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Absalom’s Hair; and A Painful Memory
Chapter 4
Bjornstjerne Bjornson
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       Chapter 4
       He came to Christiania like a tall ship gay with flags. His love
       was the music on board.
       His numerous relations were ready to receive him. Of these many
       were engineers, who were a jour with all his writings, which they
       had taken care should be well known. Some of the largest
       mechanical undertakings in the country were in their hands, so
       that they had connections in every direction.
       Once more the family had a genius in its midst; that is to say,
       one to make a show with. Rafael went from entertainment to
       entertainment, from presentation to presentation, and wherever he
       or his mother went court was paid to them.
       In all this the ladies of the family were even more active than
       their lords; and they had not been in the town many days before
       every one knew that they were to be the rage.
       There are some people who always will hold aloof. They are as
       irresponsive as a sooty kettle when you strike it. They are like
       peevish children who say "I won't," or surly old dogs who growl at
       every one. But HE was so exceedingly genial, a capital fellow with
       the highest spirits. He had looks as well; he was six feet high;
       and all those six feet were clothed in perfect taste. He had large
       flashing eyes and a broad forehead. He was practised in making
       clear to others all in which he was interested, and at such times
       how handsome he looked! He was a thorough man of the world, able
       to converse in several languages at the cosmopolitan dinners which
       were a speciality of the Ravns. He was the owner of one of the few
       extensive estates in Norway, and had the control, it was said, of
       a considerable fortune besides.
       The half of this would have been enough to set all tongues
       wagging; therefore, first the family, then their friends, then the
       whole town feted him. He was a nine days' wonder! One must know
       the critical, unimaginative natives of Christiania, who daily pick
       each other to pieces to fill the void in their existences; one
       must have admired their endless worrying of threadbare topics to
       understand what it must be when they got hold of a fresh theme.
       Nothing which flies before the storm is more dangerous than desert
       sand, nothing can surpass a Christiania FUROR.
       When it became known that two of his relations who were conversant
       with the subject, together with a distinguished geologist and a
       superintendent of mines, had been down to Hellebergene with
       Rafael, and had found that his statements were well grounded, he
       was captured and borne off in triumph twenty times a day. It was
       trying work, but HE was always in the vein, and ready to take the
       rough with the smooth. In all respects the young madcap was up to
       the standard, so that day and night passed in a ceaseless whirl,
       which left every one but himself breathless. The glorious month at
       Hellebergene had done good. He was drawn into endless jovial
       adventures, so strange, so audacious, that one would have staked
       one's existence that such things were impossible in Christiania.
       But great dryness begets thirst. He was in the humour of a boy who
       has got possession of a jam-pot, whose mouth, nose, and hands are
       all besmirched. It is thus that ladies like children best; then
       they are the sweetest things in the world.
       Like a tall, full-grown mountain-ash covered by a flock of
       starlings, he was the centre of a fluttering crowd. It only
       remained for him to be deified, and this too came to pass. One day
       he visited several factories, giving a hint here, another there
       (he had great practical knowledge and a quick eye) and every hint
       was of value.
       At last in a factory of something the same description as the one
       in France where he had been the means of economising half the
       motive power, he suggested a similar plan; he saw on the spot how
       it could be effected. This became the subject of much
       conversation. It grew and grew, it rose like the sea after days of
       westerly gales. This new genius, but little over twenty, would
       surely some day be the wonder of the country. It soon became the
       fashion for every manufacturer to invite him to visit his factory,
       and it was only after they were convinced that they had a god
       among them that it became serious, for enthusiasm in a
       manufacturer strikes every one. The ladies only waited for this
       important moment to go at a bound from the lowest degree of sense
       to the fifth degree of madness. Their eyes danced on him like
       sunlight on polished metal. He himself paid little heed to degree
       or temperature; he was too happy in his genial contentment, and
       too indifferent as well. One thing which greatly helped to bring
       him to the right pitch was the family temperament, for it was so
       like his own. He was a Ravn through and through, with perhaps a
       little grain of Kaas added. He was what they called pure Ravn,
       quite unalloyed. He seemed to them to have come straight from the
       fountain-head of their race, endowed with its primitive strength.
       This strong physical attribute had perhaps made his abilities more
       fertile, but the family claimed the abilities, too, as their own.
