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Hermione and Her Little Group of Serious Thinkers
Taking Up The Liquor Problem
Don Marquis
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       _ WE'RE thinking of taking up the Liquor
       problem -- our little group, you know, --
       in quite a serious way.
       The Working Classes would be so much better
       off without liquor. And we who are the leaders
       in thought should set them an example.
       So a number of us have decided to set our faces
       very sternly against drinking in public.
       Of course, a cocktail or two and an occasional
       stinger, is something no one can well avoid taking,
       if one is dining out or having supper after the
       theater with one's own particular crowd.
       But all the members of my own particular little
       group have entered into a solemn agreement not
       to take even so much as a cocktail or a glass of
       wine if any of the working classes happen to be
       about where they can see us and become corrupted
       by our example.
       The Best People owe those sacrifices to the
       Masses, don't you think?
       Of course, the waiters, and people like that,
       really belong to the working classes too, I suppose.
       But, as Fothergil Finch says, very often one
       wouldn't know it. And who could expect a waiter
       to be influenced one way or another by anything?
       And it's the home life of the working classes that
       counts, anyhow.
       When we took up Sociology -- we gave several
       evenings to Sociological Discussion, you know,
       besides doing a lot of practical Welfare Work -- it
       was impressed upon me very strongly that if one is to
       do anything at all for the Masses one must first
       SWEETEN their Home Life.
       Though Papa made me stop poking around into
       the horrid places where they live for fear I might
       catch some dreadful disease.
       And the people we visited weren't all that grateful.
       So VERY OFTEN the Masses are not.
       One dreadful woman, you know, claimed that
       she couldn't keep her rooms -- she had two rooms,
       and she cooked and washed and slept and sewed
       in them and there were five in the family -- claimed
       that she couldn't keep her rooms in any better shape
       because they were so out of repair and the plumbing
       was bad and the windows leaked and all that
       sort of thing, you know, and one of the rooms was
       ENTIRELY dark.
       I preached the doctrine of fresh air and sunshine
       and cleanliness to her, you know, and the imprudent
       thing told me Papa owned the building and
       it wasn't true at all -- Papa only belonged to the
       company that owned the building. One can't do
       much for people who will not be truthful with one,
       can one?
       Besides, it is the Silent Influence that counts more
       than arguments and visiting.
       If one makes one's life what it should be Good
       will Radiate.
       Vibrations from one's Ego will permeate all
       classes of society.
       And that is the way we intend to make ourselves
       felt with regard to the Liquor Problem. We will
       inculcate abstemiousness by example.
       Abstemiousness, Fothy Finch says, should be our
       motto, rather than Abstinence. We shall be QUITE
       careful not to identify ourselves with the MORE
       VULGAR aspects of the propaganda.
       And of course at social functions in our private
       homes total abstinence is quite out of the question.
       The working classes wouldn't get any example
       from our homes, anyone; for of course we never
       come into contact with them there.
       But the working classes must be saved from
       themselves, even if all the employers of labor have
       to write out a list of just what they eat and
       drink and make them buy only those things. They
       simply MUST be saved.
       Not that they'll appreciate it. They never do. If
       I were not an incorrigible idealist I would be
       inclined to give them up.
       But someone must give up his life to leading them
       onward and upward. And who is there to do it if
       not we leaders of Modern Thought? _