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A Tramp Abroad
CHAPTER XXVIII - The Jodel and Its Native Wilds
Mark Twain
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       _ The Rigi-Kulm is an imposing Alpine mass, six thousand
       feet high, which stands by itself, and commands a mighty
       prospect of blue lakes, green valleys, and snowy mountains--
       a compact and magnificent picture three hundred miles
       in circumference. The ascent is made by rail, or horseback,
       or on foot, as one may prefer. I and my agent panoplied
       ourselves in walking-costume, one bright morning,
       and started down the lake on the steamboat; we got ashore
       at the village of Waeggis; three-quarters of an hour distant
       from Lucerne. This village is at the foot of the mountain.
       We were soon tramping leisurely up the leafy mule-path,
       and then the talk began to flow, as usual. It was
       twelve o'clock noon, and a breezy, cloudless day;
       the ascent was gradual, and the glimpses, from under
       the curtaining boughs, of blue water, and tiny sailboats,
       and beetling cliffs, were as charming as glimpses of dreamland.
       All the circumstances were perfect--and the anticipations,
       too, for we should soon be enjoying, for the first time,
       that wonderful spectacle, an Alpine sunrise--the object
       of our journey. There was (apparently) no real need
       for hurry, for the guide-book made the walking-distance
       from Waeggis to the summit only three hours and a quarter.
       I say "apparently," because the guide-book had already
       fooled us once--about the distance from Allerheiligen
       to Oppenau--and for aught I knew it might be getting ready
       to fool us again. We were only certain as to the altitudes--
       we calculated to find out for ourselves how many hours
       it is from the bottom to the top. The summit is six
       thousand feet above the sea, but only forty-five hundred
       feet above the lake. When we had walked half an hour,
       we were fairly into the swing and humor of the undertaking,
       so we cleared for action; that is to say, we got a boy whom
       we met to carry our alpenstocks and satchels and overcoats
       and things for us; that left us free for business.
       I suppose we must have stopped oftener to stretch out
       on the grass in the shade and take a bit of a smoke
       than this boy was used to, for presently he asked if it
       had been our idea to hire him by the job, or by the year?
       We told him he could move along if he was in a hurry.
       He said he wasn't in such a very particular hurry,
       but he wanted to get to the top while he was young.
       We told him to clear out, then, and leave the things at
       the uppermost hotel and say we should be along presently.
       He said he would secure us a hotel if he could, but if they
       were all full he would ask them to build another one
       and hurry up and get the paint and plaster dry against
       we arrived. Still gently chaffing us, he pushed ahead,
       up the trail, and soon disappeared. By six o'clock we
       were pretty high up in the air, and the view of lake
       and mountains had greatly grown in breadth and interest.
       We halted awhile at a little public house, where we
       had bread and cheese and a quart or two of fresh milk,
       out on the porch, with the big panorama all before us--and
       then moved on again.
       Ten minutes afterward we met a hot, red-faced man plunging
       down the mountain, making mighty strides, swinging his
       alpenstock ahead of him, and taking a grip on the ground
       with its iron point to support these big strides.
       He stopped, fanned himself with his hat, swabbed the
       perspiration from his face and neck with a red handkerchief,
       panted a moment or two, and asked how far to Waeggis.
       I said three hours. He looked surprised, and said:
       "Why, it seems as if I could toss a biscuit into the lake
       from here, it's so close by. Is that an inn, there?"
       I said it was.
       "Well," said he, "I can't stand another three hours,
       I've had enough today; I'll take a bed there."
       I asked:
       "Are we nearly to the top?"
       "Nearly to the TOP? Why, bless your soul, you haven't
       really started, yet."
       I said we would put up at the inn, too. So we turned
       back and ordered a hot supper, and had quite a jolly
       evening of it with this Englishman.
       The German landlady gave us neat rooms and nice beds,
       and when I and my agent turned in, it was with the resolution
       to be up early and make the utmost of our first Alpine sunrise.
       But of course we were dead tired, and slept like policemen;
       so when we awoke in the morning and ran to the window it
       was already too late, because it was half past eleven.