       Through Hans Ravn, Rafael had learned to value the companionship
       of his relations; now he had it in perfection. For every word that
       he said appreciative laughter was ready--it really sparkled round
       him. When he disagreed with prevailing tastes, prejudices, and
       morals, they disagreed too. When his precocious intelligence burst
       upon them, they were always ready to applaud. They even met him
       half-way--they could foresee the direction of his thoughts. As he
       was young in years and disposition, and at the same time knew more
       than most young people, he suited both old and young. Ah! how he
       prospered in Norway!
       His mother went with him everywhere. Her life had at one time
       appeared to her relations to be most objectless, but how much she
       had made of it! They respected her persevering efforts to attain
       the goal, and she became aware of this. In the most elegant
       toilettes, with her discreet manner and distinguished deportment,
       she was hurried from party to party, from excursion to excursion,
       until it became too much for her.
       It went too far, too; her taste was offended by it; she grew
       frightened. But the train of dissipation went on without her, like
       a string of carriages which bore him along with it while she was
       shaken off. Her eyes followed the cloud of dust far away, and the
       roll of the wheels echoed back to her.
       Helene--how about Helene? Was she too out in the cold? Far from
       it. Rafael was as certain that she was with him as that his gold
       watch was next his heart. The very first day that he arrived he
       wrote a letter to her. It was not long, he had not time for that,
       but it was thoroughly characteristic. He received an answer at
       once; the hostess of the pension brought it to him herself. He was
       so immensely delighted that the lady, who was related to the Dean
       and who had noticed the post mark, divined the whole affair--a
       thing which amused him greatly.
       But Helene's letter was evasive; she evidently knew him too little
       to dare to speak out.
       He never found time to draw the hostess into conversation on the
       subject, however. He came home late, he got up late, and then
       there were always friends waiting for him; so that he was not seen
       in the pension again until he returned to dress for dinner, during
       which time the carriage waited at the door, for he never got home
       till the last moment.
       When could he write? It would soon all be done with, and then home
       to Helene!
       The business respecting the cement detained him longer than he had
       anticipated. His mother made complications; not that she opposed
       the formation of a company, but she raised many difficulties: she
       should certainly prefer to have the whole affair postponed. He had
       no time to talk her round, besides, she irritated him. He told it
       to the hostess.
       A curious being, this hostess, who directed the pension, the
       business of the inmates, and a number of children, without
       apparent effort. She was a widow; two of her children were nearly
       twenty, but she looked scarcely thirty. Tall, dark, clever, with
       eyes like glowing coals; decided, ready in conversation as in
       business, like an officer long used to command, always trusted,
       always obeyed; one yielded oneself involuntarily to her matter-of-
       course way of arranging everything, and she was obliging, even
       self-sacrificing, to those she liked--it was true that that was
       not everybody. This absence of reserve was especially
       characteristic of her, and was another reason why all relied on
       her. She had long ago taken up Fru Kaas--entertained her first and
       foremost. Angelika Nagel used in conversation modern Christiania
       slang which is the latest development of the language. In the
       choice of expressions, words such as hideous were applied to what
       was the very opposite of hideous, such as "hideously amusing,"
       "hideously handsome." "Snapping" to anything that was liquid, as
       "snapping good punch." One did not say "PRETTY" but "quite too
       pretty" or "hugely pretty." On the other hand, one did not say
       "bad" for anything serious, but with comical moderation "baddish."
       Anything that there was much of went by miles; for instance,
       "miles of virtue." This slipshod style of talk, which the idlers
       of large towns affect, had just become the fashion in Christiania.
       All this seemed new and characteristic to the careless emancipated
       party which had arisen as a protest against the prudery which Fru
       Kaas, in her time, had combated. The type therefore amused her:--
       she studied it.
       Angelika Nagel relieved her of all her business cares, which were
       only play to her. It was the same thing with the question of the
       cement undertaking. In an apparently careless manner she let drop
       what had been said and done about it, which had its effect on Fru
       Kaas. Soon things had progressed so far that it became necessary
       to consult Rafael about it, and as he was difficult to catch, she
       sat up for him at night. The first time that she opened the door
       for him he was absolutely shy, and when he heard what she wanted
       him for he was above measure grateful. The next time he kissed
       her! She laughed and ran away without speaking to him--that was
       all he got for his pains. But he had held her in his arms, and he
       glowed with a suddenly awakened passion.
