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A Tramp Abroad
CHAPTER XXXIII - We Climb Far--by Buggy
Mark Twain
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       _ The beautiful Giesbach Fall is near Interlaken, on the
       other side of the lake of Brienz, and is illuminated
       every night with those gorgeous theatrical fires whose
       name I cannot call just at this moment. This was said
       to be a spectacle which the tourist ought by no means
       to miss. I was strongly tempted, but I could not go
       there with propriety, because one goes in a boat.
       The task which I had set myself was to walk over Europe
       on foot, not skim over it in a boat. I had made a tacit
       contract with myself; it was my duty to abide by it.
       I was willing to make boat trips for pleasure, but I could
       not conscientiously make them in the way of business.
       It cost me something of a pang to lose that fine sight,
       but I lived down the desire, and gained in my self-respect
       through the triumph. I had a finer and a grander sight,
       however, where I was. This was the mighty dome of the Jungfrau
       softly outlined against the sky and faintly silvered by
       the starlight. There was something subduing in the influence
       of that silent and solemn and awful presence; one seemed
       to meet the immutable, the indestructible, the eternal,
       face to face, and to feel the trivial and fleeting nature
       of his own existence the more sharply by the contrast.
       One had the sense of being under the brooding contemplation
       of a spirit, not an inert mass of rocks and ice--a spirit
       which had looked down, through the slow drift of the ages,
       upon a million vanished races of men, and judged them;
       and would judge a million more--and still be there,
       watching, unchanged and unchangeable, after all life
       should be gone and the earth have become a vacant desolation.
       While I was feeling these things, I was groping,
       without knowing it, toward an understanding of what the
       spell is which people find in the Alps, and in no other
       mountains--that strange, deep, nameless influence, which,
       once felt, cannot be forgotten--once felt, leaves always
       behind it a restless longing to feel it again--a longing
       which is like homesickness; a grieving, haunting yearning
       which will plead, implore, and persecute till it has its will.
       I met dozens of people, imaginative and unimaginative,
       cultivated and uncultivated, who had come from far countries
       and roamed through the Swiss Alps year after year--they
       could not explain why. They had come first, they said,
       out of idle curiosity, because everybody talked about it;
       they had come since because they could not help it, and they
       should keep on coming, while they lived, for the same reason;
       they had tried to break their chains and stay away,
       but it was futile; now, they had no desire to break them.
       Others came nearer formulating what they felt; they said they
       could find perfect rest and peace nowhere else when they
       were troubled: all frets and worries and chafings sank to
       sleep in the presence of the benignant serenity of the Alps;
       the Great Spirit of the Mountain breathed his own peace
       upon their hurt minds and sore hearts, and healed them;
       they could not think base thoughts or do mean and sordid
       things here, before the visible throne of God.
       Down the road a piece was a Kursaal--whatever that may be--
       and we joined the human tide to see what sort of enjoyment
       it might afford. It was the usual open-air concert,
       in an ornamental garden, with wines, beer, milk, whey,
       grapes, etc.--the whey and the grapes being necessaries
       of life to certain invalids whom physicians cannot repair,
       and who only continue to exist by the grace of whey
       or grapes. One of these departed spirits told me,
       in a sad and lifeless way, that there is no way for him
       to live but by whey, and dearly, dearly loved whey,
       he didn't know whey he did, but he did. After making
       this pun he died--that is the whey it served him.
       Some other remains, preserved from decomposition
       by the grape system, told me that the grapes were of
       a peculiar breed, highly medicinal in their nature,
       and that they were counted out and administered by the
       grape-doctors as methodically as if they were pills.
       The new patient, if very feeble, began with one grape
       before breakfast, took three during breakfast, a couple
       between meals, five at luncheon, three in the afternoon,
       seven at dinner, four for supper, and part of a grape
       just before going to bed, by way of a general regulator.
       The quantity was gradually and regularly increased,
       according to the needs and capacities of the patient,
       until by and by you would find him disposing of his one
       grape per second all the day long, and his regular barrel
       per day.
       He said that men cured in this way, and enabled to discard
       the grape system, never afterward got over the habit
       of talking as if they were dictating to a slow amanuensis,
       because they always made a pause between each two words
       while they sucked the substance out of an imaginary grape.
       He said these were tedious people to talk with.
       He said that men who had been cured by the other process
       were easily distinguished from the rest of mankind
       because they always tilted their heads back, between every
       two words, and swallowed a swig of imaginary whey.
       He said it was an impressive thing to observe two men,
       who had been cured by the two processes, engaged in
       conversation--said their pauses and accompanying movements
       were so continuous and regular that a stranger would think
       himself in the presence of a couple of automatic machines.
       One finds out a great many wonderful things, by traveling,
       if he stumbles upon the right person.
