_ It is obvious that when women are forcibly appropriated at home or stolen from other tribes, their inclination or choice is not consulted. A man wants a woman and she is seized, _nolens volens_, whether married or single. If she gets a man she likes, it is a mere accident, not likely to occur often. The same is true of another form of Australian "courtship" which may be called swapping girls, and which is far the most common way of getting a wife. Curr, after forty years' experience with native affairs, wrote (I., 107) that "the Australian male _almost invariably_ obtains his wife or wives, either as the survivor of a married brother, or in exchange for his sisters or daughters." The Rev. H.E.A. Meyer says that the marriage ceremony
"may with great propriety be considered an exchange,
for no man can obtain a wife unless he can promise
to give his sister or other relative in exchange....
Should the father be living he may give his daughter
away, but generally she is the gift of the brother ...
the girls have no choice in the matter, and frequently
the parties have never seen each other before.... If
a man has several girls at his disposal, he speedily
obtains several wives,"
Eyre (II., 318) declares that
"the females, especially the young ones, are kept
principally among the old men, who barter away their
daughters, sisters, or nieces, in exchange for wives
for themselves or their sons."
Grey (II., 230) says the same thing in different words:
"The old men manage to keep the females a good deal
amongst themselves, giving their daughters to one
another, and the more female children they have, the
greater chance have they of getting another wife, by
this sort of exchange."
Brough Smyth thus sums up (II., 84) the information on this subject he obtained from divers sources. A yam-stick is given to a girl when she reaches the age of marriage; with this she drives away any young man she does not fancy, for a mere "no" would not keep him at bay. "The women never initiate matches;" these are generally arranged between two young men who have sisters to exchange. "The young woman's opinion is not asked." When the young man is ready to "propose" to the girl he has bartered his sister for, he walks up to her equipped as for war--ready to parry her "love-taps" if she feels inclined that way. "After a little fencing between the pair the woman, if she has no serious objections to the man, quietly submits." If she _has_ "serious objections," what happens? The same writer tells us graphically:
"By what mode soever a man procures a bride, it is very
seldom an occasion of rejoicing by the female. The
males engross the privilege of disposing of their
female relatives, and it often happens that an old man
of sixty or seventy will add to his domestic circle a
young girl of ten or twelve years of age.... A man
having a daughter of thirteen or fourteen years of age
arranges with some elderly person for the disposal of
her, and when all are agreed, she is brought out of the
_miam-miam,_ and told that her husband wants her.
Perhaps she has never seen him, or seen him but to
loathe him. The father carries a spear and waddy, or a
tomahawk, and anticipating resistance, is thus prepared
for it. The poor girl, sobbing and sighing, and
uttering words of complaint, claims pity from those who
will show none. If she resists the mandates of her
father, he strikes her with his spear; if she rebels
and screams, the blows are repeated; and if she
attempts to run away, a stroke on the head from the
waddy or tomahawk quiets her.... Seizing the bride by
the hair the stern father drags her to the home
prepared for her by her new owner.... If she attempts
to abscond, the bridegroom does not hesitate to strike
her savagely on the head with his waddy; and the bridal
screams and yells make the night hideous.... If she is
still determined to escape and makes the attempt, the
father will at last spear her in the leg or foot, to
prevent her from running."
No more than girls are widows allowed the liberty of choice. Sometimes they are disposed of by being exchanged for young women of another tribe and have to marry the men chosen for them.
"When wives are from thirty-five to forty years of age,
they are frequently cast off by their husbands, or are
given to the younger men in exchange for their sisters
or near relatives, if such are at their disposal"
(Eyre, II., 322).
In the Murray tribes "a widow could not marry any one she chose. She was the property of her husband's family, hence she must marry her husband's brother or near relative; and even if he had a wife she must become No. 2 or 3." _