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Curious Republic Of Gondour And Other Whimsical Sketches
A MEMORY
Mark Twain
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       _ When I say that I never knew my austere father to be enamoured of but one
       poem in all the long half century that he lived, persons who knew him
       will easily believe me; when I say that I have never composed but one
       poem in all the long third of a century that I have lived, persons who
       know me will be sincerely grateful; and finally, when I say that the poem
       which I composed was not the one which my father was enamoured of,
       persons who may have known us both will not need to have this truth shot
       into them with a mountain howitzer before they can receive it. My father
       and I were always on the most distant terms when I was a boy--a sort of
       armed neutrality so to speak. At irregular intervals this neutrality was
       broken, and suffering ensued; but I will be candid enough to say that the
       breaking and the suffering were always divided up with strict
       impartiality between us--which is to say, my father did the breaking, and
       I did the suffering. As a general thing I was a backward, cautious,
       unadventurous boy; but I once jumped off a two-story table; another time
       I gave an elephant a "plug" of tobacco and retired without waiting for an
       answer; and still another time I pretended to be talking in my sleep, and
       got off a portion of a very wretched original conundrum in the hearing of
       my father. Let us not pry into the result; it was of no consequence to
       any one but me.
       But the poem I have referred to as attracting my father's attention and
       achieving his favour was "Hiawatha." Some man who courted a sudden and
       awful death presented him an early copy, and I never lost faith in my own
       senses until I saw him sit down and go to reading it in cold blood--saw
       him open the book, and heard him read these following lines, with the
       same inflectionless judicial frigidity with which he always read his
       charge to the jury, or administered an oath to a witness:
       "Take your bow,
       O Hiawatha,
       Take your arrows, jasper-headed,
       Take your war-club, Puggawaugun,
       And your mittens, Minjekahwan,
       And your birch canoe for sailing,
       And the oil of Mishe-Nama."
       Presently my father took out of his breast pocket an imposing "Warranty
       Deed," and fixed his eyes upon it and dropped into meditation. I knew
       what it was. A Texan lady and gentleman had given my half-brother, Orrin
       Johnson, a handsome property in a town in the North, in gratitude to him
       for having saved their lives by an act of brilliant heroism.
       By and by my father looked towards me and sighed. Then he said:
       "If I had such a son as this poet, here were a subject worthier than the
       traditions of these Indians."
       "If you please, sir, where?"
       "In this deed."
       "Yes--in this very deed," said my father, throwing it on the table.
       "There is more poetry, more romance, more sublimity, more splendid
       imagery hidden away in that homely document than could be found in all
       the traditions of all the savages that live."
       "Indeed, sir? Could I--could I get it out, sir? Could I compose the
       poem, sir, do you think?"
       "You?"
       I wilted.
       Presently my father's face softened somewhat, and he said:
       "Go and try. But mind, curb folly. No poetry at the expense of truth.
       Keep strictly to the facts."
       I said I would, and bowed myself out, and went upstairs.
       "Hiawatha" kept droning in my head--and so did my father's remarks about
       the sublimity and romance hidden in my subject, and also his injunction
       to beware of wasteful and exuberant fancy. I noticed, just here, that I
       had heedlessly brought the deed away with me; now at this moment came to
       me one of those rare moods of daring recklessness, such as I referred to
       a while ago. Without another thought, and in plain defiance of the fact
       that I knew my father meant me to write the romantic story of my half-
       brother's adventure and subsequent good fortune, I ventured to heed
       merely the letter of his remarks and ignore their spirit. I took the
       stupid "Warranty Deed" itself and chopped it up into Hiawathian blank
       verse without altering or leaving out three words, and without
       transposing six. It required loads of courage to go downstairs and face
       my father with my performance. I started three or four times before I
       finally got my pluck to where it would stick. But at last I said I would
       go down and read it to him if he threw me over the church for it.
       I stood up to begin, and he told me to come closer. I edged up a little,
       but still left as much neutral ground between us as I thought he would
       stand. Then I began. It would be useless for me to try to tell what
       conflicting emotions expressed themselves upon his face, nor how they
       grew more and more intense, as I proceeded; nor how a fell darkness
       descended upon his countenance, and he began to gag and swallow, and his
       hands began to work and twitch, as I reeled off line after line, with the
       strength ebbing out of me, and my legs trembling under me:
       THE STORY OF A GALLANT DEED
       THIS INDENTURE, made the tenth
       Day of November, in the year
       Of our Lord one thousand eight
       Hundred six-and-fifty,
       Between Joanna S. E. Gray
       And Philip Gray, her husband,
       Of Salem City in the State
       Of Texas, of the first part,
       And O. B. Johnson, of the town
       Of Austin, ditto, WITNESSETH:
       That said party of first part,
       For and in consideration
       Of the sum of Twenty Thousand
       Dollars, lawful money of
       The U. S. of Americay,
       To them in hand now paid by said
       Party of the second part,
       The due receipt whereof is here-
       By confessed and acknowledg-ed
       Having Granted, Bargained, Sold, Remised,
       Released and Aliened and Conveyed,
       Confirmed, and by these presents do
       Grant and Bargain, Sell, Remise,
       Alien, Release, Convey, and Con-
       Firm unto the said aforesaid
       Party of the second part,
       And to his heirs and assigns
       Forever and ever ALL
       That certain lot or parcel of
       LAND situate in city of
       Dunkirk, County of Chautauqua,
       And likewise furthermore in York State
       Bounded and described, to-wit,
       As follows, herein, namely
       BEGINNING at the distance of
       A hundred two-and-forty feet,
       North-half-east, north-east-by north,
       East-north-east and northerly
       Of the northerly line of Mulligan street
       On the westerly line of Brannigan street,
       And running thence due northerly
       On Brannigan street 200 feet,
       Thence at right angles westerly,
       North-west-by-west-and-west-half-west,
       West-and-by-north, north-west-by-west,
       About--
       I kind of dodged, and the boot-jack broke the looking-glass. I could
       have waited to see what became of the other missiles if I had wanted to,
       but I took no interest in such things. _