       It was a sharp disappointment. However, we ordered
       breakfast and told the landlady to call the Englishman,
       but she said he was already up and off at daybreak--and
       swearing like mad about something or other. We could not
       find out what the matter was. He had asked the landlady
       the altitude of her place above the level of the lake,
       and she told him fourteen hundred and ninety-five feet.
       That was all that was said; then he lost his temper.
       He said that between ------fools and guide-books, a man
       could acquire ignorance enough in twenty-four hours in a
       country like this to last him a year. Harris believed
       our boy had been loading him up with misinformation;
       and this was probably the case, for his epithet described
       that boy to a dot.
       We got under way about the turn of noon, and pulled out
       for the summit again, with a fresh and vigorous step.
       When we had gone about two hundred yards, and stopped
       to rest, I glanced to the left while I was lighting my pipe,
       and in the distance detected a long worm of black smoke
       crawling lazily up the steep mountain. Of course that was
       the locomotive. We propped ourselves on our elbows at once,
       to gaze, for we had never seen a mountain railway yet.
       Presently we could make out the train. It seemed incredible
       that that thing should creep straight up a sharp slant
       like the roof of a house--but there it was, and it was doing
       that very miracle.
       In the course of a couple hours we reached a fine breezy
       altitude where the little shepherd huts had big stones
       all over their roofs to hold them down to the earth when
       the great storms rage. The country was wild and rocky
       about here, but there were plenty of trees, plenty of moss,
       and grass.
       Away off on the opposite shore of the lake we could
       see some villages, and now for the first time we could
       observe the real difference between their proportions
       and those of the giant mountains at whose feet they slept.
       When one is in one of those villages it seems spacious,
       and its houses seem high and not out of proportion to the
       mountain that overhands them--but from our altitude,
       what a change! The mountains were bigger and grander
       than ever, as they stood there thinking their solemn
       thoughts with their heads in the drifting clouds,
       but the villages at their feet--when the painstaking
       eye could trace them up and find them--were so reduced,
       almost invisible, and lay so flat against the ground,
       that the exactest simile I can devise is to compare
       them to ant-deposits of granulated dirt overshadowed
       by the huge bulk of a cathedral. The steamboats skimming
       along under the stupendous precipices were diminished
       by distance to the daintiest little toys, the sailboats
       and rowboats to shallops proper for fairies that keep
       house in the cups of lilies and ride to court on the backs
       of bumblebees.
       Presently we came upon half a dozen sheep nibbling grass
       in the spray of a stream of clear water that sprang
       from a rock wall a hundred feet high, and all at once
       our ears were startled with a melodious "Lul ...
       l ... l l l llul-lul-LAhee-o-o-o!" pealing joyously
       from a near but invisible source, and recognized that we
       were hearing for the first time the famous Alpine JODEL
       in its own native wilds. And we recognized, also,
       that it was that sort of quaint commingling of baritone
       and falsetto which at home we call "Tyrolese warbling."
       The jodeling (pronounced yOdling--emphasis on the O)
       continued, and was very pleasant and inspiriting to hear.
       Now the jodeler appeared--a shepherd boy of sixteen--
       and in our gladness and gratitude we gave him a franc
       to jodel some more. So he jodeled and we listened.
       We moved on, presently, and he generously jodeled us
       out of sight. After about fifteen minutes we came across
       another shepherd boy who was jodeling, and gave him half
       a franc to keep it up. He also jodeled us out of sight.
       After that, we found a jodeler every ten minutes;
       we gave the first one eight cents, the second one
       six cents, the third one four, the fourth one a penny,
       contributed nothing to Nos. 5, 6, and 7, and during
       the remainder of the day hired the rest of the jodelers,
       at a franc apiece, not to jodel any more. There is somewhat
       too much of the jodeling in the Alps.
       About the middle of the afternoon we passed through
       a prodigious natural gateway called the Felsenthor,
       formed by two enormous upright rocks, with a third lying
       across the top. There was a very attractive little
       hotel close by, but our energies were not conquered yet,
       so we went on.
       Three hours afterward we came to the railway-track. It
       was planted straight up the mountain with the slant
       of a ladder that leans against a house, and it seemed
       to us that man would need good nerves who proposed
       to travel up it or down it either.
       During the latter part of the afternoon we cooled our
       roasting interiors with ice-cold water from clear streams,
       the only really satisfying water we had tasted since we
       left home, for at the hotels on the continent they
       merely give you a tumbler of ice to soak your water in,
       and that only modifies its hotness, doesn't make it cold.
