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Outpost, or Dora Darling and Little Sunshine
CHAPTER XXXVIII - WHAT DORA SAID
Jane Goodwin Austin
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       _ IT had been Dora's intention to return to Iowa immediately after
       leaving Sunshine in charge of her own friends; but Mrs. Legrange
       insisted so urgently upon her remaining with them for some weeks at
       least, and the parting with the dear child she had so loved and
       cherished seemed so cruel as it drew nearer and nearer, that she
       finally consented to remain for a short time, and removed to the
       Neff House, where Mrs. Legrange had engaged rooms until the first of
       October.
       To other natures than those called to encounter it, the relation
       between these three might, for a time at least, have been painful
       and perplexing; but Mrs. Legrange was possessed of such exquisite
       tact, Sunshine of such abounding and at the same time delicate
       affections, and Dora of such a noble and generous temper, that they
       could not but harmonize: and while 'Toinette bloomed, flower-like,
       into new and wonderful beauty bathed in the sunlight of a double
       love, Mrs. Legrange never forgot to associate Dora with herself as
       its source. And Dora joyed in her darling's joy; and, if her heart
       ached at thought of the coming loneliness, the pain expressed itself
       no otherwise than in an added tenderness.
       "That is a noble girl, Fanny," said Mr. Burroughs one day. "How
       different from our dear five hundred friends at home! Put Mary
       Elmsly, or Lizzy Patterson, or Miss Bloomsleigh, or Marion Lee, in
       her place, and how would they fill it?"
       "She is, indeed, a noble girl," replied his cousin warmly. "I never
       shall forget the tender and wise care she has taken of Sunshine in
       this last year. She has strengthened heart and principle as I am
       afraid I could never have done."
       "Paul is coming out for you, isn't he?" pursued Mr. Burroughs after
       a pause.
       "Yes: he will be here by the 20th. Why did you ask?"
       "Because Dora cannot travel home alone, and I think of accompanying
       her. I may stay a while, and study prairie life."
       Mrs. Legrange looked at him in surprise a moment; and then a merry
       smile broke over her face, for such a smile was possible now to her.
       "Capital!" exclaimed she. "I never thought of it. But why not?"
       "Why not spend a few weeks in Iowa? Well, of course, why not?" asked
       Mr. Burroughs a little grimly, and presently added,--
       "That is a pernicious custom of yours Fanny,--that rushing at
       conclusions."
       "Men never rush at conclusions, do they?"
       "No: of course not."
       "Very well, then: arrive at your conclusion as leisurely as you
       like. It is none the less certain."
       "Pshaw!" remarked Mr. Burroughs; and as his cousin laughingly turned
       to bend over Sunshine, and help her read her story-book, he took his
       hat and went out, turning his steps toward the glen.
       Not till he reached its deepest recesses, however, did he find Dora;
       and then he stood still to look at her, himself unseen. But what a
       white, dumb look of anguish upon the sweet face! what clouds, heavy
       with coming showers, upon the brow! what rainy lights in the
       upturned eyes! what a resistless sorrow in the downward curve of the
       lips, ordinarily so firm and cheerful! Even the shapely hands,
       tightly folded, and firmly set upon the knee, told their story,--even
       the rigid lines and constrained attitude of the figure. Mr.
       Burroughs's first impulse was artistic; and he longed to be a
       sculptor, that he might model an immortal statue of Silent Grief.
       The second was human; and he longed to comfort a sorrow at whose
       cause he already guessed, and yet guessed but half. The third was
       less creditable, but perhaps as probable, in a man of Mr.
       Burroughs's temperament and education; for it was to study and
       dissect this new phase of the young girl's character. He quietly
       approached, and seated himself beside her with a commonplace
       remark,--
       "A very pretty bit of scenery, Dora."
       "Yes," replied she, struggling to resume her usual demeanor.
       "I am afraid, however, it does not satisfy your eye, accustomed to
       the breadth of prairie views. Confess that you are a little weary of
       it and us, and longing for home."
       "I shall probably set out for home to-morrow," said Dora, turning
       away her head, and playing idly with the grass beside her.