       She, in the meantime, kept out of his way, even during the day he
       never saw her unless he sought her. But when he least expected it
       she again met him at the door; there was something which she
       really MUST say to him. There was a struggle, but at last she
       twisted herself away from him and disappeared. He whispered after
       her as loud as he dared, "Then I shall go away!"
       But while he was undressing she slipped into his room.
       The next day, before he was quite awake, the postman brought him
       the warrant for a post-office order for fifteen thousand francs.
       He thought that there must be a mistake in the name, or else that
       it was a commission that had been entrusted to him. No! it was
       from the French manufacturer whose working expenses he had reduced
       so greatly. He permitted himself, he wrote, to send this as a
       modest honorarium. He had not been able to do so sooner, but now
       hoped that it would not end there. He awaited Rafael's
       acknowledgment with great anxiety, as he was not sure of his
       address.
       Rafael was up and dressed in a trice. He told his news to every
       one, ran down to his mother and up again; but he had not been a
       moment alone before the superabundance of happiness and sense of
       victory frightened him. Now there must be an end of all this, now
       he would go home. He had not had the slightest prickings of
       conscience, the slightest longings, until now; all at once they
       were uncontrollable. SHE stood upon the hilltop, pure and noble.
       It became agonising. He must go at once, or it would drive him
       mad. This anxiety was made less acute by the sight of his mother's
       sincere pleasure. She came up to him when she heard that he had
       shut himself into his room. They had a really comfortable talk
       together--finally about the state of their finances. They lived in
       the pension because they could no longer afford to live in an
       hotel. The estate would bring nothing in until the timber once
       more became profitable, and her capital was no longer intact--
       notwithstanding the prohibition. Now she was ready to let him
       arrange about the cement company. On this he went out into the
       town, where his court soon gathered round him.
       But the large sum of money which was required could not be raised
       in a day, so the affair dragged on. He grew impatient, he must and
       would go; and finally his mother induced her cousin, the
       Government Secretary, to form the company, and they prepared to
       leave. They paid farewell visits to some of their friends, and
       sent cards and messages of thanks to the rest. Everything was
       ready, the very day had come, when Rafael, before he was up,
       received a letter from the Dean.
       An anonymous letter from Christiania, he wrote, had drawn his
       attention to Rafael's manner of life there, and he had in
       consequence obtained further information, the result being that he
       was, that day, sending his daughter abroad. There was nothing more
       in the letter. But Rafael could guess what had passed between
       father and daughter.
       He dressed himself and rushed down to his mother. His indignation
       against the rascally creatures who had ruined his and Helene's
       future--"Who could it have been?"--was equalled by his despair.
       She was the only one he cared for; all the others might go to the
       deuce. He felt angry, too, that the Dean, or any one else, should
       have dared to treat him in this way, to dismiss him like a
       servant, not to speak to him, not to put him in a position to
       speak for himself.
       His mother had read the letter calmly, and now she listened to him
       calmly, and when he became still more furious she burst out
       laughing. It was not their habit to settle their differences by
       words; but this time it flashed into his mind that she had not
       persuaded him to come here merely on account of the cement, but in
       order to separate him from Helene, and this he said to her.
       "Yes," he added, "now it will be just the same with me as it was
       with my father, and it will be your fault this time as well." With
       this he went out.
       Fru Kaas left Christiania shortly afterwards, and he left the same
       evening--for France.
       From France he wrote the most pressing letter to the Dean, begging
       him to allow Helene to return home, so that they could be married
       at once. Whatever the Dean had heard about his life in Christiania
       had nothing to do with the feelings which he nourished for Helene.
       She, and she alone, had the power to bind him; he would remain
       hers for life.
       The Dean did not answer him.
       A month later he wrote again, acknowledging this time that he had
       behaved foolishly. He had been merely thoughtless. He had been led
       on by other things. The details were deceptive, but he swore that
       this should be the end of it all. He would show that he deserved
       to be trusted; nay, he HAD shown it ever since he left
       Christiania. He begged the Dean to be magnanimous. This was
       practically exile for him, for he could not return to Hellebergene
       without Helene. Everything which he loved there had become
       consecrated by her presence; every project which he had formed
       they had planned together; in fact, his whole future--He fretted
       and pined till he found it impossible to work as seriously as he
       wished to do.