       Water can only be made cold enough for summer comfort by
       being prepared in a refrigerator or a closed ice-pitcher.
       Europeans say ice-water impairs digestion. How do they
       know?--they never drink any.
       At ten minutes past six we reached the Kaltbad station,
       where there is a spacious hotel with great verandas which
       command a majestic expanse of lake and mountain scenery.
       We were pretty well fagged out, now, but as we did
       not wish to miss the Alpine sunrise, we got through our
       dinner as quickly as possible and hurried off to bed.
       It was unspeakably comfortable to stretch our weary limbs
       between the cool, damp sheets. And how we did sleep!--for
       there is no opiate like Alpine pedestrianism.
       In the morning we both awoke and leaped out of bed at the
       same instant and ran and stripped aside the window-curtains;
       but we suffered a bitter disappointment again: it
       was already half past three in the afternoon.
       We dressed sullenly and in ill spirits, each accusing
       the other of oversleeping. Harris said if we had brought
       the courier along, as we ought to have done, we should
       not have missed these sunrises. I said he knew very well
       that one of us would have to sit up and wake the courier;
       and I added that we were having trouble enough to take
       care of ourselves, on this climb, without having to take
       care of a courier besides.
       During breakfast our spirits came up a little, since we
       found by this guide-book that in the hotels on the summit
       the tourist is not left to trust to luck for his sunrise,
       but is roused betimes by a man who goes through the halls
       with a great Alpine horn, blowing blasts that would
       raise the dead. And there was another consoling thing:
       the guide-book said that up there on the summit the guests
       did not wait to dress much, but seized a red bed blanket
       and sailed out arrayed like an Indian. This was good;
       this would be romantic; two hundred and fifty people
       grouped on the windy summit, with their hair flying and
       their red blankets flapping, in the solemn presence of the
       coming sun, would be a striking and memorable spectacle.
       So it was good luck, not ill luck, that we had missed
       those other sunrises.
       We were informed by the guide-book that we were now
       3,228 feet above the level of the lake--therefore
       full two-thirds of our journey had been accomplished.
       We got away at a quarter past four, P.M.; a hundred yards
       above the hotel the railway divided; one track went
       straight up the steep hill, the other one turned square
       off to the right, with a very slight grade. We took
       the latter, and followed it more than a mile, turned a
       rocky corner, and came in sight of a handsome new hotel.
       If we had gone on, we should have arrived at the summit,
       but Harris preferred to ask a lot of questions--as usual,
       of a man who didn't know anything--and he told us to go
       back and follow the other route. We did so. We could ill
       afford this loss of time.
       We climbed and climbed; and we kept on climbing; we reached about
       forty summits, but there was always another one just ahead.
       It came on to rain, and it rained in dead earnest.
       We were soaked through and it was bitter cold. Next a
       smoky fog of clouds covered the whole region densely,
       and we took to the railway-ties to keep from getting lost.
       Sometimes we slopped along in a narrow path on the left-hand
       side of the track, but by and by when the fog blew as aside
       a little and we saw that we were treading the rampart
       of a precipice and that our left elbows were projecting
       over a perfectly boundless and bottomless vacancy,
       we gasped, and jumped for the ties again.
       The night shut down, dark and drizzly and cold.
       About eight in the evening the fog lifted and showed us
       a well-worn path which led up a very steep rise to the left.
       We took it, and as soon as we had got far enough from the
       railway to render the finding it again an impossibility,
       the fog shut down on us once more.
       We were in a bleak, unsheltered place, now, and had
       to trudge right along, in order to keep warm, though we
       rather expected to go over a precipice, sooner or later.
       About nine o'clock we made an important discovery--
       that we were not in any path. We groped around a while
       on our hands and knees, but we could not find it;
       so we sat down in the mud and the wet scant grass to wait.
       We were terrified into this by being suddenly confronted
       with a vast body which showed itself vaguely for an instant
       and in the next instant was smothered in the fog again.
       It was really the hotel we were after, monstrously magnified
       by the fog, but we took it for the face of a precipice,
       and decided not to try to claw up it.
