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Hermione and Her Little Group of Serious Thinkers
The Simple Home Festivals
Don Marquis
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       _ DON'T you just love the simple old festivals,
       like Thanksgiving Day and Christmas?
       That's is one thing that Papa and Mamma
       and I agree about. And this year we had a very
       simple sort of Thanksgiving Day.
       Of course, it's rather a bore if you have to invite
       a lot of relations.
       But one must always sacrifice something to gain
       the worth-while things, mustn't one?
       And what is more worth while than simplicity?
       Simplicity! Simplicity! Isn't it truly WONDERFUL!
       Nearly every night before I go to bed I ask myself:
       "have I been simple and genuine today? Or have
       I FAILED?
       Papa always has two maiden aunts to Thanks-
       giving dinner. Dear old souls, I suppose, but
       frumps, you know.
       And Fothergil Finch was there, too. I asked
       poor dear Fothy, because otherwise he would have
       had to eat in some restaurant.
       I tried to be agreeable to Papa's aunts -- of
       course. I suppose they are my great-aunts, but I
       never felt REALLY related to them -- but how could he
       know how terribly unadvanced they are?
       Fothy's only real interests center about Art, you
       know. And if he had talked of Art it would have
       been better.
       But, as he told me later, he thought he should
       try to meet my people on their own ground and
       talk of something practical.
       Something with a direct bearing on life, you know.
       So he asked Aunt Evelyn what she thought of
       Trial Marriages.
       She didn't know exactly what he meant at first,
       but Aunt Fanny whispered something to her and
       she turned white and said, "Mercy!"
       Poor dear Fothy saw he must be on the wrong
       track, so he changed the subject and began to tell
       Aunt Fanny the plot of a new problem play. One
       of the sex ones, you know.
       "Heavens," said Aunt Fanny, and began to tremble.
       And they drew their chairs nearer together and
       each one took a bottle of smelling salts out of a
       little black bag, and they sat and trembled and
       smelled their salts and stared at him perfectly
       fascinated.
       This embarrassed Fothy, but he though his mistake
       had been in talking about anything artistic,
       like a play, so he changed the subject again. He
       told me afterward that he felt if he could get onto
       a really PRACTICAL subject all would go well.
       So he asked Aunt Evelyn what she thought about Genetics.
       "What are they?" asked Aunt Evelyn, her teeth chattering.
       "Why, Eugenics," said Fothy. And then he had
       to explain all about Eugenics.
       They sat perfectly still and stared at him, and he
       felt sure he had them interested at last, and he
       talked on and on about Eugenics and the Future
       Race, you know, and that led him back to Trial
       Marriages, and then he go onto the Twilight Sleep.
       And, as he said himself afterward, what could
       be more practical?
       But, you know, commonplace people never
       appreciate the efforts that serious thinkers make for
       them, and Aunt Evelyn refused to come to the
       table at all when dinner was announced. She said
       she had lost her appetite and felt faint.
       But Aunt Emmy came. She asked the blessing.
       Papa always has her do that on Thanksgiving Day
       and Christmas and New Year's. And she made a
       regular prayer out of it -- prayed for Fothy, you
       know, right before him; and prayed for me too. It
       was awful.
       And afterward poor dear Fothy said he wished
       he had talked about Art.
       "It's safe," I said; "then people can't get
       offended, for nobody knows what you mean at all."
       "Oh," said Fothy, "nobody does?" And he went
       away quite melancholy and injured. _