was harder still to
       endure. He felt degraded, but he did not allow himself to analyze the
       reasons why, too closely. He was content to satisfy himself with the
       suggestion that he looked upon himself as degraded by the public
       spectacle which he had made of himself, fighting on a tin roof, for the
       delectation of everybody a block or two around. But he wasn't entirely
       satisfied with that explanation of it. Once he went a little too far and
       wrote in his diary that his case was worse than that of the prodigal son.
       He said the prodigal son merely fed swine, he didn't have to chum with
       them. But he struck that out, and said "All men are equal. I will not
       disown my principles. These men are as good as I am."
       Tracy was become popular on the lower floors also. Everybody was
       grateful for Allen's reduction to the ranks, and for his transformation
       from a doer of outrages to a mere threatener of them. The young girls,
       of whom there were half a dozen, showed many attentions to Tracy,
       particularly that boarding house pet Hattie, the landlady's daughter.
       She said to him, very sweetly,
       "I think you're ever so nice."
       And when he said, "I'm glad you think' so, Miss Hattie," she said, still
       more sweetly,
       "Don't call me Miss Hattie-call me Puss."
       Ah, here was promotion! He had struck the summit. There were no higher
       heights to climb in that boarding house. His popularity was complete.
       In the presence of people, Tracy showed a tranquil outside, but his heart
       was being eaten out of him by distress and despair.
       In a little while he should be out of money, and then what should he do?
       He wished, now, that he had borrowed a little more liberally from that
       stranger's store. He found it impossible to sleep. A single torturing,
       terrifying thought went racking round and round in his head, wearing a
       groove in his brain: What should he do--What was to become of him? And
       along with it began to intrude a something presently which was very like
       a wish that he had not joined the great and noble ranks of martyrdom, but
       had stayed at home and been content to be merely an earl and nothing
       better, with nothing more to do in this world of a useful sort than an
       earl finds to do. But he smothered that part of his thought as well as
       he could; he made every effort to drive it away, and with fair keep it
       from intruding a little success, but he couldn't now and then, and when
       it intruded it came suddenly and nipped him like a bite, a sting, a burn.
       He recognized that thought by the peculiar sharpness of its pang. The
       others were painful enough, but that one cut to the quick when it calm.
       Night after night he lay tossing to the music of the hideous snoring of
       the honest bread-winners until two and three o'clock in the morning,
       then got up and took refuge on the roof, where he sometimes got a nap and
       sometimes failed entirely. His appetite was leaving him and the zest of
       life was going along with it. Finally, owe day, being near the imminent
       verge of total discouragement, he said to himself--and took occasion to
       blush privately when he said it, "If my father knew what my American name
       is,--he--well, my duty to my father rather requires that I furnish him my
       name. I have no right to make his days and nights unhappy, I can do
       enough unhappiness for the family all by myself. Really he ought to know
       what my American name is." He thought over it a while and framed a
       cablegram in his mind to this effect:
       "My American name is Howard Tracy."
       That wouldn't be suggesting anything. His father could understand that
       as he chose, and doubtless he would understand it as it was meant, as a
       dutiful and affectionate desire on the part of a son to make his old
       father happy for a moment. Continuing his train of thought, Tracy said
       to himself, "Ah, but if he should cable me to come home! I--I--couldn't
       do that--I mustn't do that. I've started out on a mission, and I mustn't
       turn my back on it in cowardice. No, no, I couldn't go home, at--at--
       least I shouldn't want to go home." After a reflective pause: "Well,
       maybe--perhaps--it would be my duty to go in the circumstances; he's very
       old and he does need me by him to stay his footsteps down the long hill
       that inclines westward toward the sunset of his life. Well, I'll think
       about that. Yes, of course it wouldn't be right to stay here. If I--
       well, perhaps I could just drop him a line and put it off a little while
       and satisfy him in that way. It would be--well, it would mar everything
       to have him require me to come instantly." Another reflective pause--
       then: "And yet if he should do that I don't know but--oh, dear me--home!
       how good it sounds! and a body is excusable for wanting to see his home
       again, now and then, anyway."
       He went to one of the telegraph offices in the avenue and got the first
       end of what Barrow called the "usual Washington courtesy," where "they
       treat you as a tramp until they find out you're a congressman, and then
       they slobber all over you." There was a boy of seventeen on duty there,
       tying his shoe. He had his foot on a chair and his back turned towards
       the wicket. He glanced over his shoulder, took Tracy's measure, turned
       back, and went on tying his shoe. Tracy finished writing his telegram
       and waited, still waited, and still waited, for that performance to
       finish, but there didn't seem to be any finish to it; so finally Tracy
       said:
       "Can't you take my telegram?"
       The youth looked over his shoulder and said, by his manner, not his
       words:
       "Don't you think you could wait a minute, if you tried?"
       However, he got the shoe tied at last, and came and took the telegram,
       glanced over it, then looked up surprised, at Tracy. There was something
       in his look that bordered upon respect, almost reverence, it seemed to
       Tracy, although he had been so long without anything of this kind he was
       not sure that he knew the signs of it.
       The boy read the address aloud, with pleased expression in face and
       voice.
       "The Earl of Rossmore! Cracky! Do you know him?"
       "Yes."
       "Is that so! Does he know you?"
       "Well--yes."
       "Well, I swear! Will he answer you?"
       "I think he will."
       "Will he though? Where'll you have it sent?"
       "Oh, nowhere. I'll call here and get it. When shall I call?"
       "Oh, I don't know--I'll send it to you. Where shall I send it? Give me
       your address; I'll send it to you soon's it comes."
       But Tracy didn't propose to do this. He had acquired the boy's
       admiration and deferential respect, and he wasn't willing to throw these
       precious things away, a result sure to follow if he should give the
       address of that boarding house. So he said again that he would call and
       get the telegram, and went his way.
       He idled along, reflecting. He said to himself, "There is something
       pleasant about being respected. I have acquired the respect of Mr.
       Allen and some of those others, and almost the deference of some of them
       on pure merit, for having thrashed Allen. While their respect and their
       deference--if it is deference--is pleasant, a deference based upon a
       sham, a shadow, does really seem pleasanter still. It's no real merit to
       be in correspondence with an earl, and yet after all, that boy makes me
       feel as if there was."
       The cablegram was actually gone home! the thought of it gave him an
       immense uplift. He walked with a lighter tread. His heart was full of
       happiness. He threw aside all hesitances and confessed to himself that
       he was glad through and through that he was going to give up this
       experiment and go back to his home again. His eagerness to get his
       father's answer began to grow, now, and it grew with marvelous celerity,
       after it began. He waited an hour, walking about, putting in his time as
       well as he could, but interested in nothing that came under his eye, and
       at last he presented himself at the office again and asked if any answer
       had come yet. The boy said,
       "No, no answer yet," then glanced at the clock and added, "I don't think
       it's likely you'll get one to-day."
       "Why not?"
       "Well, you see it's getting pretty late. You can't always tell where
       'bouts a man is when he's on the other side, and you can't always find
       him just the minute you want him, and you see it's getting about six
       o'clock now, and over there it's pretty late at night."
       "Why yes," said Tracy, "I hadn't thought of that."
       "Yes, pretty late, now, half past ten or eleven. Oh yes, you probably
       won't get any answer to-night." _