       We sat there an hour, with chattering teeth and quivering bodies,
       and quarreled over all sorts of trifles, but gave most
       of our attention to abusing each other for the stupidity
       of deserting the railway-track. We sat with our backs
       to the precipice, because what little wind there was
       came from that quarter. At some time or other the fog
       thinned a little; we did not know when, for we were facing
       the empty universe and the thinness could not show;
       but at last Harris happened to look around, and there stood
       a huge, dim, spectral hotel where the precipice had been.
       One could faintly discern the windows and chimneys,
       and a dull blur of lights. Our first emotion was deep,
       unutterable gratitude, our next was a foolish rage,
       born of the suspicion that possibly the hotel had been
       visible three-quarters of an hour while we sat there
       in those cold puddles quarreling.
       Yes, it was the Rigi-Kulm hotel--the one that occupies
       the extreme summit, and whose remote little sparkle
       of lights we had often seen glinting high aloft among
       the stars from our balcony away down yonder in Lucerne.
       The crusty portier and the crusty clerks gave us the surly
       reception which their kind deal out in prosperous times,
       but by mollifying them with an extra display of obsequiousness
       and servility we finally got them to show us to the room
       which our boy had engaged for us.
       We got into some dry clothing, and while our supper was
       preparing we loafed forsakenly through a couple of vast
       cavernous drawing-rooms, one of which had a stove in it.
       This stove was in a corner, and densely walled around
       with people. We could not get near the fire, so we moved
       at large in the artic spaces, among a multitude of people
       who sat silent, smileless, forlorn, and shivering--thinking
       what fools they were to come, perhaps. There were some
       Americans and some Germans, but one could see that the
       great majority were English.
       We lounged into an apartment where there was a great crowd,
       to see what was going on. It was a memento-magazine.
       The tourists were eagerly buying all sorts and styles of
       paper-cutters, marked "Souvenir of the Rigi," with handles
       made of the little curved horn of the ostensible chamois;
       there were all manner of wooden goblets and such things,
       similarly marked. I was going to buy a paper-cutter, but I
       believed I could remember the cold comfort of the Rigi-Kulm
       without it, so I smothered the impulse.
       Supper warmed us, and we went immediately to bed--but first,
       as Mr. Baedeker requests all tourists to call his attention
       to any errors which they may find in his guide-books, I
       dropped him a line to inform him he missed it by just
       about three days. I had previously informed him of his
       mistake about the distance from Allerheiligen to Oppenau,
       and had also informed the Ordnance Depart of the German
       government of the same error in the imperial maps.
       I will add, here, that I never got any answer to those letters,
       or any thanks from either of those sources; and, what is still
       more discourteous, these corrections have not been made,
       either in the maps or the guide-books. But I will write
       again when I get time, for my letters may have miscarried.
       We curled up in the clammy beds, and went to sleep without
       rocking.
       We were so sodden with fatigue that we never stirred nor
       turned over till the blooming blasts of the Alpine horn
       aroused us. It may well be imagined that we did not lose
       any time. We snatched on a few odds and ends of clothing,
       cocooned ourselves in the proper red blankets, and plunged
       along the halls and out into the whistling wind bareheaded.
       We saw a tall wooden scaffolding on the very peak
       of the summit, a hundred yards away, and made for it.
       We rushed up the stairs to the top of this scaffolding,
       and stood there, above the vast outlying world, with hair
       flying and ruddy blankets waving and cracking in the fierce
       breeze.
       "Fifteen minutes too late, at last!" said Harris,
       in a vexed voice. "The sun is clear above the horizon."
       "No matter," I said, "it is a most magnificent spectacle,
       and we will see it do the rest of its rising anyway."
       In a moment we were deeply absorbed in the marvel before us,
       and dead to everything else. The great cloud-barred disk
       of the sun stood just above a limitless expanse of tossing
       white-caps--so to speak--a billowy chaos of massy mountain
       domes and peaks draped in imperishable snow, and flooded
       with an opaline glory of changing and dissolving splendors,
       while through rifts in a black cloud-bank above the sun,
       radiating lances of diamond dust shot to the zenith.
       The cloven valleys of the lower world swam in a tinted
       mist which veiled the ruggedness of their crags and ribs
       and ragged forests, and turned all the forbidding region
       into a soft and rich and sensuous paradise.