       I did not remain long at the Kursaal; the music was
       good enough, but it seemed rather tame after the cyclone
       of that Arkansaw expert. Besides, my adventurous spirit
       had conceived a formidable enterprise--nothing less
       than a trip from Interlaken, by the Gemmi and Visp,
       clear to Zermatt, on foot! So it was necessary to plan
       the details, and get ready for an early start. The courier
       (this was not the one I have just been speaking of)
       thought that the portier of the hotel would be able
       to tell us how to find our way. And so it turned out.
       He showed us the whole thing, on a relief-map, and we could
       see our route, with all its elevations and depressions,
       its villages and its rivers, as clearly as if we were sailing
       over it in a balloon. A relief-map is a great thing.
       The portier also wrote down each day's journey and the
       nightly hotel on a piece of paper, and made our course
       so plain that we should never be able to get lost without
       high-priced outside help.
       I put the courier in the care of a gentleman who was
       going to Lausanne, and then we went to bed, after laying
       out the walking-costumes and putting them into condition
       for instant occupation in the morning.
       However, when we came down to breakfast at 8 A.M., it
       looked so much like rain that I hired a two-horse top-buggy
       for the first third of the journey. For two or three hours
       we jogged along the level road which skirts the beautiful
       lake of Thun, with a dim and dreamlike picture of watery
       expanses and spectral Alpine forms always before us,
       veiled in a mellowing mist. Then a steady downpour
       set in, and hid everything but the nearest objects.
       We kept the rain out of our faces with umbrellas, and away
       from our bodies with the leather apron of the buggy;
       but the driver sat unsheltered and placidly soaked the weather
       in and seemed to like it. We had the road to ourselves,
       and I never had a pleasanter excursion.
       The weather began to clear while we were driving up
       a valley called the Kienthal, and presently a vast black
       cloud-bank in front of us dissolved away and uncurtained
       the grand proportions and the soaring loftiness of the
       Blumis Alp. It was a sort of breath-taking surprise;
       for we had not supposed there was anything behind
       that low-hung blanket of sable cloud but level valley.
       What we had been mistaking for fleeting glimpses of sky
       away aloft there, were really patches of the Blumis's
       snowy crest caught through shredded rents in the drifting
       pall of vapor.
       We dined in the inn at Frutigen, and our driver ought
       to have dined there, too, but he would not have had
       time to dine and get drunk both, so he gave his mind
       to making a masterpiece of the latter, and succeeded.
       A German gentleman and his two young-lady daughters had
       been taking their nooning at the inn, and when they left,
       just ahead of us, it was plain that their driver was
       as drunk as ours, and as happy and good-natured, too,
       which was saying a good deal. These rascals overflowed
       with attentions and information for their guests, and with
       brotherly love for each other. They tied their reins,
       and took off their coats and hats, so that they might
       be able to give unencumbered attention to conversation
       and to the gestures necessary for its illustration.
       The road was smooth; it led up and over and down a continual
       succession of hills; but it was narrow, the horses were
       used to it, and could not well get out of it anyhow;
       so why shouldn't the drivers entertain themselves and us?
       The noses of our horses projected sociably into the rear
       of the forward carriage, and as we toiled up the long
       hills our driver stood up and talked to his friend,
       and his friend stood up and talked back to him, with his
       rear to the scenery. When the top was reached and we
       went flying down the other side, there was no change in
       the program. I carry in my memory yet the picture of that
       forward driver, on his knees on his high seat, resting his
       elbows on its back, and beaming down on his passengers,
       with happy eye, and flying hair, and jolly red face,
       and offering his card to the old German gentleman while he
       praised his hack and horses, and both teams were whizzing
       down a long hill with nobody in a position to tell whether
       we were bound to destruction or an undeserved safety.
       Toward sunset we entered a beautiful green valley dotted
       with chalets, a cozy little domain hidden away from the busy
       world in a cloistered nook among giant precipices topped
       with snowy peaks that seemed to float like islands above
       the curling surf of the sea of vapor that severed them from
       the lower world. Down from vague and vaporous heights,
       little ruffled zigzag milky currents came crawling,
       and found their way to the verge of one of those tremendous
       overhanging walls, whence they plunged, a shaft of silver,
       shivered to atoms in mid-descent and turned to an air puff
       of luminous dust. Here and there, in grooved depressions
       among the snowy desolations of the upper altitudes,
       one glimpsed the extremity of a glacier, with its sea-green
       and honeycombed battlements of ice.
       Up the valley, under a dizzy precipice, nestled the
       village of Kandersteg, our halting-place for the night.
       We were soon there, and housed in the hotel. But the waning
       day had such an inviting influence that we did not remain
       housed many moments, but struck out and followed a roaring
       torrent of ice-water up to its far source in a sort of
       little grass-carpeted parlor, walled in all around by vast
       precipices and overlooked by clustering summits of ice.
