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Gold Bat, The
CHAPTER XIII - VICTIM NUMBER THREE
P G Wodehouse
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       CHAPTER XIII - VICTIM NUMBER THREE
       "With reference to our last communication," ran the letter--the writer
       evidently believed in the commercial style--"it may interest you to
       know that the bat you lost by the statue on the night of the 26th of
       January has come into our possession. _We observe that Barry is still
       playing for the first fifteen._"
       "And will jolly well continue to," muttered Trevor, crumpling the paper
       viciously into a ball.
       He went on writing the names for the Ripton match. The last name on the
       list was Barry's.
       Then he sat back in his chair, and began to wrestle with this new
       development. Barry must play. That was certain. All the bluff in the
       world was not going to keep him from playing the best man at his disposal
       in the Ripton match. He himself did not count. It was the school he had
       to think of. This being so, what was likely to happen? Though nothing
       was said on the point, he felt certain that if he persisted in ignoring
       the League, that bat would find its way somehow--by devious routes,
       possibly--to the headmaster or some one else in authority. And then
       there would be questions--awkward questions--and things would begin
       to come out. Then a fresh point struck him, which was, that whatever
       might happen would affect, not himself, but O'Hara. This made it rather
       more of a problem how to act. Personally, he was one of those dogged
       characters who can put up with almost anything themselves. If this had
       been his affair, he would have gone on his way without hesitating.
       Evidently the writer of the letter was under the impression that he
       had been the hero (or villain) of the statue escapade.
       If everything came out it did not require any great effort of prophecy
       to predict what the result would be. O'Hara would go. Promptly. He
       would receive his marching orders within ten minutes of the discovery
       of what he had done. He would be expelled twice over, so to speak, once
       for breaking out at night--one of the most heinous offences in the
       school code--and once for tarring the statue. Anything that gave the
       school a bad name in the town was a crime in the eyes of the powers,
       and this was such a particularly flagrant case. Yes, there was no doubt
       of that. O'Hara would take the first train home without waiting to pack
       up. Trevor knew his people well, and he could imagine their feelings
       when the prodigal strolled into their midst--an old Wrykinian _malgre
       lui_. As the philosopher said of falling off a ladder, it is not the
       falling that matters: it is the sudden stopping at the other end. It is
       not the being expelled that is so peculiarly objectionable: it is the
       sudden homecoming. With this gloomy vision before him, Trevor almost
       wavered. But the thought that the selection of the team had nothing
       whatever to do with his personal feelings strengthened him. He was
       simply a machine, devised to select the fifteen best men in the school
       to meet Ripton. In his official capacity of football captain he was not
       supposed to have any feelings. However, he yielded in so far that he
       went to Clowes to ask his opinion.
       Clowes, having heard everything and seen the letter, unhesitatingly
       voted for the right course. If fifty mad Irishmen were to be expelled,
       Barry must play against Ripton. He was the best man, and in he must go.
       "That's what I thought," said Trevor. "It's bad for O'Hara, though."
       Clowes remarked somewhat tritely that business was business.
       "Besides," he went on, "you're assuming that the thing this letter
       hints at will really come off. I don't think it will. A man would have
       to be such an awful blackguard to go as low as that. The least grain of
       decency in him would stop him. I can imagine a man threatening to do it
       as a piece of bluff--by the way, the letter doesn't actually say
       anything of the sort, though I suppose it hints at it--but I can't
       imagine anybody out of a melodrama doing it."
       "You can never tell," said Trevor. He felt that this was but an outside
       chance. The forbearance of one's antagonist is but a poor thing to
       trust to at the best of times.
       "Are you going to tell O'Hara?" asked Clowes.
       "I don't see the good. Would you?"
       "No. He can't do anything, and it would only give him a bad time. There
       are pleasanter things, I should think, than going on from day to day not
       knowing whether you're going to be sacked or not within the next twelve
       hours. Don't tell him."
       "I won't. And Barry plays against Ripton."
       "Certainly. He's the best man."
       "I'm going over to Seymour's now," said Trevor, after a pause, "to see
       Milton. We've drawn Seymour's in the next round of the house-matches. I
       suppose you knew. I want to get it over before the Ripton match, for
       several reasons. About half the fifteen are playing on one side or the
       other, and it'll give them a good chance of getting fit. Running and
       passing is all right, but a good, hard game's the thing for putting you
       into form. And then I was thinking that, as the side that loses,
       whichever it is--"
       "Seymour's, of course."
       "Hope so. Well, they're bound to be a bit sick at losing, so they'll
       play up all the harder on Saturday to console themselves for losing the
       cup."
       "My word, what strategy!" said Clowes. "You think of everything. When
       do you think of playing it, then?"
       "Wednesday struck me as a good day. Don't you think so?"