       "I thought you were homesick. I am sorry we have so ill succeeded in
       contenting you."
       "Oh, don't think that! I have been so happy here these two weeks!
       That is the very reason I ought to go."
       "How is that? I don't see the argument."
       "Because this is not my home, or the way I am to live, or these the
       people I am to live with; and the sooner I am away, the better."
       She did not see all the meaning of her words, poor child! but her
       companion did, and smiled merrily to himself as he said,--
       "You mean, we do not come up to your standard, and you cannot waste
       more time upon us; don't you?"
       Dora turned and looked at him, her suspicions roused by a mocking
       ring beneath the affected humility of his tone; and, looking, she
       caught the covert smile not yet faded from his eyes.
       "It is not kind, Mr. Burroughs, to laugh at me, or to try to confuse
       me in this way," said she steadily. "No doubt, you know what I mean;
       and why do you wish to force me into saying, that the more I see of
       the life and thoughts and manners of such people as Mrs. Legrange
       and you, and even my own little Sunshine, now so far away from me,
       the less fit I feel to associate with them? And, just because it is
       so pleasant to me, I feel that I ought to go back at once to the
       home and the duties and the people where I belong. I am but a poor
       country-girl, sir, hardly taught in any thing except the love of
       God, and the wish to do something before I die to make my
       fellow-creatures a little happier or more comfortable than I find
       them. Let me go to my work, and out of it I will make my life."
       Perhaps never had the self-contained heart of the young girl so
       framed itself in words; certainly never had Mr. Burroughs so fully
       read it: and when she finished, and, neither turning from him nor
       toward him, steadfastly set her eyes forward, as one who sees mapped
       out before him the path he is to tread through all the coming years,
       he took her hand in his with a sudden impulse of tenderness,--
       "Dora, you will love some one yet; and love will make you happy."
       "I have loved two people, and lost them both. I do not mean to love
       any one else," said Dora, quietly withdrawing her hand.
       Mr. Burroughs stared at her in astonishment; and, with a directness
       more natural than conventional, exclaimed,--
       "You have loved twice already!"
       "Yes. Three times, indeed. I loved my mother and Picter, and they
       are both dead. I loved Sunshine and she is lost to me. O my little
       Sunshine! who was all to me, and who, I thought"--
       And then-oh rare result of all these days of suffering, and hidden
       bitterness, and a lingering relinquishment of the sweet and tender
       hope of her future life!-Dora gave way all at once, and, covering
       her face with her hands, burst into a passion of tears; such tears
       as women seldom weep; such tears as Dora herself had shed but two or
       three times in her short life.
       Mr. Burroughs sat for a moment, looking at her with a yearning
       tenderness in his eyes, and then folded her suddenly in his arms,
       whispering,--
       "Dora, Dora Darling! I love you, and I will be to you more than all
       these; and no time nor chance shall rob you of my love, if only you
       will give me yours instead."
       But Dora repulsed him vehemently, sobbing, "No, no, no! you shall
       not say it! I will not hear it!"
       "Not say it? Why not? It is God's truth; and you must have known it
       before to-day."
       "No: it is only pity, because you think I want to stay, and because--
       No, I will not have it! I will not hear it! You are quite wrong, Mr.
       Burroughs: you do not know"--
       She stopped in confusion. She had done sobbing now; but she did not
       uncover her face, or look up. Mr. Burroughs regarded her with a
       strange expression, and then, taking her hand, said softly,--
       "Dora, I have not dared, as you fear that I have, to fancy that you
       cared for me. A moment ago, I should not have dared to ask you as I
       now do; and remember, Dora, that I ask for the solemn truth,--do you
       love me?"
       Dora tore away her hand indignantly, and attempted to rise. She had
       not spoken, or looked at him. Over the pale face of the lover shot a
       gleam of triumph. But he only said,--
       "Dora, it will not be like you to leave me in this way. It is unjust
       and untrue."
       "It is you who are unkind and ungenerous," said the girl
       passionately.
