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Essay(s) by Arthur Brisbane
How The Other Planets Will Talk To Us
Arthur Brisbane
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       We talk of civilization as though it necessarily implied improvement.
       Civilization means the school and the library, but it also means the prison and the poorhouse.
       Two short stories illustrate different views of what we call civilization:
       Aristippus was a young Greek gentleman of large means, genuine intellectual power, a sense of humor and a reputation as a philosopher.
       He was on his way to Corinth with a young lady named Lais, or possibly he was coming from Corinth with her. Anyhow, he was wrecked on the voyage. If you know anything about the reputation of Lais, you know that the philosopher was badly employed, and that the Greek gods doubtless wrecked his vessel to impress upon his mind the importance of morality.
       Thrown ashore on a barren stretch of sand, the philosopher was very sad at first. He observed on the sand the remains of certain geometrical drawings, and instantly exclaimed: "There is help near. Here I see signs of thinking men, of civilization." ----
       Voltaire tells of wrecked individuals thrown on a lonely coast, and also much distressed and frightened.
       They saw no geometrical tracings in the sand. But on a bleak moor in the twilight they saw the black beams of a gibbet, and below the cross-piece, swinging in the wind, they saw a human skeleton with bony wrists and ankles chained together.
       Prayerfully the wanderers dropped on their knees and exclaimed with upturned eyes:
       "Thank God, we have got back to civilization." ----
       Thus, you see, there are varying signs of civilization. There is a great gulf between the signs perceived by Aristippus--signs of the mental activity which engages in geometrical demonstrations--and Voltaire's sign of civilization--the brutal execution of a brutal criminal. ----
       Those accustomed to waste time in speculations that cannot bring a financial return may be interested in the following application of the sign of civilization which Aristippus immediately recognized back in the days of two thousand years ago.
       We know that some day the inhabitants on Mars or some other planet will want to talk to us. They have doubtless been studying us and consider us still too barbarous and primitive to be worth talking to.
       But when we become semi-civilized, in the cosmic sense of the word, the older and wiser planets will get ready to open communication with us.
       How will they go about it? They are perhaps absolutely different from us, in shape, in manner of thought, in every conceivable way, including language, customs, and so on.
       BUT GEOMETRICAL, MATHEMATICAL FACTS ARE THE SAME THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE.
       Will not the wise Martian who wants to speak to us and decides to flash some message down here on our clouds, or on the surface of the water, utilize the universality of geometrical truths in order to make us understand that thinking beings are trying to talk to us?
       The sum of the angles of any triangle is equal to two right angles.
       That is true of every triangle, no matter what its shape, no matter whether it be drawn on this earth or on the most distant sun.
       Therefore, when the Martian gentleman gets ready to talk to us he need only repeatedly place before us two right angles followed by a triangle, or a triangle followed by two right angles. Instantly, like Aristippus, we can say there is civilization in Mars, or wherever that sign comes from, or at least there is organized thought. The mind that is flashing that sign knows something about geometry.
       Of course, we should also recognize "signs of civilization" if the Martians should project upon our atmosphere a skeleton hanging in chains. But it is to be hoped that the Martians have got beyond that particular evidence of civilization.
       [The end]
       Arthur Brisbane's essay: How The Other Planets Will Talk To Us
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The "Criminal" Class
"Limiting The Amount Of A Day's Work"
150 Against 150,000--We Favor The 150,000
600 Teachers Now, 600,000 Good Americans In The Future
Again The Limited Day's Work
Astronomy Woman's Future Work
The Automobile Will Make Us More Human
The Azores--A Small Lost World In A Universe Of Water
A Baby Can Educate A Man
Catching A Red-Hot Bolt
The Cow That Kicks Her Weaned Calf Is All Heart
Crime Is Dying Out
Cruel Frightening Of Children
Cultivate Thought--Teach Your Brain To Work Early
Did We Once Live On The Moon?
Discontent The Motive Power Of Progress
Do You Feel Discouraged?
Don't Be In A Hurry, Young Gentlemen
Drink A Slow Poison
The Drunkard's Side Of It
The Earth Is Only A Front Yard
Education--The First Duty Of Government
The Elephant That Will Not Move Has Better Excuses Than We Have For Folly Displayed
The Existence Of God--Parable Of The Blind Kittens
The Eye That Weighs A Ton
The Fascinating Problem Of Immortality
France Has Learned Her Lesson
From Mammoths To Mosquitoes --From Murder To Hypocrisy
A Girl's Face In The Gaslight And An Important Part Of The World's Work
The Good That Is Done By The Trusts
The Harm That Is Done By Our Friends
Have The Animals Souls?
How Marriage Began
How The Other Planets Will Talk To Us
The Human Brain Beats The Coal Mines
The Human Weeds In Prison
Imagination Without Dreaming The Secret Of Material Success
The Importance Of Education Proved In Lincoln's Case
It Is Natural For Children To Be Cruel
Jesus' Attitude Toward Children
Knowledge Is Growth
Last Week's Baby Will Surely Talk Some Day
Law Cannot Stop Drunkenness--Education Can
Let Us Be Thankful (Thanksgiving Day, Nov 27, 1902)
Let Us Be Thankful (Thanksgiving)
Man's Willingness To Work
The Marvellous Balance Of The Universe--A Lesson In The Texas Flood
The Monkey And The Snake Fight
A Mother's Work And Her Hopes
No Happiness Save In Mental And Physical Activity
No Man Understands Iron
No Napoleonic Chess Player On An Air Cushion
One Of The Many Corpses In The Johnstown Mine
The One Who Needs No Statue
The Owner Of A Golden Mountain
Poverty Is The Father Of Vice, Crime And Failure
The Promising Toad's Head
Respectable Women Who Listen To "Faust"
Shall We Do Without Sleep Some Day?
Shall We Tame And Chain The Invisible Microbe As We Now Chain Niagara?
The Steeple, Moving Like The Hand Of A Clock
The Story Of The Complaining Diamond
Study Of The Character Of God
There Should Be A Monument To Time
Those Who Laugh At A Drunken Man
The Three Best Things In The World
Three Water Drops Converse
To Editorial Writers--Adopt Ruskin's Main Idea
To The Merchants
To Those Who Drink Hard--You Have Slipped The Belt
To-Day's World-Struggle
Too Little And Too Much
Trusts And The Senate
The Trusts And The Union-- How Do They Differ?
The Trusts Are National School Teachers
Trusts Will Drive Labor Unions Into Politics
Try Whiskey On Your Friend's Eyeball
Two Kinds Of Discontent
Two Thin Little Babies Are Left
Union Men As Slave Owners
The Value Of Poverty To The World
The Value Of Solitude
The Vast Importance Of Sleep
We Long For Immortal Imperfection--We Can't Have It
What About The Chinese, Kind Sir?
What Animal Controls Your Spirit?
What Are The Ten Best Books?
What Should Be A Man's Object In Life?
What The Bartender Sees
What Will 999 Years Mean To The Human Race
When The Baby Changed Into A Fourteen-Year-Old
When We Begin Using Land Under The Oceans
When Will Woman's Mental Life Begin?
Where Your Body Came From
A Whiskey Bottle
White-Rabbit Millionaires And Other Things
Who Is Independent? Nobody
Why Are All Men Gamblers?
Why Women Should Vote
William Henry Channing's Symphony
The Wind Does Not Rule Your Destiny
Woman Sustains, Guides And Controls The World
A Woman To Be Pitied
Woman's Vanity Is Useful
The Wonderful Magnet
Your Work Is Your Brain's Gymnasium