       "It would do splendidly. It'll be a good match. For all practical
       purposes, of course, it's the final. If we beat Seymour's, I don't
       think the others will trouble us much."
       There was just time to see Milton before lock-up. Trevor ran across to
       Seymour's, and went up to his study.
       "Come in," said Milton, in answer to his knock.
       Trevor went in, and stood surprised at the difference in the look of
       the place since the last time he had visited it. The walls, once
       covered with photographs, were bare. Milton, seated before the fire,
       was ruefully contemplating what looked like a heap of waste cardboard.
       Trevor recognised the symptoms. He had had experience.
       "You don't mean to say they've been at you, too!" he cried.
       Milton's normally cheerful face was thunderous and gloomy.
       "Yes. I was thinking what I'd like to do to the man who ragged it."
       "It's the League again, I suppose?"
       Milton looked surprised.
       "_Again?_" he said, "where did _you_ hear of the League?
       This is the first time I've heard of its existence, whatever it is.
       What is the confounded thing, and why on earth have they played the
       fool here? What's the meaning of this bally rot?"
       He exhibited one of the variety of cards of which Trevor had already
       seen two specimens. Trevor explained briefly the style and nature of
       the League, and mentioned that his study also had been wrecked.
       "Your study? Why, what have they got against you?"
       "I don't know," said Trevor. Nothing was to be gained by speaking of
       the letters he had received.
       "Did they cut up your photographs?"
       "Every one."
       "I tell you what it is, Trevor, old chap," said Milton, with great
       solemnity, "there's a lunatic in the school. That's what I make of it.
       A lunatic whose form of madness is wrecking studies."
       "But the same chap couldn't have done yours and mine. It must have been
       a Donaldson's fellow who did mine, and one of your chaps who did yours
       and Mill's."
       "Mill's? By Jove, of course. I never thought of that. That was the
       League, too, I suppose?"
       "Yes. One of those cards was tied to a chair, but Clowes took it away
       before anybody saw it."
       Milton returned to the details of the disaster.
       "Was there any ink spilt in your room?"
       "Pints," said Trevor, shortly. The subject was painful.
       "So there was here," said Milton, mournfully. "Gallons."
       There was silence for a while, each pondering over his wrongs.
       "Gallons," said Milton again. "I was ass enough to keep a large pot
       full of it here, and they used it all, every drop. You never saw such a
       sight."
       Trevor said he had seen one similar spectacle.
       "And my photographs! You remember those photographs I showed you? All
       ruined. Slit across with a knife. Some torn in half. I wish I knew who
       did that."
       Trevor said he wished so, too.
       "There was one of Mrs Patrick Campbell," Milton continued in
       heartrending tones, "which was torn into sixteen pieces. I counted
       them. There they are on the mantelpiece. And there was one of Little
       Tich" (here he almost broke down), "which was so covered with ink that
       for half an hour I couldn't recognise it. Fact."
       Trevor nodded sympathetically.
       "Yes," said Milton. "Soaked."
       There was another silence. Trevor felt it would be almost an outrage to
       discuss so prosaic a topic as the date of a house-match with one so
       broken up. Yet time was flying, and lock-up was drawing near.
       "Are you willing to play--" he began.
       "I feel as if I could never play again," interrupted Milton. "You'd
       hardly believe the amount of blotting-paper I've used today. It must
       have been a lunatic, Dick, old man."
       When Milton called Trevor "Dick", it was a sign that he was moved. When
       he called him "Dick, old man", it gave evidence of an internal upheaval
       without parallel.
       "Why, who else but a lunatic would get up in the night to wreck another
       chap's study? All this was done between eleven last night and seven
       this morning. I turned in at eleven, and when I came down here again at
       seven the place was a wreck. It must have been a lunatic."
       "How do you account for the printed card from the League?"
       Milton murmured something about madmen's cunning and diverting
       suspicion, and relapsed into silence. Trevor seized the opportunity to
       make the proposal he had come to make, that Donaldson's _v._
       Seymour's should be played on the following Wednesday.
       Milton agreed listlessly.
       "Just where you're standing," he said, "I found a photograph of Sir
       Henry Irving so slashed about that I thought at first it was Huntley
       Wright in _San Toy_."
       "Start at two-thirty sharp," said Trevor.
       "I had seventeen of Edna May," continued the stricken Seymourite,
       monotonously. "In various attitudes. All destroyed."
       "On the first fifteen ground, of course," said Trevor. "I'll get
       Aldridge to referee. That'll suit you, I suppose?"
       "All right. Anything you like. Just by the fireplace I found the
       remains of Arthur Roberts in _H.M.S. Irresponsible_. And part of
       Seymour Hicks. Under the table--"
       Trevor departed.
       Content of CHAPTER XIII - VICTIM NUMBER THREE [P G Wodehouse's novel: The Gold Bat]
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