       "Why, Dora? Why is it ungenerous to ask for a confession of your
       love, when I have already told you that all my heart is in your
       hands?"
       "You fancied that I-that I-liked you; and you knew I did not want to
       go home, and you pitied me: and I won't have it, sir. I do not need
       pity, and I do not"--
       Her voice died away, killed by the falsehood she could not speak.
       Mr. Burroughs no longer pressed for an answer to the question he had
       asked, but grasped at a new argument.
       "Pity and kindness!" sadly repeated he. "Dora, if you only knew how
       much more I stand in need of your pity than you of mine, if you only
       knew what kindness your life has already done mine, you would not
       treat me in this manner."
       "You need my pity!" exclaimed Dora, forgetting herself, and turning
       to look at him in na‹ve astonishment; "and for what?"
       "For a purposeless and weary life; for an empty heart and a corroded
       faith," said her lover bitterly; "for an indifference to men,
       amounting almost to aversion; for a trifling estimate of women,
       amounting almost to contempt; for wasted abilities and neglected
       opportunities,--for all these, Dora, I need your pity, and have a
       right to claim it: for it is only since I loved you that I have
       recognized my own great needs and deficiencies. Complete the work
       you have unconsciously begun, dearest. Reverse the fairy fable, and
       let the beautiful princess come to waken with her kiss the slothful
       prince, who else might sleep forever."
       "How can you know so soon that I am the princess?" asked Dora shyly.
       "So soon! I felt the truth stirring blindly in my heart that first
       night, now a year ago, when I saw you in the old home, and read your
       candid eyes, and heard your clear voice, and marked your steady and
       serene influence upon all about you. I hardly knew it then; but,
       when I was away from you, I was myself surprised to find how vivid
       your impression upon my mind remained. When my cousin asked me to
       accompany her here, I silently resolved, that, before I returned
       home, I would see you again; would study as deeply as I might the
       character I already guessed. Then, Dora, when I saw you, as I have
       seen you in these last weeks, struggling so nobly to render complete
       the sacrifice you came hither to make; when I saw the sweetness, the
       power, the loftiness, and the divine truth, of your nature, shining
       more clearly day by day, and yourself the only one unconscious of
       the priceless value of such a nature,--then, Dora, I came to know for
       truth what I tell you now, God hearing me, that you are the woman of
       all the world whom I love, honor, and undeservingly long to make my
       own. Once more, Dora,--and you cannot now refuse to answer me at
       least,--once more I ask, do you or can you love me?"
       He grasped her hands in both his own, and his keen eyes read her
       very soul. She raised hers as steadily to meet them; and, though the
       hot blush seemed to scorch her very brow, she answered,--
       "I did not know it, quite, until to-day; but I believe-I think-I
       have cared about you ever since a year ago. That is, not love; but
       every one else seemed less than they had been: and since I knew you
       here, and since I thought I must go home, and never see you any
       more, it was"--
       She faltered and stopped, drooping her head before the tender
       triumph of his glance. Truth had asserted herself, as with Dora she
       must have done in any stress, but now of a sudden found herself
       silenced by a timidity as charming as it was new in the strong and
       well poised temperament of the girl who, a moment before so brave,
       now stood trembling and blushing beneath her lover's gaze.
       He drew her to his breast, and pressed his lips to hers.
       "Dora, my own wife!" whispered he. "God so deal with me here and
       hereafter as I with you, the best gift in his mighty hand!"
       And Dora, hiding her face upon his breast, whispered again,--
       "I was so unhappy an hour ago! and now, as Sunshine, says, I have
       come to heaven all at once!"
       Her lover answered by a mute caress; for there are moments when
       words are all too weak for speech. And so he only clasped her closer
       in his arms, and bent his head upon her own; while all about them
       the hundred voices of the summer noon whispered benediction on their
       joy; the eddying stream paused in its whirl to dimple into laughter
       at their feet; the sunlight, broken and flecked by the waving
       branches, fell in a shifting golden shower upon their heads; and
       Nature, the great mother, through her myriad eyes and tongues,
       blessed the betrothal of her dearest child. _