       This time he received an answer--a brief one.
       The Dean wrote that only a lengthened probation could convince
       them of the sincerity of his purpose.
       So it was not to be home, then, and not work; at all events, not
       work of any value. He knew his mother too well to doubt that now
       the cement business was shelved, whether the company were formed
       or not--he was only too sure of that.
       He had written to his mother, begging earnestly to be forgiven for
       what he had said. She must know that it was only the heat of the
       moment. She must know how fond he was of her, and how unhappy he
       felt at being in discord with her on the subject which was, and
       always would be, most dear to him.
       She answered him prettily and at some length, without a word about
       what had happened or about Helene. She gave him a great deal of
       news, among other things what the Dean intended to do about the
       estate.
       From this he concluded that she was on the same terms with the
       Dean as before. Perhaps his latest reasons for deferring the
       affair was precisely this: that he saw that Fru Kaas did not
       interest herself for it.
       It wore on towards the autumn. All this uncertainty made him feel
       lonely, and his thoughts turned towards his friends at
       Christiania. He wrote to tell them that he intended to make
       towards home. He meant, however, to remain a little time at
       Copenhagen.
       At Copenhagen he met Angelika Nagel again. She was in company with
       two of his student friends. She was in the highest spirits,
       glowing with health and beauty, and with that jaunty assurance
       which turns the heads of young men.
       He had, during all this time, banished the subject of his intrigue
       from his mind, and he came there without the least intention of
       renewing it; but now, for the first time in his life, he became
       jealous!
       It was quite a novel feeling, and he was not prepared to resist
       it. He grew jealous if he so much as saw her in company with
       either of the young men. She had a hearty outspoken manner, which
       rekindled his former passion.
       Now a new phase of his life began, divided between furious
       jealousy and passionate devotion. This led, after her departure,
       to an interchange of letters, which ended in his following her to
       Christiania.
       On board the steamer he overheard a conversation between the
       steward and stewardess. "She sat up for him of nights till she got
       what she wanted, and now she has got hold of him."
       It was possible that this conversation did not concern him, but it
       was equally possible that the woman might have been in the
       pension at Christiania. He did not know her.
       It is strange that in all such intrigues as his with Angelika the
       persons concerned are always convinced that they are invisible. He
       believed that, up to this time, no human being had known anything
       about it. The merest suspicion that this was not the case made it
       altogether loathsome.
       The pension--Angelika--the letters. He would be hanged if he
       would go on with it for any earthly inducement. Had Angelika
       angled for him and landed him like a stupid fat fish? He had been
       absolutely unsuspicious. The whole affair had been without
       importance, until they met again at Copenhagen. Perhaps THAT, too,
       had been a deep-laid plan.
       Nothing can more wound a man's vanity than to find that, believing
       himself a victor, he is in truth a captive.
       Rafael paced the deck half the night, and when he reached
       Christiania went to an hotel, intending to go home the next day to
       Hellebergene, come what would. This and everything of the kind
       must end for ever: it simply led straight to the devil. When once
       he was at home, and could find out where Helene was, the rest
       would soon be settled.
       From the hotel he went up to Angelika Nagel's pension to say that
       some luggage which was there was to be sent down to the hotel at
       once--he was leaving that afternoon.
       He had dined and gone up to his room to pack, when Angelika stood
       before him. She was at once so pretty and so sad-looking that he
       had never seen anything more pathetic.
       Had he really kept away from her house? Was he going at once?
       She wept so despairingly that he, who was prepared for anything
       rather than to see her so inconsolable, answered her evasively.
       Their relations, he said, had had no more significance than a
       chance meeting. This they both understood; therefore she must
       realise that, sooner or later, it must end. And now the time was
       come.
       Indeed, it had more significance, she said. There had never been
       any one to whom she had been so much attached; this she had proved
       to him. Now she had come here to tell him that she was enceinte.
       She was in as great despair about it as any one could be. It was
       ruin for herself and her children. She had never contemplated
       anything so frightful, but her mad love had carried her away; so
       now she was where she deserved to be.