       We could not speak. We could hardly breathe.
       We could only gaze in drunken ecstasy and drink in it.
       Presently Harris exclaimed:
       "Why--nation, it's going DOWN!"
       Perfectly true. We had missed the MORNING hornblow,
       and slept all day. This was stupefying.
       Harris said:
       "Look here, the sun isn't the spectacle--it's US--stacked
       up here on top of this gallows, in these idiotic blankets,
       and two hundred and fifty well-dressed men and women down
       here gawking up at us and not caring a straw whether the sun
       rises or sets, as long as they've got such a ridiculous
       spectacle as this to set down in their memorandum-books.
       They seem to be laughing their ribs loose, and there's
       one girl there at appears to be going all to pieces.
       I never saw such a man as you before. I think you are
       the very last possibility in the way of an ass."
       "What have _I_ done?" I answered, with heat.
       "What have you done? You've got up at half past seven
       o'clock in the evening to see the sun rise, that's what
       you've done."
       "And have you done any better, I'd like to know? I've
       always used to get up with the lark, till I came under
       the petrifying influence of your turgid intellect."
       "YOU used to get up with the lark--Oh, no doubt--
       you'll get up with the hangman one of these days.
       But you ought to be ashamed to be jawing here like this,
       in a red blanket, on a forty-foot scaffold on top
       of the Alps. And no end of people down here to boot;
       this isn't any place for an exhibition of temper."
       And so the customary quarrel went on. When the sun
       was fairly down, we slipped back to the hotel in the
       charitable gloaming, and went to bed again. We had
       encountered the horn-blower on the way, and he had tried
       to collect compensation, not only for announcing the sunset,
       which we did see, but for the sunrise, which we had
       totally missed; but we said no, we only took our solar
       rations on the "European plan"--pay for what you get.
       He promised to make us hear his horn in the morning,
       if we were alive. _
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CHAPTER I - The Knighted Knave of Bergen
CHAPTER II - Heidelberg - Landing a Monarch at Heidelberg
CHAPTER III - Baker's Bluejay Yarn - What Stumped the Blue Jays
CHAPTER IV - Student Life - The Laborious Beer King
CHAPTER V - At the Students' Dueling-Ground - Dueling by Wholesale
CHAPTER VI - A Sport that Sometimes Kills
CHAPTER VII - How Bismark Fought
CHAPTER VIII - The Great French Duel - I Second Gambetta in a Terrific Duel
CHAPTER IX - What the Beautiful Maiden Said
CHAPTER X - How Wagner Operas Bang Along
CHAPTER XI - I Paint a "Turner"
CHAPTER XII - What the Wives Saved
CHAPTER XIII - My Long Crawl in the Dark
CHAPTER XIV - Rafting Down the Neckar
CHAPTER XV - Down the River - Charming Waterside Pictures
CHAPTER XVI - An Ancient Legend of the Rhine - The Lorelei
CHAPTER XVII - Why Germans Wear Spectacles
CHAPTER XVIII - The Kindly Courtesy of Germans
CHAPTER XIX - The Deadly Jest of Dilsberg
CHAPTER XX - My Precious, Priceless Tear-Jug
CHAPTER XXI - Insolent Shopkeepers and Gabbling Americans
CHAPTER XXII - The Black Forest and Its Treasures
CHAPTER XXIII - Nicodemus Dodge and the Skeleton
CHAPTER XXIV - I Protect the Empress of Germany
CHAPTER XXV - Hunted by the Little Chamois
CHAPTER XXVI - The Nest of the Cuckoo-clock
CHAPTER XXVII - I Spare an Awful Bore
CHAPTER XXVIII - The Jodel and Its Native Wilds
CHAPTER XXIX - Looking West for Sunrise
CHAPTER XXX - Harris Climbs Mountains for Me
CHAPTER XXXI - Alp-scaling by Carriage
CHAPTER XXXII - The Jungfrau, the Bride, and the Piano
CHAPTER XXXIII - We Climb Far--by Buggy
CHAPTER XXXIV - The World's Highest Pig Farm
CHAPTER XXXV - Swindling the Coroner
CHAPTER XXXVI - The Fiendish Fun of Alp-climbing