       This was the snuggest little croquet-ground imaginable;
       it was perfectly level, and not more than a mile long
       by half a mile wide. The walls around it were so gigantic,
       and everything about it was on so mighty a scale that it
       was belittled, by contrast, to what I have likened it
       to--a cozy and carpeted parlor. It was so high above
       the Kandersteg valley that there was nothing between it
       and the snowy-peaks. I had never been in such intimate
       relations with the high altitudes before; the snow-peaks
       had always been remote and unapproachable grandeurs,
       hitherto, but now we were hob-a-nob--if one may use
       such a seemingly irreverent expression about creations
       so august as these.
       We could see the streams which fed the torrent we
       had followed issuing from under the greenish ramparts
       of glaciers; but two or three of these, instead of flowing
       over the precipices, sank down into the rock and sprang
       in big jets out of holes in the mid-face of the walls.
       The green nook which I have been describing is called
       the Gasternthal. The glacier streams gather and flow through
       it in a broad and rushing brook to a narrow cleft between
       lofty precipices; here the rushing brook becomes a mad torrent
       and goes booming and thundering down toward Kandersteg,
       lashing and thrashing its way over and among monster boulders,
       and hurling chance roots and logs about like straws.
       There was no lack of cascades along this route.
       The path by the side of the torrent was so narrow
       that one had to look sharp, when he heard a cow-bell,
       and hunt for a place that was wide enough to accommodate
       a cow and a Christian side by side, and such places were
       not always to be had at an instant's notice. The cows
       wear church-bells, and that is a good idea in the cows,
       for where that torrent is, you couldn't hear an ordinary
       cow-bell any further than you could hear the ticking of a watch.
       I needed exercise, so I employed my agent in setting
       stranded logs and dead trees adrift, and I sat on a
       boulder and watched them go whirling and leaping head
       over heels down the boiling torrent. It was a wonderfully
       exhilarating spectacle. When I had had enough exercise,
       I made the agent take some, by running a race with one
       of those logs. I made a trifle by betting on the log.
       After dinner we had a walk up and down the Kandersteg valley,
       in the soft gloaming, with the spectacle of the dying lights
       of day playing about the crests and pinnacles of the still
       and solemn upper realm for contrast, and text for talk.
       There were no sounds but the dulled complaining of the
       torrent and the occasional tinkling of a distant bell.
       The spirit of the place was a sense of deep, pervading peace;
       one might dream his life tranquilly away there, and not miss
       it or mind it when it was gone.
       The summer departed with the sun, and winter came with
       the stars. It grew to be a bitter night in that little hotel,
       backed up against a precipice that had no visible top to it,
       but we kept warm, and woke in time in the morning to find
       that everybody else had left for Gemmi three hours before--
       so our little plan of helping that German family (principally
       the old man) over the pass, was a blocked generosity. _
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CHAPTER I - The Knighted Knave of Bergen
CHAPTER II - Heidelberg - Landing a Monarch at Heidelberg
CHAPTER III - Baker's Bluejay Yarn - What Stumped the Blue Jays
CHAPTER IV - Student Life - The Laborious Beer King
CHAPTER V - At the Students' Dueling-Ground - Dueling by Wholesale
CHAPTER VI - A Sport that Sometimes Kills
CHAPTER VII - How Bismark Fought
CHAPTER VIII - The Great French Duel - I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel
CHAPTER IX - What the Beautiful Maiden Said
CHAPTER X - How Wagner Operas Bang Along
CHAPTER XI - I Paint a "Turner"
CHAPTER XII - What the Wives Saved
CHAPTER XIII - My Long Crawl in the Dark
CHAPTER XIV - Rafting Down the Neckar
CHAPTER XV - Down the River - Charming Waterside Pictures
CHAPTER XVI - An Ancient Legend of the Rhine - The Lorelei
CHAPTER XVII - Why Germans Wear Spectacles
CHAPTER XVIII - The Kindly Courtesy of Germans
CHAPTER XIX - The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg
CHAPTER XX - My Precious, Priceless Tear-Jug
CHAPTER XXI - Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans
CHAPTER XXII - The Black Forest and Its Treasures
CHAPTER XXIII - Nicodemus Dodge and the Skeleton
CHAPTER XXIV - I Protect the Empress of Germany
CHAPTER XXV - Hunted by the Little Chamois
CHAPTER XXVI - The Nest of the Cuckoo-clock
CHAPTER XXVII - I Spare an Awful Bore
CHAPTER XXVIII - The Jodel and Its Native Wilds
CHAPTER XXIX - Looking West for Sunrise
CHAPTER XXX - Harris Climbs Mountains for Me
CHAPTER XXXI - Alp-scaling by Carriage
CHAPTER XXXII - The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano
CHAPTER XXXIII - We Climb Far--by Buggy
CHAPTER XXXIV - The World's Highest Pig Farm
CHAPTER XXXV - Swindling the Coroner
CHAPTER XXXVI - The Fiendish Fun of Alp-climbing