       Rafael did not answer, for he could not collect his thoughts. She
       sat at a table, her face buried in her hands, but his eye fell on
       her strong arms in the close-fitting sleeves, her little foot
       thrust from beneath her dress; he saw how her whole frame was
       shaken by sobs. Nevertheless, what first made him collect his
       thoughts was not sympathy with her who was here before him; it was
       the thought of Helene, of the Dean, of his mother: what would THEY
       say?
       As though she were conscious whither his thoughts had flown, she
       raised her head. "Will you really go away from me?" What despair
       was in her face! The strong woman was weaker than a child.
       He stood erect before her, beside his open trunk. He, too, was
       absolutely miserable.
       "What good will it do for me to stay here?" he asked gently.
       Her eyes fixed themselves on him, dilating, becoming clearer every
       moment. Her mouth grew scornful. She seemed to grow taller every
       moment.
       "You will marry me if you are an honourable man!"
       "Marry--you?" he exclaimed, first startled, then disdainful. An
       evil expression came into her eyes; she thrust her head forward;
       the whole woman collected herself for the attack like a tiger-cat,
       but it ended with a violent blow on the table.
       "Yes you SHALL, devil take me!" she whispered.
       She rushed past him to the window. What was she going to do?
       She opened it, screamed out he could not clearly hear what, leant
       far out, and screamed again; then closed it, and turned towards
       him, threatening, triumphant. He was as white as a sheet, not
       because he was frightened or dreaded her threats, but because he
       recognised in her a mortal enemy. He braced himself for the
       struggle.
       She saw this at once. She was conscious of his strength before he
       had made a movement. There was that in his eye, in his whole
       demeanour, which SHE would never be able to overcome: a look of
       determination which one would not willingly contest. If he had not
       understood her till now, he had equally revealed himself to her.
       All the more wildly did she love him. He rejoiced that he had
       taken no notice of what she had done, but turned to put the last
       things into his trunk and fasten it. Then she came close up to
       him, in more complete contrition, penitence, and wretchedness than
       he had ever seen in life or art. Her face stiffened with terror,
       her eyes fixed, her whole frame rigid, only her tears flowed
       quietly, without a sob. She must and would have him. She seemed to
       draw him to herself as into a vortex: her love had become the
       necessity of her life, its utterances the wild cry of despair.
       He understood it now. But he put the things into his trunk and
       fastened it, took a few steps about the room, as if he were alone,
       with such an expression of face that she herself saw that the
       thing was impossible.
       "Do you not believe," she said quietly, "that I would relieve you
       of all cares, so that you could go on with your own work? Have you
       not seen that I can manage your mother?" She paused a moment, then
       added: "Hellebergene--I know the place. The Dean is a relation of
       mine. I have been there; that would be something that I could take
       charge of; do you not think so? And the cement quarries," she
       added; "I have a turn for business: it should be no trouble to
       you." She said this in an undertone. She had a slight lisp, which
       gave her an air of helplessness. "Don't go away, to-day, at any
       rate. Think it over," she added, weeping bitterly again.
       He felt that he ought to comfort her.
       She came towards him, and throwing her arms round him, she clung
       to him in her despair and eagerness. "Don't go, don't go!" She
       felt that he was yielding. "Never," she whispered, "since I have
       been a widow have I given myself to any one but you; and so judge
       for yourself." She laid her head on his shoulder and sobbed
       bitterly.
       "It has come upon me so suddenly," he said; "I cannot--"
       "Then take time," she interrupted in a whisper, and took a hasty
       kiss. "Oh, Rafael!" She twined her arms round him: her touch
       thrilled through him--
       Some one knocked at the door: they started away from each other.
       It was the man who had come for the luggage. Rafael flushed
       crimson. "I shall not go till to-morrow," he said.
       When the man had left the room Angelika sprang towards Rafael. She
       thanked and kissed him. Oh, how she beamed with delight and
       exultation! She was like a girl of twenty, or rather like a young
       man, for there was something masculine in her manner as she left
       him.
       But the light and fire were no sooner withdrawn than his spirits
       fell. A little later he lay at full length on the sofa, as though
       in a grave. He felt as though he could never get up from it again.
       What was his life now? For there is a dream in every life which is
       its soul, and when the dream is gone the life appears a corpse.
       This, then, was the fulfilment of his forebodings. Hither the
       ravens had followed the wild beast which dwelt in him. It would on
       longer play and amuse him, but strike its claws into him in
       earnest, overthrow him, and lap his fresh-spilt blood.
       But it was none the less certain that if he left her she would be
       ruined, she and her child. Then no one would consider him as an
       honourable man, least of all himself.
       During his last sojourn in France, when he could not settle down
       to a great work which was constantly dawning before him, he had
       thought to himself--You have taken life too lightly. Nothing great
       ever comes to him who does so.
       Now, perhaps, when he did his duty here; took upon himself the
       burden of his fault towards her, himself, and others--and bore it
       like a man; then perhaps he would be able to utilise all his
       powers. That was what his mother had done, and she had succeeded.
       But with the thought of his mother came the thought of Helene, of
       his dream. It was flying from him like a bird of passage from the
       autumn. He lay there and felt as though he could never get up
       again.
       From amid the turmoil of the last summer there came to his
       recollection two individuals, in whom he reposed entire
       confidence: a young man and his wife. He went to see them the same
       evening and laid the facts honestly before them, for now, at all
       events, he was honest. The conclusive proof of being so is to be
       able to tell everything about oneself as he did now.
       They heard him with dismay, but their advice was remarkable. He
       ought to wait and see if she were enceinte.
       This aroused his spirit of contradiction. There was no doubt about
       it, for she was perfectly truthful. But she might be mistaken; she
       ought to make quite sure. This suggestion, too, shocked him; but
       he agreed that she should come and talk things over with them.
       They knew her.
       She came the next day. They said to her, what they could not very
       well say to Rafael, that she would ruin him. The wife especially
       did not spare her. A highly gifted young man like Rafael Kaas,
       with such excellent prospects in every way, must not, when little
       more than twenty, burden himself with a middle-aged wife and a
       number of children. He was far from rich, he had told her so
       himself; his life would be that of a beast of burden, and that
       too, before he had learned to bear the yoke. If he had to work, to
       feed so many people, he might strain himself to the uttermost, he
       would still remain mediocre. They would both suffer under this, be
       disappointed and discontented. He must not pay so heavy a price
       for an indiscretion for which she was ten times more to blame than
       he. What did she imagine people would say? He who was so popular,
       so sought after. They would fall upon her like rooks at a rooks'
       parliament and pick her to pieces. They would, without exception,
       believe the worst.
       The husband asked her if she were quite sure that she was
       enceinte: she ought to make quite certain.
       Angelika Nazel reddened, and answered, half scornful, half
       laughing, that she ought to know.
       "Yes," he retorted, "many people have said that--who were
       mistaken. If it is understood that you are to be married on
       account of your condition, and it should afterwards turn out that
       you were mistaken, what do you suppose that people will say? for
       of course it will get about."
       She reddened again and sprang to her feet. "They can say what they
       please." After a pause she added: "But God knows I do not wish to
       make him unhappy."
       To conceal her emotion she turned away from them, but the wife
       would not give up. She suggested that Angelika should write to
       Rafael without further delay, to set him free and let him return
       home to his mother; there they would be able to arrange matters.
       Angelika was so capable that she could earn a living anywhere.
       Rafael too ought to help her.
       "I shall write to his mother," Angelika said. "She shall know all
       about it, so that she may understand for what he is responsible."
       This they thought reasonable, and Angelika sat down and wrote. She
       frequently showed agitation, but she went on quickly, steadily,
       sheet after sheet. Just then came a ring--a messenger with a
       letter. The maid brought it in. Her mistress was about to take it,
       but it was not for her; it was for Angelika--they both recognised
       Rafael's careless handwriting.
       Angelika opened it--grew crimson; for he wrote that the result of
       his most serious considerations was, that neither she nor her
       children should be injured by him. He was an honourable man who
       would bear his own responsibilities, not let others be burdened by
       them.
       Angelika handed the letter to her friend, then tore up the one
       which she had been writing, and left the house.
       Her friend stood thinking to herself--The good that is in us must
       go bail for the evil, so we must rest and be satisfied.
       The discovery which she had made had often been made before, but
       it was none the less true.
       Content of Chapter 4 [Bjornstjerne Bjornson's book: Absalom's Hair; and A Painful Memory]
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